The Contender

Sleepy Joe Biden is finished!

©2017 Maxlovestoswim, used under a Creative Commons license.

The latest of the several dozen candidates challenging Joe Biden for the Democratic Presidential nomination, Lionel Atwill the Fourth, held a press conference today with several Republicans and conservatives, including Rep. James Comer, journalists Glenn Greenwald and Matt Taibbi, and rapist Andrew Tate, to denounce the Democratic Party for what Comer described as “its shameful Twitter Files type censorship attempt to silence and shadowban this fine American from telling to truth about the corrupt Joe Biden communist Chinese orgy sex pedo disgrace.”

Atwill was uncharacteristically low-key and seemed even at times to doze in his chair as his advocates trooped to the podium at the Ritz-Carlton in Los Angeles to demand he be not only invited to debate Biden before the 2024 Democratic National Convention, but given special advantages owing to what Tate called his “moral superiority.”

Greenwald called for the Democrats to hold at least twenty debates with Atwill — “which I bet he won’t because he’s so old and senile,” Greenwald added — and be given twice as much time to talk as Biden “to make up for the historic inequity because everyone knows who Joe Biden is, and that he’s old and senile, but nobody knows anything about Lionel Atwill the Fourth.”

That may have been true a few months ago, before Atwill’s entry in the Presidential race, but it is certainly much less true now.

Mainly known for most of his life as the dissolute playboy/great-grandson of the great character actor (Dr. X, Captain Blood), the 62-year-old Atwill reinvented himself as an animal rights activist in 2015 after an encounter with what he described as a “really smart monkey” at the White Oak Conservation Center in Florida.