A Call to Arms

The Washington Artistic Nourishment, Knowledge, and Entertainment Restoration Society needs your help

Photo via Thomas Fisher Rare Book Library, used under a Creative Commons license

Citizens:

For years patriots such as ourselves (and you, if this mailing list is worth what we paid for it) have had to endure endless assaults to our culture by anti-white liberals. Decades of artistic assaults culminated in the long tyranny of the Kenyan “President,” who attempted to corrupt our youth by promoting gangster rappers such as Jay-Z — who, as our comrade David Victor Hanson has written, “appeals to the same kind of rage that Hitler and Mussolini exploited during the interwar years.”*

We had hoped the ascension of the Blessed Trump would cleanse our culture of these dark influences, but the reverse-racism rear guard of the radical Biden comintern continues to pollute the artistic feeder streams of our Republic with their pro-gay, pro-trans, anti-racist and otherwise unAmerican “art.”

To combat these contaminations we have written essays and tweets explaining to citizens that what they now take for entertainment is unworthy of their time and attention, and directing them to wholesome content such as the songs of Buddy Brown and the immersive theatrical experience that is abortion clinic protesting. Alas, the young especially are so brainwashed that they not only reject our outreach but also mock it with crude drawings of acephaloids.

Some of our comrades at The Dispatch have even devised strategies to meet these debauched young people half-way with articles like “Why Conservatives Should Care About Hip-Hop” (“While much of rap is indeed vulgar — and that’s a major roadblock— I hope I have shown there is ample room in hip-hop for conservatism... as Socrates says in Book IV of The Republic, ‘Our guardians must lay the foundations of their fortress in music’”*). But these have as yet borne no fruit in terms of popular music, or even unpopular music, and indeed have not drawn even derisive attention.

We have nonetheless kept up our work, knowing that eventually God and gerrymandered districts will deliver unto us the means to remove the poisonous culture Americans currently think they like and replace it with our own, whether they like it or not, and the knowledge of this destiny has given us patience.

But current events force our hand. A glass flute belonging to the Founder James Madison was recently remanded by the Biden mob to a black female entertainer called “Lizzo” — an ungainly creature even beyond her negritude, yet apparently very popular with the young — who performed on the sacred instrument before crowds while engaged in the sexually provocative practice known as “twerking.”

So great an insult to the memory of our Founders — whose ingenuities such as the Electoral College, the Three-Fifths Compromise, and the Second Amendment as interpreted since 2008 remain unparalleled and inalterable — cannot be countenanced, even this close to the midterms, and so we the undersigned — including, if we do say so ourselves, the brightest stars in the conservative intellectual firmament — have formed the Washington Artistic Nourishment, Knowledge, and Entertainment Restoration Society. You may think of us as shock troops summoned by the Almighty to quickly and forcefully intervene when the offenses of liberal artists go too far.

To this end our members have taken to the internet, countering the subversive force of this blasphemy by talking about how fat Lizzo is, by explaining how this black woman playing the Founder’s flute is about “racial retribution” and “humiliating white people”* — and be assured, we will explain this for those who now affect confusion at our claims in a series of Prager U videos that are sure to, as it is put in the argot of the young, blow their minds — and by talking about how fat Lizzo is.

We trust this series of what we have on good authority are called “truth bombs” will convince Americans, even those who do not watch Fox News until they fall asleep without removing their dentures, that what they think is fun and enjoyable is actually disgusting — for how can such an appeal fail? Only if those within the sound of our voice have completely forgotten their history, their values, and the color of their skin — and we will do all in our power to see that they don’t.

* Yeah, this is a joke but I swear these are real quotes.