A Report from the Committee

Tubby's Successor tries his hand

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis said Tuesday that he plans to petition the state’s Supreme Court to convene a grand jury to investigate “any and all wrongdoing” with respect to the Covid-19 vaccines.

The Republican governor, who is often mentioned as a possible presidential candidate in 2024, gave no specifics on what wrongdoing the panel would investigate, but suggested it would be in part aimed to jogging loose more information about the vaccines and potential harmful side effects…

DeSantis also announced he is creating an entity called the a “Public Health Integrity Committee,” which will include many of the physicians and scientists who participated in the roundtable on Tuesday.

— “DeSantis seeks grand jury investigation of Covid-19 vaccines,” CNBC

[A small TV studio with a wall of muted Zoom screens populated with remote attendees as seen at RON DeSANTIS’ December 13 press conference. DeSANTIS, in a dark brown suit with a light pink shirt, a textured pearl necktie with silver collar pin and silver tie clip, and brown Bruno Magli wingtips, stands center stage behind a lectern bearing the state seal. Seated back against the wall of screens on a folding chair is DR. STELLA IMMANUEL, better known as the “Demon Sperm” doctor from the old Trump COVID outreach days, wearing a pale green jacket, a black dress, clunky shoes, an enormous church hat piled with flowers, and an oversized stethoscope.]

DeSANTIS: [Addressing the cameras; there is no live audience] OK, folks, good morning, I’m happy to report that we have made great progress with the Public Health Integrity Committee I announced last month. The Committee has been joined by Dr. Silvio Bergnani, a top Orlando cosmetic surgeon and author of many articles on the dangers of the so-called flu vaccine; Dr. Jentitia Bono, a prominent herbalist who you may have seen at health fairs here in Tallahassee and on public access television; and pro golf legend Tiger Woods. We have had many discussions of the crisis in public health and we have drawn up lists, by no means complete, of people to be prosecuted. It doesn’t matter how high it goes, CDC, FBI, NIH, even the World Health Organization, we will be fearless in hunting down those who perpetrated this COVID fraud and we will bring them to justice through the Florida court system and also the World Court in Den Haag.

Our surgeon general Dr. Joseph Ladapo was going to give us a briefing today, but he has been indisposed — I want to assure you it’s nothing serious, just a cold, or something just like a cold, perfectly natural, and he is treating it with megavitamins, turmeric, gentian, and positive thinking, so we expect a full and speedy recovery. But in his absence we are fortunate to have — on Dr. Ladapo’s strong recommendation, his insistence, I might say — Dr. Ladapo’s colleague from America’s Frontline Doctors, the eminent Dr. Stella Immanuel. Dr. Immanuel.

[DeSANTIS steps back; IMMANUEL steps forward; DeSANTIS stops her.]

DeSANTIS: [Pointing at chair; sotto voce] Doctor, I believe you’ve left your report on your chair —

IMMANUEL: [With a brush-off gesture] I know what I am about, Gov’nuh!

DeSANTIS: But that’s Dr. Ladapo’s speech, you said you —

[IMMANUEL ignores him, marches to the podium and addresses the cameras.]

IMMANUEL: My good peoples, I have been given paypahs by the state to read to you, but my good frien’ Dr. Ladapo tell me, Stella, when you go, don’ read paypahs, you speak f’um you haht. An’ that is what I am going to do.

[IMMANUEL pulls a large crucifix out of her dress and brandishes it. DeSANTIS looks around. There is some muffled chaos offstage.]

I come to tell you the state, it cannot pro-secute Fahchee, it cannot pro-secute Bowden or Ka-MAH-la Ha’s or any of the corrup’ peoples who have spread the lie that a shot f’um a needle can save you f’um this spir’tchul disease. On’y GAWD an’ JESUS CHRISE the SAVIOR can protec’ us f’um Fahchee an’ Bowden and Ha’s because they are demons, homosec’shul demons f’um hail, an’ the spir’tchul disease is Beelzebub himse’f, an’ nawt the law but the powah of CHRISE can kiw the demons an’ sen’ ‘em back to hail, sen’ ‘em back to —

[Former Trump physician RONNY JACKSON, wearing business casual clothes, enters while pulling on a lab coat, strides quickly to the podium. DeSANTIS stands up and goes to the podium as well.]

JACKSON: [Apparently rather drunk] Hold up, hold up, hold up now, there, whoo! Hey-ey-ey-ey now simmer down there, Doctor Manuel, think you’re getting a little little bit over your skis there, now.

IMMANUEL: [To DeSANTIS] Who is this man? He smell lahk a rum shop an’ his breath is rank!

[JACKSON has in fact whipped out a flask and sips from it.]

DeSANTIS: [To JACKSON, sotto voce] Ronny, what the hell?

JACKSON: Governor, lemme tell you, it’s like the fella says to Fredo in Godfather Two, if you can’t take care of it, we have to.

[JACKSON slips the flask into the pocket of his lab coat. To the cameras:]

Hiya, folks, you remember me, Congressman Ronny Jackson from the Lone Star. I was jus’ down in the other Eff El Ay meeting with President Trump —

IMMANUEL: Why you aw listening to this drunka’d! Get thee behin’ me SATAN!

[She swings her crucifix at JACKSON; immediately there is a chorus of police whistles; several state troopers charge IMMANUEL, roughly seize her and drag her offstage. JACKSON steps behind the podium, beams at the cameras.]

JACKSON: All right all right all right! Folks, President Trump and I wanna commend Governor DeSantis on his little COVID committee and let him know and let you know too, that we’re watching, the President and I, and with interest, and we’re gonna take his, Governor DeSantis’ recommendations and subpoenas and whatnot and when we return to office as God knows we will, we’re gonna take ‘em under every consideration as we exercise our plan to clean up the corruption and make American great again again! Thank you!

[JACKSON leaves the podium, gets close to DeSANTIS; speaks to him sotto voce:]

You see who the troopers follow, don’tcha, Ron? Watch your ass.

[JACKSON turns to the cameras, smiles and waves as he exits. Pause. DeSANTIS gets behind the podium, rolls his head, and addresses the cameras.]

DeSANTIS: I want to thank Congressman Jackson for joining us and showing what a tremendous influence our crusade has had upon those who, like so many of our distinguished Florida citizens, have retired from their jobs and settled here; they have my assurance that whatever role the voters grant me in the future, I’ll always appreciate their counsel and support. Thank you.

[DeSANTIS strides off; JACKSON has appeared in the wings; he hangs by one hand from a tormenter drape, makes an Eye Am Watching You gesture at DeSANTIS, then loses his grip and falls heavily to the floor. His flask skitters across the stage. BLACKOUT.]