Dispatches from the Phoney War

Waiting for the end of the world

© 2020 Roy Edroso

You've heard about the Phoney War, right? In 1939 the “Lion of the Senate” William E. Borah of Idaho used the term, according to a Sept. 18 New York Times dispatch:

...[Borah] today accused Great Britain and France of “pulling their punches” against Germany on the Western front and asserted that there was something “phoney” about the European war.

The veteran isolationist also told newspaper men that Soviet Russia’s invasion of Poland probably would result in the loss of Turkey to the Allies’ cause, but would facilitate the restoration of peace because Britain and France might find Russia and Germany “too big a bite to chew”...

“You would think that they would do what they are going to do now while Germany and Russia are still busy in the east, instead of waiting until they have cleared up their business there” [Borah said].

Whoops! Hindsight’s 20/20, of course. No one could have been sure if or when Hitler and Stalin would break up. Nor could any of the Allies at that point have afforded to throw in a big hand. But though it is now grimly funny that Kingsley Wood, Britain’s air force minister, vetoed a bombing run on the Black Forest on the grounds that it was private property, nobody wanted to get the rumble started — though it’s unlikely any but the most wishful of thinkers thought Europe would pull back from the brink. And bombs went off and ships sank and men were killed even in the Phoney War.

Now look, here we are, in another relatively calm era — deaths toll low, supply chains only interrupted in the nuisance sort of way they usually are during less global catastrophes. We’re pretty calm, even considering our asshole president’s malfeasance. But out of the corners of our eyes we’re still catching China and Korea claw and struggle back only after mammoth effort, and Italy overwhelmed and struggling to grab a foothold. And as recently as this weekend people in American cities were doing mass nightlife scenes like it was some kind of patriotic act of defiance:

Janna Abraham @SportsPundette

Downtown Nashville is undefeated.

Idiots.

Like I said last week, I’m sympathetic to the impulse to push back when people tell me not to be anti-social. But at this point it’s like reading the ancient anti-social script constantly running through my own mind, and half-nodding because it’s familiar and makes some kind of emotional sense, and then seeing someone like that Red Robin bitch or Sheriff Iamblack-Trumpy Lookitmyhat going off and thinking, uh, shit, maybe I have to scale it down. My instinct is to “reclaim the space,” and God knows I hate germophobic sissies like Jim Lileks and Jonah Goldberg, but what’s real is real and a virus riding a pandemic wave isn’t going to be impressed by my defiant show of sweat- and spittle-sharing.

Here in D.C. it’s quiet — but it’s usually quiet, because this place is dull as shit so it’s not a big change. I was extremely disappointed to see the Smithsonian museums and the National Gallery and the big theaters close, because they sustain me through the normal boredom, but I understand the necessity. Thank God I am blessed with a Criterion Channel subscription that normally, due to my insane work load, I don’t have enough time to enjoy, and have started wallowing in some great films I’ve missed — though I must admit Shame and The Exterminating Angel were not great choices during a state of emergency.

I see the District has reined in the bars, clubs and restaurants — a good start — and that the schools are closed; I am delighted to hear that not only are the local school systems handing out free lunches to indigent kids, but also some restaurants are offering them free or discounted meals. And our local hero Jose Andreas — who not only runs great places to eat but is also one of the saviors of post-hurricane Puerto Rico — has shut his restaurants and made some of them into community kitchens. If this country were any good he’d be a national hero.

The missus and I have been taking long walks, in the area and elsewhere. Saturday she drove us out to Fort Washington, Maryland where we strolled and sat quietly with the rolling lawns, turrets, battlements, and the shades and specters of history. Being a city boy perpetually disappointed by my cowtown exile, I’m not crazy about nature, but I have to say in a pinch long walks in the fresh air are soothing and conducive to naps.

Maybe it’ll also blow over quick; more likely it’ll just blow. But in this Phoney War phase I’m grateful for the relative calm.