GETS 'EM WETTER THAN A REAGAN DILDO.

Nicole Russell at The Federalist:

With A Beard, Paul Ryan Exudes Manliness
Men, take a cue from our speaker of the House and embrace your masculinity.

Get up off the floor, you gotta see the lede:

Love his politics or hate him, many women—and surely some men—swoon over the dashing good looks of House Speaker Paul Ryan. What with those blue eyes, dark hair, and famous P90X abs, he inspires an entire Tumblr account—“Hey Girl, It’s Paul Ryan.” He kicked up the lovefest another notch when he announced on Twitter and Instagram that he’s first speaker to sport a beard in 100 years.

Mrrrow, look out Frederick Huntington Gillett, there's a new bear in town!

The New York Post said Ryan now “looks less like a frat boy you’d pick a fight with and more like a top dog.” In response, women went gaga, and men such as National Review’s Deroy Murdock seethed with jealousy. The lesson? Beard or no beard, men: Take a cue from our speaker and embrace your masculinity.

For extra points actually look at the Deroy Murdock thing. It's seething, but not with jealousy.

Anyway the rest of the article is about how "wimp, softie or pleaser" men aren't physically brave -- thanks, Betty Friedan! -- but they can butch themselves up by growing facial hair. No, Russell doesn't claim that will make them courageous, but she does imply it will get them laid: "Many women -- especially women with higher levels of estrogen and those who aren’t on hormonal contraception -- are naturally attracted to this," says Russell. So you won't attract whoo-ers, just those down-to-ovulate Bristol Palin types. Hope you like kids!

P.S. In fairness to Russell, when male Federalist writers do the Argument from Butchness it's even worse.