A New Attitude
Top of the world
[The throne room at Mar-a-Lago as seen in previous episodes. Nobody there except some men is suits, possibly Secret Service, on the periphery. A golf cart pulls up, stops; KYLE RITTENHOUSE, dressed to party in t-shirt, backwards bill cap, shorts and boat shoes, hops out. He’s wearing ear buds and bopping to music we can’t hear. The driver, TRUMP’s stooge JULIO, disembarks from the driver’s side and walks off to the side. After a while TRUMP, dressed in a light grey suit with alligator shoes and no tie, walks in. RITTENHOUSE, at first oblivious, notices and takes out his earbuds.]
RITTENHOUSE: Hello, Mr. President.
TRUMP: [Gestures at RITTENHOUSE’S outfit] What’s this?
RITTENHOUSE: My clothes?
TRUMP: You come to me dressed like a slob?
RITTENHOUSE: You told me it was relaxed.
TRUMP: Excuse me?
RITTENHOUSE: You said to come meet you and it would be just relaxed.
TRUMP: This isn’t relaxed, this is disgusting. [Calls over to JULIO] Julio, get this kid a jacket.
[JULIO trots off.]
That’s what they did in the old days, a guy comes into a fancy joint looking like a crumb bum, they take him a jacket. [Beat] Aren’t you forgetting something?
RITTENHOUSE: [Absolutely not sorry] I’m sorry Mr. President.
TRUMP: OK, congratulations on getting off. I sent your lawyers some watches. But for you I got plans, come sit.
[TRUMP and RITTENHOUSE sit on the supplicants’ bench in front of the throne.]
So you been making the rounds I hear.
RITTENHOUSE: Yeah, I went to hang out with the Proud Boys.
TRUMP: Yeah, they’re a terrific organization. They got anything lined up for you?
RITTENHOUSE: Yeah, we’re gonna do some maneuvers.
TRUMP: Maneuvers, huh? I like the sound of that. Gonna do some damage, I bet. But you gotta think of your future, Kyle, you know, your career. The Proud Boys, what are they gonna do for you?
RITTENHOUSE: They say they’re gonna put me on TV.
TRUMP: \Whatta they know about TV? They don’t know shit. That’s my game. Don’t waste your time with those people.
[JULIO brings a black jacket.]
JULIO: [Holding it out] For the young gentleman.
RITTERHOUSE: I don’t want that.
TRUMP: Put it on.
[RITTENHOUSE puts it on.]
Say thank you to Julio.
RITTENHOUSE: Thank you Julio.
TRUMP: [To JULIO] Beat it.
[JULIO walks off the side.]
We’re gonna have to train you up. You gotta show some class, OK? You’re gonna be rubbing elbows with important people. Go around, talk about self defense, how it’s good. For instance, we’re gonna send you out with that Marjorie Greene, sort of a tour, you know her?
RITTENHOUSE: Are you serious? That’s the lady with the big nose who keeps trying to mack on me.
TRUMP: Excuse me what’s this?
RITTENHOUSE: Taylor Greene from Congress. She has a bunch of guns and she thinks it makes her hot. She’s always sending me videos, wearing a crop top, trying to get on my knob, calls me “baby boy,” some really sick shit.
TRUMP: You know, Kyle, I dunno what the fuck is your problem. Are you fucking high? I’m offering you a ticket on the gravy train and you’re are acting like a crumb bum.
RITTENHOUSE: What even is a crumb bum?
TRUMP: [Loud] You! You’re a crumb bum! You come in here dressed like a dog, swearing, insulting people. And your fucking attitude! If I wanted that shit I’d get Don Junior in here. Straighten up, you little shit, I’m the President!
[RITTENHOUSE gets up, heads for the cart.]
TRUMP: Siddown!
RITTENHOUSE: Adios.
TRUMP: SIDDOWN!
[RITTENHOUSE looks at him and laughs. TRUMP stands, red-faced, too angry to talk. RITTENHOUSE, however, is relaxed.]
RITTENHOUSE: Dude, what? You want me to go around with a bunch of old people and say your name? So it looks like kids like you? What the fuck?
[RITTENHOUSE holds his arms out to his sides, beams.]
You don’t even know how high I am right now. You know how you said you could shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue and get away with it? Well, I actually shot a couple dudes and I got away with it. That’s how high I am, and that’s no bullshit.
TRUMP: [Seething] Oh, you can kill? You can kill, Kyle? I can kill, Kyle. Oh, I can kill. I can kill, you want to see me kill? You want to see?
[TRUMP howls to the suited men.]
SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM! HE’S GOT A GUN! HE’S AN ANIMAL! SHOOT HIM!
[But nothing happens. RITTENHOUSE strolls to the cart, climbs in, turns the motor, and drives away. Before he leaves he tosses the black jacket out onto the floor. JULIO walks over to TRUMP.]
JULIO: Can I get you anything, boss?
TRUMP: Call Madison Cawthorn.
JULIO: Madison who, sir?
TRUMP: [Yells] The cripple! Tell him to come down here chop chop! If he’s not here by noon tomorrow tell him not to bother! If he’s late throw him out on his ass! Tell him to wear a suit! No! Don’t! He’ll wear a suit.
[TRUMP nods, breathing heavily,]
He’ll wear a suit.
[JULIO leaves. TRUMP stands stock still. The suited men patrol the perimeter. CURTAIN.]
Wait, Julio’s back? Didn’t he get shot? I’m surprised he’s not more nervous around an itchy trigger type like Rittenhouse, lol.
Anyway, it’s a sorry testament to the Rittenhouse fiasco, but a true one, to say I’m hoping for a hung jury rather than an outright acquittal. It’s going to be open season for heavily armed fascists to go to protests, shoot into the crowd, then claim they feared for their lives because they were surrounded.
I wrote a comment, as one does at this point in a weekday morning, but I swear to God- it was just to dark to share.
Brilliant piece, though - cinematic. A soundtrack
always plays in the background when I read these. Mostly the angry bee buzz of a Goblin track from a Dario Argento film and vague tinny bits where Hank WIlliams yodels and keens "Act Naturally".
For a moment there I thought we might get an "Alfredo Garcia" style denouement but instead of Warren Oates in Ford Fairlane gunned down by Mexican mafia it would be Rittenhouse in a golf cart and a hail of secret service bullets. That wouldn't really work I guess- it was a moment of redemption for the flawed Warren Oates character.
That's not a possibility for stupid, conciousless little half- formed turd like Rittenhouse.