Adams agonistes

Dilbert rises out of his well to shame mankind

Via.

[A conference room at Lee Enterprises. Three guys in suits are sitting at a boardroom table; SCOTT ADAMS, dressed like Dilbert, walks back and forth with a remote for the overhead projector at the center of the table which is projecting this cartoon on a screen.]

ADAMS: So this is a classic comic reversal — from Plautus to Shakespeare to Neil Simon to Scott Adams. The black guy identifies as a white guy! And the button, as we call it in the business, is they want him to identify as gay! That last panel sneaks in a little social commentary, but it’s really so subtle I think only my most sophisticated readers will get it.

SUIT GUY 1: We get the theory, Scott.

ADAMS: It’s not a theory, it’s a fact: Water is a liquid, Jesus is Lord, and this strip is classically funny. Yet you insist it isn’t!

SUIT GUY 2: We never said it wasn’t funny, Scott.

ADAMS: Then the only reason you have for cancelculturing me is cancelculture – political reprisal because of my beliefs.

SUIT GUY 3: Or that we’re downsizing and you just didn’t make the cut.

ADAMS: I was expecting this. I said as much, that Trump voters would be hunted down and killed. Only they were subtle about it — they didn’t shoot me dead like Ashli Babbitt. They came for my art! They don’t just want to deprive my followers of Dilbert, Dogbert, and the Pointy-Haired Boss — they want to take them away from me! It’s always been this way. Next slide.

[ADAMS clicks and shows this Nancy comic.]

Now this looks like an ordinary Nancy strip. But in the original version, sadly lost, Nancy was making a point about the media’s constant drumbeat of global warming nonsense. She’s actually pouring water into the gutter to prove a point: That drought and floods have been with us since time immemorial, that Jesus is Lord, and we don’t have to “conserve” anything because of the promise of the rainbow. But Ernie Bushmiller’s liberal bosses stuck that crudely-drawn “city reservoir” sign in there to conceal his message and make Nancy look like a fool. So you see I’m not the first comics genius to run afoul of the Man.

SUIT GUY 1: I think this strip is from the 1940s, Scott.

ADAMS: Eventually they got rid of Bushmiller and replaced him with some female who appeals to the woke sentiments of the SJWs who run this business. But you know who really got it in the neck was Reg Smythe!  Andy Capp used to beat the hell out of Florrie, steal money from her and spend it on barmaids — but the SJWs cut his balls off! Flo hasn’t had a black eye in years! Smythe was also persecuted for his politics. I happen to have some of the gag panels the syndicate wouldn’t let him print. Next slide!

[ADAMS clicks and shows this Andy Capp comic:]

Meanwhile they let Garry Trudeau get away with murder! Next slide:

[ADAMS clicks and shows this Andy Capp comic:.]

[The SUIT GUYS stand up; one opens the conference room door and another unplugs the overhead projector.]

Hey! What are you doing? I haven’t even gotten to the Nazi ones yet!

SUIT GUY 1: Scott, we’ve been over this before.

SUIT GUY 2: The news business is changing, Scott. We’re barely hanging on as it is.

SUIT GUY 3: If it’s any consolation, Scott, my grandma’s mad we’re not running Snuffy Smith any more.

ADAMS: So that’s how it is, eh? Unrepentant to the last! OK, fellas, just you wait.

[An intercom buzzes.]

VOICE ON THE INTERCOM: Hugh, Lou, and Dew! We’ve got a bomb threat! Listen: [An enraged southern voice] I HEARED TELL YOU MEDIA PEOPLE IS GETTIN’ RID OF DILBERT TO GIVE MORE MONEY TO THE HOSPITALS WHUT CUT OFF LI’L GIRLS’ BOOBIES! I’M A-GONNA BLOW Y’ALL TA KINGDOM COME!

[The SUIT GUYS run out, screaming.]

ADAMS: Listen to that, you tyrants — the voice of the people! And just wait till Tucker Carlson gets ahold of it!

[BLACKOUT.]