82 Comments
Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

LOL. As I said on twitter, it’s extremely predictable and darkly hilarious that the same people who tacitly supported the J6 ransacking of the 220 year old Capitol Building are now deeply censorious about a Black woman handling an antique flute with insufficient decorum.

As has been pointed out, the funniest thing is that beyond a shadow of a doubt 0% of those bleating conservative motherfuckers even knew the flute existed three days ago, but it has now become *THE* symbol of Oh Beautiful For Spacious Skies.

Lizzo has joined the noble ranks of “Women Who Piss Off Conservatives By Being Black, Talented, and Visible.” Stay angry and die mad, clowns.

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

"As has been pointed out, the funniest thing is that beyond a shadow of a doubt 0% of those bleating conservative motherfuckers even knew the flute existed three days ago, but it has now become *THE* symbol of Oh Beautiful For Spacious Skies"

Yup. But the grifters are already sniffing a buck for the grasping. Ladies and Gents and All the Rest 'a Yinz, I present you:

The Spacious Skies Crystal Side Dish®! Now, now, don't all crowd around at once – give this baby some room to breathe! Why, the facets alone would bring tears to a hardened election-denier's eyes! And for those of you hangin' back, I'll throw in a set of Crystal Clear® Shot Glasses, that double as rangefinders for your thousand-yard Savage 10 BA Stealth home defender!

Operators are squatting by!

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Awaiting the inevitable "Donald J. Trump Commemorative 24-Karat Gold (plated) Flute" ads any day now.

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"would bring tears to a hardened election-denier's eyes!" LMAO, first rate.

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Re your last line: No problem!

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Angry right up to an including the moment the ventilator tube went down their throat.

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Speaking of as-yet-undiscovered Symbols of National Greatness, just wait until you see the firestorm when Jon Batiste plays Jefferson's harpsichord.

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He's not female, so we can't talk about his weight, but have you seen the way that guy dresses???

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The level of male animosity directed at women who proudly display their sexuality, but whose bodies do not conform to strict (white) societal standards of female attractiveness, is truly staggering. Guys, not every woman on the planet is obligated to provoke a party in your pants. And looking away is always an option.

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Woulda been way cooler if Judy Henske was still around. But Jefferson's instrument would be sorely tested...

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Nicely done !

You know, when I see clips from a Trump rally one of the things I've noticed is just how much white people love to be humiliated.

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It's true, Jordan Klepper never lacks for subjects eager to be interviewed.

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You'd think it were a kinK or something....

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Sep 30, 2022·edited Sep 30, 2022

"Catch me in the hilarious contradictions of my own confused thinking! Mock me HARD."

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Steady there, bo. We gotta ease you inta this.

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Twerk the olds, check.

Soothe the savage breast, un-check.

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Sep 30, 2022·edited Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Highly amused, but of course WANKER should be a real organization. Or at least grift.

As for the footnote, I, for one at least, have learned my lesson and I pursued it was legit because of the high level of writing Roy delivers. I mean, of course it would be legit.

Anyway, call me when WANKER merch is available.

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Thanks, I didn't catch the acronym at first. Layers upon layers of funny here!

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I picked up on the acronym right away, bleah!:p

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

I've seen videos of Lizzo, and while it's not my kind of music, she's a talented performer who projects love of her art. For the many, manyith time all I can do is say "What the hell is wrong with these people?"

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So, wait -- you're saying you checked something out, and it wasn't your "thing," so you, just, like, moved on? Without outrage and ascribing political motivations that exist only in your head? What do you do with the other 23.75 hours of your day???

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Oh so many squirrels...

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Well, lessee so far - I took advantage of a beautiful New England fall day to take the ferry to one of Boston's Harbor Islands, saw the USS Constitution out for a turn around the harbor, walked around the trails, took some pictures, saw some birds and flora, got a lobster for dinner on the way home, bitched about the bus service but got home OK anyway, and now I'm relaxing with a beer before I cook the crustacean. You know, life in the liberal coastal enclave ain't so bad! Maybe that's why the rightwingers are always so constipated - life just isn't so nice in their neighborhood.

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'bitched about the bus service...'

well I hope you at least shot up the terminal! standards, etc!

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That Dispatch article is _precious_ I read it like I would watch a dog trying to open its own can of food. Awwww.... I said.

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

I'm trying to imagine what a GM "Awwww" sounds like, and nope, can't.

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My slow, stready takeover of your brain is nearing completion! :P

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In the immortal words of Ginger Rogers: "Alberto! Make him stop!"

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"For the woman, the kiss. For the man, THE SWORD."

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TV Tropes (what the...?) says:

"Alberto Beddini's motto was originally, "For the men the sword, for the women the whip." The script was changed to "For the women the kiss, for the men the sword" after the censors objected"

Yoicks!

Should add here that on those not-so-rare occasions out on the road when I feel the need to school some upstart punk cyclist on proper fetchin's up (mindin' me own bidness, I was, officer), and then regale my buds with the stories, I always finish those off with

"For ze woman ze kiss, for ze man ze sword!" which leads invariably to all of them simply wishing they could be me, but no...

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author

I had seriously thought they'd stopped writing things like that. Guess dick-in-zipper-awkward pop- culture takes have attained the status of a conservative legacy.

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Sep 30, 2022·edited Sep 30, 2022

But... but... don't you see, referencing rap and Socrates in the same sentence shows both intellectual depth and breadth, familiarity with both the highs and lows of culture (the lows, of course, being anything produced by THOSE PEOPLE). I'll bet the author had himself a nice wank after that sentence was done, as a reward for a job well done.

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They will hereafter only be known as "The Author (with his dick stuck in his zipper)".

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Until he can develop an unpronounceable glyph to replace that.

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Tarlson, with his hands wanking!

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I recently saw a Tiktok video looking at pro-Q music touted on Truth Social.

Can.

Not.

Un.

See.

Or.

Hear.

Who knew that there were earworms for folx with brain worms. Helluva world there.

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Some of us remember the classic "50 Most Conservative Rock Songs" that included Sting's "Englishman in New York." The song was chosen for its supposed bolstering of conservative values, and nobody involved with putting the list together realized the song was actually about Quentin Crisp.

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What do you mean? "Quentin Crisp" is one of the manliest names we used to have

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A good, woody sort of name!

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"The name's Crisp. Quentin Crisp." [spits]

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Years ago, some dreamer at NRO was always asking for suggestions for lists of conservative art. For his compilation of modern conservative novels I suggested an unblinking depiction of the immorality of the dismal underclass, the corrupt brutality of unions, the criminal consequences of soft-on-crime liberal policies and the welfare state -- a book that made it clear that gated communities and "homophobia" don't arise in a vacuum: "Last Exit to Brooklyn".

No one batted an eye. Good times.

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Sep 30, 2022·edited Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

I heard a short clip in a news report about Trump speaking over QAnon music at one of his rallies, I couldn't make it out well, but it just sounded like what I hear when I'm on hold. But I guess being in QAnon is kind of like being permanently on hold. The storm is coming, your call is important to us!

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Conservatives versus pop culture. So much try, so hard fail! Always amusing that they absolutely cannot understand how any of this works, and thus believe that "the Left" is constantly pushing subliminal messages through all channels of culture--art, music, writing, film, theater. They think it's an orchestrated effort with purely political motives.

And why wouldn't they think such a thing when the only "art" they know is explicitly political? They KNOW they if they ever made any kind in inroad into pop culture, they would absolutely make sure that whatever it was came slathered, smothered, buried under overt political messages. No music but songs that praise Trump and extol tax cuts for the wealthy! No sitcoms but shows that praise Trump and show the libs getting owned every time. No paintings but glorious portraits of Trump and scenes from Atlas Shrugged.

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Gary Cooper's courtroom speech from The Fountainhead, played over and over and over...

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

😱

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Noooooooooo

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🐗

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Periodic reminder that Atlas Shrugged was, among other things, a paean to passenger rail, written just as America's passenger rail system was about to shrink radically in size, and in some areas, disappear forever.

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They were just using the wrong kind of steel alloy for the rails!

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Is there ANYTHING the conservative media has churned out that doesn't suck like a very sucking thing?

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Uhmm...

Wait, you mean for real?

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It’s funny cause it’s true. Thanks for the mordant laugh to end the week.

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Sep 30, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

And Roy performs at this level FIVE DAYS A WEEK. He's a National Resource, like Hoover Dam or something.

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Don't tell him the dam is way below capacity...

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Roy's source is an entire Lake Mead of stupidity. No worries it will ever run dry.

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Well I was secretly holding out hope for evaporation...

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America, you're giving me a headache. Can ANYTHING happen there that isn't somehow offensive or scandalous to someone? Roy (jokingly) mentioned Socrates, but really, you guys are fighting an old threat: sophistry (which, in classical Greece, meant making the weaker argument appear stronger, by whatever means necessary). Sophistry. A sophist. We need to bring these terms back

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I dig Sophisticated Lady, if that helps.

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I think the Author of that Dispatch piece would approve of this fershure:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRmHjWBG/

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Sep 30, 2022·edited Sep 30, 2022

I once came into possession of an audiotape recorded by a white female math teacher attempting to use rap to teach basic arithmetic facts (like, for example, the times table.) But I never worked up the nerve to actually put the thing in a cassette player and press "play" due to my fear that I might cringe so hard that my face would freeze that way.

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Well fair enough, but since we've not yet seen your face we can't judge whether you made the right decision.

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"until they fall asleep without removing their dentures" Hey, I do that sometimes, and I haven't choked yet (I sleep on my side, and the upper does fall out at times)!

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"until they fall asleep without removing their dentures" Hey, I do that sometimes!

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Die Zauberflöte indeed. Maybe a little *too* magic, the way conservatives are working themselves into a lather about blowing James Madison’s flute.

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Oh, you...

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“Unlike Conservatives, Liberals do not understand the importance of pop culture in molding right-thinking young Americans. In this series of tweets I will argue that… 1/247”

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