Thursday December 15, 2005

IRAQI GRANNY INVITES US TO HER HOMELAND.

In related news, one wingnut working group has been tasked with indoctri-ma-cating our young on the gloriousness of the Iraq War and democracy at the point of bombardment. Check out these bits from their lesson plan for today's Iraq elections:

PARALLELS WITH U.S. HISTORY--

United States: Declaration of Independence from Great Britain, July 4, 1776 (amidst war).

Iraq: Liberation from Saddam Hussein, April 9, 2003 (amidst war).

Have fun explaining how Pulaski and Lafayette carpet-bombed America's cities in order to liberate us (and our rich maple-syrup fields) from George III. Show woodcuts of French dirigible leveling Boston, and grateful citizens waving wooden limbs in tribute.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION...

3. Do you think it is more or less difficult for a country to form a democratic based constitutional government today than in 1787?

Hella simple now! Consent of the Conquered is easier to secure that the support of a bunch of pesky revoltionaries. There'll be no Shay's Rebellion this time, I can tell ya! The money's good, too!

Still more questions for discussion:

Why do you think voter turnout in Iraq has been 60-65% and the average U.S. voter turnout is much lower?

No electricity, no TV. Duh.

Wars are often controversial: many colonists opposed the American Revolution; Abraham Lincoln resisted enormous pressure to compromise with the Confederacy and allow slavery to continue in order to end the United States Civil War; there was opposition to the Vietnam War. Discuss the war in Iraq in light of the goals of the December 15 election. Are there similar moments in United States history that can help us understand the moment?

...and by the time you get to the end of the question, of course, the students forget whatever hint they may have noticed that many (and maybe most) Americans disapprove of the war. Especially when your PowerPoint presentation flashes the Dirty Hippie icon on the word "Vietnam."

Best of all: class projects!

(K-5) Create a dramatization of voting day in Iraq. Have students take the roles of different persons: Iraqi men and women who come to the polls, Iraqi security forces, American soldiers, terrorists, international observers.

SHAUN as U.S. Soldier: Welcome to voting! Everybody vote for freedom! Come to my voting party!

TIFFANY as Iraqi Lady With Scarf Like In The Picture: I want to vote, Mr. Soldier! I want to play with the purple ink!

DYLAN R. as Ahmed Chalabi: Vote for me and my American friends will give you all ice cream!

DYLAN L. as Terrorist: I keel! I keel!

(DYLAN L. gestures with gun; several students fall dead. TIFFANY screams. SHAUN kills the terrorist and several other students.)

TIFFANY: Mr. Soldier is hot! Thanks Mr. Soldier!

DYLAN R.: Now I am President! Ice cream for everybody!

EVERYBODY: YAY!

TEACHER: I'm sorry, kids, there's no ice cream!

EVERYBODY: Awwwwwww.

TEACHER: Now everybody help clean this up, and Tiffany, you wash off that purple ink before we start Jesus Made Science class.

DYLAN L. Democracy sucks!

Say, this lesson plan may go better than I thought.