TURN ME ON, DUMB MAN.

As enjoyable as the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon is to make fun of, I haven't read it so I shouldn't really; besides, everyone's entitled to his or her kink (as long as it's consensual, which I guess lets out Andrew C. McCarthy). Still, anything can be taken too far -- Here's Joseph Heschmeyer at conservative Catholic magazine First Things:

Beyond surprise, the series’ success has generated a good deal of alarm, as the book glorifies a sado-masochistic relationship containing rape and sexual violence against women. The series’ popularity testifies to something quite at odds with the traditional Christian vision of love and sexuality. While these concerns are well-founded, there’s another dimension of the phenomenon to consider: What accounts for the series’ sudden popularity? If Fr. Smith, the titular character in the Bruce Marshall novel, is right that “the young man who rings the bell at the brothel is unconsciously looking for God,” what are fans of the Fifty Shades series seeking? 

One answer is that there’s a hunger that’s not being satisfied: Namely, for men who are unabashedly masculine, who aren’t afraid to take control, and to lead. That is, there’s a longing (even a lusting) for men who aren’t afraid of what’s classically been called “headship.” To this end, while Fifty Shades subverts Christian sexual morality, it subverts the modern crusade for “genderlessness” all the more.

I have to say, this is a reversal of the process I grew up with, whereby the Tridentine Mass, scratchy uniforms, and mean nuns with rulers awakened fantasies of dominance and submission, not the other way around.

(Give Heschmeyer retro credit, though: It's been a long time since I saw someone cite Free to Be... You and Me as anti-masculine propaganda.)