39 Comments
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Chapter Six of the NRA Children's Book "Kyle Scrunchyface And The Bellowing Bully"

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Wait, Julio’s back? Didn’t he get shot? I’m surprised he’s not more nervous around an itchy trigger type like Rittenhouse, lol.

Anyway, it’s a sorry testament to the Rittenhouse fiasco, but a true one, to say I’m hoping for a hung jury rather than an outright acquittal. It’s going to be open season for heavily armed fascists to go to protests, shoot into the crowd, then claim they feared for their lives because they were surrounded.

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

That’s Charlie Starkweather!! It’s like Know Your Psychopath, second season, on CBS right after The Ed Sullivan Show with the Romanian jugglers and a ventriloquist with a Spanish accent. Anyway, I continue to hope the fine wipipo on the Kenosha jury can, if not convict the little shit, at least come back hung so the prosecution can make another attempt to fuck things up in front of an even less qualified judge.

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Wow, a look into the future, well at least this afternoon. I would imagine they'll stay out at least until then to make it look "good".

Expand full comment

OMG this may be the best one yet. I read it aloud to my roomie and she just roared.

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Dunno what it is, maybe I had one post too many here, but I find this one way too credible. The pace between this so-called satire and Trump Reality® is way too close for me.

Expand full comment

I wrote a comment, as one does at this point in a weekday morning, but I swear to God- it was just to dark to share.

Brilliant piece, though - cinematic. A soundtrack

always plays in the background when I read these. Mostly the angry bee buzz of a Goblin track from a Dario Argento film and vague tinny bits where Hank WIlliams yodels and keens "Act Naturally".

For a moment there I thought we might get an "Alfredo Garcia" style denouement but instead of Warren Oates in Ford Fairlane gunned down by Mexican mafia it would be Rittenhouse in a golf cart and a hail of secret service bullets. That wouldn't really work I guess- it was a moment of redemption for the flawed Warren Oates character.

That's not a possibility for stupid, conciousless little half- formed turd like Rittenhouse.

Expand full comment

Etymological moment anticipating the "hung jury" outcome:

Modern English "to hang" is a moment where two verbs blend into the language (though both are cognate & both Germanic):

"to hang" (transitive) -- as in "to hang wallpaper" comes from Proto-Germanic into the West Germanic language family, as the strong verb "hāhon" (hard velar fricative on that second h, |x| for those who love IPAs). This gets contracted to "hōn" but the "extra" syllable remains in some of the forms, so "heng" in the preterite, and "hongen" in the past participle. So the Modern English "hung."

[There's a few other Modern English verbs like this, most notably "to see" [sēhon -> sēon -- sāwon]

Also, the intransitive sense, as in "he was hanged" comes from Old Norse (a N Germanic langauge), hangjan --> hongian -- verbs imported into English after a certain date (more or less 8th century or so) tend to be "weak verbs" and so add a dental suffix (-ed) instead of changing stem vowel. So we get "hanged."

Always better to find a guy who's "hung" rather than "hanged," amirite?-- though in Modern English the differences between the two are blurred.

Interesting though, if it's a "hung jury" and the verb (really here an adjective) is transitive, needing a direct object, what are they hanging? Especially since there's no verdict that might result in a "hanging"?

Expand full comment

So if Kyle had a rich Dad to leave him 400 million he could turn out exactly like Trump.

Expand full comment

This is terrific.

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

I don’t understand the photo of Jim Breuer on the post. But then I’m culturally illiterate.

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Hehehe - this one is funny as hell.

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Lessons from the Rittenhouse & Arbery Trials According to Right-Wing Pundits

1. 17 year-old Kyle Rittenhouse will be found innocent of murdering two people and wounding another because it was in self-defense, unlike another 17 year-old, Trayvon Martin, who got what he deserved.*

2. According to the McArdle Life Handbook, unarmed children and adults should be trained to run at active shooters. However, the Arbery/Rittenhouse caveat holds that if you lunge at a shooter threatening you with his gun he is justified in murdering you, in self-defense of course.**

*Shapiro, et al

**ibid.

Expand full comment

The Punk and the Godfather. You're working on a Tommy sequel!

Expand full comment