64 Comments
User's avatar
chrome agnomen's avatar

only 23% of 'ivy league men' will date trumpy women? what ever has happened to hate fucking?

Derelict's avatar

Meanwhile, Trump-supporting men will date even Clinton supporters. Probably because they understand that 1.) there just aren't very many female Trump supporters, and 2.) when you're so horny the crack of dawn isn't safe, any willing body will do.

Grouchy Medievalist's avatar

What I'm sure comes off as noble non-partisan gallantry on the part of Chad Chudderly here really boils down to the fact that for many male Trump supporters, a woman is no more capable of an actual political opinion than a guinea pig. So why would they care?

Also, most men (at least online) seem to operate from the assumption that their [perectly average, no doubt functioning] penis is exactly what any given women needs to magically solve all her problems, as well as his need to get a nutt.

billcinsd's avatar

Especially when the dudes know onanism is a sin

Derelict's avatar

Onanism in the pursuit of vice is no virtue!

SteveB's avatar

Poor Onan. I imagine him on his deathbed, wondering if he'll be remembered, and if so, for what.

Derelict's avatar

He's remembered today as the original handy man.

Grouchy Medievalist's avatar

These doods are more into "Conanism"

Derelict's avatar

"Onan! What is best in life?"

[in Schwarzenegger voice] To masturbate in public and hear the lamentations of women and children!

ChrisV82's avatar

It's hard to have sex with a woman who keeps putting keys and paperclips on her body to show you a vaccine made her magnetic.

Derelict's avatar

Oh, I dunno. I'm sure you can find an iron rod that would be draw to her.

ChrisV82's avatar

Iron Rod Dreher, a nickname no one ever used on him.

Derelict's avatar

Don't be hardon the man!

ohsopolite's avatar

Plus, if you're vaxxed she won't have anything to do with you because you're shedding the dreaded spike proteins.

Ellis Weiner's avatar

Or to have to continually explain to her, "No, no, that's not what I mean. I'm looking for ANIMAL magnetism."

SundayStyle's avatar

Further proof of my theory that every conservative grievance boils down to being a real-life version of Matt Bors’ You Made Me Become A Nazi cartoon.

There are some men – over-represented on the conservative side – who would rather devote about a hundred times more time and energy to dreaming up outlandish theories about why women won’t date them than spend a fraction of that time working on being a decent human being.

Incidentally, this guy has NO IDEA how bad it is. I wouldn’t let a Trump supporter clean my cat’s litter box let alone buy me dinner, LOL.

Grouchy Medievalist's avatar

"Clean my cat's box" IYKWIMAIKYD

SundayStyle's avatar

Ba-dum-bum-CHING, drum sting

redoubtagain's avatar

Not being able to force someone to "toss his (word) salad" = "discrimination"

Grouchy Medievalist's avatar

Innnnn-celebrate good times, c'mon

Let's incelebrate

SnarkiNorski's avatar

♬ Angry party going on ‘round here / incel-ebration that lasts throughout the year ♬

Mommadillo's avatar

"In this left-modernist worldview, conservatives’ resistance to racial, gender, and sexual progressivism mark them as moral deviants."

Assholes. The word you're looking for is assholes. Moral deviants lends you clowns entirely too much dignity.

And "Wah! Nobody likes us!" is not a good look even when justified, which it absolutely is not here.

Worriedman's avatar

What's so hard about "woke"? When you realize you're acting like an asshole, stop. Others will like you more. You will get treated better (which may include getting laid!)

Wasn't all this stuff in that Everything I know I learned in Kindergarten book from 30 years ago?

"politically endogamous tribe"

So many , these days, need walloped upside the head with a 1248 pg. hardbound copy of Roget's Thesaurus. I wish this Kaufmann Clown would wake to the fact he's a lousy writer and go work in a call center.

Yastreblyansky's avatar

I remember the asshole issue from the days when I used to have time to argue with libertarians. They felt asking them not to be obnoxious was censorship, and worse--asking them to be untruthful!

Worriedman's avatar

Well, my experience is that many, what the hell, most Libertarians are truly assholes.

ChrisV82's avatar

Once marijuana legalization began to be tied with racial justice, I noticed pot dropped down the rankings on the Libertarian platform.

ChrisV82's avatar

Telling the "truth" is definitely a one way street for the Ron Paul crowd; don't dare mention that the gold standard is not a topic worth arguing about at grandma's 80th birthday party.

Worriedman's avatar

Funny, they seem almost quaint compared to the current crop of maniacs.I knew selling combat weapons at Walmart was a bad idea.

SteveB's avatar

When your main concern is that the cries of the needy might be heard by government, potentially causing a 1% increase in your taxes, "asshole" is exactly what you're shopping for come election-time. Assholes are the only ones you can trust to say "Are there no workhouses?" when the widows and orphans come calling.

Then the disease progresses from "asshole is a necessary evil" to "asshole is an admirable quality", because "He says what he thinks!" and "He won't be silenced!"

Terminal stage is when "asshole" goes from "Something I look for in a candidate for office" to "Something I want to be myself." Sadly, "asshole" doesn't actually lead to success in life for anyone who doesn't make a living running in Republican primaries.

rfc's avatar

The Republican Party will never die, it will merely morph into the Incel Party.

Grouchy Medievalist's avatar

"Will"? Like in the future. The ship she is sailed

Grouchy Medievalist's avatar

"In this left-modernist worldview, conservatives’ resistance to racial, gender, and sexual progressivism mark them as moral deviants."

Ummm, ok -- "left-modernist" was probably "Gramscean cosmopolitan" in the first drafts

and....

Yes, those things do make one "moral deviants." Ethical, more accurately. Because being pro-marginalization & pro-oppression is not the same kind of opinion as what we're having for lunch.

"Oh, I'm sure the Frankfurt School wokery elites wouldn't approve of me ordering Pork Egg Foo Yung at this lunch"

"Dave, what the shit? It's family style. Order what you like."

"Just don't try to eat most of ours & leave that thing untouched like last time."

"Oh, will this ChiCom tyranny ever end?"

"Why do you keep inviting him?"

DrBDH's avatar

I can’t get no satisfaction

Since I joined the Trumpist faction

I can’t get no girly action

And I cried, and I cried,

And I cried, and I cried

I can’t get no!

I can’t get no!

Worriedman's avatar

In a couple of weeks Mick Jagger turns 77.

Hey (Hey!)

You (You!)

Get offa my lawn -

Worriedman's avatar

Joni Mitchell turns 77 this year too!

Help me, I think I've fallen-

And I can't get up!

Roy Edroso's avatar

These are actually good.

Ellis Weiner's avatar

For a while I had the fantasy of writing a jukebox musical starring Elvis Presby, with the lyrics of classics re-written to acknowledge/mock/deplore old age. I got as far as the Who's "Macular Degeneration" ("People try to show me stuff/MAC-U-LAR DE-GENNNN-ERATION/But my eyes ain't good enough/" etc.).

billcinsd's avatar

I assume "wish I'd died before I got old" was in the lyrics

Ellis Weiner's avatar

SOLD. Well done.

Derelict's avatar

When I'm rioting in DC

And the man comes to my domicile

And he says he's got a warrant

'Cause I posted my vids on YouTube TV!

I can't get no . . .

Yastreblyansky's avatar

Classic old-time fisking, such a pleasure. Maybe this guy could be the new VDH.

ohsopolite's avatar

He will be as soon as his chainsaw is stolen by The Woke.

Yastreblyansky's avatar

Though I doubt this guy does that manliness number to the extent of owning a chainsaw.

ChrisV82's avatar

Women won't date you because you wrote a 20,000 word screed about why the BBC was wrong for making The Doctor a woman? Girls don't like you because you loudly berate the wait staff in restaurants for "putting too much ice" in your Mountain Dew? Ladies find you unappealing because you wear a hideous red hat with Times New Roman font so it looks like a lazy product from Cafe Press? Well, then, it sounds like this might have something to do with the 1619 Project.

ColBatGuano's avatar

"Hey baby, when you're done harvesting the blood of infants for their precious adrenochrome want to have dinner with me? Why are you running away?"

Greg's avatar

LMAO - "dignity of a hand job". There's very little dignity in a hand job to begin with so I dunno but that's funny as hell.

Derelict's avatar

Lack of dignity in a handjob!?!?! Somebody is doing it wrong.

SteveB's avatar

"You wanted that hand job, BUT THEY HAD TO GIVE IT TO A MINORITY" [close-up of a pair of white hands... oh, nevermind]

SteveB's avatar

I believe I've read my share of THE CRITICAL RACE THEORY, and I don't remember seeing one word about black folks complaining that white folks won't date them.

billcinsd's avatar

Once you go white

you'll never delight

LarrytheRed's avatar

Aren't there any like-minded college girls? Or do they secretly want the girls who hate them? That's an issue for a therapist.

billcinsd's avatar

There were a few mentioned in the first study, but one assumes not enough for the number of guys when you remember that the old Trumpy guys are in the competition, too

Manqueman's avatar

JFC, I suppose it’s on me to lower the level of discourse…: if a decent percentage of women did deign to date Trumpets, maybe there’d be fewer insurrectionists, alt-righters, etc.

Too: 6% also sounds like the percentage of Trumpets worth dating.

But to sober up a bit: Odds are the Trump Man is unlikely to use birth control and, in case of pregnancy, will insist on, well, let’s say stymying the woman’s right to choose. So, you know, odds on of being a poor choice in a date. Add, as it were, likely being exposed to a spew of conservative media delusions, well, a hard pass is smart and easy.

Of course, the nation might be better off without this far left Lysistrataism but it’s not for me to judge.

D. Sidhe's avatar

At least he reminded me of SEK and I'm gonna spend the rest of the day reading old stories from him.

Derelict's avatar

Old Man Cat FTW!

Roy Edroso's avatar

High praise indeed.

R.Porrofatto's avatar

"Morlocks are made, not born!"

Damn, Roy, I don't know how you do it.

This guy thinks that Trump supporters are victimized by mere political animosity? Jesus, asshole, Trump supporters aren't repulsive because of some disagreement over progressive taxation or universal heathcare. It's because they're fucking TRUMP supporters, and by definition that doesn't make them "affectively polarized," it makes them fucking losers. Much to Kaufmann's dismay, progressive men and women actually have standards, and "asshole" doesn't meet any of them. (He also conflates "conservatives" with "Trump supporters" throughout, but that's his problem.)

What makes it all the more insanely ridiculous, to be kind, is that Kaufmann wants the full weight of the government to mandate and enforce laws against making Trump-lovers feel bad: "government must step in," "governments should be able to regulate," "This may require governments to," "publicly funded organizations would be required," "require governments to... prevent their administrators... prevent private firms," leading to hysterical paragraphs demanding a new crusade of affirmative action for Trumpists in all institutions.

Yeah. That'll get 'em laid.