Come let us reason together

Connecting the horseshoe

“I’m not going to jump through hoops in order to like appease people angry that I'm here. I do, though, want to ask you about a question that I'm actually interested in myself, which is, you know, you have just said that you have made mistakes. Obviously, one of those is the stuff you said about Sandy Hook. We watched you in the film come very clean about the fact that you made statements that turned out to be untrue. You’ve obviously spent a lot of kind of reflective time. It’s like the soulful Alex Jones we got to see in the last part of the film. What is it that you think caused you to do that? I mean, you referenced some things I you know, and I just I identify with it myself that when, you know, people who lie for a living are telling you that you’re a liar, when people who are whose job it is to spread disinformation are accusing you of doing that, you kind of want to dig in a little bit and, and not give an inch to people who, you know, are criticizing you in good faith…” Glenn Greenwald to Alex Jones, during a Q&A in Austin, Texas

[The stage of a medium-sized hall. On the back screen, a giant rendering of a familiar silhouette.  GLENN GREENWALD, wearing tan trousers and a white shirt with blue tie, with a mic stuck on his collar, sits in a nice office chair; there’s another nice chair empty next to him.]

GREENWALD: OK, thank you. My guest tonight is something very special. He and I have had our differences in the past, and I guess I should say that I definitely [makes air quotes] do not support him, but we have to give him credit for challenging the establishment right down to its core, for which he has been endlessly persecuted and we’re going to talk about that. Also he kept Hillary Clinton from becoming president! Will you please welcome the former, some say current and future president, Donald Trump!

[TRUMP comes out in his usual red-tie blue suit, but with a “Free Assange” button on the lapel. “YMCA” plays; TRUMP does his weird dance. Crowd goes nuts — not Trump-rally nuts, more like Mar-a-Lago wedding party nuts. TRUMP is fitted with a mic and seated.]

Mr. Trump, thank you for joining us.

TRUMP: How ya doin’. Great to be here. And all these young, beautiful faces [gestures to crowd] it’s great to see, you’re hope for America’s future, you kids.

[Applause.]

GREENWALD: I want the crowd to see you’re wearing a Free Assange button.

[More excited applause.]

TRUMP: Yeah, absolutely, that was just a shame how Obama and Biden treated that guy, that Fred Assange. You know I tried, Glenn, I really did try to get the guy out from the house he was arrested in, ‘cause he was a friend of yours and I like to do favors, but like so many other things I wanted to do, they blocked me, blocked me like a dog, the Deep State and the Fake News.

GREENWALD: Now that’s interesting because liberals called you a fascist, called you a dictator, but when you wanted to free Assange, it seems the establishment was able to easily stop you, it’s like you didn’t have any power at all.

TRUMP: That’s right but I wanna correct the record and say there was also plenty I was able to do, in spite of them. Like the economy, we had that like, boy, nobody ever did, not even George Washington, it was the highest anyone ever saw, not like not with Senile Joe Biden where it’s in the toilet, what a disgrace —

GREENWALD: But Assange, you really tried to help him out —

TRUMP: Oh, yeah. Many times. And Afghanistan, too. I had a plan like you wouldn’t believe, ‘cause I wanted to get the boys out, you know, the soldiers, and my plan woulda got them all out, no bloodshed, and no Taliban — ‘cause when I met with them I said, listen, when we go, you gotta go also, and they agreed, they agreed on everything, which was a great achievement. Woulda been so beautiful, but the generals, you know they stopped me, just like they stopped me from cleaning up that January 6 thing, because they were mobbed up with the gays and the woke idiots.

GREENWALD: Yeah, ha ha, those gays are terrible, huh?

[Crowd laughs knowingly, in a manner of speaking.]

But listen, I’m with you, I’m the first to say there’s a hive mind among gay people that makes them support tyrannical measures like the Obergefell decision. That’s why I left the United States, actually, I didn’t want to be any part of that.

TRUMP: That’s very smart. [Points to GREENWALD] This is a smart guy, isn’t he, folks? Very smart.

[Applause.]

But listen, I know there’s a difference between you regular gay guys and the weird gay sort of, like the trans. Like you’re sort of straight gay, and they’re just gay, like that Chelsea Manning. She really screwed you over, right? He, she, it. Whatever.

GREENWALD: Oh, you know, I just don’t even pay attention —

TRUMP: Listen, you don’t have to do anything. When we get back in the White House, and we’re going back, believe me, we’re gonna take care of it for you. That Chelsea Manning, that, that, that other guy, gal, whatever on TV, at the drag story hours, all of them, we’re gonna fix it, we’re gonna fix it so they never bother you or anyone else again. How about that?

[GREENWALD studies his clipboard. TRUMP looks at the audience, which is silent. He turns back to GREENWALD.]

Something else I wanna know — how come Putin gets such a bad rap from the Democrats? I mean “Russia, Russia, Russia,” that’s their answer to everything. You know something, he’s not the bad guy here! Hillary Clinton is the bad guy! Chuck Schumer is! Nancy Pelosi is! Sleepy Joe Biden is!

GREENWALD: [Eagerly] That’s right!

[Cries of “yeah!” from the audience. TRUMP stands.]

TRUMP: They tried to sell you Russia Russia Russia, but it’s the other guys who are the Nazis, and they lie about it, they lie, they lie all the time, Sleepy Joe and Hillary Clinton, but lemme tell you, you know what, we’re gonna lock ‘em up! Whattaya say! Lock ‘em up! Lock ‘em all up!

[The crowd chants “Lock ‘em up!” “YMCA” comes back on; half the crowd chants in time while the other half sings along; TRUMP dances. CURTAIN.]