201 Comments
User's avatar
SundayStyle's avatar

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Trump needs guys who will do his work for him, and he needs guys he can kick whenever he feels like it. Jamelle Bouie calls Vance "pigman" because he is so suited to the role of whipping boy.

And if you needed more confirmation of this theory, our old friend Rod Dreher is a champion of Vance. He recognizes a fellow weak-sauce fascist who loves to lick the boots of the tough guys. Vance even gave an opening speech at a Dreher event last night, the launch of a documentary film version of his ironically titled book Live Not By Lies. Not only is every accusation a confession, apparently every book title is as well, lol.

Roy Edroso's avatar

I thought (could be wrong) the pigman crack came from this parodic Hillbilly Elegy excerpt -- but I could be wrong: https://x.com/alexL_E_I/status/1812912493167321514

SundayStyle's avatar

It very well may have originated there. I was referring to an Insta reel Bouie posted a few days ago.

Roy Edroso's avatar

Bouie is very strong on this!

Pere Ubu's avatar

Well, that's confusing, because Rush Limbaugh is "The Pigman".

SnarkiNorski's avatar

[touches earpiece] I’m being told Rush Limbaugh is still dead.

ssdd's avatar

Every Saruman has his Wormtongue. But he finally kicked Worm in the face one too many times and got a knife between the ribs for his troubles. So in these situations, one can always hope.

Also, stealing Flummoxed by Donuts as the name for my 70s Italian disco cover band.

Bern's avatar

I endorse "flummoxed-by-donuts" as the caption under every photo of JayDee from now on. Alt. versions acceptable: "Donut beflummoxed", Donut-challenged"...

Feel free to add as you see fit.

DrBDH's avatar

Torus bewildered

Bern's avatar

Imagine his flummoxation at an everything bagel...

SteveB's avatar

Just imagine the horrifying diversity of the Everything Bagel.

Claire März's avatar

Poppy seeds mixing with sesame? It's disgusting.

Claire März's avatar

Working on signs for Saturday's protest -- FLUMMOXED BY DONUTS is a real contender.

Manqueman's avatar

To be serious, I think Vance is some sort of back up for the Elon. I think he was picked to be Musk-y, so to speak, before there was any effort for or interest by Musk to become actively involved in the administration. Now, if something happens and Musk leaves his role, Vance might be something of a Vice Musk. Or maybe if Donny croaks*, Vance can be Musky and the Elon can retire from public service. (*His continued life is of course indisputable proof that the Deep State either doesn't exist or that they're cool with him, your choice.)

OTOH, as our beloved Fuhreress once wore, more or less: "I Don't Give a Fuck, Do U?".

As we know, I can go on with my ancient contempt for the Fuhrer but I have to go now...

Oh, wait; gotta go on: Tuesday's results -- the WI win, the closeness in DeSantistan and Booker's show of some moxie made me as happy as possible.

Bern's avatar

I'm worried about SteveB's heart this morning – think he can stand it?

SteveB's avatar

This... feeling... the not-sadness, the not-anger, is there a name for it?

Bern's avatar

Don't tell me YOU're befudddled TOO!?!?

Manqueman's avatar

You all did great resisting the Musk bucks.

We should have been so lucky here in NY-17...

(signed) Green With Envy

SteveB's avatar

I've said before, a state party can suck (lookin' at you, New York and Florida) for reasons that have nothing to do with the national party and nothing to do with where the state itself is politically. Hacks get in, hire their hack friends for all the choice jobs, refuse to listen, refuse to learn, force out anyone with even a hint of a new idea, then start systematically destroying even the old ideas, until there are no ideas left. Back in the bad old days, our state party was once convulsed by a debate about yard signs (yes, you read that right, YARD SIGNS). "Signs don't vote" was the hacky slogan the hacks adopted, and they refused to spend a penny of party money on yard signs, claiming it was an "inefficient allocation of resources" because you could by another 0.1% of those TV ads everybody hates with the money.

Anyway, we got out from under the hacks, you can too. I don't know how it was done, I've never followed the internals of the state Dem party (except for The Great Yard Sign Debate) but I know it can be done.

Manqueman's avatar

Actually, we’re headed redward here in NY.

But there’s a reason I try to be clear about which part of the party I’m referencing exactly because there’s the national grift and there are all the state and local parties.

SteveB's avatar

Redward in terms of public opinion, or in terms of elections won and lost? In terms of what the politicians say and do or in terms of what the voters want? I don't need to tell you these are not the same thing.

Bern's avatar

Also too: I think of the donut-challenged dude as the last one at the table to see who the mark is. This suggests the 3rd-term moment would be easy peasy for His Magasty when the time comes.

And imagine 'Donuts 1, JayDee 0' as taking the reins of the steep date disintegration from Lone Skum. I mean, BigBalls would sneer at JayDee, then take him down one bit at a time just for sport.

Roy Edroso's avatar

You give Big Balls too much credit. Any of these clowns would disintegrate on contact with real life.

Bern's avatar

Was thinking only of his digital acumen – he'd deploy that on the Donut Pawn just for kicks.

Claire März's avatar

Perhaps even on contact with natural light.

SteveB's avatar

Hey, one of them threatened a girl with a knife! Real tough guy, straight outta a Mickey Spillane novel that guy is.

redoubtagain's avatar

He's the accident-of-birth Lucky Sperm Club dickhead that constantly whines "Don't you know who I am" even though we all know he's a nobody.

And as always this goes back to Nixon, and his designation of Spiro Agnew as resident bully-boy.

SnarkiNorski's avatar

“JayDee” — This is the way.

Ellis Weiner's avatar

So I'm the only one who associates those initials with Juvenile Delinquent?

SteveB's avatar

Sophisticates like me call 'em Borstal Boys.

Bern's avatar

Oh. Like BB Netan'yahoo?

SnarkiNorski's avatar

I hear JD and think Boss Hogg. I am an unfortunate product of my upbringing.

Manqueman's avatar

Dude, you're being too confusing for me.

I don't see Mr J6 ceding power. If he wants to keep being POTUS past 2028, I refuse to believe any submissive shit will do anything to stop him. And by submissive, I mean approximately everyone with any power.

But if Donny wants to do it with a patina of legitimacy, I see him doing it with a cut out like Putin did. And if he does that, I refuse to see his puppet being some couch rapist unless it's Donny Jr. In any case, not Vance (if that's his real name).

Bern's avatar

You are correct.

Vance don't bring the cash like Musk. He also is less than likely to keep the digital decimators in line like Lone Skum. His only superpower is he tricked Thiel into tricking Trump into choosing him.

Sorry if my missive above suggested otherwise.

Manqueman's avatar

Has nothing to do with money. And his mentor, Thiel, can provide that.

It’s just that the couch raper can’t match the Elon at destruction and insanity.

rfc's avatar

Ever since (some 40-odd years ago) I elucidated to my husband the dreadful sexism of the lone blue female denoted as "Smurfette," he's teased me by appending that feminine diminishment onto otherwise ordinary nouns. So I'm pretty sure the word you're looking for is Fuhrerette.

Manqueman's avatar

Danke.

I'd be grateful but I'm sure I was clear enough I don't give a care about the Fuhrerette except as a target of mockery and all deserved disrespect.

BTW, as I've noted, my spouse was personally disrespected by Fake Tubby. Can your husband match that?

rfc's avatar

Paging Mr. Wagner....

Iamhbomb's avatar

I'd thought of Fuhrerina, then realized it was too much like the kitty chow.

SteveB's avatar

A teachers union I used to be a member of, the president taught German, at one point she made a decision which someone disgreed with strongly, they said, sarcastically, "Oh, is this how our decisions are made? By the Fuhrer?" And she replied, calmly, "That's FuhrerIN, thank you."

Iamhbomb's avatar

Ha! I always wished I could be that quick with the comeback.

Tehanu's avatar

The Brits came up with "Hitlerina" and "Attila the Hen" for Margaret Thatcher.

Iamhbomb's avatar

I had not heard "Attila the Hen", that's great!

Roy Edroso's avatar

Well, look at you, all buoyed.

SteveB's avatar

"closeness in DeSantistan" means the Democrats didn't win there? [straightens shoulders] They oughta come up to Wisconsin and see how it's done.

Bern's avatar

Well, it's easy in Wisconsin – no alligators chasin' prospective voters thru the swamp...

Iamhbomb's avatar

If I recall, one of those elections went from a +30 for the (R) to a +8, so that's a big move. It is Florida, a Democrat will always be fighting an uphill battle.

(Obligatory: https://youtu.be/X-4icaybfBI?si=dW3ew3-fGu3meYfx&t=135 )

Bern's avatar

Pretty funny how low the uphill battles in Florida actually are. I mean, the highest high point there is 345ft...

Iamhbomb's avatar

Not exactly a climber's paradise, is it?

SteveB's avatar

Unless you get lucky and a sinkhole opens up in your backyard.

Manqueman's avatar

Within reality-based reason, yeah, sure.

I have a lot of trouble remembering that it’s important to vote and stuff and that not being a Republican actually justifies a vote…

Pere Ubu's avatar

"(*His continued life is of course indisputable proof that the Deep State either doesn't exist or that they're cool with him, your choice.)"

Alex Jones has been predicting almost daily since the election that they're going to assassinate Schitzenführer ANY DAY NOW.

Manqueman's avatar

Yet more proof: Jones is alive.

Fluttbucker's avatar

Usha, once privacy has been attained on the flight back from Greenland:

"You son of a bitch, if you ever do this to me again..."

Bern's avatar

Trump might just leave the donut-beflummoxed dude's defenestration to her...

rfc's avatar

Nah, we don't yet understand why, but she's all in.

Roy Edroso's avatar

We understand why.

SnarkiNorski's avatar

*Assumes spiritual essence not in evidence.

Peter Goldstein's avatar

Roy already had my loyalty for life (or at least my monthly donation), but since he's used the word "fuckface," I will but love him better after death, if possible. From the very beginning of the Trump Era, I've believed that was the best word to describe them all, and if the Democrats had had the guts to use it on every occasion, we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.

Imagine if in the debate Kamala Harris had said, "Look, this man is a fuckface." And when everyone gasped and clutched their pearls, she could have said "Hey, if you don't want to be called a fuckface, don't do fuckface things," and then went on to list all of the fuckface things he does and fuckface things he is.

And when, as would be inevitable, MAGA people started to be vocally proud of being fuckfaces, switch to doubchebag.

Claire März's avatar

All the people who never would've voted for her anyway would have clutched their pearls and said "Such language! From a lady!"

Bern's avatar

You spelled...ah, never mind...

Peter Goldstein's avatar

It's only typos that have kept me from world domination.

Bern's avatar

Type O is a real limiter, yeah...

Bern's avatar

Not particularly harsh, and fair.

Rugosa's avatar

A bit of conventional wisdom I've seen in the Intertubes is that the Harris campaign started to lose its wheels when they stopped calling Repubs "weird" and made nice with Liz Cheney.

Peter Goldstein's avatar

It wasn't rocket surgery. Voters want a fighter.

Bern's avatar

This reminds me: Pres47 says the F-47 is named...er...numbered...after him. Does this mean that the F-15 is numbered after Jimmy Buchanan?*

HT my friend Ben, who enumerates well.

Claire März's avatar

The Buke!

Peter Goldstein's avatar

Only Prez from the great state of Pennsylvania, only bachelor Prez too. Also a nasty piece of work.

redoubtagain's avatar

Back then a "Doughface" denoted a Northerner with Southern sympathies. Buchanan was very much a "doughface".

SteveB's avatar

"Here ya go, Mr. Lincoln, got that Civil War all warmed up fer ya"

SteveB's avatar

Hi re-election campaign, "Re-Buke '56!"

Pere Ubu's avatar

As long as there aren't headlines reading "Buke Cocky".

Mark Lungo's avatar

An acquaintance of mine who claims to be a Democrat (I have my doubts) says the Dems should reach out to *Dick* Cheney -- after all, he stood up to MAGA! I tried to explain to him that all the momentum is with Bernie and AOC. (As for Booker, this same guy says "All he did was talk a long time. So what?")

SteveB's avatar

Oh, one of THOSE.

Claire März's avatar

For a war criminal, he's a real peach.

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

"Democrat (I have my doubts)."

aka, NPR listener.

SnarkiNorski's avatar

Blunt words and clear naming are so much better and more effective than the arch, ironically distant “The Former Guy” and TFG.

SteveB's avatar

We are Democrats, you will suffer from our obscurity.

SteveB's avatar

My absolute favorite case in point: This thing is BAD, a danger to democracy, even! A corrupt system that thwarts the true wishes of the voters! I know, let's continue to call it "Gerrymandering" rather than some more understandable phrase like "district-rigging", because it's SO important to preserve the memory of what a dick Elbridge Gerry was, also your average voter just LOVES puns built on two hundred year old political cartoons.

Whipstitch's avatar

"Authoritarianism" and "oligarchy" instead of "dictatorship."

Bern's avatar

Dictatorship sounds like Elon's new nautical venture.

SteveB's avatar

A.R. Moxon always works "billionaire" into it, "rule by billionaires", "the billionaire system", etc.

SnarkiNorski's avatar

“Obstructionism” and “obstructionist” make me angry. Politicians who use words like that either don’t know or don’t care about actually communicating with normal people.

SteveB's avatar

Anyone who says "This raises grave concerns" should be taken out and shot.

Bern's avatar

To be fair, if we did, it would be correct.

SnarkiNorski's avatar

Have you no shame? History will not be kind!

Pere Ubu's avatar

Precisely why I use "Schitzenführer".

Claire März's avatar

Tubby is closer to the Sweet Hereafter than he cares to admit. I don't think he could tolerate the idea of a strong, smart successor. Apres moi, le buffoon.

DrBDH's avatar

Eh, The Sweet Hereafter was a good movie. It doesn’t deserve to be associated with Trump.

Claire März's avatar

Great movie. I have a memory of going to a dinner party right after it came out and encountering the other attendees raving about a newly released movie that was just the best evah. I assumed they too had seen TSH, but no. They were talking about Titanic.

Bern's avatar

Hearted, but OOF.

Nance's avatar

I eagerly await the AI/Ben Garrison depictions of Tubby on a cloud, in a white robe and maybe holding a harp, looking upon his minions below.

SteveB's avatar

Will they acknowledge he's dead? They don't usually give in to reality like that, like losers, like betas, cucked by mere "facts" and "evidence" (like the growing smell of rotting flesh.) I'm betting full-on denial, Putin sends over the best Russian embalmers, an elaborate system of marionette wires is worked out. The easy part is faking his speech, he already sounds like one of those "pull my string" dolls.

Ellis Weiner's avatar

We had the same idea--denial that he's even dead--when we wrote The Split--now available as a handsome paperback book! The Confederation of Conservative States of America features an entire enclave dedicated to worship of Trump (and of golf), and none of its denizens is quite sure whether Trump is still alive. This, set roughly 20 years from now.

What? Where can you get the book? Why, here:

www.exasperatedmedia.com

Bern's avatar

Of all the people who ever lived, besides Jesus and Elvis, Trump is the one who most deserves to be depicted in paint on velvet.

R.Porrofatto's avatar

With AI, Trump could be a Max Headroom corporation forever. It would constantly revile leftist lunatics and make ridiculous demands like claiming all of Niagara Falls and calling it "America Rising".

Bern's avatar

I think he'd be happy if alla the air was renamed America.

Ellis Weiner's avatar

Or Jon McNaughton. Would it be childish to call him Toilet McNothingtown?

Pere Ubu's avatar

What IS "childish" these days?

Bern's avatar

Lone Skum's children's names

Pere Ubu's avatar

I look forward to the new Dumbass Reich when we'll all have Elmo-type names.

My new name will be F=G/ma

rfc's avatar

"Does he want Vance demoralized so that if push came to shove, Vance won’t have the nerve to refuse like Pence did on January 6, 2021?"

Yes.

Bern's avatar

Reminder that when Trump failed to follow thru on the Jeff Clark appointment/Justice takedown, Pence (and every other minion) saw it for what it was – wimping out. And the message was 'every man/woman for themselves'. Pence was simply taking the safest way out for himself, under the circs.

Not nerve: sinking-ship desertion.

Whether JayDee the Donut Fail could suss that is beyond my remit to parse.

Claire März's avatar

"Demoralized" suggests there was moral in there at some point. Clearly not.

SteveB's avatar

Wait, Trump's running for reelection?

DrBDH's avatar

JD Vance is a worthless sack of shit. That’s why Trump picked him.

That’s two more sentences about JD Vance than I ever want to say, now or ever.

Also, Elon’s too stupid to know you can’t buy Wisconsin voters with cash. You need cheese curds and Usinger brats.

Claire März's avatar

You forgot beer.

Roy Edroso's avatar

Grog has the benefit of approval by example of the Founders' election bribe of choice.

SteveB's avatar

Joe BrewPub demands an IPA for his vote.

SnarkiNorski's avatar

A bar in Madison perfected the lure: Free Bacon Tuesdays with your beer.

Bern's avatar

A million bucks, a beer and free bacon and pretty soon yer talkin' real bribes!

Bern's avatar

I like how you have delimited your total sentence count re JayDee the Donut-befudddled. From now on you can simply reference that post, sit back and let the rest of us nod respectfully.

Bern's avatar

...and I see now that he is befudddled in 3D. Seems reasonable.

SteveB's avatar

Don't think I've ever seen a typo as well-played as that. Who needs an edit button?

Bern's avatar

Nah. As I have previously mentioned, it's a defense mechanism, messing with AI's mind.

SteveB's avatar

Let's be fair, Elon deserves some credit for pushing Crawford over the line with that performance in Green Bay on Sunday night. Dianne Hendricks and Dick Uhlein have given more to Wisconsin Republicans that Elon ever will, and hardly anyone (present company excepted) knows their names, and that's just how they like it. And yeah, the Democrats got their Pritzger and Soros, but only Elon stands up on a stage and proclaims "LOOK AT ME I'M REALLY REALLY RICH DO WHAT I TELL YOU." Which, to my utter incredulity, does not appear to be helpful.

SteveB's avatar

The day before the election, I saw a clip of Brad Schimel saying he didn't like how "they" do these campaigns these days, with all the money, he's just an old-fashioned guy, just likes talkin' to the reg'lar folks and hearing their concerns. Who "they" are was not specified, but I took it as a hopeful sign, a sign of panic even, from a campaign in damage-control mode.

Whipstitch's avatar

Make him spend it all!

SteveB's avatar

Obviously, the cartoonishly-large checks were not large enough. You can't say he won't learn from this defeat.

Claire März's avatar

You mean his repulsive essence is not an asset?

SteveB's avatar

IKR?

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

The old school secretive billionaires will be there. But it's always good to see new movement on the road to de-Kochification.

SteveB's avatar

There's lots of horrible things about money in politics that are just everywhere, and done by everybody (bothsides!) and it's discouraging, feels like we have no chance of stopping that stuff.

But then there's this ONE horrible thing done by this ONE guy, and I feel more hopeful after his face-plant that nobody else will be trying the same shit, sticking to other, more traditional forms of corruption.

Can we hope that even Elmo himself might have learned something? Come on, that's takin' it too far.

Worriedman's avatar

"an aw-shucks-Satan-what-the-hey sort of way"

Damn Roy, it's like you found my letters and read each one out loud.

Me and JD were neighbors. I had an office in Middletown at one point. It's a shit hole,

but not the hopeless, virulent suckhole of poverty it took courage and perseverance to overcome that Jim Dog made it out to be.

My daughter lives in gated community 10 minutes from there.

I'm sorry JD's mom was a Pillbilly. He could have built a life of public service around dealing with that. Going after big pharma and the Sacklers. Genuinely improving people's lives. He could have been a real source of hope and inspiration

for the Appalachian community.

Instead, he's just another shit bird Trumper.

Claire März's avatar

I always thought GWBush missed an opportunity in not copping to alcoholism, and using it as a platform to help others. Silly me, Republicans only help themselves.

Bern's avatar

Helping themselves to the Treasury, you mean?

Claire März's avatar

The Treasury, the Judiciary, our natural resources, your young daughters and sons...

Bern's avatar

Thankfully, I am unaffected, spawn-wise.

SnarkiNorski's avatar

[music swells]

🎶 Spawn-Free, as free as the wind blows 🎵

Bern's avatar

Gotta say, this lyric blows too...I stand in abject – Ah Say ABJECT! – dismay that I was the inspiration fer it!

Bern's avatar

1.5 marks for pillbilly. 0.5 off cause you made me feel dirty for hearting it.

Chicago Jeff's avatar

Tubby never wants to be upstaged or have the camera in any other direction than his. Vance is terrible on camera. I think it's as simple as that. I'm surprised Musk has lasted as long as he has, but I guess being the biggest walking ATM in the world has its perks.

Claire März's avatar

Same thought on Musk, but guessing that Tubby's handlers make sure he sees all the Internet take-downs of Elmo, so he can still feel superior to his "friend."

Mommadillo's avatar

Vance is living proof you can take the hillbilly out of the sister-fucking, but you can’t take the sister-fucking out of the hillbilly.

Claire März's avatar

Hillbillies deserve better representation.

Nance's avatar

Just chiming in to say that Vance looked particular dorky in that parka they gave him to wear in Greenland. Usha knew how to rock hers -- leave it open, like a wealthy mom on a January Starbucks run, i.e., like herself -- but JD zipped his all the way up, and ended up looking like a boy whose mother bought him a size-too-large winter coat, because he'll grow into it and be able to wear it next year, too.

Bern's avatar

Imagine having to stuff that kid into a snowsuit every winter day and NOT telling him "Don't come back!"

Pere Ubu's avatar

"willing to sell his soul in an aw-shucks-Satan-what-the-hey sort of way"

GET THEE BEHIND ME - oh, HOW much? Hmmm.

Pere Ubu's avatar

Way back when I was a lil' sprog, there was this show on TV called "Marshall Efron's Painless Sunday School", awesome show, gotta see if it's on YouTube or something, but ANYWAY it was Biblical stories adapted to kid understanding, like for the tale of Jonah he had a big tub of water and a wind-up whale. One of the episodes was Satan's temptation of Jesus, and in this version Old Scratch was offering McDonald's. What I'm saying is that we seem to be at a point where the "godly" WOULD actually sell their souls to Hell for a lifetime access to Big Macs.

Roy Edroso's avatar

Marshall Efron was cool, but I never heard of this one, thanks!

SteveB's avatar

Yeah, fuck that guy. And this sums up how I'm feelin' this mornin'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFVxX3RtyhQ

Whipstitch's avatar

"Leavitt further claimed to have seen evidence that Abrego-Garcia had been convicted of “human trafficking,”

What do they need with "evidence??" A conviction would be a matter of public record.

Pere Ubu's avatar

According to what I've seen, "evidence" is tattoos and/or high-end sportsball branded clothing.

This is all some "I witnessed Goody Morrow consorting with a dark man at the crossroads last Sabbath" bullshit. And the media largely seems to be all "consorted with a dark man, huh, sounds plausible I guess".

redoubtagain's avatar

Consorting with a Black man (as the Devil). We used to be a proper (lynching) country. (/sarcasm)

Ellis Weiner's avatar

It's funny because it's hilarious! And true. But Roy, prepare to hear from Jeff Tiedrich's attorneys. Months ago Jeff dubbed Trump "King Fuckface the First." Like minds!

Bern's avatar

It's that "the First" that sends a shiver...

Roy Edroso's avatar

No no, Vance is a fuckface, Trump is a scumbag: https://edroso.substack.com/p/goodbye-president-scumbag

"What they were voting for was a scumbag. They didn’t want to just beat the opposition, they wanted to nullify it entirely by making the leading representative of the nation a selfish, bigoted, ignorant piece of shit."

SteveB's avatar

Just to make sure I've got the hierarchy correct: Scumbag is what every Fuckface aspires to be?

SnarkiNorski's avatar

I need to consult Burke’s Peerage for American Shitbirds.