Wait, Julio’s back? Didn’t he get shot? I’m surprised he’s not more nervous around an itchy trigger type like Rittenhouse, lol.
Anyway, it’s a sorry testament to the Rittenhouse fiasco, but a true one, to say I’m hoping for a hung jury rather than an outright acquittal. It’s going to be open season for heavily armed fascists to go to protests, shoot into the crowd, then claim they feared for their lives because they were surrounded.
"It’s going to be open season for heavily armed fascists to go to protests, shoot into the crowd, then claim they feared for their lives because they were surrounded."
I am SO confused right now. What is it we say to our kids now, starting in elementary school? When the active shooter comes into your classroom, don't just hide under your desk waiting for the bullet, throw your backpack at him, kiddos!
Just a matter of time before Mr. Active Shooter, taken into custody by the cops without firing a shot (funny how that happens) tries this as his defense: "I had no choice! Everyone was attacking me!"
Chris Christie *IS* dead, he just persists in walking and talking. He’ll never recover from those hurricane Sandy pics with Obama, not with THIS rabid Republican base.
He’s the kind of Republican the mainstream likes because they use him in support of the hypothesis (proven wrong by facts) that not all Republicans are MAGAt scum notwithstanding it’s the Party of Trumpand it is in fact Donnie’s party.
The commentariat was falling all over themselves in praise of Christie after he gave that speech about "looking forward and not back to 2020", pretty mild stuff, but in the same speech he claimed Biden and Harris were "ruining America." This was the day after the passage of an infrastructure bill that's going to send billions to New Jersey.
That’s Charlie Starkweather!! It’s like Know Your Psychopath, second season, on CBS right after The Ed Sullivan Show with the Romanian jugglers and a ventriloquist with a Spanish accent. Anyway, I continue to hope the fine wipipo on the Kenosha jury can, if not convict the little shit, at least come back hung so the prosecution can make another attempt to fuck things up in front of an even less qualified judge.
Dunno what it is, maybe I had one post too many here, but I find this one way too credible. The pace between this so-called satire and Trump Reality® is way too close for me.
I wrote a comment, as one does at this point in a weekday morning, but I swear to God- it was just to dark to share.
Brilliant piece, though - cinematic. A soundtrack
always plays in the background when I read these. Mostly the angry bee buzz of a Goblin track from a Dario Argento film and vague tinny bits where Hank WIlliams yodels and keens "Act Naturally".
For a moment there I thought we might get an "Alfredo Garcia" style denouement but instead of Warren Oates in Ford Fairlane gunned down by Mexican mafia it would be Rittenhouse in a golf cart and a hail of secret service bullets. That wouldn't really work I guess- it was a moment of redemption for the flawed Warren Oates character.
That's not a possibility for stupid, conciousless little half- formed turd like Rittenhouse.
Etymological moment anticipating the "hung jury" outcome:
Modern English "to hang" is a moment where two verbs blend into the language (though both are cognate & both Germanic):
"to hang" (transitive) -- as in "to hang wallpaper" comes from Proto-Germanic into the West Germanic language family, as the strong verb "hāhon" (hard velar fricative on that second h, |x| for those who love IPAs). This gets contracted to "hōn" but the "extra" syllable remains in some of the forms, so "heng" in the preterite, and "hongen" in the past participle. So the Modern English "hung."
[There's a few other Modern English verbs like this, most notably "to see" [sēhon -> sēon -- sāwon]
Also, the intransitive sense, as in "he was hanged" comes from Old Norse (a N Germanic langauge), hangjan --> hongian -- verbs imported into English after a certain date (more or less 8th century or so) tend to be "weak verbs" and so add a dental suffix (-ed) instead of changing stem vowel. So we get "hanged."
Always better to find a guy who's "hung" rather than "hanged," amirite?-- though in Modern English the differences between the two are blurred.
Interesting though, if it's a "hung jury" and the verb (really here an adjective) is transitive, needing a direct object, what are they hanging? Especially since there's no verdict that might result in a "hanging"?
Lessons from the Rittenhouse & Arbery Trials According to Right-Wing Pundits
1. 17 year-old Kyle Rittenhouse will be found innocent of murdering two people and wounding another because it was in self-defense, unlike another 17 year-old, Trayvon Martin, who got what he deserved.*
2. According to the McArdle Life Handbook, unarmed children and adults should be trained to run at active shooters. However, the Arbery/Rittenhouse caveat holds that if you lunge at a shooter threatening you with his gun he is justified in murdering you, in self-defense of course.**
Chapter Six of the NRA Children's Book "Kyle Scrunchyface And The Bellowing Bully"
Wait, Julio’s back? Didn’t he get shot? I’m surprised he’s not more nervous around an itchy trigger type like Rittenhouse, lol.
Anyway, it’s a sorry testament to the Rittenhouse fiasco, but a true one, to say I’m hoping for a hung jury rather than an outright acquittal. It’s going to be open season for heavily armed fascists to go to protests, shoot into the crowd, then claim they feared for their lives because they were surrounded.
He's the Kenny of the series, methinks
That bastard!
"It’s going to be open season for heavily armed fascists to go to protests, shoot into the crowd, then claim they feared for their lives because they were surrounded."
You mean besides the cops?
A recruiting opportunity.
Why pay a guy like Kyle when you can get him to commit murder in return for a couple bottles of water and a pat on the head?
LMAO, yeah besides them. The cops are the mentors, I’m talking about the protégés and protégé wannabes.
I am SO confused right now. What is it we say to our kids now, starting in elementary school? When the active shooter comes into your classroom, don't just hide under your desk waiting for the bullet, throw your backpack at him, kiddos!
Just a matter of time before Mr. Active Shooter, taken into custody by the cops without firing a shot (funny how that happens) tries this as his defense: "I had no choice! Everyone was attacking me!"
Funny response: "Do you know how much homework they're giving kids these days!? Those bags are heavy!"
Not-so-funny response: "Kids? Officer, we both know those were lizard people crisis actors!"
I really need to read other comments first.
Kids gotta be taught which gunman busting into the school is a bad guy and which is a freedom fighter chasing down a tiff whatever’s.
We all thought Chris Christie was dead, too.
Chris Christie *IS* dead, he just persists in walking and talking. He’ll never recover from those hurricane Sandy pics with Obama, not with THIS rabid Republican base.
He’s the kind of Republican the mainstream likes because they use him in support of the hypothesis (proven wrong by facts) that not all Republicans are MAGAt scum notwithstanding it’s the Party of Trumpand it is in fact Donnie’s party.
The commentariat was falling all over themselves in praise of Christie after he gave that speech about "looking forward and not back to 2020", pretty mild stuff, but in the same speech he claimed Biden and Harris were "ruining America." This was the day after the passage of an infrastructure bill that's going to send billions to New Jersey.
I’m beyond on record as not thinking that there’s more than a handful of pundits worthwhile.
So the mainstream commentariat is excited but Christie. Whoopie. Who cares?
Smell can be deceiving.
That’s Charlie Starkweather!! It’s like Know Your Psychopath, second season, on CBS right after The Ed Sullivan Show with the Romanian jugglers and a ventriloquist with a Spanish accent. Anyway, I continue to hope the fine wipipo on the Kenosha jury can, if not convict the little shit, at least come back hung so the prosecution can make another attempt to fuck things up in front of an even less qualified judge.
Charlie Sheen's too old, who gets to play Kyle in "Krisis in Kenosha: The Kyle Rittenhouse Story"? (Executive Producer, Steve Bannon)
The kid who plays "Young Sheldon."
Wow, a look into the future, well at least this afternoon. I would imagine they'll stay out at least until then to make it look "good".
My guess is it's like Twelve Angry Men but with 11 of the Lee J. Cobb character.
OMG this may be the best one yet. I read it aloud to my roomie and she just roared.
Dunno what it is, maybe I had one post too many here, but I find this one way too credible. The pace between this so-called satire and Trump Reality® is way too close for me.
I wrote a comment, as one does at this point in a weekday morning, but I swear to God- it was just to dark to share.
Brilliant piece, though - cinematic. A soundtrack
always plays in the background when I read these. Mostly the angry bee buzz of a Goblin track from a Dario Argento film and vague tinny bits where Hank WIlliams yodels and keens "Act Naturally".
For a moment there I thought we might get an "Alfredo Garcia" style denouement but instead of Warren Oates in Ford Fairlane gunned down by Mexican mafia it would be Rittenhouse in a golf cart and a hail of secret service bullets. That wouldn't really work I guess- it was a moment of redemption for the flawed Warren Oates character.
That's not a possibility for stupid, conciousless little half- formed turd like Rittenhouse.
[ Buck Owens did "Act Naturally" ]
D'oh!
And Ringo
Etymological moment anticipating the "hung jury" outcome:
Modern English "to hang" is a moment where two verbs blend into the language (though both are cognate & both Germanic):
"to hang" (transitive) -- as in "to hang wallpaper" comes from Proto-Germanic into the West Germanic language family, as the strong verb "hāhon" (hard velar fricative on that second h, |x| for those who love IPAs). This gets contracted to "hōn" but the "extra" syllable remains in some of the forms, so "heng" in the preterite, and "hongen" in the past participle. So the Modern English "hung."
[There's a few other Modern English verbs like this, most notably "to see" [sēhon -> sēon -- sāwon]
Also, the intransitive sense, as in "he was hanged" comes from Old Norse (a N Germanic langauge), hangjan --> hongian -- verbs imported into English after a certain date (more or less 8th century or so) tend to be "weak verbs" and so add a dental suffix (-ed) instead of changing stem vowel. So we get "hanged."
Always better to find a guy who's "hung" rather than "hanged," amirite?-- though in Modern English the differences between the two are blurred.
Interesting though, if it's a "hung jury" and the verb (really here an adjective) is transitive, needing a direct object, what are they hanging? Especially since there's no verdict that might result in a "hanging"?
If I learned anything from “Murder, She Wrote”—and I didn’t—it’s that “drapes are hung; people are hanged.”
Hence the Low German proverb: "Caught together, hanged together."
So if Kyle had a rich Dad to leave him 400 million he could turn out exactly like Trump.
This is terrific.
Yes, it's strangely gratifying to see Kyle, and Barron Trump, treat Orange Julius with the contempt he so r. deserves.
I don’t understand the photo of Jim Breuer on the post. But then I’m culturally illiterate.
Hehehe - this one is funny as hell.
Lessons from the Rittenhouse & Arbery Trials According to Right-Wing Pundits
1. 17 year-old Kyle Rittenhouse will be found innocent of murdering two people and wounding another because it was in self-defense, unlike another 17 year-old, Trayvon Martin, who got what he deserved.*
2. According to the McArdle Life Handbook, unarmed children and adults should be trained to run at active shooters. However, the Arbery/Rittenhouse caveat holds that if you lunge at a shooter threatening you with his gun he is justified in murdering you, in self-defense of course.**
*Shapiro, et al
**ibid.
The Punk and the Godfather. You're working on a Tommy sequel!