And it's one, two, three, what are we hardcore?
More senile Grandpa rightwing email fodder incoming!
|Roy Edroso||May 23, 2019|| 25||12|
Steadfast and Loyal, '“JUSTIN AMASH GETS A MAGA CHALLENGER FOR 2020”
The Patriot Chronicles, “RINO Amash Destroyed On Live T.V For Impeachment Comments [Video]”
I gotta tell ya — your senile rightwing Grandpa isn’t really politically astute. He may know that Justin Amash is a Republican, and may have heard a few times that he belongs to something called the Freedom Caucus which is comprised of a bunch of GOP legislators from “A Senator for Every 67 White People” states and, if he’s having what his home health aide calls a Good Day, he may also recall that Amash is what they call a Libertarian, which only sounds like liberal but is actually a more hardcore form of conservatism — those crazy bastards Ron Paul and Rand Paul are part of it, and you can tell even without reading the newsletters they wouldn’t let any black son of a bitch walk all over the American flag, no sir! Also, Grandpa vaguely recalls, they have something to do with raw milk and 14-year-old girls, which he guesses are sacraments to them like polygamy is to the Mormons. So for all those reasons Grandpa may have formed an idea that Amash is Good.
But suddenly Grandpa must adjust to new realities because Amash recently suggested that all those libtards pushing for Trump to be impeached have a point. (Lord knows what the guy is really up to — could be he’s decided that Trump is toast and he wants to get in early on the We Never Liked Him Actually bandwagon; principle we can probably rule out but stranger things have happened.)
So Amash is starting to get attacked by Republicans who either rely on MAGA choads for their victory margins or blog/YouTube/podcast livelihoods, or will go to prison if everything about them and the pool boy and/or the Russian mob comes out in a Trump Götterdämmerung.
Chinless radio blowhard Mark Levin — or whoever is paid to condense his yak at the website of radio station Freedom 1160 — bellows:
Rep. Justin Amash (R-MI) is a Benedict Arnold and his statements are an abomination. He is no friend of the Constitution if he supports the unconstitutionality of the special counsel. Who was it that put spies in the Trump campaign? Amash has sided with the rogue attack on the presidency yet Amash says that it was President Trump who committed impeachable offenses.
Look, it doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be negative and loud. At One News Now (ONN), the pseudonews outlet of the American Family Association that really hopes you mistake it for the more popular One America News Network (OANN), the headline is “Observers: Anti-Trump Republican just wants some attention.” These “observers” include “Trump advisor Dr. Robert Jeffress, pastor of First Baptist Dallas,” the Center for Security Policy’s Frank Gaffney (crackpot author of “America's first Muslim president?” and other such like), and... well, if you include Jesus, who agrees with everything they say, that makes three, which means it’s a trend.
Also legendary rightwing blogger Jim Hoft now identifies Amash as “Trump-hating GOP Rep. Justin Amash,” and Old-Time Blogger and Patron Saint of Incels Ace of Spades calls him “Fake Libertarian Liberal Justin Amash.” Oh, and he’s been abandoned by his erstwhile sugar daddies in the DeVos family, as well as by — LOL — his Freedom Caucus colleagues, and he’s being challenged for the Republican nomination by someone who knows the meaning of loyalty and also racism, apparently, since he immediately took advantage of Amash’s Middle Eastern roots to declare he “has more in common with Rashida Tlaib than he does the average Republican primary voter in the district.” [Stage whispers] She’s a Muslim!
Meanwhile the bottom-feeding email operatives who have worm-eaten Grandpa's brain are all over it. Steadfast and Loyal’s “Steven Ahle” (I expect we’ll learn someday his real name is Xfasfgs Fingelheimer) writes:
Justin Amash, who hates president Trump, possibly because his daddy is Palestinian and his mother is Syrian or even because of his business interests in China that is hurt by the hardball game President Trump is playing with the Chinese, has picked up a challenger for the Republican primary and he is a Trump supporter.
To get the full effect one has to imagine this chanted at a 1960s Chinese Cultural Revolution rally. At The Patriot Chronicles, "Daphne Moon” (ha, very clever sister, we'll still see you in Den Haag) says:
GOP congressmen Justin Amash really stepped in it with his supporters when he said that he trusts crook James Comey over the President. He took it a step further by saying that Trump needs to be impeached. Just like his buddies the Democrats, Amash has no grounds for impeachment but this drew a clear line of where Amash’s loyalties are.
Moon further reports that Trump “also shot down the rhino,” which may be an attempt to associate RINOs with rhinos and thus give her MAGA readers, who certainly approve of the slaughter of big game, an added frisson — but let’s be real, it’s probably just a stupid typo produced by fatigue from working long gig-economy hours as a cashier, a drug mule, and a conservative pundit. So it’s not The Federalist Papers — senile Gramps ain’t your average civic-minded 18th Century colonial, either, and by the time he slides back into a Bad Day, maybe these guys will have convinced him that Amash is a Traitor like Nancy Pelosi and Alyssa Milano, thus putting another face on the hundred-headed hydra he pictures Trump, Dan Crenshaw, and Marine Todd valiantly attacking with nuclear weapons as his synapses sputter and his hands type his credit card number into yet another scam site.