Tonight should be, um, interesting. But I'll wait and catch the highlight reels. Because I have much more pleasurable things to do--like shaving my head with a cheese-grater or something.
I personally have always wanted to find out what it feels like to rub a crown of thorns starfish against my tender personal areas, so I'm going to the Aquarium tonight. Sadly, I will not be in the audience of the SOTU speech, because I have a more pressing engagement.
I will be continuing the proud tradition I initiated in 2017 of not listening to a Trump speech if I can help it. I will be on Bluesky, where many brave souls with stronger stomachs than mine monitor everything he says. So if he says the troops are headed to Greenland, or drug prices have dropped a million percent, or he's sending everyone who lives in a blue state to a concentration camp so their homes and apartments can be claimed by MAGA patriots (sounds familiar, no?) I'll hear about it through the grapevine.
Well, here's the thing: After reading this masterpiece, I could be tempted to (Republican Jesus® help me!) actually watch the Shit on the Union or whatever they call it. Problem is I literally cannot tolerate watching the humanoid form of a Lovecraftian monster* for more than 10 or 15 seconds max. If that. (*No slur on the elder gods intended.)
Well, at least I have this.
And who knows, maybe Donny will drop the N word** and we'll get to see all the ways the establishment media cover for him. (**Before or after he announces bombing more Iranian nuke facilities which would do nothing to help Iranians but make the infantile pedophile feel good about himself which o course is his priority.)
If he does say the N-word, however unambiguously, I’m pretty certain that there are at least a dozen pre-written responses already distributed across the RW & centrist punditsphere telling us “nuh-uh! Listen carefully…here’s what he really said. Anyway, you’re taking it out of context.”
But that would be too predictable. He’s going to say a whole bunch of equally vile but absolutely bizarre novel shit nobody has anticipated that will dominate and confuse the discourse Wednesday and be completely forgotten by Thursday.
To their credit, the establishment media will be showing unfiltered—but will follow up with bullshit to try gaslighting people into not believing that they saw what they saw.
As for RWNJ outlets, fuck them and their audiences.
Well, take your cues from The Atlantic, "Trump's aides believe his State of the Union address will re-ignite his momentum - but Republicans are worried."
Uh... lessee... Trump aides, Republicans... yeah, I think we've covered all the bases here, take it away, Jonathan!
Next up from Jonathan Lemire, "Trump's aides believe his shit tastes like chocolate ice cream, but Republicans think it's more Rocky Road."
Maybe he'll tell us that story Kristi Noem made up about the cannibal immigrant eatin' himself on the plane home. And check out the url, because "kristi-noem-ice-cannibal" is damn near POETRY.
Does Kristi have any musical talent? Kristi & The Ice Cannibals would be a great name for touring the both Dakotas B-circuit after she gets out of prison.
She should hold a flashlight under he chin when she tells these Scary Stories around the campfire. I hear if you say "Kristi Noem" seven times in front of a mirror, ICE comes and takes your kids and bakes them into a pie.
Not certain the Elders will be satisfied with just yer weak acknowledgement. I assume a simple human sacrifice would be the minimum they'll accept. And it so happens I have here a small fleet of Simple Humans for just such circumstances! Don't Delay! Slay Today!
Speaking of Elders, Republicans may be chanting "Oh we love the old one" now, but just wait til someone hits him with a bucket of water and he melts into a puddle on the floor. They'll hand over that broom in a second.
You're making me think of Illuminatus!, wherein it's revealed that the Pentagon contains Yog-Sothoth and the various stupid wars are sacrifices to it to keep it sleeping.
if he does drop that word, he can say is because of PTSD from those bone spurs, recently exacerbated by all those fights he had with the US men's hockey squad.
I know this is about Trump but the characterization of Vance at the end is spot on! Dude is such a pathetic dweeb that I almost — almost! — feel sorry for him.
(Not really finding this humorous, because with the incapacitation of Trumpov and Venal Vance, the White House Rug, Mike Johnson, becomes President pro tempore. And he's the kind of man who would nuke the Vatican.)
Vance is a bloodthirsty dweeb consumed by ambition and resentment. He will be a competent Trump without the charisma and undying love of Trump's base. Assuming he runs in 28 he will be more obsessed with stealing the election than Trump and more likely to unleash the brownshirts because he won't have as large a base as Trump.
"maybe the first time in his life something like music has done this to him. " Oh, that's wormwood! Actually, your scenario is almost exactly what's going on. It's going to require an apothecary of great skills to get him to bounce through the first twenty minutes of lies before he settles into a dozy, teleprompter-crunching drone. While I'm sure it'll be a new level of American degradation, I'm unfortunately going to be consumed with my makeshift Sioux Sun Dance ritual and will be too busy hanging from the ceiling by my pectoral muscles to watch the fun.
I was toying with the idea of scripting a version of tonight, then sober reality smacked me down and stood over my prostrate form sayin' "Dude. That's what you pay Roy for!"
Plus at three hours plus (I think he’s going to try to break his record) that’s a lot of scripting. Not that you’d have to worry about proof reading or second drafts or anything. And if you get stuck for an ending you just put down: *22 minutes of swaying-no words*
I wonder what's in that long tube that brings him down. Probably some of that frog poison the Russians used on Navalny. I'm sure they share little tricks o' the trade like that.
Brilliant. I hope the performance goes just like the rehearsal. You know he's aching to use the n-word in public. You can see his disappointment every time he has to say "low-IQ individual".
Bear with me, I say this every year, but I'm always amused when Trump stops reading the teleprompter to comment on what he's saying as if he's reading it for the first time -- which is probably the case. And then he gets it wrong. "'Narco-terrorists invading our country.' That's right. Terrorists. They've killed millions of Americans with the narco. Hundreds of millions."
I'd be awaiting those moments if I watched the thing but I can't take it, even if he was guaranteed to tell Roberts and Gorsuch to go fuck themselves.
The n-word thing keeps coming up and I don't know why. Its just a version of "surely THIS scandal will open the eyes of John and Jane Public so I won't have to actually do something". If he does whip it out it changes nothing and proves nothing. It would give the chattering clsss something to chew on for a few days waiting for him to Bomb Bomb Iran.
You just know the behind the scenes stuff, the stuff we don't see, is worse than anything we could imagine. And we're people full of imagination!
Just look at all the thought Roy put into simply moving that two hundred and fifty pound bag of diseased meat from one place to another.
Tonight should be, um, interesting. But I'll wait and catch the highlight reels. Because I have much more pleasurable things to do--like shaving my head with a cheese-grater or something.
I personally have always wanted to find out what it feels like to rub a crown of thorns starfish against my tender personal areas, so I'm going to the Aquarium tonight. Sadly, I will not be in the audience of the SOTU speech, because I have a more pressing engagement.
I'll probly be asleep by then, to be honest.
Just don't press too hard.
How'd you like to be the poorly paid folks who'll have to go in and clean up afterwards? 🤮
Ah! To be a janitor in the House or Senate! Just think of all the incriminating crap you can pick out of the trashcans!
That's why they can't keep anyone in the job, six months in and you own a private island in the Dutch Antilles.
Funny. Thanks !
I will be continuing the proud tradition I initiated in 2017 of not listening to a Trump speech if I can help it. I will be on Bluesky, where many brave souls with stronger stomachs than mine monitor everything he says. So if he says the troops are headed to Greenland, or drug prices have dropped a million percent, or he's sending everyone who lives in a blue state to a concentration camp so their homes and apartments can be claimed by MAGA patriots (sounds familiar, no?) I'll hear about it through the grapevine.
Well, here's the thing: After reading this masterpiece, I could be tempted to (Republican Jesus® help me!) actually watch the Shit on the Union or whatever they call it. Problem is I literally cannot tolerate watching the humanoid form of a Lovecraftian monster* for more than 10 or 15 seconds max. If that. (*No slur on the elder gods intended.)
Well, at least I have this.
And who knows, maybe Donny will drop the N word** and we'll get to see all the ways the establishment media cover for him. (**Before or after he announces bombing more Iranian nuke facilities which would do nothing to help Iranians but make the infantile pedophile feel good about himself which o course is his priority.)
If he does say the N-word, however unambiguously, I’m pretty certain that there are at least a dozen pre-written responses already distributed across the RW & centrist punditsphere telling us “nuh-uh! Listen carefully…here’s what he really said. Anyway, you’re taking it out of context.”
But that would be too predictable. He’s going to say a whole bunch of equally vile but absolutely bizarre novel shit nobody has anticipated that will dominate and confuse the discourse Wednesday and be completely forgotten by Thursday.
To their credit, the establishment media will be showing unfiltered—but will follow up with bullshit to try gaslighting people into not believing that they saw what they saw.
As for RWNJ outlets, fuck them and their audiences.
Well, take your cues from The Atlantic, "Trump's aides believe his State of the Union address will re-ignite his momentum - but Republicans are worried."
Uh... lessee... Trump aides, Republicans... yeah, I think we've covered all the bases here, take it away, Jonathan!
Next up from Jonathan Lemire, "Trump's aides believe his shit tastes like chocolate ice cream, but Republicans think it's more Rocky Road."
Rocky Road— eeeww!
Maybe he'll tell us that story Kristi Noem made up about the cannibal immigrant eatin' himself on the plane home. And check out the url, because "kristi-noem-ice-cannibal" is damn near POETRY.
https://theintercept.com/2026/02/23/kristi-noem-ice-cannibal/
Does Kristi have any musical talent? Kristi & The Ice Cannibals would be a great name for touring the both Dakotas B-circuit after she gets out of prison.
"I useta be BIG you know!"
"PEOPLE! I AIN'T PEOPLE!!!"
She should hold a flashlight under he chin when she tells these Scary Stories around the campfire. I hear if you say "Kristi Noem" seven times in front of a mirror, ICE comes and takes your kids and bakes them into a pie.
The TIGHTEST Andronicus
Not certain the Elders will be satisfied with just yer weak acknowledgement. I assume a simple human sacrifice would be the minimum they'll accept. And it so happens I have here a small fleet of Simple Humans for just such circumstances! Don't Delay! Slay Today!
[This offer good only til 9:00 EST this evening.]
With tens of millions of Republicans and their enablers, the gods can gorge assuming they care about any of this.
Did you not get the memo? The Elders Do Not Care.
To their credit.
Speaking of Elders, Republicans may be chanting "Oh we love the old one" now, but just wait til someone hits him with a bucket of water and he melts into a puddle on the floor. They'll hand over that broom in a second.
old, as in eldritch.
You're making me think of Illuminatus!, wherein it's revealed that the Pentagon contains Yog-Sothoth and the various stupid wars are sacrifices to it to keep it sleeping.
SecWar be chortling "Me an' Yo-So got this covered, people!"
Impossible. Tubby would never accept anyone in his administration more evil than him.
Hmmm...tricky...
Yo-So thinkin' "WTF?! He's the one hasta tone it down...!"
"A mountain walked, or stumbled, but mainly tripped over its own feet"
Did it come out of the sky and stand there?
first there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is!
if he does drop that word, he can say is because of PTSD from those bone spurs, recently exacerbated by all those fights he had with the US men's hockey squad.
I know this is about Trump but the characterization of Vance at the end is spot on! Dude is such a pathetic dweeb that I almost — almost! — feel sorry for him.
To paraphrase Geezil in Altman's / Feiffer's Popeye, phooey on Vance, next to Trump I hate him worst.
You gotta admit he's not afraid to tackle the tough issues, like what country Eileen Gu should ski for.
I think he secretly dreams of winning the luge, because 'luge' sounds like something he and Jeff would like to do in the back bedroom...
The lugeist with the yoogeist
Where can I get one of those old fashioned round pillbox bellboy caps? I wanna send him one.
candy gram for mongo!
(Not really finding this humorous, because with the incapacitation of Trumpov and Venal Vance, the White House Rug, Mike Johnson, becomes President pro tempore. And he's the kind of man who would nuke the Vatican.)
JOHNSON: Really? Me? President? I wasn’t paying attention. So busy these days.
My phone dinged with an alert, but I thought it was... you know... that other thing.
Now I'm wondering if you can personalize alert sounds on that app, and what I'd set it as. Possibly applause.
The proud father's chest swells with pride. Or something swells, anyway.
Cue Fred and Judy.
Yeah, I said it!
Vance is a bloodthirsty dweeb consumed by ambition and resentment. He will be a competent Trump without the charisma and undying love of Trump's base. Assuming he runs in 28 he will be more obsessed with stealing the election than Trump and more likely to unleash the brownshirts because he won't have as large a base as Trump.
that ending man, O Henry-esque! or maybe invasion of the body snatchers, but i won't quibble.
My fettle has been finely fit in preparation for our Borges fanfic horror festival's *BIG SHOW- tonite only*
i'm starting up, in anticipation, "tonight! tonight! won't be just any night! i saw you and the world went awayyyyy… "
"maybe the first time in his life something like music has done this to him. " Oh, that's wormwood! Actually, your scenario is almost exactly what's going on. It's going to require an apothecary of great skills to get him to bounce through the first twenty minutes of lies before he settles into a dozy, teleprompter-crunching drone. While I'm sure it'll be a new level of American degradation, I'm unfortunately going to be consumed with my makeshift Sioux Sun Dance ritual and will be too busy hanging from the ceiling by my pectoral muscles to watch the fun.
By the way I need to find a betting shop that will give me over and under odds on whether he blurts out the n word before Easter.
I was toying with the idea of scripting a version of tonight, then sober reality smacked me down and stood over my prostrate form sayin' "Dude. That's what you pay Roy for!"
2 marks for reality-checking me.
Plus at three hours plus (I think he’s going to try to break his record) that’s a lot of scripting. Not that you’d have to worry about proof reading or second drafts or anything. And if you get stuck for an ending you just put down: *22 minutes of swaying-no words*
The Speaker will probably lock the doors and refuse to let anyone leave.
A little hint of the future of America
Congress: You can check in any time you like, but....
Ahem. Considering the Dems'll be bringing Epstein victims that locked door thing is a little, well...
And now I reread this, it's come clear the Dems'll be in distress.
"Dude. That's what you pay Roy for!"
And quite handsomely, too!
I'm a thousandaire thanks to viewers like you
'viewers like you'
PBS just posts this in a craven attempt to raise my self-esteem enough to send them a check.
I take offense at that. There ARE no viewers like me!
Safe bet.
Just think of the EXPOSURE! Living-under-a-bridge-in-winter levels of exposure!
I plan to perform a prostate biopsy on myself with no anesthetic, which will be much less painful than hearing Tubby ramble for two hours.
What are you going to use, a crowbar or a fisherman’s pike?
I’ve got a Dremel tool with the biopsy attachment ready to go.
Today's Euphemism is "Dremel".
Dremel, Dremel, Dremel, I made it out of... well, actually it was made in China
I wonder what's in that long tube that brings him down. Probably some of that frog poison the Russians used on Navalny. I'm sure they share little tricks o' the trade like that.
I always enjoy the appearance of the Haldol blowdarts.
Vance applauding after having his hand smacked away = perfection.
"Ha ha, you're such a kidder, Mr. President!"
Brilliant. I hope the performance goes just like the rehearsal. You know he's aching to use the n-word in public. You can see his disappointment every time he has to say "low-IQ individual".
Bear with me, I say this every year, but I'm always amused when Trump stops reading the teleprompter to comment on what he's saying as if he's reading it for the first time -- which is probably the case. And then he gets it wrong. "'Narco-terrorists invading our country.' That's right. Terrorists. They've killed millions of Americans with the narco. Hundreds of millions."
I'd be awaiting those moments if I watched the thing but I can't take it, even if he was guaranteed to tell Roberts and Gorsuch to go fuck themselves.
The n-word thing keeps coming up and I don't know why. Its just a version of "surely THIS scandal will open the eyes of John and Jane Public so I won't have to actually do something". If he does whip it out it changes nothing and proves nothing. It would give the chattering clsss something to chew on for a few days waiting for him to Bomb Bomb Iran.
No Minsky Pickup for the dress rehearsal? I can't think of s scene that could use it more than the 2026 SOTU.
If this was a movie it would be the scene they pull out Carmina Burana for.
The escalator is (chef's kiss)!
Escalation is kinda his thing.
When just 32% of Americans think you have the right priorities, how's that war with Iran gonna go over? "Finally, just EXACTLY what we wanted!"
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2026/feb/24/us-politics-latest-news-donald-trump-tariffs-iran