The Day of the Locust

And drool over the ashes

BOLT UPRIGHT: Good evening, I’m Bolt Upright and this is Received Opinion!

[Hellblast of pseudomusic. On screen behind UPRIGHT, a limited-action cartoon of Joe Biden naked but for a diaper, tears springing from his eyes and drops of urine springing from the diaper. Title: COMMANDER IN BRIEF?]

UPRIGHT: Democrats are in disarray over what our lawyers advise we say appears to be the undeniable truth that President Joe Biden is senile. At least that’s the judgment of every go-to guest Received Opinion asked — James Carville, Steve Bannon, Andrew Yang, the list goes on and on. While both disarrayed Dems and the allegedly gaga Commander in Chief urinate in their pants, reasonable people are hot on the trail of the ideal white man to replace him.

[CUT TO silent montage of conference rooms and focus groups of unrelievedly white middle-aged and elderly people, nodding and talking as a moderator taps a whiteboard with an amateurish drawing of Joe Biden’s head and the word SENILE over it.]

Received Opinion had pollsters Mark Penn, Frank Luntz, and Nate Silver take a quick listening tour of a cross-section of representative Americans recruited at strip malls and vintage car shows. The consensus: Joe Must Go!