Future New York Times “Strains Bounds of Propriety” stories

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Men in tactical gear seized broadcaster Rachel Maddow as she left 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York Monday night, stuffed her in a van, and sped away, in yet another show of the dizzying energy with which Donald Trump, on whose orders Maddow was reportedly kidnapped, pursues his unique agenda in his second term as President.

The rush-hour crowds who heard Maddow scream for help as she was swiftly removed could only gape impotently, much as Congress and the federal judiciary have done as Trump defies one norm after another.

Untrammeled by the gentlemanly restraint shown by his predecessors, Trump has moved decisively against his enemies, sometimes appearing to cross into a gray area between decisiveness and totalitarianism. But while he has strongly denounced reporters he considers unfriendly and even encouraged mobs to attack them, this is believed to be the first extraordinary rendition connected with his press policy.

While most journalists viewed the kidnapping of an unfriendly journalist as an extra-Constitutional act, Bari Weiss of The Free Press raised the possibility that Maddow had not been seized for her criticism of Trump, but rather for actual crimes, much like Ras Baraka, the Newark mayor and ICE gadfly who was credibly accused of trespassing before his arrest in May 2025.

“My sources in the administration tell me they tossed Maddow’s dressing room and found a keffiyeh,” Weiss told the Times. Weiss also said there was further evidence that Maddow had planned to attend a pro-Palestinian event at Columbia University, which had been preemptively declared an illegal assembly by Mayor Adams, and was subject to arrest on those grounds.

Meanwhile Trump is keeping his opponents guessing, posting contradictory messages regarding Maddow’s fate via Truth Social — “too late, we KILLED her” at 5:45 pm, “she is still alive & will send a Finger to Rebecca Kutler as proof” at 6:26, etc. Fuddy-duddy fans of old-fashioned democracy still haven’t figured out how to counter the President’s rope-a-dope.

Throwing cold water on claims that the shooting of 37 protestors at a “March Against Tyranny” in Washington, D.C. by men in tactical gear commanded by Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Saturday was “unprecedented,” a historian points out that Americans have been shot by members of the U.S. Armed Forces in the past.

Popular YouTuber Graham P. Sergut, a chiropractor tuned “MAGA history teacher” to whose channel Times reporters were referred by Hegseth’s office, cited the fatal shooting of four Kent State students during an anti-Vietnam-war demonstration in 1970 by National Guardsmen, and said that the Guard was also responsible for several deaths in various civil-rights-related riots in the 1960s “though not officially.” Sergut also claimed some of his own “distant relatives” had been secretly murdered by “supersoldiers” under orders by Presidents Obama and Biden.

“People who say this is some kind of new thing are just trying to stir up more trouble,” Sergut said, “and trouble’s just what they’re going to get!” He then unleashed a rebel yell.

The atmosphere in Washington, and indeed in many parts of the country, has been grim and tense since the single volley killed seven protestors and wounded thirty. Some Democrats have called for an investigation, and for Hegseth to identify the shooters, who appear to have vanished.

Hegseth still has not made a formal statement about the incident beyond his cries of “Kill! Kill!” during the incident, and the rambling, incoherent soliloquy he gave after falling from his horse. When asked about the shooting President Trump has told reporters, “I don’t know anything about that, talk to [U.S. Attorney General] Pam [Bondi].”

As some Democratic Congressmembers have excoriated the administration in terms too harsh to be reported in the Times under the Free Speech Act, moderate Democrat spokesman Matthew Yglesias has called for calm and prudence.

“In fact you can get killed in D.C. at any time, it’s a very dangerous place,” Yglesias said on One America News. “I was mugged myself once, and it has only gotten worse, take my word for it. People get shot all the time. So, when you think about it, getting shot by whoever these people were, it could have happened anyway. We have to move forward and address the root causes of the violence, such as hormone therapy for trans minors.”

As has become customary with President Trump, his opponents’ howls of outrage only redound to his benefit. Any other President, indeed most public figures, would suffer public fallout and possibly opprobrium after a bizarre incident like the one at last week’s Medal of Freedom ceremonies. But with Trump it was just another notch, so to speak, on his bedpost.

After a series of medal presentations at the White House in which Trump seemed only casually interested — “Here ya go, ya old son of a bitch” was all he said to developer Steve Wynn, declining to drape the medal around Wynn’s neck as is traditionally done and instead tossing it to him as if it were a softball — until it came time to honor Ye, aka Kanye West, who brought along his new girlfriend, Lesbirta Treenelopy, known professionally as Tha Hor.

After praising Ye for his controversial recent Nazi albums and videos — “he got one where he kills the Jews, how about that, only kidding around” — Trump called for Treenelopy to join him and Ye, and then asked Ye, “you gonna marry this girl?”

“I’ll marry her today if you say so, Mein Fuhrer,” said Ye. “Good,” said Trump, “because that means I get to f--k her first. I’m the President, let’s go, sweetheart.” Whereupon Trump took Treenelopy by the hand and brought her behind a curtain where, for several minutes, both of them simulated (or so it appeared) sexual acts before emerging and continuing the ceremony.

The ensuing press firestorm was quelled partly by newsroom visits by men in tactical gear, but mainly by Press Secretary Goody McGillicuddy’s explanation that Trump was merely reviving the “ancient right of prima nocta” — the right of a leader to have relations with the bride of his subjects on their wedding night — as “befits the ruler of a great nation.” While some continued to profess outrage, Trump’s gambit worked a charm with the American people, as revealed by a flash survey by what is now the only authorized polling agency, Rassmussen Reports. The White House says it has been “flooded” with offers from “very beautiful ladies, all 10s” to accommodate him on their own upcoming wedding night.

Not one to stop playing a hot hand, the President briefly published — then slyly withdrew — a formidable “dick pic” on Truth Social with the caption STORMY DANIELS LIED! — a reference to the former porn star who was found murdered last July. All hail President Trump!