Why I, As a Libertarian, Think You’re Silly To Worry About Your So-Called Abortion Rights

As Milton Friedman said, I got mine, don't worry about yours

Once again liberals are being very unserious and hysterical, claiming something as innocuous as a Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade would have a meaningful effect on the lives of anyone who matters. It falls to me to sigh dramatically and explain why they are being silly-billies.

First of all, let me remind you what the real issue here is: That some Antifa/BLM/DSA activist leaked Alito’s decision. It is astonishing to me that liberals are making a big thing out of the decision itself, which only affects some so-called right I don’t even care about, while ignoring this crime against our hallowed norms and decorum. This is how you get Trump!

Also, I remind you that this is only a draft opinion. The silly thing you’re so worried about hasn’t even happened yet, though of course it will and hooray!  I would be well within my rights to just refuse to talk about it. However, you have forced my hand.

Everybody knows that Roe and Casey were terrible bad law because abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution or even the Federalist Papers, unlike parochial schools and automatic weapons and shadow banning. Do you think Thomas Jefferson would have wanted abortion? No, of course he wouldn’t! He may have been a communist but he knew about personal responsibility, as we can tell from the fact that he never got the slave he was having sex with pregnant.

But what really proves that Roe and Casey are bad law is the mess that they have made of our consensus, which is almost as precious as our norms and decorums. Look at this chart, which shows that if you split the pro-abortion side in two, the country is badly divided! That’s what your precious abortion did to this country that once stood united in favor of tax cuts and restrictive covenants! Abortion may be your idea of America, but I remember it differently and what I remember is I’m sure what the overwhelming majority of Americans want.

But the worst part is, you liberals go around saying oh, next they’ll come after gay marriage, they’ll come after contraception, they’ll come after interracial marriage. Maybe it’s because you just like to stir up trouble and spoil our consensus, and make everyone divided and suspicious. But in case you actually believe it, eyeroll, let me remind you about that one-liner Alito stuck in his decision about how this only has to do with abortion. So what if he mentioned all those other cases and suggested they were bad law too? Overturning Roe is a very big deal for him and the other conservatives! Now that they’ve managed that, why would they get greedy and overturn any other so-called rights that they hate?

You liberals don’t know anything about conservatives, but as a libertarian I am very up on them — in fact many people confuse us with conservatives, for reasons I can never understand — and the main thing they believe in is conserving things — it’s in the name, for crying out loud! Which is why, for example, they went to such trouble to try and keep Joe Biden out of office, even after the election — because they wanted to conserve what they had! Now, why would people like that make a big fuss trying to get rid of popular laws? Besides this one, I mean.

And anyway, people you and I know in big cities would still have their stupid abortions. Only people in states you and I never go to unless I have to suck up for my job or something won’t be able to get abortions, and I bet they don’t really want them anyway. That’s why I can’t understand why you’re pretending to be upset — this is only affecting other people, not someone I would actually sit here savoring craft cocktails and having a rational discussion with!

Remember: Just because abortion is no longer a Constitutional right doesn’t mean conservatives will try and take it away from you, and if you think they will, well, I may have to reconsider my decision to even bother to explain things to you next time something like this happens. Which, I remind you, it will not.