DONALD TRUMP'S ITINERARY FOR WEDNESDAY.

1. [Cameras catch TRUMP in the middle of force-feeding CHRIS CHRISTIE a cowflop.]

TRUMP. Eeeeat the cowflop. Chris. Chris. Eeeat the cowflop.
CHRISTIE. Why ya doin' this to me, Donny? Why? I been so good to ya -- Ptui! Yuk!

2. [TRUMP is on TV being interviewed by a robot over which THE SKIN OF ANDREA MITCHELL has been stretched.]

THE SKIN OF ANDREA MITCHELL. So, Mr. Trump, why have you called us here today.
TRUMP. Well I think, you know, I've been reading this thing, this book, and it's a really amazing book, really huge, by this fellow J.D. Tippit, all about what's going on in the working class today, and men.
THE SKIN OF ANDREA MITCHELL. Forgive me, Mr. Trump, but wasn't J.D. Tippit the police officer who was allegedly killed by Lee Harvey Oswald shortly after the Kennedy assassination in 1963?
TRUMP. Well, I think you'll find that Lee Harvey Oswald was a patsy and didn't do any of that which he was accused of doing, it was all Ted Cruz's father, and Paul Ryan's too, I understand that he was involved in some way. But no, yeah, I have it on this piece of paper. J.D. Vance is the name of this remarkable young man, wrote this book called Hillbilly Heaven, really amazing book, outsold the Bible --
THE SKIN OF ANDREA MITCHELL. Hillbilly Elegy.
TRUMP. They say that, yeah, elegy, heaven, it's pretty much the same thing. But you know, there are all these great writers, absolutely incredible, like Rod Dreher and Ross Cowflop, who have taken this book --
THE SKIN OF ANDREA MITCHELL.  Douthat. Ross Douthat.
TRUMP. Well, you say it's Douthat, there are a lot of opinions. Anyway these really very brilliant, amazing men tell me -- though they don't have to tell me, I know -- that this Vance is very strong on the working class, very strong, and that they've had enough of these media sissies -- bullies, I mean -- no, sissies, they're sissies and they're bullies, it's a thing -- but anyway these media people, they make fun of these working people -- oh, did I mention they're all white! White, these working people are, I mean I love the blacks and the Spanish people but you know they're not working people, not in the sense I grew up with in the little storefront where my father raised us, 10 to a room, 20 to a room, 30, it was a lot, it was a huge number and we were all white -- anyway this guy Vance he, he really gets it, that the sissy-bullies, these people who can read and write and spell and their black friends were making fun of these working people, and that's what made them all into drug addicts and bums, it's really disgusting, we have to do something about it in this country and that's what I intend to do.
THE SKIN OF ANDREA MITCHELL. I'm not sure I know what you mean.
TRUMP. Get entirely rid of welfare, basically, so the blacks don't get it.
THE SKIN OF ANDREA MITCHELL. Yay!

3. [TRUMP is standing over the prone body of a 10-year-old boy, surrounded by cheering fans.]

TRUMP. Look at this. Will you look at this. Kid doesn't know enough to get out of the way of the pile driver. If he'd been watching WWE, me and Vince McMahon, he would know but the schools, they don't teach the classics, it's really sad.
SOME OTHER CHILD. Take the bitch down!
TRUMP. OK, here we go, diving hurricanrana. You boys help me up on these ropes.