Turning the plague

Garglin' Bob sends in the A(nti-vaxx)-team

© 2008 Birte and Villy Fink Isaksen at da.wikipedia

[HHS Secretary ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR., in a blue suit with a pink shirt and gold tie, addresses a grim crowd at Masur Auditorium at the NIH Clinical Center in Bethesda, Md. The figures he will introduce are seated on folding chairs behind him.]

KENNEDY: Good afternoon. As you may have heard, we have removed every member of the CDC Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices. I‘ve heard some grumbling about this, and I hope I don’t hear it from any of you because that will be the end of your career at this institution, is that clear?

[Deathly silence.]

I’ll take that as a yes. The fact is, despite the former ACIP members’ so-called “expertise” and “credentials,” they were deeply conflicted by their involvement with the so-called “scientific community.” Their answer to everything was a new shot. Never a tincture or a gummy or reiki or any of the other time-tested methods of dealing with those interruptions of natural positive energy that we call disease. And do we not, after all, measure the success of this committee by the number of vaccines we are not forced to recommend?

Also I have reviewed these members’ previous recommendations for mRNA vaccines and found that they deliberately covered up the now proven inclusion of fetal tissue and nanobots in these vaccines. No mention of them anywhere! And not a word about the lab leak! So they had to go, and I expect Pam Bondi will be bringing charges against them presently, along with the so-called “Dr. Fauci” and Bill Nye the so-called “Science Guy.”

My new Committee members, on the other hand, will be dedicated to real science, which comes from the wisdom of the ancients and fearless exploration of natural positive energy sources. Our search is ongoing but I can introduce you today to our first three members.

First up is Ol’ Doc T.H. Sidewinder from Blister, Oklahoma. This doctor does not have a fancy degree from a prestigious so-called “medical school.” In fact he doesn’t have a degree of any kind. What he has is the blessings of the Great Spirit, which he found as a boy wandering the Ouachita Mountains. There he hearkened to the wind and learned ancient healing crafts, pulling plants and what he calls “critter innards” from the stony ground. Now his Sidewinder Remedies are the number one best-selling poultices on Amazon and, full disclosure, I am an investor. Please welcome Doc Sidewinder.

[DOC SIDEWINDER, groomed and dressed like an old Gabby Hayes Western sidekick character, moseys to the microphone to the faintest possible applause. SIDEWINDER cackles and does a little dance.]

SIDEWINDER: Hee hee hee! Ah knowed ye fancy-dan city folk with yer noses stuck up in th’ air warn’t gonna clap yer hands for ol’ Doc Sidewinder nohow! ‘Tain’t no never-mind —

[SIDEWINDER reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a jar full of powder.]

— Ol Doc’s gonna heal yer spirits with this in-halation potion! SHAZAM!

[With a swipe SIDEWINDER flings the powder into the audience, many members of which scream, cough, and flee. SIDEWINDER returns to his seat and KENNEDY retakes the mic.]

KENNEDY: You folks in the front rows, you’re gonna feel great tomorrow! Our next member has a birth name but it’s not important, and besides she hasn’t given it to us — she is only known, on the internet and at healing expos across the country, as The Exalted Spirit of Louise Hay. The original Ms. Hay was, until she transcended this physical plane in 2017, a great teacher of the essential truth that disease is a figment of the imagination that can be healed by affirmations. When Ms. Hay passed on, her Exalted Spirit entered the body of this young woman and she speaks through her now. Please be aware that the Exalted Spirit requires silence to receive Ms. Hay’s transmissions, so —

[KENNEDY touches a finger to his lips. Silence. A wraithlike hippie chick with braided blond hair and dressed like Jean Simmons as Ophelia wafts to the mic and speaks in a flutey, ethereal voice:]

EXALTED SPIRIT: I sense a great negativity among you. The source of this negativity cannot be healed by the puncturing of the flesh with the medicines of man, no! It must be healed by acknowledging your spiritual illness is caused by… pride. And the cause of your pride is your education, which you must renounce, and your foolish medical treatments and medicines, which you must also renounce, you must be as little children, forsake your stethoscopes and lab coats and diplomas, repent, repent, repent repent repent —

[The EXALTED SPIRIT’s eyes widen and she commences to shake and gibber; soon she falls to the floor in a conniption fit. Burly guards rush in and carry her off. KENNEDY retakes the mic.]

KENNEDY: I hope you all learned something there. Lastly we have Doctor Stefano di Baccala, very well known to the vaccine skeptic community, who ministered to the people of Southwestern Utah during the so-called “COVID” “pandemic” without the use of vaccines or any of the other false modern techniques that just make people sicker. Please welcome Doctor Baccala.

[A great stillness as a person dressed as a medieval PLAGUE DOCTOR — in a bird mask, wide-brim hat, gown, clogs, and leather gloves, and bearing a long staff — makes his way toward the mic; but the mask seems to obscure his vision, and he misses the mic; he swerves and his staff knocks the mic over, causing a feedback squeal; distracted, the PLAGUE DOCTOR totters off the stage into the audience with a crash. Pandemonium. KENNEDY peers down at his prone figure and yells — though, with his dysphonia, it goes unheard — “Is there a non-traditional healer in the house?” SIDEWINDER ambles to the edge of the stage and pours over the PLAGUE DOCTOR the contents of a rusty canteen.]