Bari the lede
Big meet on 57th Street
[What looks like a private dining room at Delmonico’s at the turn of the 20th Century, but is in fact part of a suite of BARI WEISS’ offices at CBS News. Seated around the tablecloth with tumblers, coffee cups, and Macbooks Pro are WEISS, dressed in a light blue Elisabetta Franchi belted wool suit and black Gucci Alfa ballet flats with gold buckles; chief flunky OLIVIA REINGOLD, wearing a Carolina Herrera Nautilus floral sleeveless knee-length dress and light blue suede Santoni high-heel slingbacks that she has kicked off and set aside; and a 20ish man, DANNY, and a 20ish woman, CLARE, in modest business dress with no distinguishing characteristics.]
WEISS: OK, so congratulations Olivia. The Mamdani story is going viral — or should I say the MAN-dani story, ha ha.
REINGOLD: Johnny Oliver played right into my hands with that one.
WEISS: That’s right. Every one of those smart-aleck, antisemitic clap-backs just spreads the word and drives traffic.
[Makes gesture indicating explosion.]
Boo, ya!
DANNY: Yes, soon the whole world will know the name CBS News. [Small pause] And what it stands for.
WEISS: Right. So I think we’re OK to do more investigations, so let’s hear some ideas.
REINGOLD: Well, obviously we have to go after Johnny Oliver.
WEISS: Let’s hold off a while on that, Livy. We don’t want people to think it’s a vendetta.
REINGOLD: But it is a vendetta.
WEISS: OK, now what did I tell you about —
REINGOLD: We’re among friends, Bari!
WEISS: But what if it slips out! Ugh. OK, for me, OK? Just don’t.
REINGOLD: [With a theatrical sigh] Anything you say, chief!
WEISS: I love to be called that! Any other ideas?
[Pause.]
CLARE: There was that Politico story about the young Republicans who were using all those slurs in chat.
WEISS: Ugh, can you believe it? SO antisemitic.
CLARE: And racist.
WEISS: Tsk, whatever. But I don’t see what else we can dig out of that story. I mean we’ve got stories about antisemitism lined up for three months, and they’re all about the real antisemites, the college kids in keffiyehs.
REINGOLD: Right. I mean these YR guys are just kidding around. That’s how they blow off steam.
DANNY: You… know those guys?
REINGOLD: Sure! Peter, Alex, all them. We used to party at CPAC. Some of them I know real well.
WEISS: Livy! Ewww!
REINGOLD: Just kidding, boss.
CLARE: Olivia, if you know those guys, maybe we can get their side of the story.
DANNY: Sure. Maybe they have some backstory that Politico missed, something that —
WEISS: [Gasping as if she’s had a brainstorm] What if they’re not really Republicans at all? What if they’re double agents?
DANNY: Double agents?
WEISS: Livy, I’m sure some of those guys are gonna tell you that they were never really conservative in the first place — that they just joined up to embarrass the Young Republicans.
REINGOLD: You mean Wax and them —
WEISS: No, no! That’s a sideshow. I mean totally different people who acted friendly so they could trick these other guys into saying slurs. It’s an old communist trick! That’s how they got Al Capp.
CLARE, DANNY and REINGOLD: Who?
WEISS: And Livy, these non-conservatives, we don’t have to use their names. They can be anonymous, like those cops in the Mandani story.
DANNY: Mamdani.
WEISS: Whatever!
REINGOLD: [Nodding] Anonymous.
WEISS: Absolutely. We can print whatever they say with, “longtime Young Republican official” and it’s fine. Because we’re CBS News! We’re the Tiffany Network!
[WEISS and REINGOLD burst into riotous laughter. DANNY and CLARE smile uncertainly and shoot each other looks.]
OK, that’s a wrap. Get your shoes on, gal, we’re going for a drink. Danny and Clare, get us a car and clean this up, then you can go, thanks for everything, OK?
[As WEISS and REINGOLD gather themselves, CLARE makes the call and DANNY clears the table and takes the dishes offstage; running water is heard.]
REINGOLD: Ugh, I am going to eat so much it’ll disgust you.
WEISS: You’re amazing. How do you stay so skinny?
REINGOLD: Bulimia.
[WEISS and REINGOLD laugh and are gone. DANNY returns, wiping his hands; CLARE, off the phone, gathers up the tablecloth and puts it in a cabinet hamper.]
DANNY: Well.
CLARE: Yeah, well.
DANNY: I got a couple more subscribers on my Substack.
CLARE: Heard from Harper’s, they said no.
DANNY: Guess neither of us is killing it. Rudy’s?
CLARE: Sure.
[As they leave, CLARE clicks off the lights; in the darkness we see a small blinking red light in one of the cabinets.]
You know, I've turned it over in my mind and looked at it from every angle, and I STILL can't quite grasp how they manage to go out day after day to sell the idea that the REAL antisemites are liberal Jews and college kids. That level of logic jiu jitsu is really beyond me.
But they know the prestige press won't challenge them, and they've already convinced their base to take horse pills and let their children get measles, so I guess they know that logic jiu jitsu has a track record of working for them.
Finally watched the John Oliver Bari Weiss episode. What a monumental narcissist! Rivals Dear Leader. And as with all NPDs, absolutely no self awareness. She’s a train wreck disguised as a useful idiot.