I was wondering if we’d get a return of Kushner in his patchwork Hazmat suit!
The funniest thing for me about the Walter Reed updates is how very bad Conley is at dissembling. He’s like a little kid lying about who ate all the cookies:
“We would show you the printouts of the President’s blood/oxygen levels, but a bear climbed through the window and stole them.”
(Not Ivanka--a "special delivery" from none other than Vladimir Vladimirovich--is specifically there to, er, "remind" everyone of their roles should Trumpov suddenly go literally Tango Uniform.)
Just a comment on this thing where there are some "liberals" saying we should wish the president gets well? These are the same people who would have been concerned about Hitler's health in 1943. I mean - WTF? I'm not saying that we should wish the old fart suffers for a couple of months and then croaks - although we could say that - but at the least we don't have to wish him well. Fuck that shit.
Ivanka absent because she's... uh... working on a UNICEF treaty -- that's gold.
Here is my UNICEF story. When I was 11, the school decided Halloween was the perfect occasion to make us kids collect for UNICEF. They gave us milk cartons we had to assemble ourselves, plus a big speech about how we better be good people and collect lots of money while trick-or-treating, and my teacher told us all you don't want to be embarrassed by being the student who raises the least. And it made me FURIOUS. Because I had an awesome costume, and toting around a milk carton with photos of starving Ethiopians on it was going to totally fuck up my vibe. Not to mention the vibe of Halloween in general. I couldn't understand -- why was every adult at school in overdrive to misconstrue the spirit of the holiday? Halloween is not about feeding the famine-stricken, you dopes, it is about being creepy and evil and cool, godammit! It did not help that the lame girls who lived next door got fully sing-song into this bullshit and declared they were going to raise the most. SELL-OUTS. Plus even as 5th grader I was like, what fucking person is going to answer their door to see our costumes and enjoy getting hit up for loose change? Are we supposed to stand there waiting while they feel guilty and go upstairs to the change tray on the dresser? This shit is going to kill *everyone's* night. So I put the UNICEF carton in the bottom of my pillowcase and ignored it all night and the next day I put two nickels in, so there'd be something to rattle when I handed it in, and I handed it in thinking "screw you, come at me, this was wrong to ask." Which was way out of line with my usual kidly fear of being embarrassed. But I was righteous for Halloween, the single greatest day of the year. And even now, as a result, I hate UNICEF. The organization is pathetic and wrong-headed. Fuck UNICEF. I hope Ivanka IS in charge of it.
This is chicken soup for the soul and soup nazi for my fembly.
Absolute Peak Trump. Assuming Conley is a chiropractor because he has a D.O., and that presidents can bestow an M.D. like it's a no-show patronage position at the Department of Transportation...
Miller shouting orders and invective like he wants to be Conrad Veidt when he grows up...
Trump's delight that they're killing babies to keep him alive. (Hell, there's a near inexhaustible supply of them; maybe he WILL live to 200)...
"First time I heard lesbo stuff that didn’t get me hot"...
I could go on, but rather than quoting the whole piece, can we just get someone to nominate this for the Nobel Prize in Literature? Can't be hard, they really seem to have lowered the bar this year...
LOL
I was wondering if we’d get a return of Kushner in his patchwork Hazmat suit!
The funniest thing for me about the Walter Reed updates is how very bad Conley is at dissembling. He’s like a little kid lying about who ate all the cookies:
“We would show you the printouts of the President’s blood/oxygen levels, but a bear climbed through the window and stole them.”
(Not Ivanka--a "special delivery" from none other than Vladimir Vladimirovich--is specifically there to, er, "remind" everyone of their roles should Trumpov suddenly go literally Tango Uniform.)
Was looking forward to this all weekend, did not disappoint!
Guilfoyle/gargoyle was absolutely perfect!
My favorite part? When you mention the “hamper.” I haven’t heard the word “hamper” in ages! Takes me back
„Weighted with despair”
It's funny because we're all doomed.
Chef's Kiss Detail: Trump yanking the duct tape off K's suit. Why does he do it? Oh, just because.
I'll be chuckling about this one all day.
Just a comment on this thing where there are some "liberals" saying we should wish the president gets well? These are the same people who would have been concerned about Hitler's health in 1943. I mean - WTF? I'm not saying that we should wish the old fart suffers for a couple of months and then croaks - although we could say that - but at the least we don't have to wish him well. Fuck that shit.
This is an excellent way to start Monday.
So much good stuff in this skit.
Ivanka absent because she's... uh... working on a UNICEF treaty -- that's gold.
Here is my UNICEF story. When I was 11, the school decided Halloween was the perfect occasion to make us kids collect for UNICEF. They gave us milk cartons we had to assemble ourselves, plus a big speech about how we better be good people and collect lots of money while trick-or-treating, and my teacher told us all you don't want to be embarrassed by being the student who raises the least. And it made me FURIOUS. Because I had an awesome costume, and toting around a milk carton with photos of starving Ethiopians on it was going to totally fuck up my vibe. Not to mention the vibe of Halloween in general. I couldn't understand -- why was every adult at school in overdrive to misconstrue the spirit of the holiday? Halloween is not about feeding the famine-stricken, you dopes, it is about being creepy and evil and cool, godammit! It did not help that the lame girls who lived next door got fully sing-song into this bullshit and declared they were going to raise the most. SELL-OUTS. Plus even as 5th grader I was like, what fucking person is going to answer their door to see our costumes and enjoy getting hit up for loose change? Are we supposed to stand there waiting while they feel guilty and go upstairs to the change tray on the dresser? This shit is going to kill *everyone's* night. So I put the UNICEF carton in the bottom of my pillowcase and ignored it all night and the next day I put two nickels in, so there'd be something to rattle when I handed it in, and I handed it in thinking "screw you, come at me, this was wrong to ask." Which was way out of line with my usual kidly fear of being embarrassed. But I was righteous for Halloween, the single greatest day of the year. And even now, as a result, I hate UNICEF. The organization is pathetic and wrong-headed. Fuck UNICEF. I hope Ivanka IS in charge of it.
This is chicken soup for the soul and soup nazi for my fembly.
Absolute Peak Trump. Assuming Conley is a chiropractor because he has a D.O., and that presidents can bestow an M.D. like it's a no-show patronage position at the Department of Transportation...
Miller shouting orders and invective like he wants to be Conrad Veidt when he grows up...
Trump's delight that they're killing babies to keep him alive. (Hell, there's a near inexhaustible supply of them; maybe he WILL live to 200)...
"First time I heard lesbo stuff that didn’t get me hot"...
I could go on, but rather than quoting the whole piece, can we just get someone to nominate this for the Nobel Prize in Literature? Can't be hard, they really seem to have lowered the bar this year...
Finally getting around to reading this was like opening my last, very delayed birthday present. Loved it!
Awesome, Perelman would greenlight