The Commander and the Coach

Debate notes: America, take your pick

[SENDING IT EARLY, SUBSCRIBER, ON ACCOUNT O’ IT’S “NEWS.”]

WAR IN THE MIDEAST! Foxy grandpa has to pimp Israel. Nice for him to shift it over to how Trump’s own former staff want him “nowhere’s near the Oval Office.”

Vance wants “to introduce himself” with all the book-jacket bio stuff that he claims no one knows about him, when that’s all they know about him. Now he’s doing the “Iran’s unfrozen assets” bullshit. Pushes “fear” as a diplomatic tool. Very Trumpy!

Walz is hitting the Iran nuclear program issues. I guess the idea is that every mention of Trump is bad for Trump.

On the Hurricane, Vance gets to Appalachia in fifteen seconds. But climate change was mentioned, so he has to talk about “weird weather patterns.” Which he proposes to fight with -- manufacturing. No, really!  And he says Harris is driving manufacturing to China, which will be news to blue-collar workers from the last fifty years.

Walz got to the Trump beachfront property crack, and then races to Biden’s jobs record, and “my farmers,” which I guess is *his* bio shtick.

Is climate change a hoax? “Well, look…” Manufacturing! Y’all like that, right? Harris’ solar panels are made in China!  Also, he wants nuclear power.

“These are not liberals, there are not green new deal folks, these are farmers.” Now, onto infrastructure law and burying power lines – and threading in some Trump disses.

Vance is tearing in with the border, “suspending deportation” and other moral issues – and he’s trying to tie the bullshit about fentanyl to his junkie mom, and that’s the first thing that really made me mad tonight, and his claim that it’ll be good for jobs, too, is the second.

Walz jumps on fentanyl as its own issue, does a little bit on D.A. Harris prosecuting transnational gangs and Congress blocking the bill because Trump told them to vote against it: “What would he talk about if we actually did something?”

Vance smiles for the first time when Walz reminded him of what he said about Trump before he started kissing his ass. That’s a tell.

Vance is on fentanyl again. I mean about the issue, not on the stuff, though who knows.

Finally Walz gets on the Springfield thing. It’s a more-sorrow-than-anger thing, which ain’t me but whatever.

Vance says “border agents just want to be empowered to do their job,” which reminds me of what rightwingers always mean when they say “let cops do their job.”

As for Springfield, Vance is painting the issue as “housing that is unaffordable” because Harris “destroyed” Springfield. Walz says the border agents asked for the immigration bill, sticks with it. And he quotes “least of my brothers,” which in America today is a bold move.

Vance filibusters to beat up Haitians. They have to cut his mic. Man, fuck this guy.

Ugh, deficit shit. Housing policy, “fairness,” 12% more houses in Minneapolis, child tax cuts “save money in the long run.” Democratic bread and butter.

Vance says they’re lying to you because Harris had the ability to fix the economy as VP, and instead middle-class life is now “unaffordable.” Also the people who attack Trump’s plans “have Ph.Ds but they don’t have common sense.” Not like me, Little Boy Hillbilly Elegy! He also claims Trump’s Tax Cuts & Jobs Act was a “middle-class” cut.

Walz is ready: the COVID slump. And in re Ph.Ds, his “pro-tip” is to trust experts (the Mayo Clinic example) rather than Vance’s anti-government shtick. Vance says Trump is “bringing manufacturing back” and he has little kids and he doesn’t want them taking the expert Ph.Ds’ drugs.

Moderators are asking about the Tiananmen thing, and it’s not a good thing that Walz is talking about growing up in a Small Town. I see where he’s going, talking about internationalism, but he’s gonna have to answer it eventually – though he hasn’t shown so far that he knows that. (Update: He’s still talking around it.)

Well, sauce for the goose – now they’re asking Vance about his anti-Trump statements, which he says is because he “believed the dishonest fabrications of the media.” Well, ha. Now he’s blaming Congress.

Abortion, well, you know. Walz tells the horror stories, Project 2025. Vance says “a lot of Americans don’t agree with everything I’ve said… I grew up in a middle class” OH SHUT UP NO anyway he “wants to protect innocent life” and “earn the American people’s trust” well, this ain’t it. Also democracy is “messy” and states should have the right to ban abortion. Walz is trying to explain that it’s not how it works without giving an interstate travel lecture.

Vance is trying to get out from under with smooth talk. I think this is why I prefer a more aggressive approach than is taken by Walz, who’s now bragging on Minnesota’s low teen pregnancy rate and child health care etc. He’s leaving too much room to Vance to slither out and to browbeat Walz about late-term abortion. Sure, no one will believe Vance, but, being an Opus Dei robot, he’s confident in his taqiyya.

Vance is lawyering the gun control issue but when he brings up his “beautiful” kids I know (and I hope you do) that he’s trying to make it look like he gives a shit about anyone else’s kids. And here comes the “Mexican drug cartel” crap. Finally, increase school security! And trying to do gun control is impossible make-believe.

He invites Walz to sympathy and like a fool he’s going for it. Weirdest part is when he talks about his kid seeing a school shooting and Vance makes what I guess he thinks is a sympathetic noise. Walz asks if people want their schools “hardened like a fort,” but I get the sense that he’s given up on it.

Walz brought up Scandinavian welfare state stuff, which Vance twists to mental health, suggesting that’s the solution to gun problems – and then blames “illegal guns in big cities” which fuck you. Walz correctly says the real issue in Minnesota is not urban violence but “rural suicides.”

They ask about the pledge to build three million new homes and why that wouldn’t just drive prices up. Ha, YIMBYs! Walz walks it back to veterans’ home loans, which is a good model though I’m not sure he’s effectively tied it in with other programs. He does say “we can’t blame immigrants” for that, but he should have done that earlier.

They pitch it to Vance – “We do want to blame Kamala Karris for letting millions of illegal immigrants.” What a piece of shit. Also says the Vice-President has the power to change it, which lol. Also, drill baby drill, which is a tic. There’s a “lot of federal land that’s not being used for anything” and oh boy, if Walz doesn’t call that out as a big business giveway…” Instead he goes on an environmental tack – oh, wait, he does quickly mention that somebody’s gonna try and make a buck on it. Too quickly, though.

Asked about his claim that immigrants make housing more expensive, Vance goes on a “regulatory regime” kick, then goes back to kicking immigrants.

Affordable Care Act, preexisting conditions – time for bullshit! Vance talks about how his relatives got their A-1 private health insurance under President Trump. Also says he can’t talk about policy in detail because it would “bore everyone to tears.” Uh huh. He’s trying to claim Trump “salvaged Obamacare” when he could have “destroyed” it. Walz says he was there when the ACA was created and reminds us Trump did indeed try to repeal it several times. Also talks about Biden drug pricing reforms and, duh, pre-existing conditions. “We want to keep those, but –” Arrgh. Vance is now trying to say that because Trump didn’t manage to destroy it he deserves credit, basically.

Child care: Walz is trying to make it more global, about programs that work for all of us, but he has too many details to make a global pitch. Vance of course is trying to trim it as a “bipartisan issue.” He acts as if his corporate lawyer wife’s benefits package is a good example of a successful program – ha ha, OK, good, so give it to the rest of us! But no, he’s talking about giving you the “choice” to get child care through your “church.” Then they ask Walz whether he can get Congress to go for his expensive package, and he basically says it will if they see reason.  And so they wonk into the sunset.

Whoa – they’re asking about J6 and Vance says “I think we’re focused on the future.” Then he oils up and asks to “debate these issues peacefully” which, ha, yeah. Now he’s on “censorship,” how “Kamala Harris is engaged in censorship on a industrial scale” and I literally don’t know what he’s talking about.  

Sadly, Walz is trying to be nice about it. “Shake hands where you lose and do everything you can to help the other side” – well, that’s dereliction. Again, Vance says Trump “did peacefully surrender power,” which is the highest grade of bullshit, and this back-and-forth at the end is senseless, allowing Vance to yap about “censorship” when it’s a bogus issue. This is not something to hug out, it’s something to punch out.

Closing statements: Walz is giving a commercial for Harris: Big tent, “politics can be better than it is,” optimism. Trump’s approach is wrong. To my surprise he picked up on Vance’s statement that Trump makes people “afraid,” and says that’s not America. Vance pivots to energy and here comes Mee-Maw! Mee-Maw hadda turn on the stove some nights, and everyone should be able to turn on the heat at night and eat a nice meal, but you can’t do that because of Kamala Harris. (How many people watched this after dinner? How any of them were not shivering under a patched-up blanket?) He still claims Harris has the power to change these things as Vice President. I know there are a lot of stupid people out there but…

…well, who knows? I think Walz was a little sweaty, but Vance, every single time I looked up from my keyboard at him, was the same creepy grifting con artist I’ve been seeing since Harper Press and Ron Howard foisted him on us. To the extent that it matters at all, it depends on which of these figures Americans are more likely to see themselves in.