Fake Tubby's nailed so well here I bet it left Roy feeling really good, like he had released a lot of toxins here, huh?
But meanwhile, what's with Donny's semi-annual exam? And an MRI just for kicks (although I personally would love doing one every week...)? Can't just di--never mind...
The measure of a man / is fists like steel/if the right one doesn’t get you/the left one weel/ the big tough liver of the chronic imbiber/ a dk like rebar/and the eye of the tiger”—Crenshaw Mellon III
Say, Friends – are you suffering the misfortune of undersized web addresses? Feeling under-clicked? C'mon over to Big Url's Websites! Big Url will craft the longest damn web address you can imagine for just $9.95 plus tacks. That's right, just $9.95 gets you an address so long that you'll need a whole squad of server farmers just to boot that thang up! Act now, and for another $4,000,000,000 Big Url will toss in a refurbished 3-mile island with just to sort of oomph you'll need to make that mutha JUMP!
I imagine the brainworms, in their control room behind his eyes, test driving some new AI-like contraption designed to project more and more surreal Wormfarm behavior. Worms be goin' "Ooh, yeah – THIS one is CHERCE!"
Ah, the conversation is moving on to the vintage sewing machines now, is it? If we're goin' Swiss, I'm an Elna man myself, got a lovely mid-50's compact model in cast aluminum painted olive-drab in a metal case, like it's for the Swiss Army.
Yes, what every American is crying out for, the opportunity to negotiate their own health insurance by spending even MORE time on the phone with multiple insurance companies. Genius!
And they wonder why Trump is dropping like a stone in the polls.
As an American, I think you have to agree that it is much MUCH better to have your fate determined by a faceless functionary at an insurance company whose continued employment depends on how little they can give you and how much they can take. I mean, the alternative is to have some faceless bureaucrat determine your fate based on your need, and we can't have that now, can we?
Or just have a faceless bureaucrat determine your fate will involve the guarantee of free or affordable health insurance because you live in the wealthiest country in the history of the world. The horror!
I diagnose a serious case of economist-brain. See, normal people HATE this shit but economists just LOVE sittin' at the dining room table with a pack of brochures and spec sheets because they're LIVIN' THE MARKET.
My son worked for a UHC call center. It killed his soul. "I got tired of telling people, no you can't have insulin, can't have cancer treatment, etc.etc.". You need empathy free people to do that shit.
I used to work with an old man that called black people "boons". It took me forever to figure out what he was talking about. He was an asshole. It wasn't a blue collar job either - He ran a big purchasing department for a major catalog. He had a beautiful singing voice. He sang in the chorus of the local opera company.
This was hilarious. btw. Pretty sure you got Trump exactly like he is.
I hope they bury him at the golf course with the first wife.
This is why I bristle when people say that if you just educated people more, they’d stop being racist—as though only uneducated, lower class people are racist. As though there were no well-educated, cultured racists.
My Bacchanalian intro was MJQ's album Blues On Bach. But the leap into the euphoric was my first listen to Bachianas Brasileiras by Villa Lobos. Didn't help all that much with math, but I COULD count on it for a good time.
My late grandmother held a misconception about the word "gook." She seemed to think it's a mild epithet best applied to Hispanics. It does sound funny! And in itself there's no clue that it refers to Asians, or some of them (I am hazy on this slur).
She misused "gook" a few times in private, and we quietly mocked her, but did not correct her. I recall a story about migrant farm workers shitting in the fields (the moral of the story being that you gotta wash your fruits and vegetables).
Finally she used it at a restaurant in earshot of the help. Now, I won't lie to you like I sometimes do. I do not remember whether the restaurant was Mexican or Chinese. It was one of the two. There were only so many restaurants in her town at the time.
Funny thing, back eighty or so years ago, it seemed to be a generic insult. I've run into it on multiple occasions where it had nothing to do with Asians.
I only began to make that connection one summer when I picked cherries in Canada. We got paid by the basket, and when some guys weighted their baskets with rocks under a layer of cherries the boss said, "This boy cooned one."
Of course this reminds me of the verb GYP, meaning to swindle in the manner of the Roma, a.k.a. gypsies. It may still be in use. I know that it's been peppering down on me, sparsely but consistently, since my childhood. I have eradicated this word from my working vocabulary.
Oh you sweet naive child. In my youth the N-word was used generically, just a descriptor. The local theater had a 'Coloured Balcony', although the owner integrated the theater in the late 50's. I learned the missing four feet on the side of the building was the colored entrance, leading to aforesaid balcony.
I dread that I might someday learn that my great-grandmother’s phrase “in a coon’s age” might be racist. Especially since she encountered many raccoons, but never a Black person so far as I know.
Yup, that's the phrase I was alluding to. It hadn't occurred to me that it referred to people until I uttered it in the presence of a black person. (He was nice about it, and accepted my apology and protestations of naivete.)
Brilliant. This captures the lunatic mob boss in Tubby's head. I bet in real life this is exactly how he comes off, only with a lot of boring non-sequiturs about his glorious ballroom and the beautiful goldness he has sprinkled with his goldfingers all over everything.
I second the LOL for the bandoliers of tincture bottles. At some point, I expect that Chef Roadkill is going to show up in full witch doctor regalia.
Back in my parks days, it was understood that if a ranger came on the radio to report a roadkill deer 'partially blocking the roadway' that was a deer soon to be on the barbie for all the staff to enjoy.
“Here’s a devil’s claw for you!” Heee-larious! You must have been to Alaska! They were hawking that cream in Juneau, in addition to pointing out the plant in question, covered with thorns that will scratch you and inject you with poison ivy like toxins. But if you make a poultice from its roots it heals the damage it caused, and isn’t that thoughtful for a plant. We had a nip at the Devil’s Claw brewpub, but the branded merch was tf expensive.
OT, but this is my jam. Analysis of all gravitational waves detected so far determines that neutron stars are incredibly smooth. At the limit of current tech, anything higher than the width of a human hair is ruled out - the wobble would show. It may well be less than that, that's as far as we can tell. Be a helluva thing to see, but at 11 miles across getting close enough to see it would tear the hemoglobin out of your body. The big bads, magnetars (super magnetic field neutron stars), will erase your credit card info from a half a light year away.
Fake Tubby's nailed so well here I bet it left Roy feeling really good, like he had released a lot of toxins here, huh?
But meanwhile, what's with Donny's semi-annual exam? And an MRI just for kicks (although I personally would love doing one every week...)? Can't just di--never mind...
"Release The TOXINS!!" is the new Kraken, I guess...
Milk Thistle, ginger and turmeric do a great job releasing toxins from your body. You can also use it to make a delicious chutney.
I used to take milk thistle for my liver but it seems to soldier on pretty good with or without. Surprising, really.
Ditto. I have an orthopedist who recommended turmeric and tart cherry juice for joint problems. Didn't do a damn thing.
I will say I have *anecdotal* evidence cherry juice works for *gout*, but not joint issues in general.
Gout? That's the old name. Now we call it cankles.
(Some of us have both, but yes on the cherry juice)
The measure of a man / is fists like steel/if the right one doesn’t get you/the left one weel/ the big tough liver of the chronic imbiber/ a dk like rebar/and the eye of the tiger”—Crenshaw Mellon III
Rebar is not an ideal image for your purposes, there. Some a that stuff -I- can bend into a figure eight.
What a coincidence!
It stands to reason that the chutney itself releases toxins from your body.
When was the last time you saw a sick Indian?
There was that one with the single tear who was on that poster but I'm not sure if he was sick or just sad.
Toxins? Well, the money's not great, I gotta get something out of it.
And they say capitalism is out of style now.
Everybody's toxin at me, I can't hear a word they're sayin'...
No. Dot I, not Feather I
"Sorry, this store is currently unavailable." is the message I get from the Bobby Wormfarm link. Which means, I presume, that I am better off...
Aw, looks like they went under! Well, imagine something like this, but more expensive: https://www.lightinthebox.com/p/knight-ritter-outlander-plus-size-retro-vintage-punk-gothic-medieval-renaissance-17th-century-t-shirt-men-s-flounced-costume-vintage-cosplay_p7629565.html?litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_36%7C2_9331&pv2=eyJhbGciOiJFUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJjIjoiVVNEIiwiZXhwIjoxNzYyOTU3NDA4LCJtIjoiMTQwMTc3NzEiLCJvIjoiNzYyOTU2NV8wMDAwVV9VU19lbiIsInAiOjI2LjIxMDAwMDAwMDAwMDAwMX0.BNWSmErwpvTYE57AxJDlWytS6u26-q2o608chAXTEQDiQX39AvOTx8Y5XU2KXWGdClg5m7iLulwesQ4EjvWPGQ&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=22308591115176578053595pla-2411822759024&adword_mt=&adword_ct=736334253012&adword_kw=&adword_pos=&adword_pl=&adword_net=g&adword_tar=&adw_src_id=2907233386_22308591115_176578053595_pla-2411822759024&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22308591115&gbraid=0AAAAAD7vwYc3seUIBrAxd3aLPhBpHBYda&gclid=CjwKCAiA_dDIBhB6EiwAvzc1cDozNtxRPzN8fWjLrFPqEZIPgjtmMolXS72LwTEHstISESWmv-04YBoCAXUQAvD_BwE
I saw the item name and said, "What's Knight-Ridder doing selling shirts? Newspaper business is that bad now?" ('Course you know the obvious answer.)
Retro Vintage Medieval is the Retro, and the Vintage AND the Medieval no one wants...
Midcentury Modern for the 13th Century.
Make America Dark Ages Again! MADAA.
Knight Ridder? Do they still have KITT?
“I’m not going to respond to that, Michael.”
That there, that right there, that there is the poster child for Tinyurl.com.
All a matter of taste, but we like our urls BIG here at REBID
Say, Friends – are you suffering the misfortune of undersized web addresses? Feeling under-clicked? C'mon over to Big Url's Websites! Big Url will craft the longest damn web address you can imagine for just $9.95 plus tacks. That's right, just $9.95 gets you an address so long that you'll need a whole squad of server farmers just to boot that thang up! Act now, and for another $4,000,000,000 Big Url will toss in a refurbished 3-mile island with just to sort of oomph you'll need to make that mutha JUMP!
Big Url's Web Viagra. If your url takes over four hours to key in, please see an IT professional.
They stole the puffy shirt from Seinfeld.
Bobby Wormfarm. That's first rate, B.
Sir Terry Pratchett would have loved Bobby's arrival in this. I laugh't meself at the bandoliers!
I imagine the brainworms, in their control room behind his eyes, test driving some new AI-like contraption designed to project more and more surreal Wormfarm behavior. Worms be goin' "Ooh, yeah – THIS one is CHERCE!"
This scene is worthy of animation. More worthy than most of the ideas that get animated.
And now it can be done! Just go to your computer and say "Make it so" like you're Captain Picard!
Reminder that in a better world Picard would be selling Berninas now...
Ah, the conversation is moving on to the vintage sewing machines now, is it? If we're goin' Swiss, I'm an Elna man myself, got a lovely mid-50's compact model in cast aluminum painted olive-drab in a metal case, like it's for the Swiss Army.
Disney's Inside Out 4: Brainworm Boogaloo.
Very kind, thanks
Yes, what every American is crying out for, the opportunity to negotiate their own health insurance by spending even MORE time on the phone with multiple insurance companies. Genius!
And they wonder why Trump is dropping like a stone in the polls.
As an American, I think you have to agree that it is much MUCH better to have your fate determined by a faceless functionary at an insurance company whose continued employment depends on how little they can give you and how much they can take. I mean, the alternative is to have some faceless bureaucrat determine your fate based on your need, and we can't have that now, can we?
Hearted for the crazy talk.
Or just have a faceless bureaucrat determine your fate will involve the guarantee of free or affordable health insurance because you live in the wealthiest country in the history of the world. The horror!
Healthy, wealthy and wise.
Pick one.
The Freelancer's Trinity: Cheap, Fast, and Good. You can only have two.
Um... so the leopards went for the bureaucrats first?
Finally the leopards are helping us Get Things Done!
Sure. Nice fatty meat, t-t-t-tender.
When Rex Tillerson was named Tubby's first Secretary of State, someone wisecracked that drilling in Tillerson's jowls was America's Strategic Reserve.
I diagnose a serious case of economist-brain. See, normal people HATE this shit but economists just LOVE sittin' at the dining room table with a pack of brochures and spec sheets because they're LIVIN' THE MARKET.
As a guy who used to spend plenty of time on the phone with insurance companies, I have to say this is the greatest idea ever 🤪
My son worked for a UHC call center. It killed his soul. "I got tired of telling people, no you can't have insulin, can't have cancer treatment, etc.etc.". You need empathy free people to do that shit.
And America produces them by the millions!
Destroy your humanity to compete with the machine trying to take your job!
I used to work with an old man that called black people "boons". It took me forever to figure out what he was talking about. He was an asshole. It wasn't a blue collar job either - He ran a big purchasing department for a major catalog. He had a beautiful singing voice. He sang in the chorus of the local opera company.
This was hilarious. btw. Pretty sure you got Trump exactly like he is.
I hope they bury him at the golf course with the first wife.
"Boons" is very much an old outer-borough usage -- you don't hear it much anymore. I assume it has nostalgic as well as racist appeal for Tubby.
Only thing creative about the man is his stock of racial slurs.
Reminds me of 'redbone' tho I only ever heard it in the south back in the early 70's...
Come and get your slurs!
I know, right? I had no idea what the old boy was talking about when he first said it.
Oh, there is a parody song waiting to be born. That's excellent.
If you'd like to try my slurs, follow me and climb the sturs
Ol' Skoo'. Now we just take the fake-gold-painted escalator.
Oh what I would give for a genuine escalatrix!
(I have of course heard "redbone" from other Black people but in a different context.)
I know a Redbone: https://www.redbone.biz
This is why I bristle when people say that if you just educated people more, they’d stop being racist—as though only uneducated, lower class people are racist. As though there were no well-educated, cultured racists.
There's a math-teacher version of this that says, "Well, if people just understood math better..." OH NO THEY WON'T.
Right. Actually, if they only understood J. S. Bach better, they’d understand *math*! ;-)
My Bacchanalian intro was MJQ's album Blues On Bach. But the leap into the euphoric was my first listen to Bachianas Brasileiras by Villa Lobos. Didn't help all that much with math, but I COULD count on it for a good time.
I love that album, also their take on "Porgy & Bess."
Imagine my surprise when I discovered at 19 or 20, to my naive embarrassment, that "coons" did not refer to the masked animals that raid garbage cans.
My late grandmother held a misconception about the word "gook." She seemed to think it's a mild epithet best applied to Hispanics. It does sound funny! And in itself there's no clue that it refers to Asians, or some of them (I am hazy on this slur).
She misused "gook" a few times in private, and we quietly mocked her, but did not correct her. I recall a story about migrant farm workers shitting in the fields (the moral of the story being that you gotta wash your fruits and vegetables).
Finally she used it at a restaurant in earshot of the help. Now, I won't lie to you like I sometimes do. I do not remember whether the restaurant was Mexican or Chinese. It was one of the two. There were only so many restaurants in her town at the time.
Funny thing, back eighty or so years ago, it seemed to be a generic insult. I've run into it on multiple occasions where it had nothing to do with Asians.
I first came upon the word during the Vietnam War. Common usage among the troops.
I'm thinking either Korea or Nam is when the reference got specific.
Happily it has now been replaced with Mook. Please make a note of it.
Also acceptable: Jamoke or Jabloney
That's very helpful!... I may tell my family.
Well...
Not anymore
I only began to make that connection one summer when I picked cherries in Canada. We got paid by the basket, and when some guys weighted their baskets with rocks under a layer of cherries the boss said, "This boy cooned one."
Of course this reminds me of the verb GYP, meaning to swindle in the manner of the Roma, a.k.a. gypsies. It may still be in use. I know that it's been peppering down on me, sparsely but consistently, since my childhood. I have eradicated this word from my working vocabulary.
Oh you sweet naive child. In my youth the N-word was used generically, just a descriptor. The local theater had a 'Coloured Balcony', although the owner integrated the theater in the late 50's. I learned the missing four feet on the side of the building was the colored entrance, leading to aforesaid balcony.
I dread that I might someday learn that my great-grandmother’s phrase “in a coon’s age” might be racist. Especially since she encountered many raccoons, but never a Black person so far as I know.
Yup, that's the phrase I was alluding to. It hadn't occurred to me that it referred to people until I uttered it in the presence of a black person. (He was nice about it, and accepted my apology and protestations of naivete.)
--this afternoon.
perfect
As always, The Onion:
https://theonion.com/man-succumbs-to-7-year-battle-with-health-insurance-1819570129/
Brilliant. This captures the lunatic mob boss in Tubby's head. I bet in real life this is exactly how he comes off, only with a lot of boring non-sequiturs about his glorious ballroom and the beautiful goldness he has sprinkled with his goldfingers all over everything.
I second the LOL for the bandoliers of tincture bottles. At some point, I expect that Chef Roadkill is going to show up in full witch doctor regalia.
Back in my parks days, it was understood that if a ranger came on the radio to report a roadkill deer 'partially blocking the roadway' that was a deer soon to be on the barbie for all the staff to enjoy.
That beaked headpiece full of herbs keeps the viruses out!
And the worms?
And the worms IN
Including the Woke Mind Virus, I assume
We just surgically remove every last shred of human decency, and bingo, you're immune!
The description of Captain Measles is outstanding. Gandalf’s hat nearly incapacitated me.
Gandalf's body was found in the trunk of his car.
[voice like chainsaw cutting through asphalt shingles] “Tincture of fermented orc spleen will cure dysphasia and gout.”
“Here’s a devil’s claw for you!” Heee-larious! You must have been to Alaska! They were hawking that cream in Juneau, in addition to pointing out the plant in question, covered with thorns that will scratch you and inject you with poison ivy like toxins. But if you make a poultice from its roots it heals the damage it caused, and isn’t that thoughtful for a plant. We had a nip at the Devil’s Claw brewpub, but the branded merch was tf expensive.
Oh, come on. We all know he's just in it for the royalties.
"maybe shed their skin suits and feast on a baby"
Yeah, sounds about right.
Whore out your old lady! LOL
If she's young enough, he knows a guy
Sublime
OT, but this is my jam. Analysis of all gravitational waves detected so far determines that neutron stars are incredibly smooth. At the limit of current tech, anything higher than the width of a human hair is ruled out - the wobble would show. It may well be less than that, that's as far as we can tell. Be a helluva thing to see, but at 11 miles across getting close enough to see it would tear the hemoglobin out of your body. The big bads, magnetars (super magnetic field neutron stars), will erase your credit card info from a half a light year away.