Letters from a Bumming Ham Jail

Hardcore (and their prestige press) do their part for convict Tubby!

As I’ve mentioned more than once, when it comes to Hardcore — our term of art for ragebait emails that lure your senile relatives to rightwing garbage sites — there’s usually no such thing as deadline pressure; stories can be weeks, months, even years old, so long as they have the outrage juice that gets Grandpa clicking through.

But this has changed a little in the current political campaign season, and since Tubby got fingered the Hardcore crews have been rushing out special “lawfare” editions.

I’m still getting old-school messages like Patriot Journal’s “Massive New Biden Blunder Just Got Exposed – And It’s a Total Disaster for the American People,” mind you. But I’m also getting a much higher than usual number of begging letters, allegedly from the Big Guy himself. Here’s one, with typical understatement:

Copy’s pretty choice, too:

They said I’M GUILTY!

The Biden Trial of the Century is finished -

34 FELONY COUNTS!

This is absolutely disgusting.

I want you to know one thing: I WILL NEVER SURRENDER!!!

STAND WITH TRUMP…

And I have received at least five messages professing mortal offense at the sly smile Biden gave when reporters asked him about the verdict:

I just got another one, subject-lined “Biden smiles sickly at my conviction.” (Guess there’s something to that conservative disgust sensitivity theory.) All of these end with the author calling upon his marks for “TEN MILLION Pro-Trump Patriots to chip in and say, I STAND WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP!”

Backing up the demand Grandpa show his patriotism with a recurring donation are a slurry of Hardcore missives on the subject, each more wattle-shakin’ mad than the last. For instance: