The Diary of Daniel Penny

Soon to be a major Regnery publishing scam

So I just started work at Andreessen Horowitz and I’m totally pumped. Andreessen is one of my heroes, I think in the race to a trillion he’s got as good a chance as Elon though of course you never count out Elon.

I’ve been staying at my Dad’s place so it was easy to get in to the Financial District in the Range Rover. The traffic was better than I expected. I thought it was the congestion pricing but my Dad says it’s because crime is so bad everybody’s moving out, like even from Harlem. I guess I’ll get a condo somewhere around the office. It’s pricey but my salary is good and I got some stuff on the line that should put me over the top. I was worried the realtors would be all woke but Dad says that’s not a problem.

When I got there everybody was chill. They took my picture and badged me. I’m on the American Dynamism team. The recruiter laid it all out for me. He’s a cool dude. It’s mostly aerospace but we’re getting into heavy shit like black sites and the rumor is we’re gonna be thick in the new Guantanamo operation. We do investment and what do I know about that but the recruiter says don’t worry, these deals write themselves.

A lot of ex-mil managing the Dyno team though I didn’t see them — most of them are WFH, out in McLean. Just some young guys in the office, chilling. Didn’t really have a lot of contact. This older guy Leon walked me around. Short-sleeve white shirt guy, like my old man. Middle management. All business, not a lot of small talk, though we talked about the Eagles and the Chiefs. I guess he didn’t want to be ass-kissy. Like, because I’m a celebrity. I respect that. They have some high fliers in there. I just want the same breaks as everyone else. No affirmative action for me, haha ha.

Mostly we did systems, you know, policies, sexual harassment, no DEI shit ha ha ha. Well, a little but not bad. And where’s the cafeteria, though no one eats there, and who’s who. Bathrooms are roomy and clean.

About eleven Leon springs on me I’m gonna have lunch with the big man! He’s got a sweet office on the top floor but we just had sandwiches and sodas, working lunch. Told me to call him Marc, which, haha OK. He’s really fucking smart, talking about western civilization and the fall of Rome and shit, in kind of this choked voice but not like RFK, you could understand everything he was saying. I didn’t say much at first but I know about the Romans, like the military shit, I’ve been obsessed with that since I was a kid, and Marc was juiced I knew that, he said it was rare that a young investor knew anything about history, so score for me, ha ha.

He walked me to his private elevator, and he held it for like ten minutes and said he wanted to hear about the incident. I told him it was just like what they said at the trial and on the news. That’s what the lawyers told me to say whoever asked and it’s good advice, my Dad says. Marc was OK with that but he was really really interested about what it felt like when the guy died. I didn’t want to blow it so I went through it like I did in court but with a little extra emotion. I think he knew what was going on because he said he’d take me out sometime for what he called “man time” and I guess he thinks I’ll get drunk and spill and I don’t know, maybe so, I mean he’s paying, right, and this is what he’s paying for. Ha ha listen to me I sound like a bitch.

I knocked around the office and fist-bumped some of the guys. There was one, Darrell only he pronounced it Da-RELL, seemed like a good dude but he wasn’t, well, not that he was unfriendly, just distant, but I’d heard him talking to some of the other dudes and he seemed real loose and cool with them but with me he was not like that and I was wondering why, so I hung with him for a long time to like get him to open up. We talked about the Eagles and the Chiefs and compared childhoods, like he grew up in some black place in California and his father was some kind of teacher but he didn’t get into it so much. I kinda felt like he was dodging me and I couldn’t put my finger on it, and then he said he had a three o’clock and took off but something they told me was that nobody at Andreessen does meetings after lunch so.

Yeah. I don’t know. It was weird. It’s just, some people are stand-offish like my Dad says. And they don’t know what effect that has on people. I don’t want beef with this guy. I’m all about compromise and collaboration, and I’ll go the whole route. But there’s only so far you can go with some people, I mean if they push you too far, well. That’s all I’m saying. Guess we’ll see.

Anyway, lights out, I’m gonna smoke up, lay back and ooze in the ‘cuzz. And we are definitely gonna edit this shit, haha.