this time, outside of the hired killers we pay to stay in uniform and wait until someone appropriate gives them the command to 'kill' and 'fetch,' nobody else appears to know what the hell they are doing. This makes Paul Bremer look like a giant of a man. (He's only 82, mebbe... naw, nothin')
I won’t truly believe this is Iraqi Freedom Redux until I hear reports about pallets of cash being parachuted into the jungle down to waiting right wing paramilitaries.
Yes indeed. I came in mid-60s. They never learn. Let's put American soldiers in the jungle on their playing field. Sure, that'll work, just like Vietnam, right? Right???
I remember as a kid I loved watching the Five O'Clock Follies. Sweaty military types lying badly. Tons o' fun. This one won't even have that kind of comedy relief.
Tan, rested, ready -- welcome back, Roy. I don't mean just to REBID, I mean to 2003 redux, of course.
Random thoughts: thank goodness Bolt is back, I was afraid he'd been spirited away to a reeducation camp. Also, I like Peoni's ensemble. It's always tricky pairing reds with each other.
And how very dare people "fixate" on the remarks of the President of the United States during a time of war. Obviously, we are snowflakes, the lot of us.
Peoni's...unfortunate...choice of hem length is due no doubt to the possibility that anything longer would trip her up (Shoes & hem's fault, not hers of course), causing a knock-on effect of tearing down the entire studio (and selling for scrap so's not a total loss).
That was her New Year's outfit, and she hasn't been home or drawn a sober breath since. She's slept on Chafe's couch since she was poured into a cab at four in the morning on New Year's Day.
Cab ride of shame! Of course, even drunk, she could wring a column out of it: "My cabbie, a classic blue-collar freedom-loving American from Queens, assured me that his entire family cheered the President's achivements in Venezuela..." (Leaves off the part where he screams at her for barfing in his cab.)
You take a few days off and everything turns to shit. I'm not saying there's a connection....
Good column! Funny! I guess it's important to remember but just because things are bad it doesn't mean they're not funny! The other night I was flipping channels and ended up watching the last 12 or 13 minutes of Doctor Strangelove. It was hilarious! "Mein Fuhrer- I can walk ! " Comedy gold.
I was gonna do a deep dive on every single week of the last 10 years for a potential counterargument, then decided "Nah, life's too short, and besides, Roy's RIGHT THERE. Easy peasy lemon squeezy."
The Maestro's return reminds me of my old days as a wage slave when one would have a lovely enough vacation and then within minutes of returning to work all the vacay bliss gets destroyed.
OTOH, spent Saturday in a tsunami of the Venezuela news and listening to 1%ers describing the fun they have thanks to their wealth. Broke something, maybe it'll get better, maybe it won't, don't especially care either way.
Oops, I forget, all things Weiss and CBS News requires the caveats that even now, CBS News is only insignificantly worse than its peers and said peers--Big Media--has been literal shit for decades.
And respect to Team Weiss/Dekoupil for being transparent that the new Evening News will be promoting bullshit and worse. I say that because it seems there's still many people requiring it spelled out for them.
Weiss Doukoupil (sounds like a law firm, and spellcheck wants to correct it to "Doublespeak") have a way to go yet. Cronkite was his own managing editor, ended a Presidency and very nearly ended the Vietnam War all in the space of one editorial segment. These people couldn't organize a "piss-up in a brewery" as the saying goes.
One of my favorite sayings. I sure hope all those 18 to 29 year old white guys who voted for Trump because the Scary Black Lady might send them to war are having a great day.
They're having a "America fuck yeah, let's watch football" day. I'm afraid much of the electorate figure it's got nothing to do with them but maybe cheaper gas.
...and the cheap gas coulda been achieved without this dick swingin' exercise...I mean, it ain't like the oil companies are pumpin' every last drop in the ground now. Why? 'Cause that would plummet their profits...
"The Maestro's return reminds me of my old days as a wage slave when one would have a lovely enough vacation and then within minutes of returning to work all the vacay bliss gets destroyed."
Worse yet, one vacations under a cloud. If you've been indispensable at work then you know the feeling.
When I was young, I took pride in becoming indispensable. It got me praise, and even a few raises and promotions. Now I would like to be merely perceived as indispensable.
I don't comment as much as I used to, but I'm glad Roy is back in action.
My career progressed from: "Hell yes you need me" to "I'm gonna just sidle on outta here for a few days or weeks and you won't miss me 'cause I told all my trade secrets to evahbody else in this here establishment, so if it goes to hell whilst I'm gone it ain't my fault but you'll pay me a lot to pretend I'm fixing it".
Regarding "Gert Christian"--periodic reminder that William Walker, the "grey-eyed man of destiny", was trying to establish a slave state in Central America, and was defeated and ultimately destroyed by Cornelius Vanderbilt.
what is it with this species? It's so-called "modern" variety, which though appearing mostly cleaner and more sanitary than in previous epochs, has a bad habit, every hundred years or so, of trying to destroy the world?
(sorry, i'm just bummed the corp media still assume he's not spouting gibberish. and he doesn't drool even half enough on camera. he's overdue.)
The modern fasces being rendered as, not the bundle of sticks wrapped up tight around an ax; rather a fat bundle of M-16s wrapped round a petroleum spigot.
(here's what I wrote elsewhere): Submitted for your approval: Marco "Marquito" Rubio, an immigrant with ambition as big as the USA, and with a ruthless streak that's endeared him to his masters. One of those who exemplifies the phrase "Florida Man", a man with tangled roots in Cuba's past, an exile who, as the French say, learned nothing and forgot nothing. A sweaty, self-deluding man with kingly hopes and a knave's personality. He thinks he's hitched his wagon to a star, but he's actually tied himself to an anchor, which will drag him to the depths. With one final stop...at the Twilight Zone.
And Dokoupil takes over the news desk just in time for YOU. No more experts and academics talking over your head, just real 'Murricans with real opinions: "Can you buhlieve those libtards? They march around saying they want No Kings and then they go supporting the Dictator of Venezuela. Go figure. [expletive] communists!"
"that was a great moment, getting to tell Beverly Sills what I think music is."
Hoo boy. I picture Pegs -- drunk, slurring, saliva flying -- free-styling a bombastic nonsense treatise on art. Guessing it wasn't a "great moment" for Bev.
Was Bari fanning herself, a la Blanche DuBois, when she saw "TRUMP standing splay-legged on it with his hands on his hips like the Jolly Green Giant, a derrick rising between his legs and shooting oil, and the legend, 'AMERICA IS BACK!'”
I can now picture Bari Weiss playing all four Golden Girls simultaneously via CGI in a reboot of the series (I'm going to Hell for that image, aren't I?), directed by Brett Ratner.
"hey don’t mean what they seem to mean if you just hear them without me telling you what they’re supposed to mean" -- hilarious also because Rubio served up nothing but the choppiest of chopped word salad on Sunday. And of course there's no controlling Tubby's mouth, no matter what message the comms team has landed on. But sure, let's move on to the next country, and the next. This one's not going so well, after all, why not roll the dice on a different one. Surely there's a nation out there ready to love Tubs the way he wants to be loved.
Reality, with Rubio riding, is ahead by a nose but Edroso on Satire is pulling hard in the back stretch. About the only certanty is that politics abhorrs a vacuum, so somebody is gonna "run" Venezuela. Its beginning to look a lot like early 1960's Vietnam, and that turned out ok, eventually. Its a popular tourist destination today.
As someone who’s been watching this happen since the fifties, all I can say is “Here we go again.”
Man, that's old.
Meanwhile, I'm seeing Venezuela 2025 as a lot like Iran 1953. The Venn diagram overlap is like 97%.
Gonna be a bad next twenty years to be a Venezuelan, then.
But it went just fine in Iran, nothing significant ever came of it.
this time, outside of the hired killers we pay to stay in uniform and wait until someone appropriate gives them the command to 'kill' and 'fetch,' nobody else appears to know what the hell they are doing. This makes Paul Bremer look like a giant of a man. (He's only 82, mebbe... naw, nothin')
I’m honestly impressed at the level of don’t-give-a-shit he’s bringin’ to this “What happens to Venezuela” thing.
I mean, he can't run one country worth a damn, and he's supposedly gonna run TWO? Or more?
I have the feeling there's going to be new jobs for all those folks who quit Heritage, in International Affairs.
You spelt 'infernal' incorrectly.
"the geezer with the faraway eyes" (at least i prep for such a state of being, by locking all the doors, and staying by myself for a few hours.)
I won’t truly believe this is Iraqi Freedom Redux until I hear reports about pallets of cash being parachuted into the jungle down to waiting right wing paramilitaries.
This time the pallets will be going straight to Mar-a-lago.
No that’s the cocaine the paramilitaries are sending in return.
The Formula Prevails!
Don Jr.’s pupils are like dinner plates.
Forked again...
Yes indeed. I came in mid-60s. They never learn. Let's put American soldiers in the jungle on their playing field. Sure, that'll work, just like Vietnam, right? Right???
I remember as a kid I loved watching the Five O'Clock Follies. Sweaty military types lying badly. Tons o' fun. This one won't even have that kind of comedy relief.
Tan, rested, ready -- welcome back, Roy. I don't mean just to REBID, I mean to 2003 redux, of course.
Random thoughts: thank goodness Bolt is back, I was afraid he'd been spirited away to a reeducation camp. Also, I like Peoni's ensemble. It's always tricky pairing reds with each other.
And how very dare people "fixate" on the remarks of the President of the United States during a time of war. Obviously, we are snowflakes, the lot of us.
Peoni's...unfortunate...choice of hem length is due no doubt to the possibility that anything longer would trip her up (Shoes & hem's fault, not hers of course), causing a knock-on effect of tearing down the entire studio (and selling for scrap so's not a total loss).
Gotta hide those varicose veins. Peoni is 80 years old and the 4 inch heels she favors are not ideal for circulation in the legs.
I, for one, would welcome Peoni flailing with the curtain like something from A Night at the Opera.
Peoni's get-up feels a little formal for news analysis tv, but I'll allow it, as it's a special occasion.
Of course it's special! After all, how often does a Republican President start a war...er, never mind.
That was her New Year's outfit, and she hasn't been home or drawn a sober breath since. She's slept on Chafe's couch since she was poured into a cab at four in the morning on New Year's Day.
Speaking of sober breaths, I was thinking she was a more of a Courvosier VSOP gal, since we're both old-fashioned.
"Old-Fashioned" is also something she's very familiar with. And she eats the cherry first (it's a ritual)
Oof.
Oof again.
The Blacks* ruined it for her. (* an old Tim Meadows routine)
Cab ride of shame! Of course, even drunk, she could wring a column out of it: "My cabbie, a classic blue-collar freedom-loving American from Queens, assured me that his entire family cheered the President's achivements in Venezuela..." (Leaves off the part where he screams at her for barfing in his cab.)
Thence the ICE takedown back at the cab station.
If Roy spirits Bolt away to a camp, Bolt will remain his irrepressible self.
His clothes will be different. No links will be made to them.
the links are in the fence
The Jolly Green Giant cartoon is perfect! Though I’m not sure I’m going to like having that image stuck in my head for the rest of my life…
You take a few days off and everything turns to shit. I'm not saying there's a connection....
Good column! Funny! I guess it's important to remember but just because things are bad it doesn't mean they're not funny! The other night I was flipping channels and ended up watching the last 12 or 13 minutes of Doctor Strangelove. It was hilarious! "Mein Fuhrer- I can walk ! " Comedy gold.
Yeah, let's blame Roy instead of the deranged Scumbag-in-Chief by whom we decided to led again after his proved to be unfit for office.
Seriously, it's less stressful to blame Roy.
Thanks for the inspiration, bro!
"You take a few days off and everything turns to shit." Has there been a week these past ten years when that wouldn't also have been true?
Look, common sense is all well and good but I'm an American dammit - I need someone to blame.
I was gonna do a deep dive on every single week of the last 10 years for a potential counterargument, then decided "Nah, life's too short, and besides, Roy's RIGHT THERE. Easy peasy lemon squeezy."
Yes, this is your RIGHT as an American, demand to talk to his manager, that ALWAYS works!
The missus be goin' "Don't look at ME!"
Trust me, he's unmanageable!
Yes. "Animals can be bred...and *slaughtered...*"
My steaks were made.
The Maestro's return reminds me of my old days as a wage slave when one would have a lovely enough vacation and then within minutes of returning to work all the vacay bliss gets destroyed.
OTOH, spent Saturday in a tsunami of the Venezuela news and listening to 1%ers describing the fun they have thanks to their wealth. Broke something, maybe it'll get better, maybe it won't, don't especially care either way.
Oops, I forget, all things Weiss and CBS News requires the caveats that even now, CBS News is only insignificantly worse than its peers and said peers--Big Media--has been literal shit for decades.
And respect to Team Weiss/Dekoupil for being transparent that the new Evening News will be promoting bullshit and worse. I say that because it seems there's still many people requiring it spelled out for them.
We need to Roy on that wall !
Though, I'll be honest, I can't handle the truth.
2 marks for clarity.
Weiss Doukoupil (sounds like a law firm, and spellcheck wants to correct it to "Doublespeak") have a way to go yet. Cronkite was his own managing editor, ended a Presidency and very nearly ended the Vietnam War all in the space of one editorial segment. These people couldn't organize a "piss-up in a brewery" as the saying goes.
Cronkite was as good as mainstream could be.
Which said mainstream has had no interest in since ca 1980.
One of my favorite sayings. I sure hope all those 18 to 29 year old white guys who voted for Trump because the Scary Black Lady might send them to war are having a great day.
They're having a "America fuck yeah, let's watch football" day. I'm afraid much of the electorate figure it's got nothing to do with them but maybe cheaper gas.
That feel when you REEEALLY don't want to vote for a woman (and a Black one at that): "maybe I say she's a warmonger? Yeah, that's the ticket."
...and the cheap gas coulda been achieved without this dick swingin' exercise...I mean, it ain't like the oil companies are pumpin' every last drop in the ground now. Why? 'Cause that would plummet their profits...
But Project 2025 is full of foofaraw about fossil fuels and "cheap energy", and that's what they're programming him with.
IF the oil companies come along it's only because there'll be tax breaks 'round the mountain when they come...
Spellcheck is the true AI
Huh.
[or, in the original: "Hoounhh"]
"The Maestro's return reminds me of my old days as a wage slave when one would have a lovely enough vacation and then within minutes of returning to work all the vacay bliss gets destroyed."
Worse yet, one vacations under a cloud. If you've been indispensable at work then you know the feeling.
When I was young, I took pride in becoming indispensable. It got me praise, and even a few raises and promotions. Now I would like to be merely perceived as indispensable.
I don't comment as much as I used to, but I'm glad Roy is back in action.
Thank you!
My career progressed from: "Hell yes you need me" to "I'm gonna just sidle on outta here for a few days or weeks and you won't miss me 'cause I told all my trade secrets to evahbody else in this here establishment, so if it goes to hell whilst I'm gone it ain't my fault but you'll pay me a lot to pretend I'm fixing it".
Regarding "Gert Christian"--periodic reminder that William Walker, the "grey-eyed man of destiny", was trying to establish a slave state in Central America, and was defeated and ultimately destroyed by Cornelius Vanderbilt.
And right now in this-here present day we STILL honor the filibuster...Roy cannot out-satire the Menschen-Who-Pretend-To-Be-Uber.
We should be so lucky that the state of said menschen should be so reduced that they'd have to be Uber drivers to (hopefully) make rent.
S̴o̴l̴i̴d̴a̴r̴i̴t̴y̴ Insubstantiality Forever!
what is it with this species? It's so-called "modern" variety, which though appearing mostly cleaner and more sanitary than in previous epochs, has a bad habit, every hundred years or so, of trying to destroy the world?
(sorry, i'm just bummed the corp media still assume he's not spouting gibberish. and he doesn't drool even half enough on camera. he's overdue.)
Lemmings...with howitzers!
As soon as the centennial pandemic is over, it's time for Fascism.
Meanwhile, a little sparkling autocracy, as a treat
I seldom partake of autocracy, but when I do, I like it sparkling.
Stay fascist, my "friends".
The modern fasces being rendered as, not the bundle of sticks wrapped up tight around an ax; rather a fat bundle of M-16s wrapped round a petroleum spigot.
(here's what I wrote elsewhere): Submitted for your approval: Marco "Marquito" Rubio, an immigrant with ambition as big as the USA, and with a ruthless streak that's endeared him to his masters. One of those who exemplifies the phrase "Florida Man", a man with tangled roots in Cuba's past, an exile who, as the French say, learned nothing and forgot nothing. A sweaty, self-deluding man with kingly hopes and a knave's personality. He thinks he's hitched his wagon to a star, but he's actually tied himself to an anchor, which will drag him to the depths. With one final stop...at the Twilight Zone.
Gotta admit, he’s in The Room Where It Happens. True, he’s bringin’ the Diet Coke, but he’s in the room.
For me it's the speech pattern. Talk fast and leave a flummoxed press corps.
And Dokoupil takes over the news desk just in time for YOU. No more experts and academics talking over your head, just real 'Murricans with real opinions: "Can you buhlieve those libtards? They march around saying they want No Kings and then they go supporting the Dictator of Venezuela. Go figure. [expletive] communists!"
The links were rockin’ today. Good ol’ Manitoba. Couldn't get passed Peggy Noonan’s garbled memories of Beverly Sills but who could, ‘cept Roy.
WSJ could use that column in a competency hearing.
"that was a great moment, getting to tell Beverly Sills what I think music is."
Hoo boy. I picture Pegs -- drunk, slurring, saliva flying -- free-styling a bombastic nonsense treatise on art. Guessing it wasn't a "great moment" for Bev.
"Who's the diva NOW, Bevy?!?!"
Bev is lookin' around, thinking, "This stage has gotta have a volcano I can throw myself into."
And on that note (A above high C) we bid farewell to our diva, burnt to cinders stage right.
Was Bari fanning herself, a la Blanche DuBois, when she saw "TRUMP standing splay-legged on it with his hands on his hips like the Jolly Green Giant, a derrick rising between his legs and shooting oil, and the legend, 'AMERICA IS BACK!'”
I can now picture Bari Weiss playing all four Golden Girls simultaneously via CGI in a reboot of the series (I'm going to Hell for that image, aren't I?), directed by Brett Ratner.
If it weren't for hell, we'd have no place to go at all.
You're right. Yet I grew up with "Fly me to the moon…" We just don't think big anymore—except for Zohran Mamdani!
Fly THEM to the moon...or Mars.
or just straight into the Sun, that works too
The bottom of the Marianas Trench never gets the attention it deserves in these situations.
Not on the same planet, is my strategy.
Welcome back! Hardly anything to write about...
It’s been a quiet week in Lake Brain-Be-Gone
"hey don’t mean what they seem to mean if you just hear them without me telling you what they’re supposed to mean" -- hilarious also because Rubio served up nothing but the choppiest of chopped word salad on Sunday. And of course there's no controlling Tubby's mouth, no matter what message the comms team has landed on. But sure, let's move on to the next country, and the next. This one's not going so well, after all, why not roll the dice on a different one. Surely there's a nation out there ready to love Tubs the way he wants to be loved.
We have been instructed by the combined SecState/NatS'curity dude to always believe the Queensman. Thus, Greenlanders – prepare the snowballs!
"IT’S A POGROM!"
You get her.
It's her catchphrase! Search site:edroso.substack.com "it's a pogrom"
She’s pogromatic
Get with the pogrom!
Like Garrett on Community shrieking, "IT'S A BEAR DANCE!"
Roy's back with a Banger!
Bari-with-an-'I' Whites Runs Rampant! Killer Miller Runs Around Dampant!
Things are heating up in the outta control room...
Reality, with Rubio riding, is ahead by a nose but Edroso on Satire is pulling hard in the back stretch. About the only certanty is that politics abhorrs a vacuum, so somebody is gonna "run" Venezuela. Its beginning to look a lot like early 1960's Vietnam, and that turned out ok, eventually. Its a popular tourist destination today.
Waiting for the announcement that Jared Kushner and unnamed "business partners" are developing an upscale resort on Venezuela's finest beaches.
That will be how we learn Trump has made a Deal with whoever ends up running Venezuela.
That was Madoro’s mistake, not hiring Jared so all this recent unpleasantness could have been avoided.
Yeah. Pretty obvious from the get. Even better, entice Musk-y down there with a free launch site.
"Tar Sands Resort"
Luxuriate in the asphalt baths!
Sung to the tune of “The Race Is On” by George Jones.
Just think how much easier WWII could have been: Kill Hitler, leave Goering in charge, declare victory and come home for a big parade.