Trump's Gameday
CNN reports that Trump will sit down for an interview with CBS’ Margaret Brennan on Friday that will air during the network’s pregame coverage of the Super Bowl...
Trump turned down NBC’s request last year for an interview, shunning what had recently become tradition for presidential interviews on Super Bowl Sunday. President George W. Bush started the practice, and Barack Obama sat down for a Super Bowl interview every year he was in office, according to CNN...
But with political losses mounting, a platform on CBS seems too appealing for the president to turn down this year. — Yahoo! Sports
[Scene 1: The Oval Office. Chief of Staff MICK MULVANEY, holding a folder of papers, is seated beside TRUMP at the desk.]
MULVANEY: OK, you know who’s playing, right?
TRUMP: Oh, sure.
[Pause.]
MULVANEY: The New England Patriots and... [Pause]
TRUMP: Well, the Patriots aren’t gonna get beat, that’s for sure. No one has ever beaten them in the Super Bowl. Did you know that? It was news to me.
MULVANEY: [Weakly] That’s not true.
TRUMP: So whoever they put up against them — Boston, New York, Hawaii, the, the other one, they have no chance, the Patriots are gonna win, and win big.
MULVANEY: Against the Los Angeles Rams.
TRUMP: Los Angeles Rams. No chance. What’s the spread on this game?
MULVANEY: New England by two and a half on fifty-six and a half.
TRUMP: Two and a half, no kidding.
MULVANEY: Against the Los Angeles Rams.
TRUMP: That sounds low to me. [Picks up phone] Let me see if I can’t get that jacked up.
MULVANEY: [Lays folder aside] Well, I tried.
[Scene 2: The Oval Office, Super Bowl Sunday. Trump sits on a loveseat across from MARGARET BRENNAN, who is interviewing him.]
BRENNAN: Mr. President, it’s a very big day in the world of sports. We know you’ve had some issues with the NFL in the past, but I understand you’re still a big fan of the game. Do you still get excited on Super Bowl Sunday?
TRUMP: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It’s the ultimate, the pinnacle of football. You know I played football for Wharton, which was a top school at the time, some people said we could have been champions, I don’t know.
BRENNAN: I know you have some friends in the Patriots organization. Are you rooting for them today?
TRUMP: I tell ya, Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, all great guys, all deserve to win today like always. And Margaret, they’ve been treated so unfairly in the media. All they ever talk about is how bad the Patriots are, how they’re a bunch of cheaters and how nobody likes them. It’s really disgusting. But those people are gonna get a little surprise because today I’m gonna be in the booth with your boys Jim and Tony, helping to call the game.
BRENNAN: Wow, that’s, that’s quite a scoop, Mr. President! I don’t think anybody's heard about this. When did you and Tony and Jim decide this?
TRUMP: Just now. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get down to Atlanta.
[Scene 3: Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta. Camera shows the Super Bowl in progress while TRUMP, JIM NANTZ, and TONY ROMO do commentary.]
ROMO: That was a heck of a play by Brandin Cooks who has been on fire this whole postseason but he still came up a little short and now with the Rams must —
TRUMP: If I may, fellas, we’re paying a lot of attention to the, the opposite team, the Cowboys —
NANTZ: The Rams, Mr. President.
TRUMP: Yes, as I believe I said. And no question they’ve had the ball for it looks like the whole game, or however long we’ve been here. But look at how those New England Patriots are fighting back. So impressive. When the guy, the guy in the middle who did that tackle —
NANTZ: The center, Mr. President, Dave Andrews, and he didn’t —
TRUMP: Dave Andrews, right, when he had that guy down, I thought he was taking a knee, you know? Because he’s black. The other guy, not Dave. Anyway, people have said that when they look like they’re down, these New Jersey Patriots, that’s when you have to worry, and that’s what they're also saying about our great border wall. Nancy Pelosi, and you have to respect her, how hard she worked, but —
ROMO: Mr. President, I hate to interrupt, but I have to explain what just happened, it’s incredible, punter Johnny Hekker has done it again, only instead of faking a punt and completing a forward pass he actually lateraled —
TRUMP: I don’t think the people want to hear about a punter, Tony. They want to hear that their country is being kept safe, and if you could turn down that crowd noise, I could tell you — wait, hang on, my phone is blowing up. Seven messages from Mick Mulvaney! Well, it can wait.
[CURTAIN.]
It could have been worse.
The game could be on Fox, and Joe Buck (and Troy Aikman) could be calling it, thereby making Vladimir Vladimirovich Trumpov only the *second* most despised person in the booth that day.
Ah yes, that famous Heisman Trophy winner, Donald J. Trump of the Wharton School of Real Estate. Those were the salad days, weren't they? I can only imagine that interview with Brennan will result in much hilarity.(The mind boggles.)