68 Comments

I was enjoying this more and more as I read on til the end. I was highly disappointed by using my beloved Tulsi for a cameo. She s either to be used as the star of the piece or not at all or I get sad and frustrated.

But today's laff-riot triggers a thought experiment: What kind of putatively democratic nation willingly elects a cohort of leaders so shitty as to make Putin look both good in comparison as well as somewhat exceptional when he's actually just apparently better.

Expand full comment

You got a tit-window, what more do you need?

Expand full comment

It's Tulsi. A tit-window is nothing.

Gotta drop the subject; every time I think of her I get a sort of brain freeze and at this age, I really don't have the time for them.

Expand full comment

A Tulsi-chaser...

Expand full comment

Yes, up to a point.

Expand full comment

I dunno; we could all use some cranial cooling from time to time...

Expand full comment

I guess I don't understand the experiment. Are you talking about the Russian Federation or the USA?

Expand full comment

Exactly.

Expand full comment

"What is the sound of one brain cell rubbing together?"

Expand full comment

Man that's heavy.

At the rate I'm going, I should have the answer pretty soon!

Expand full comment

Depends on whose, maybe...the aural qualities of individual grey matter components are determined early in their development, and the typical response to those generating truly disgusting noises is rightly to blame the parents (but damn, I started drafting this response before you edited "running" to "rubbing" and believe me when I say I had a brilliant take on adidas v. nike!)

Expand full comment

Bari Weiss speaking?

Expand full comment

You should write her a letter.

Expand full comment

In the name of god, why?

Expand full comment

To determine if any of her people can read, and see if you can get a Power Girl pic

Expand full comment

"What kind of putatively democratic nation willingly elects a cohort of leaders so shitty as to make Putin look both good in comparison as well as somewhat exceptional when he's actually just apparently better."

Isn't this just an example of the "Voters are always right" fallacy? The fact that people elected Putin doesn't mean the guys who preceded him were worse. We elected Trump and the guy who preceded him wasn't worse.

Expand full comment

Actually, I had the US in mind. Russia’s elections since before Putin have been seriously rigged or whatever, anything but democratic with any genuine choice. Not that we’ve had meaningful choice for a couple of decades when it comes to big issues like economic ones and national security. (Please don’t argue against that with exceptions to the rule.)

Expand full comment

"a cohort of leaders so shitty as to make Putin look both good in comparison" refers to the U.S.?

Expand full comment

He appears or can appear to provide for his people better than our captured corporate puppets, albeit arguably. He is documented capable of planning a long game. Worked well in promoting Trump in 2016, disastrously in invading Ukraine. Still. Our leaders don’t give a fuck about the well-being of any of the nation’s people who aren’t lobbyists or large contributors. We’re incapable of a true nationwide response to Covid.

If you think our elected officials are better than Putin, a) it’s not much and b) considering we’re a democracy allegedly, our leaders should be magnitudes better, not insignificantly better.

That said, YMMV, and I probably can make a counter argument.

Expand full comment

"We’re incapable of a true nationwide response to Covid"

Because of a) Federalism and b) One of our two major parties is fucking Looney-Tunes when it comes to Covid.

Corporatism can be blamed for a lot of things, but a true corporatist state would have universal requirement for people to take the (corporate-developed) vaccine and wear their (corporately-manufactured) masks, the better to get us all back and working at our (corporate) jobs. Our national response to Covid shows that corporate power in the U.S. does have its limits.

Expand full comment

And yet your corporate heroes get Republicans elected so we end up with the lawlessness of the Republican majority on SCOTUS and elect DeSantis, Abbott, et al.

Expand full comment

Putin, as I've said before, has been Russia's only "president" (except that short period where he was the power behind the puppet). Before him was the USSR.

I don't think RWNJs love Putin because they think him as "better" than their shitty cohort of leaders. They love him because he's shittier — and does all the horrifying things they to do here.

Expand full comment

This. A reminder--Putin has been building towards this for *twenty years*. USA has had four different Presidents since then.

Expand full comment

All of whom paid insufficient attention and were not inspired to pay him sufficient attention. Too, business interests were making $$$ with or from Russia and our government’s priority is to do nothing to interfere with that. Was not our POTUSes’ job to give too much of a shit about Putin, even after Chechnya, Georgia, Syria, and Crimea and Eastern Ukraine.

Expand full comment

Mostly agree. Except cf Putin’s mentor so to speak, Ilyin (https://www.nybooks.com/daily/2018/03/16/ivan-ilyin-putins-philosopher-of-russian-fascism/). The overlap between what Ilyin espoused and what our RWNJ and conservative pundits espouse is pretty close to 100% if it isn’t 100. To say Putin resonates with or is admirable to the fuckers is a huge understatement.

And shame on you, GM. I’d have thought a well-educated academic such as you would remember that Russia had a president post-USSR/pre-Putin, the neoliberals’ favorite Russian alcoholic, Boris Yeltsin, the man who can rightly be credited with doing so much to ensure that Russia’s recovery from the revolutionary era could be as fucked up and as big a shit show as possible.

Expand full comment

Well, shut my mouth -- I remembered him as the last Premier of the USSR. Thanks for the correction.

I've been listening to Lana Del Rey this afternoon just to see what the kids are on about. Her voice is pretty & there are some good lyrics, but most of it sounds like its been filtered through a Xanax

Expand full comment

Maybe the prettiest white woman in pop. And a GOP-class hypocrite at least once. Then again, she comes from some $$ IIRC.

Expand full comment

Awful people want an awful president who will do the awful things they want. And they can't understand "I'm refusing to do the things you want out of principle, because they (and you) are fucking awful." So any failure to do what they want must be due to "incompetence" or "weakness", what else could it be?

Expand full comment

Too true.

Expand full comment

Up until this very moment, the question "Would you like Steven Seagal to beat the shit out of Tucker Carlson?" had never entered my mind, but now I realize, why yes. Yes I would.

And the pratfalls are wonderful.

Expand full comment

Brilliant as always. The Seagal bit is tragically accurate. He's got a well-earned reputation for being a complete dick on set and absolutely refusing to rehearse or even discuss scenes in advance. The story is told of him refusing to walk-through an action scene on a boat in the Seine River, and subsequently tumbling overboard when he managed to fall into and break through the wrong door.

Expand full comment

Every Steven Seagal movie should’ve been like “Executive Decision.”

Expand full comment

I have heard and love that story.

Expand full comment

Now THAT I would watch. Again and again. Anything else by Steven Seagal, not so much.

Expand full comment

It's an alternate, now lost, version of the "Brawndo" scene from Idiocracy.

Expand full comment

My problem is my brain can never untie Brawndo from Brawny, and I just keep getting visions of overly musculatured dudes festooned with paper towels...

Expand full comment

The implicit comparison of your Segal with the real statement of Schwarznegger makes this all the sharper.

No fan (ok, I liked Predator and laughed at Kindergarten Cop..) but dang…

Expand full comment

I guess having a Nazi father can actually be a good thing, a learning experience, provided you can understand that Nazis are bad.

Expand full comment

Evidently Arnold has yet to make it the some day I won't stage of "I hate my dad, some day I won't"

Expand full comment

I found the denouement particularly satisfying. And, though I doubt I will be able to work it into a conversation, "confidently waddles" is my new favorite phrase.

All in all, a great day here at BID.

Like always.

Expand full comment

oh no DON’T END IT THERE!

Expand full comment

I'd love to see this. Carlson is pure evil at this point. What's particularly lovely is that cable subscribers pay Fox close to $2 billion -- whether they watch Fox or not -- so this piece of shit doesn't even need advertisers. There's a campaign to fix this (https://unfoxmycablebox.com/) but last I looked it still hasn't gotten traction.

Expand full comment

"at this point"

Expand full comment

This came up in the Bill O'Reilly suit against Al Franken, Fox had put in its filing that they have "100 million subscribers" or something like that. The judge asked, "Wait a minute... I have cable, does that make ME a subscriber?" The answer was "yes."

Expand full comment

"TUCKER CARLSON, wearing surprisingly roomy dark grey gabardine slacks"

OOF.

And the shirt? I looked it up. Man.

But this:

"CARLSON: [That creepy laugh of his]"

makes me glad I have not ever seen or heard this dude, so 2marks!

Expand full comment

There's a clip of Tucker being shown on Russian TV, the translator tries to mimic his... um... *distinctive* style, shall we say. It's hilarious.

Expand full comment

My biggest smile of the day (no doubt it's early, but no way anything outperforms this):

"One of the cue-card holders, confused, checks her cards."

Whatever you do, always check yer cards first!

Expand full comment

"surprisingly roomy dark grey gabardine slacks" Gold! Pure gold!

Expand full comment

Who came first, Power Girl or Tawny Madison?

Expand full comment

Dunno, wasn't in the room at the time (ironclad alibi).

Expand full comment

Power Girl.

Tawny Madison, though pleasantly (i.m.a.o.) blatant, just has decolletage—a _window_ is an even more blatant 'this is here just to show you _these_'.

Next: The Overton Boob-Window.

Expand full comment

After Next: The Over-a-ton Boob window featuring Chesty Morgan

Expand full comment

I prefer the German: Brust-Fenster

Expand full comment

Wouldn’t this be an awesome cold open to something longer that concluded with helium and a Boots Randolph soundtrack

Expand full comment

Struggling to understand why Fox can't just go with "Vladimir Putin is totally evil AND WE HAVE ALWAYS SAID SO." They're worried Aaron Rupar will call them out for their inconsistency?

Expand full comment

Something something Eurasia

Expand full comment

Q: What is wrong with this world?

A: The last panel is a hack:

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/LaWSQD3

Expand full comment

Who among us has not said those words?

Expand full comment