Stand-down comedy

Come on, lady, I muscled the WHCA to fire you when YOU came in!

BOLT UPRIGHT: Good evening, I’m Bolt Upright and this is Received Opinion!

[Cannonade of aural bukkake. Shots of all U.S. government buildings in flames. Cut back to UPRIGHT: On the screen behind him, a limited-action cartoon of a podium with the White House Correspondents Association seal, behind which the heads of various comedians pop up, only to be shot off each time by DONALD TRUMP. Chryon: TRUMP SEZ “NO JOKE!”]

UPRIGHT: Every year the White House Correspondents hold a dinner in Washington, at which a well-known comedian does some topical humor. But this year is different in two ways: First, the WHCA, as we in the trade call it, picked Amber Ruffin, who I never heard of, and second, the Association disinvited her after they were attacked by the White House for inviting someone who had recently, hang onto your hats, made jokes about President Trump.

[Background image changes to an old Twitter image of Trump threatening Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg with a baseball bat, with Ruffin’s head in Bragg’s place, and the quote UPRIGHT reads appearing on a crawl:]

When Ruffin was announced, White House deputy chief of staff Taylor Budowich posted on X, “What kind of responsible, sensible journalist would attend something like this? More importantly, what kind of company would sponsor such as hate-filled and violence-inspiring event?” WHCA President Eugene Daniels canned the comedienne and said he did it to turn the event away from the, quote, "politics of division,” and to, quote, “honor journalistic excellence and a robust, independent media.” So, see, Eugene’s pretty handy with a quip himself.

[Background image changes to a collage of portraits of comedians from Will Rogers to Bill Burr.]

We were going to do a segment about the great American tradition of political humor, but the producers cut it after the history professor we got to do commentary was sent to a slave labor camp in Venezuela. So let’s just take it to our panel of experts at the Decision Desk.

[Shrieks of tortured howler monkeys as UPRIGHT strolls to the Decision Desk, at which are seated PEONI DOYENNE, wearing a bottle green Ferragamo knit dress with asymmetric panel and Louboutin marine blue suede pumps; CHAFE DRAMATURGY, wearing a beige Brunello Cucinelli gabardine suit with a worsted light brown leather belt, a ribbed white wife-beater and a thin gold chain, and sand-colored Dunhill Apsley padded-collar suede desert boots; and EZRA KLEIN, dressed like this guy.]

UPRIGHT: Alright. Joining us tonight is the well-known, I guess you could say liberal columnist —

[KLEIN winces apologetically.]

Ezra Klein. Ezra, your take.

KLEIN: So. Bolt, I just sort of think this is a basic failure? of the Democratic Party? To really reckon with where they’ve gone off the rails with wokeness and cancel culture. Because that is just not where the country is, at the moment.

UPRIGHT: Ezra, we’re talking about Amber Ruffin getting disinvited from the White House Correspondents’ dinner.

KLEIN: And I’m sure that’s very interesting? But frankly I wasn’t paying attention.

[A phone goes off in KLEIN’s pocket; he peeks at it.]

Gotta take this, it’s Ruben Gallego!

[KLEIN charges off.]

UPRIGHT: These young people with their devices. Peoni, I’m sure you have something to say about this.

DOYENNE: Well, let’s give President Trump the benefit of the doubt here. Perhaps he wasn’t objecting to the fact that this young woman made jokes about him — we all know what a kidder the President is! Maybe rather it’s because the young woman is black.

DRAMATRURGY: I’m sorry, what?

UPRIGHT: Peoni, I hope you’ll tease that out for us.

DOYENNE: Well, look, I mean every time you turn on the TV, and I mean I don’t watch very often, but when you do there are always black people — people of color, I guess I’m supposed to say — especially on the comedy shows. You know I saw one the other day, it was about an elementary school, and, never mind the language, most of the teachers and the administrators were black. I mean, come on! It’s a school! Next there’ll be a show about black veterinarians, I don’t know, maybe they’ve already done it.

UPRIGHT: Chafe, I see you raising your hand.

DRAMATURGY: Well, first, I want to be fair, there are a lot of good people in this country who elected this president and maybe when they turn on the TV, they want to see things that make them comfortable, that give them the sense that it’s still the America they grew up in.

UPRIGHT: White, you mean.

DRAMATURGY: And I think we have to meet them halfway. I mean, maybe, take Zendaya, she’s certainly very good, no question, but after two Dune movies maybe it’s time to let Florence Pugh be Timothée Chalamet’s boyfriend. Girlfriend, I mean.

DOYENNE: I don’t know who these people are, but it’s only fair. I’m sure this Zimbabwe or whatever her name is doesn’t want to be perceived at a DEI hire. That’s not fair to her, really.

DRAMATURGY: Really, it diminishes her very real achievement.

[Small pause.]

UPRIGHT: Chafe, when you started talking you said “Well, first” and I have to think there’s another side you wanted to bring up.

DRAMATURGY: Did I? Huh. I – I guess that none of this means we’re racist?

DOYENNE: Oh, absolutely.

DRAMATURGY: Also, Taylor Budowich said something about how Amber Ruffin was inspiring violence, and we really have to be careful about that with the country as divided as it is. Also I know it’s not a popular thing to say but African American men commit most of the violent crime in this country.

UPRIGHT: For one thing, Amber Ruffin is a woman.

DOYENNE: Well, our liberal friends say anyone can be a woman, so there you go.

DRAMATURGY: Touché.

UPRIGHT: OK. Well, there’s another watershed reached and flooded over. When we come back, we’ll have Alan Dershowitz and Jonathan Turley to talk about Trump running for a third term and, it says here, some unexpected loopholes in the 22^nd Amendment.

[Digital feedback; screen melts.]