The conservative "1619"

Right-wingers set the slavery record straight!

Washington Examiner chief political correspondent Byron York here. If, as the algorithm that sent you this message suggests, you’re a proud conservative who laments the toll liberal divisiveness has taken on race relations in this country, you’ve no doubt heard that the New York Times is trying to make things even worse with its “1619 project” harping on slavery, which is obviously an attack on Donald Trump and conservative principles. This series is full of anti-American sentiments such as this: “Slavery gave America a fear of black people and a taste for violent punishment. Both still define our criminal-justice system.” As if we needed slaves to approve of violent punishment of prisoners! It’s like these people have never been outside their coastal bubble.

In response, the Examiner is running its own 1619 project that you may share with your children, servants, and klavern, so that they may know whom the Real Racists are. Herewith a sample:

1619. After centuries of humdrum life in Africa — not for nothing called “the dark continent” — several future Americans were liberated from a Portuguese ship and brought to a new life in Jamestown, Virginia, birthplace of American freedom. They were entered into what was then called “indentured servitude,” very similar to working of student loans with a job in an Amazon warehouse today, alongside white men (so there). Over time, the Africans proved such excellent workers that white Virginians entered an arrangement with them, whereby all their needs would be met in exchange for a life of service — much like that willingly entered into by priests and nuns to this day — and a promise to not try and escape. The white settlers educated their new black friends in the manual arts, and over time sent their children to apprenticeships throughout the colonized world. They also sent ships to Africa to bring the blessings of freedom directly to the natives; for this they have been rewarded with enormous ingratitude by modern liberals and urban blacks. (For documentary evidence, see Randy Newman’s song “Sail Away,” about the spirit of good will with which these American missionaries did their commendable work.)

1776. A mere 157 years after the first arrival of African servants, the American colonies declared their Independence from Great Britain, thus creating the conditions under which African-Americans would, a century or two later, become recognized as almost-full citizens. Take that, Dean Baquet!

1787. Our African-American friends were called upon to make their first serious contribution to the founding of our Republic (apart from their physical labor) at the Constitutional Convention, where slaves were permitted to be counted in the census as three-fifths of a white man — a “compromise” made, not because the Founders thought less of their darker brethren, but so that these simple souls might not be over-excited by a sudden promotion to full, five-fifths American status and lose their heads — a precaution shown to be well-founded by the riots of the 1960s.

1861-65. A series of lamentable misunderstandings led to a War of Northern Aggression against the slaves’ patrons in the South. For five years Republican Party founder Abraham Lincoln worked with his Southern friends to end the bloodshed, but he was thwarted by the machinations of social justice warriors from the liberal cities such as William Seward and Frederick Douglass. Lincoln finally managed to put an end to this American carnage, but shortly thereafter he was killed by John Wilkes Booth, a liberal actor from the Hollyweird of his time. Without Lincoln to stop the SJWs, no sooner had the slaves been generously relieved of their contractual obligations than they were hurled into that grim crucible known as Reconstruction, during which they were forced to be indoctrinated in public schools, encouraged to waste valuable sharecropping time voting and self-governing, and addicted to welfare.

See more in the Examiner, along with essays by Pat Buchanan, Dinesh D’Souza, and Josh Hawley.

Top Republican challengers, 2020

The class of the field

State Library of Victoria, Melbourne, Australia.

Until this weekend, [Donnie] Bolena was also a candidate for the Sixth District congressional seat currently held by U.S. Rep. Lucy McBath, D-Marietta... On Saturday, two days after identifying himself as “a white nationalist,” Bolena said he was persuaded by state and Fulton County GOP officials to exit the contest. “Some of it was self-inflicted. Some of it wasn’t. My account was hacked. Things have taken place,” said Bolena, wearing a red Donald Trump re-election cap, in a 22-minute Facebook video. — Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Wisc-2: Moody “The Sauk County Assassin” Gleeb. Current Treasurer of the Sauk County Republican Party, Gleeb was until recently mainly known for his youthful career as a semi-pro wrestler, which he has exploited in his maiden Congressional effort by campaigning in his old Lucha Libre-style costume, for which he is now a good forty pounds overweight. “But hey! That’s okay!” growls Gleeb, who speaks exclusively in a Sgt. Slaughter voice when campaigning, “this thing’s lycra-polyester. It moves when I move, baby! And I’m movin’ and groovin’ to Washington, D.C.! Rrrraawwwwk!” Gleeb entertains crowds by announcing that he will “murdalize” and “pulverize” incumbent Democrat Marc Pocan, and was once removed by police from his own rally at the West Towne Mall in Madison because he refused to take off his mask. “This isn’t America, this is Russia,” Gleeb screamed as he was put in the back of a cruiser.

Tenn-5: Prentice Jones. The son of a prosperous local banker, Jones is only 16 years old, but already a hit with conservatives nationwide for his “I’m Smart, You’re Dumb” YouTube videos in which he debates cardboard cut-outs of prominent young female Democrats. He has also called out current conservative youth icon Ben Shapiro, claiming he himself would “never be ratio’d like that” because “unlike Ben, I really am smart and you really are dumb.” The Harpeth Hall junior regularly challenges incumbent Jim Cooper to debate as well, which Cooper has refused on the grounds that Jones is Constitutionally unable to serve until he turns 25, a point Jones disputes on Natural Law grounds and invites all comers to debate with him on Saturday afternoons in Nashville’s Centennial Park. Jones is suing the city of Nashville for failing to protect him from being given a wedgie on several such occasions.

Fla.-9: Darrin Soto. This Kissimmee florist’s campaign strategy is to lay claim to votes cast for his Democratic opponent, incumbent Darren Soto, on the grounds that confused voters were actually trying to vote for him. The Republican Soto apparently changed his name solely for this purpose. He seems to be of Sudanese extraction and it is rumored his birth name was Gulli Gosh. He speaks very little English and has provoked controversy on the one subject on which he can make himself understood to most Fla.-9 voters: the Florida coral reef. “Him blow up,” Soto cries at his ill-attended campaigns rallies. “Mehk bomb, drop hem down. B-kuuuu! Reef goan.” He always affects hurt and confusion when this sentiment is booed but, owing to the language barrier, it is not known whether Soto (R.) is hurt and confused that spectators disagree, or that he is misunderstood, or that he is unaware he is running for elective office.

Tex.-34: Clem Warsh. Warsh’s daring, some would say foolhardy strategy is to challenge Democratic incumbent Filemon Vela in perhaps the most Hispanic district in the United States as an out and proud anti-Hispanic racist. Warsh claims not to even be from Texas, but from “the white Texas, Oklahoma,” and tours the district wearing homemade armor like Ned Kelly and screaming abuse at Mexicans. Warsh’s campaign is on hiatus as he recovers from injuries received when a spectator pushed a rattlesnake into his helmet.

Calif.-12: A machine that diffuses poisonous gas and emits loud noises. In House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s district, the Republican Party, acknowledging certain defeat, has elected to offer as a gesture of protest a “candidate” that is actually a metal box that diffuses through vents phosgene, cyanogen chloride, carbon monoxide, and other gases lethal to humans, and emits deafening shrieks and roars. Local authorities will not allow it to appear in public, which the local GOP claims, and conservatives around the country agree, is “big government socialist tyranny.” The machine is currently housed in a small stone- and lead-lined structure on the Sea Cliff estate of heiress Gertrud Sansiblee, a major San Francisco Republican Party donor, where it diffuses and emits continuously, its sounds muffled, its gases recirculated. Several prominent Republicans have made pilgrimages to the machine; after first donning protective gear, they enter through an airlock and sit grimly in Queen Anne lounge chairs, watching smoke rise from it and its surface vibrate from the sound. After a few minutes they exit and decontaminate in a nearby shed constructed for that purpose. All of them have come away renewed in purpose. “The machine that diffuses poisonous gas and emits loud noises,” says Devin Nunes (R., Calif.-22), “is the future of the Republican Party and the future of America.”

The Disembraining

Anti-intellectualism gives way to pro-stupidism

Attributed to H. Clark, 1869


Look, look at the machine revolving,
Look, look at the brain flying,
Look, look at the Rentiers trembling!
Hurrah, arse-horns, long live Pere Ubu!
(Alfred Jarry, The Song of the Disembraining)

Sometimes I wonder if we understand just how badly this country has been fucked up by its anti-intellectualism. I’m not talking about the visceral let’s-beat-up-Poindexter anti-intellectualism we all know from high school. I mean a higher order of anti-intellectualism, or what I have in the past called pro-stupidism — that is, the positive negation of facts that we were once expected to know as members of society, and the celebration of our resulting, increasing stupidity.

We seem to be losing the ability to discern irony and satire and even the simplest narrative devices (or, if that’s too intellectual, storytelling).

You saw perhaps the tsimmis over The Hunt, the latest iteration of The Most Dangerous Game/Naked Prey hunting-humans genre of movies. The trailer suggested that the people doing the hunting were sophistos and the people getting hunted were common folk, which is exactly what one would expect from that kind of picture.

But then the Hollywood Reporter said that in the “screenplay” for the film — with no mention of the draft stage the reporter saw or whether the director actually shot it this way — the sophistos called the huntees “deplorables,” and the outrage mill began to churn.

The reactions were rife with what we’ve grown accustomed to call bad faith, a term that seems to have gained salience and currency in our age of pro-stupidity. Soon you had rightwing propagandists making insane claims, like that the movie was “promoting violence against ‘deplorables”— before the movie had ever been screened, mind you, and without suggesting that it was unlikely any Hollywood studio would make a movie in which that happened unless the “deplorables” were meant to be the heroes who would turn the tables on their tormentors; for reference see, oh, every commercial film since D.W. Griffith.

Presently this dumbness found its way to Trump, who with his customary grasp of nuance accused the filmmakers of “racism,” and the film’s release was actually pulled. Interestingly, I haven’t seen many of its detractors celebrating the cancellation — even the intractably stupid Matt Vespa of Townhall chose, after slagging the film as a Trump-killing orgy (“It shouldn’t shock us that some liberals want us dead”), to pretend to care about censorship (“Also, I’m a bit disappointed. I don’t like banning things. And I think conservatives needed to chill the outrage machine on this...”).

It's as if these guys hadn’t been genuinely outraged at all. Yeah, I know they’re propagandists and probably understand that what they’re peddling is bullshit — at least I would have assumed so a few years ago. But, maybe because I’ve been following these guys for decades now, I’ve lost my faith that most of them are that smart.

I think by now most of them are actually products of their pro-stupid time, and when they see anything that looks like a knock on their beloved Trump, they don’t even momentarily entertain the idea that it might be anything else, such as a movie plot device — which would require a second step in thinking, if only a small one that any non-developmentally-disabled resident of a marginally cultivated society could have made, once upon a time. They can’t even imagine that there might be a turnabout or other surprise in the plot, or maybe even that the actors don’t just make up what they say on screen. Instead, their brains rush right to THING BAD, just as Trump’s skull-pudding rushed to “racism,” and they set to howling until the bad thing goes away.

Maybe that’s why Vespa was so low-key after things went his way — there was no victory to celebrate; there was no enemy vanquished (Hollywood? To them it's a write-off. Liberals? Vespa himself said “I doubt that even the most ardent anti-Trump voter was going to spend $13 or so to see it in theaters”). Vespa had merely had his moron worldview echoed back to him by a bunch of other morons. That may be comforting, in a way, but it still leaves him trapped in the flat stupidverse, where not even plot contrivances and dramatic turnabout relieve the dullness and murk.

This came back to my mind when the cartoonist Eli Valley was suspended from Twitter for his admittedly rough caricatures of rightwing dumbbells. Valley, a Jew who is skeptical of Zionists and savage on the corruption and viciousness of conservative Jews such as Ben Shapiro, was reportedly the victim of a barrage of complaints by right-wingers.

Wouldn’t be shocked. But you know, I also wouldn’t be shocked if the complainants included some liberals who saw Valley’s scathing work and were convinced that it had to be anti-Semitic because the people Valley was smacking around were Jewish. Whoever it was, they were suffering from the same stupidism that engendered the controversy around The Hunt — and so was Twitter itself, on an organizational basis, in deciding these tweets could only be what a five-year-old raised in a Skinner box of grievance propaganda would say they were.

Meanwhile as I write this some asshole who runs Barstool Sports — a site which has taken the heretofore foolproof concept of the sports page and actually made it suck — is trending on Twitter because he threatened his employees with termination if they unionized, and has delighted, along with the absolute dumbest people on the planet, in the negative attention he’s receiving for it. It’s like the flagpole sitters of a hundred years ago except the sitters are also shitting on themselves and everyone below them.

I’d say we should pour massive resources into primary education before it’s too late, but I’m not sure what that’ll accomplish when so many people are devoted to beating what brains we had left out of our heads. Hurrah, arse-horns, long live Pere Ubu!

Loading more posts…