55 Comments
⭠ Return to thread

I don't know what this says about me, but I think the most remarkable thing about this story is the fact that parents exist who decided it was a good idea to name their daughter "Trashelle."

Expand full comment

As the Romans used to say, “nomen omen”.

Expand full comment

They probably meant that to be a "c" instead of an "s".

When I saw Noem's daughter was named "Kassidy" I said " Of course."

I just Google Noem to get Kassidy's name spelled right and the number one Google choice is " Noem Lewandowski"

Ha!

Expand full comment

Remember Palin's kids? What were they, like, Thump, Bump, and Brytanee or some shit?

Expand full comment

I have remember being horrified that our politics featured the Palin clan in a staring role.

Now that seems quaint.

Expand full comment

Staring? I turned away in horror.

Expand full comment

I don't know if Trick or Berm was my favorite.

Expand full comment

Tagg, Willow, Twig, Blonk, Flerg, and Stump, I think.

Expand full comment

There was Bristol, named after where she was conceived -- in a Bristol airplane

Expand full comment

So they were named by Don Martin?

Expand full comment

Do their feet bend in the middle, too?

Expand full comment

You forgot the one named after tits. (Yes, I know.)

Expand full comment

You’d think they’d save that for twins

Expand full comment

Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, Progesterone, Nimrod and Trigger.

Expand full comment

They all could be dopey

Expand full comment

You forgot Methalina. Everyone forgets Methalina.

Expand full comment

All you can see is the decaying teeth

Expand full comment

Dumbo.

No, wait- Dumbo flew...

Expand full comment

Okay, who was the anti-Trick Or Treating mommy culture warrior who Tbogg used to constantly fuck with the names of her children? We were all so innocent then. I remember thinking the Freeway Blogger might just have something.

Expand full comment

Okay, once you mentioned it I had to find it. A little overheating of the brain came up with her last name and Google took if from there. It was Meghan Cox Gurdon, who wrote a column called "The Fever Swamp" at NRO. Her children were Molly, Phoebe, Violet, Flora, and Paris (the boy).

TBogg, who dubbed her Americas Worst Mom™, would rename her children things like Wasabi, Asphyxia Mae, and Vato, among a zillion others. Good times.

Expand full comment

Thanks for doing this. Good times indeed

Expand full comment

Thank you! That's her, yes. Wow, Megans seem to be a mess.

Expand full comment

I hope Paris marries a woman named Helen and they argue condoms, replicating the Trojan Wars

Expand full comment

And Noehm has to lean on a state official to get Kassidy a real estate appraiser's licence? What's the problem, Kassidy, was Real Estate Appraisers School too tough for ya?

Expand full comment

Just think how utterly worthless and lazy that faildaughter has to be. Then again, Kristi had to get SDSU to give her a degree that she somehow “earned” while a congresscritter because she couldn’t accomplish it on her own.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the horse.

Expand full comment

Thanks for "The apple doesn't fall far from the horse", can promise I'll be stealing that.

Expand full comment

Some schools will give you credit for practical experience

Expand full comment

Still not seeing how Noem qualifies. How many credits can you award for laziness and grifting?

Expand full comment

120 semester hours -- that is like 9 months of 24/7 lazy grifting

Expand full comment

Kassidy should have followed the example of that other useless political scion and set up her own board to certify her.

Expand full comment

Look! I can tell you the market value of any home! [types zillow.com into browser]

Expand full comment

I know a couple of realtors—and no, I will never capitalize the word—who detest Zillow with, as they say, the heat of a thousand suns. I don’t take it seriously myself, except as a rough gauge of price trends, but if the site is to be believed I could now unload The Crumbling Manse™, a 1908 craftsman, for a bit over a million bucks.

Expand full comment

And Noem’s husband Byron, like the famous peot.

Expand full comment

Oops, Bryon

Expand full comment

Literally LOL at "peot"

Expand full comment

Me too. It's the most improbable element, and yet it's the only one we know is true.

Expand full comment

Kind of like "Cinderella" - she was called that because she had to sleep in the ashes of the fireplace. Trashelle was probably in charge of taking the garbage out.

Expand full comment

And now the garbage wants to take <i>her</i> out.

Expand full comment

I have to assume it’s pronounced “truh-SHELL”, but still: can’t the parents see how it scans?

Expand full comment

They were Hooked on Phonics long before they were hooked on meth.

Expand full comment

I used to work with a girl named Lazanya whose parents did not anticipate that it sounded exactly like Lasagna, so maybe not every baby is named using the same intensive "how will this get made fun of" process that led me to engineer the perfect name for my potential child, Invincidor Tiberius gromet. (If a girl, then Invincidina.)

Expand full comment

Salve, fili Grometis!

Expand full comment

Vince? You should go with Wallace gromet

Expand full comment

Gonna guess we were all wondering that

Expand full comment

Her siblings are Sluttercup, Pricardo, and Douchellina.

(Whoever is writing the insane script we are all living in, please take it down a notch will you?)

Expand full comment

"DOUCHELLINA" I am dead lmao

Expand full comment

"That's Il Douchelina" mutters Mussolini's ghost.

Expand full comment

It just gets better! So this afternoon the latest news in the ongoing saga is Noem has cut ties with Cory, politically speaking. Her communications director was quick to note "Corey was always a volunteer, never paid a dime — campaign or official,"

Got it - he never not paid- with money. Anyway the Communications Director's name is , swear to God, Ian Fury.

Ian Fury. You know he's fucked up with a comic book name like that. Might as well have named him Thor.

Expand full comment

"Never got paid -"

On one hand, I hate not being able to edit. On the other hand, I can curse like a motherfucker here.

Expand full comment

Oh my god, Ian Fury and the Blockheads. Somebody tell Ian if he announces Corey wasn't being paid, then it definitely seems more likely they were fucking, lol.

Expand full comment

I do NOT want to see his rhythm stick, thankyouverymuch.

Expand full comment

Her staff of flunkies is always so plausible when they lie. Eventually being so lazy and sloppy that you don’t care who knows if you’re lying is going to catch up with—oh who am I kidding? I’ve seen what floats to the top in our politics.

Expand full comment

My step-brother-in-law is named Thor. Ian Fury ftw, though.

Expand full comment

Any odds that they had a 'G-d Don’t Make No Junk!' poster hanging in plain view all the while?

Expand full comment