Executive session

The state strokes the CEOs

State officials want to calm the nerves of New York City’s business elite after the assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson sent shockwaves through the corporate world.

Gov. Kathy Hochul will broker a virtual meeting Tuesday with state law enforcement officials and about 175 corporate representatives to discuss sharing security resources.

— Politico

[An ultra-luxe meeting room in Manhattan: A small conference table, glass-topped on a brass-covered pedestal, with globe pendant lamps hanging from a grey ceiling, three oak-paneled walls, and one floor-to-ceiling window looking out over Central Park. Next to the door, a WAITRESS in black shirt, slacks and shoes and a white apron stands by a small waiter station with water taps, glasses, and bottles of Evian.

Seated at the table, water glasses in front of them, are five white male executives in high-end business suits but no ties. They are also in stocking feet, and their shoes have been lined up against the wall. Walking around the table is New York Governor KATHY HOCHUL, wearing a purple double-breasted Loro Piana skirt suit with a patterned scarf and Miu Miu bicolor leather Mary Jane pumps.

Soothing ambient music plays.]

HOCHUL: [In a lulling voice] Now once again, my friends, I want you to take a few deep breaths. In… out. In… out.

[They do so.]

You’re high above the city now — not only physically but emotionally. Whatever noise, whatever conflict there might be in the street below, it may as well be on another planet. Every step of your journey, from your car to the garage to the private elevator to this place of peace and comfort, you are protected and untouchable. That is what you have a right to expect, and that is what you will have.

[A slim 40ish man with Matthew McConaughey hair and wearing a navy Tom Ford Atticus wool-and-mohair suit has his hand slightly raised.]

Jim, you have a question?

JIM: Governor, I –

HOCHUL: Kathy. Please.

JIM: Kathy, I can say in all honesty I do feel protected. And I think we all appreciate the enhanced security you’ve offered us and our colleagues.

[Some of the others make light affirming noises.]

Also I want to say that, honestly, I wasn’t sure about the microdosing idea, but now that I’ve done it I don’t see how I ever got along without it!

[Slightly louder affirming noises. A chunkier 50ish man with enhanced salt-and-pepper hair and beard, wearing a royal blue Ralph Lauren Kent wool suit, speaks up: ]

MAN: I’ve been microdosing for about a year now. I used to take Paxil, Atavin, Gabapentin, all that stuff. Now just this and the Ozempic.

[The WAITRESS comes over and fills a few glasses.]

HOCHUL: Jeff, that’s fantastic. Mateo, you wanted to say something?

[MATEO, late 20s, short and evidently well-muscled under his navy Kei trim-fit suit, leans forward, looks around.]

MATEO: [With a light Texas accent] Kathy, I know we’re safe here and in all the places you brought us and all the others. But you know, when I come to New York, I like to get out and walk around. In the past, whenever I came here, if I had some downtime I liked to have the driver drop me somewhere kind of exotic, like DUMBO, or somewhere where they’re eating bagels. I’d just walk around and look at all the people and the old buildings and stores. And I felt safe, just as safe there as I feel now. Like those people were, well, like they were actors, or waiters, or concierges, people who wanted me to feel welcome and safe. But now the thought of getting out of the car… if I saw those people now… they’d still be smiling and eating bagels but I gotta think behind it maybe they all want to… I mean… I don’t know… I, I can’t…

[He starts to cry. HOCHUL comes around and puts her hands on his shoulders.]

HOCHUL: Oh, Mateo, Mateo, it’s all right, what you’re feeling is natural after a traumatic event like this. You wonder whether you’ll ever trust again. I know. But I want you to turn away from the past and think about what’s coming. You know that President Trump and Mayor Adams have a special understanding. And in the days to come, the streets of our city are going to be a very different place, especially for people like you. Wherever you go, wherever your driver drops you off, it’ll be like — like when you go on a safari. You’ve done that, Mateo, I know you have, I saw the pictures. It’s exciting and exhilarating, isn’t it. But there are people all around you, some you can see but a lot you can’t see, making sure that no matter how much the animals roar and prowl they never, ever pose you any danger.

[A couple of window-washers slowly come down outside the window — which HOCHUL, facing the other way, doesn’t notice.]

It’ll be just like it was — actually, better than it was. Because all those people you’re afraid of will now be afraid of —

[HOCHUL sees the men facing the window reacting; she turns around. In a harsher voice:]

I specifically said no window-washers! Where’s Judith!

[The window-washers take hammers out of their tool-belts and begin to smash at the window, which is very strong and doesn’t crack — in fact one window-washer’s hammer bounces back and out of his grasp; he watches it fall. He puts his hands instead around his mouth to yell:]

WINDOW-WASHER: ALL CEOs ARE BASTARDS! ALL CEOs ARE BASTARDS!

OTHER WINDOW-WASHER : YOU’RE NEXT, MOTHERFUCKERS!

[Chaos — everyone crowds the exit except JEFF, who falls to his knees and rubs his temples, bumming out.]