And I, for one, should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floor of the silent sea.
I'm about had it with the news business. I sat down Sunday morning to catch up on current events and after a few minutes cruising the news sites I threw up my hands
and yelled " Who' does a guy got to blow to get 5 W's and an H on this God damn internet? "
Bravo, Roy. As outlandish as this is, like all good parody it only stretches the truth a little without taking it into Never-Never Land. Trump could come out at a rally drooling and wearing a bib, then recite The Itsy Bitsy Spider, and start hurling his own shit at the crowd like monkeys in the zoo, and the NYT would say something like “A Frustrated Trump Displays Anger Over His Slip In The Polls, As His Supporters Enthusiasm Remains High.” Then they’ll send even more reporters to diners in Ohio to see if the shit-flinging episode changed any votes.
How are they still doing this? Nine years in, and the NYT can’t grasp the simple fact that Trump supporters are going to stick with him, or at least say they are sticking with him, no matter what? I know the NYT wants him to win, but they’ve reached and surpassed the point of self-parody.
I get that there are holdouts, with various reasons, but just saying (or even just THINKING) "eensy weensy" makes it a more compelling lyric. There's a certain majestic infantilism about a grown person singing "eensy weensy" that resonates far stronger than just "itsy bitsy". Why, the derivations ALONE...whats' that? Little Richard left the chat? And the sponsor's complaining? OK, never mind...
Saw a video short, "Do you know the original words to Tutti-Fruitti? I bet you dont". Yes, yes I do. People today are such lightweights sheesh. Sub-text, people. Hell, I'm autistic and I figured that out. The children's stories have become the grown-ups stories. Don't get me started on Valentine's Day. THAT'S NOT A HEART!
This all seems to be a completely reasonable and rational take on the present situation to me. Living inside a bad slapstick comedy was not my original idea of how I wanted to spend my Golden Years, but here I am waiting for the enxt pie.
When you spin the big How Does It End? wheel, Bad Slapstick Comedy isn’t the worst place to land. Depending upon your family you could always get Eugene O’Neill, Edward Albee, or Harold Pinter. Or maybe just Samuel Beckett or the dreaded Lose A Turn (but I repeat myself).
You know, I see this is one of those Trump in MAL things and I wonder, after the past couple of days, whether we’ve reached a point where the real Donnie is funnier than anything Roy can come up with. I know! That’d be real crossing an event horizon stuff (whatever an event horizon is).
But nope. The master still has it; this is funnier than the real thing.
Also: I’d say 25-30% probability of that poop thing happening. He’s losing it that bad — maybe even worse than Sulzberger and Kahn losing it over Kamala not doing interviews albeit really just not doing one with them.
Oh they're feelin' their oats, having forced Biden from the race, now they're doin' the "Nice campaign ya got here, be a shame if something happened to it" act. When I snap my fingers and say "personal interview" you better hop to it, little lady!
They did already have the "interview" and Dash Sulzberger spent most of it still complaining that Biden wouldn't give him an interview. The VP referred him back to the White House; apparently Dash thinks that the VP keeps the President's calendar or something like that.
Hear me out: Three-way Live on Twitter with Sulzberger, Elon Musk and Donald Trump. A meeting of minds between the three most important people on planet Earth.
Factor in the 40 minutes waiting for Twitter to get its shit together and this is three hours he devoted to this shitshow. Probably the only campaign event he did all day.
Ever so slightly amazed — slightly because he can’t do things any differently — that everything he does is limited to holding on to his supporters and nothing about attracting anyone else.
Of course, I still have no doubt he’s going to lose the popular vote; OTOH, how he loses does matter…
BTW: the Mrs and I spent a short hour Monday running around inside Madison’s lovely lo-security capitol.
Did not follow the lie-fest, although pleased to see it get off late because of technical problems (not rocket-crashing level, but still). However, the one tidbit I saw this morning was Tubby claiming Biden is at "vegetable level" dementia. We've got to get him off the ticket, stat!
A lounge discussing the work of Sophus Lie? Aw damn, that's right down my alley.....oh wait. (Mathematicians never get their own lounge, it's not fucking fair i mean....)
The Harris Walz campaign issued a short statement, ending in:
"Trumps entire campaign is in the service of people like Elon Musk, and himself, -self obsessed rich guys who cannot run a live stream of the year 2024."
To be fair, I couldn't run a live stream, but I'm not claiming to be a tech genius.
Well, that's just the Democrats as we've always known them. isn't it? Their firing squads always in a straight line, their cats march dutifully in order, easily herded, they kick that darn football to the MOON.
Hmm, I wonder which types of auto maintenance and repair could be performed underway. Make it a game show! Click and Clack style color commentary, complemented by a Furiosa type lady.
As for the rules: for some repairs, I might allow coasting with the engine off.
The Elon interview was scarier than usual. On top of everything else, he had a pronounced lisp. I wonder if it will surface again. Different drugs? Who can say anymore.
I saw one quote from Musk, during the interview, "We just want the things everyone wants, safe and clean cities, control over our border, a reasonable level of government spending."
Buddy, have you SEEN your candidate? This "we're normal" shit ain't gonna fly.
The speculation is that he had removed his dentures for the interview, which makes it understandable but also, how could you know that you shouldn't have your dentures out during an audio interview who didn't tell him?
Also, how can a 78 year old billionaire not have his original teeth? I would have assumed excellent dental care is just a thing that goes with being rich. He refused to brush because mommy told him to?
Just one sample of the genius-level discourse, Tubby suggested Elon put solar panels on the roofs of the cars. Imagine being Elon Musk and having to say, "Uh... yes sir, brilliant idea, nobody's ever suggested that before!"
When one is writing the first draft of history, one must take one's task very seriously. One must be seen, by oneself as well as others, as a Very Serious Person. Thus, if one is, by no fault of one's own, stuck covering the single most batshit candidate for such a job in all of Earth's history, one must find a way of portraying one's career, which one has chosen out of Passion and Purpose, as not one of tagging along with a clown show.
If you want to know what reg'lar 'merkins think you go to a diner in rural Wisconsin and interview a guy who thinks the 2020 election was stolen and Anthony Fauci should be in jail. You'd NEVER come to Madison and interview people who think everyone deserves education and health care and believe that dropping 2000 pound bombs on refugee children is a bad thing to do, what kind of whackadoodles believe THAT stuff, amirite?
I'm just pondering the VSP logicstream. I, Serious, is just one small stumble away from Vandals, Visigoths & Huns LLP taking over the husk of your exoskelton for between-sack snacks.
MattyGlesias? Ross Douthat? Brett Stephens? David Brooks? Glen Kessler? The line is so long. We could do a big Agatha Christie style reveal of the culprit at an Applebees salad bar.
"What are they gonna say about him? That he was a GOOD man?" That's one brilliantly apropos citation of Dennis Hopper right there. And the shit throwing is gonna happen.
(Come to think of it, where are the cotton candy combover copycats? Granted, his style seems to violate the space-time continuum, but MAGA has had years to crack the code. It should be a badge of honor, like that samurai hairdo.)
“Me make poopies.” Genuinely laughed out loud. I always appreciate having my permanently-atrophied-at-the-age-of-six sense of humor catered to.
I think our senses of humor grew, but never forgot their roots.
Such a BIG BOY is Donnie! Next time, let's see if you can make poopie in the potty, OK?
Yeah, but nobody wins that bet.
Commercial tag: "I'm a BIG KID NOW!"
I see what you did there. I'm a big kid now, that's why I need three flushes. These damn low-water toilets....
And I, for one, should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floor of the silent sea.
I'm about had it with the news business. I sat down Sunday morning to catch up on current events and after a few minutes cruising the news sites I threw up my hands
and yelled " Who' does a guy got to blow to get 5 W's and an H on this God damn internet? "
"Whoa, whoa, son...cool down. Take a walk in the greenhouse. Pet a minion. Commune with a cat...There ya go..."
Ease the fuck up, Prufrock! Get a hold of yourself man!
NYT the next day: "Harris's continued refusal to fling her feces at her supporters indicates a lack of presidential seriousness."
Does she even poop AT ALL? New York Times demands evidence.
Not for the press! Boo!
Harris Campaign Refuses to Disclose Candidate's Movements
Vance posse follows her to the can, is denied entry. "I just wanted to see my new toilet."
I BET SHE KEEPS TAMPONS IN THERE
A new (and compelling!) reason to assess the DNA of sewage outfalls at the Naval Observatory.
Bravo, Roy. As outlandish as this is, like all good parody it only stretches the truth a little without taking it into Never-Never Land. Trump could come out at a rally drooling and wearing a bib, then recite The Itsy Bitsy Spider, and start hurling his own shit at the crowd like monkeys in the zoo, and the NYT would say something like “A Frustrated Trump Displays Anger Over His Slip In The Polls, As His Supporters Enthusiasm Remains High.” Then they’ll send even more reporters to diners in Ohio to see if the shit-flinging episode changed any votes.
How are they still doing this? Nine years in, and the NYT can’t grasp the simple fact that Trump supporters are going to stick with him, or at least say they are sticking with him, no matter what? I know the NYT wants him to win, but they’ve reached and surpassed the point of self-parody.
That's 'eensy weensy', but otherwise OK.
I'm sorry, but if Little Richard says it's itsy bitsy it's fuckin' canonical.
I seem to be swearing a lot today, don't know where that's coming from. Sorry.
I get that there are holdouts, with various reasons, but just saying (or even just THINKING) "eensy weensy" makes it a more compelling lyric. There's a certain majestic infantilism about a grown person singing "eensy weensy" that resonates far stronger than just "itsy bitsy". Why, the derivations ALONE...whats' that? Little Richard left the chat? And the sponsor's complaining? OK, never mind...
Saw a video short, "Do you know the original words to Tutti-Fruitti? I bet you dont". Yes, yes I do. People today are such lightweights sheesh. Sub-text, people. Hell, I'm autistic and I figured that out. The children's stories have become the grown-ups stories. Don't get me started on Valentine's Day. THAT'S NOT A HEART!
Thanks, man.
Yellow polka-bot bikini?
This all seems to be a completely reasonable and rational take on the present situation to me. Living inside a bad slapstick comedy was not my original idea of how I wanted to spend my Golden Years, but here I am waiting for the enxt pie.
"Living inside a bad slapstick comedy was not my original idea of how I wanted to spend my Golden Years"
Funny. That is PRECISELY what I anticipated.
When you spin the big How Does It End? wheel, Bad Slapstick Comedy isn’t the worst place to land. Depending upon your family you could always get Eugene O’Neill, Edward Albee, or Harold Pinter. Or maybe just Samuel Beckett or the dreaded Lose A Turn (but I repeat myself).
A BANG, and a whimper...
Scared me for a minute. I thought you might include The Boys. But, no fear, that's not bad slapstick comedy, that's GREAT slapstick comedy. Whew!
I know, right? The way things have turned out is not what I envisioned, AT ALL. I mean, AT ALL, AT ALL. I grew up on The Jetsons. Them lying bastiges.
"He's a poet warrior in the classic sense. .... “Do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in ‘life’?”
Three points! When this scenario plays out next week remember, folks, you read it here first!
You know, I see this is one of those Trump in MAL things and I wonder, after the past couple of days, whether we’ve reached a point where the real Donnie is funnier than anything Roy can come up with. I know! That’d be real crossing an event horizon stuff (whatever an event horizon is).
But nope. The master still has it; this is funnier than the real thing.
Also: I’d say 25-30% probability of that poop thing happening. He’s losing it that bad — maybe even worse than Sulzberger and Kahn losing it over Kamala not doing interviews albeit really just not doing one with them.
Oh they're feelin' their oats, having forced Biden from the race, now they're doin' the "Nice campaign ya got here, be a shame if something happened to it" act. When I snap my fingers and say "personal interview" you better hop to it, little lady!
I AM THE NEW YORK TIMES KNEEL BEFORE ME
They did already have the "interview" and Dash Sulzberger spent most of it still complaining that Biden wouldn't give him an interview. The VP referred him back to the White House; apparently Dash thinks that the VP keeps the President's calendar or something like that.
Hear me out: Three-way Live on Twitter with Sulzberger, Elon Musk and Donald Trump. A meeting of minds between the three most important people on planet Earth.
Sorry, meant "self-important."
😵💫🤢🤮
Is the green one Elon?
Dude, what I experienced due to your image of Sulzberger, Musk and Trump. The former interviewing the latter…
I’m feeling queasy again, gotta run before…
Interviews, specially in this race, maybe are lower priority than feeding momentum with the rallies and then the debate(s).
Sulzberger and Kahn are doing such a shitty job that they make WR Hearst look good.
Factor in the 40 minutes waiting for Twitter to get its shit together and this is three hours he devoted to this shitshow. Probably the only campaign event he did all day.
Maybe all week.
Ever so slightly amazed — slightly because he can’t do things any differently — that everything he does is limited to holding on to his supporters and nothing about attracting anyone else.
Of course, I still have no doubt he’s going to lose the popular vote; OTOH, how he loses does matter…
BTW: the Mrs and I spent a short hour Monday running around inside Madison’s lovely lo-security capitol.
"Trump in MAL"
Dude. Trump hasn't been in Mal for a long, long time. She hardly has anything to do with him.
I really don’t care, do u?
Aw thanks. Now I can't define the Led Zep "really don't care, really don't care" lyric I hear in my head. Arrrrgh.
That’s on Melania then.
So unfair to accuse me of anything…
"Hirsute, Oklahoma"...
Plotzing here.
You know tRump Will publicly call Harris "a nasty bitch ", and soon use the N-word instead of nasty.
Him going full GG Allin is entirely responsible...
Even CNN had to sit up and take notice of the remarkable Elon hosted lie-fest last PM.
Optimism is so unusual I need to get used to it.
Did not follow the lie-fest, although pleased to see it get off late because of technical problems (not rocket-crashing level, but still). However, the one tidbit I saw this morning was Tubby claiming Biden is at "vegetable level" dementia. We've got to get him off the ticket, stat!
Of course, a Serious Journalist would go to Biden for a response, but they'd have to chase after him on a bike. Let's see Tubby ride a bike.
See, now that Harris is the candidate, I can read "Biden's on a bike" without any sphincter-clenching! I'm FREE!
Maybe. But keep practicing the clench, just in case.
If you've ever flown a light plane, you know a good sphincter-clench buys you an extra hundred feet of altitude, easy.
"Wanna fly higher without all that extra fuel? Clench THIS!"
Fib-fest in the Lie Lounge!
Excuse me, I think you meant FalsehoodPalooza
A lounge discussing the work of Sophus Lie? Aw damn, that's right down my alley.....oh wait. (Mathematicians never get their own lounge, it's not fucking fair i mean....)
SteveB seems pretty comfy loungin' around these parts...
The Harris Walz campaign issued a short statement, ending in:
"Trumps entire campaign is in the service of people like Elon Musk, and himself, -self obsessed rich guys who cannot run a live stream of the year 2024."
To be fair, I couldn't run a live stream, but I'm not claiming to be a tech genius.
What, nothing about crashing rockets?
Sssshh!
Am up clay on the ockets-ray...
MUCHO data collected! PERFECT success!
I make them go up
Not where they come down
That's not my department
Says Werner Von Braun.
You could pull off a Zoom meeting.
Well I've been in one; and have resolutely avoided learning any more.
Hell, I've done my own brakes a couple times , and swapped out starters and alternators...how hard could it be?
You got nuthin' on the Dems – they swapped out a prez! MIDSTREAM!
Well, that's just the Democrats as we've always known them. isn't it? Their firing squads always in a straight line, their cats march dutifully in order, easily herded, they kick that darn football to the MOON.
Hmm, I wonder which types of auto maintenance and repair could be performed underway. Make it a game show! Click and Clack style color commentary, complemented by a Furiosa type lady.
As for the rules: for some repairs, I might allow coasting with the engine off.
...and we acknowledge "pulling off a zoom" as yet another delightful euphemism!
New Yorker Suspends Jeffrey Toobin for Masturbating on Zoom Call
https://tinyurl.com/5n8z28am
Holy fuck, how did I miss that. If that was me, I would have sold everything I own and now be managing a Cinnabon in Nebraska under an assumed name.
The Elon interview was scarier than usual. On top of everything else, he had a pronounced lisp. I wonder if it will surface again. Different drugs? Who can say anymore.
They need to replace a chip.
He was doing John Candy in Dr. Tung's House of Cats. Jeez, you squares just don't get him AT ALL.
I hope all the MAGAs start lisping in solidarity.
I saw one quote from Musk, during the interview, "We just want the things everyone wants, safe and clean cities, control over our border, a reasonable level of government spending."
Buddy, have you SEEN your candidate? This "we're normal" shit ain't gonna fly.
The speculation is that he had removed his dentures for the interview, which makes it understandable but also, how could you know that you shouldn't have your dentures out during an audio interview who didn't tell him?
"who didn't tell him?"
This is a thing Musk and Trump have in common, they're surrounded by toadies and yes-men who tell them they're WONDERFUL no matter what they do.
Also, how can a 78 year old billionaire not have his original teeth? I would have assumed excellent dental care is just a thing that goes with being rich. He refused to brush because mommy told him to?
A Zoom call with Elon Musk and Donald Trump. FOR TWO HOURS. I think we have identified the seventh circle of Hell.
I would love to see the stats on how many actual humans were still watching at the end.
All of them, Katie
FartyButt1488 still hangin' in there!
Just one sample of the genius-level discourse, Tubby suggested Elon put solar panels on the roofs of the cars. Imagine being Elon Musk and having to say, "Uh... yes sir, brilliant idea, nobody's ever suggested that before!"
My car has a solar panel on its roof. I bought said car in 2021
My 2012 Nissan Leaf has one too! I'm not sure it's even working, it's just a trickle-charger for the 12 volt battery, I think.
Musk probably pretended like this was some brilliant new idea, like waterproofing the electric batteries that go in boats.
I was thinking GG Allin too.
I remember a friend showing me a shitty video. Can't say I was impressed. A pretentious young man, I fancied myself cultured.
But the tunes slay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKmVKTW5-gY
Thanks, I'll think I'll finish my coffee first.
And remember to balance the fancied culturing with cultured fancying.
Half the wheels on my wheelhouse
When one is writing the first draft of history, one must take one's task very seriously. One must be seen, by oneself as well as others, as a Very Serious Person. Thus, if one is, by no fault of one's own, stuck covering the single most batshit candidate for such a job in all of Earth's history, one must find a way of portraying one's career, which one has chosen out of Passion and Purpose, as not one of tagging along with a clown show.
Just point to your own temple sagaciously and say, "Energizing the base!"
We must atone for our coastal elitism by taking these whackjobs seriously.
If you want to know what reg'lar 'merkins think you go to a diner in rural Wisconsin and interview a guy who thinks the 2020 election was stolen and Anthony Fauci should be in jail. You'd NEVER come to Madison and interview people who think everyone deserves education and health care and believe that dropping 2000 pound bombs on refugee children is a bad thing to do, what kind of whackadoodles believe THAT stuff, amirite?
I'm just pondering the VSP logicstream. I, Serious, is just one small stumble away from Vandals, Visigoths & Huns LLP taking over the husk of your exoskelton for between-sack snacks.
Have you seen the movie Yahoo Serious? I hear it explains the VSP logicstream very well
How about a contest to identify “Other awful person”? I’d go with Elon Musk, but the broadcast needs more glitches. Maybe Jake Tapper?
I was confused by that because the typical Sunday show features no fewer than five awful people.
I'll forever take your word on this one (lifelong vow NEVER to subject myself to the chat shows).
The Five Awfuls are usually the 2023-24 Detroit Pistons starting lineup.
MattyGlesias? Ross Douthat? Brett Stephens? David Brooks? Glen Kessler? The line is so long. We could do a big Agatha Christie style reveal of the culprit at an Applebees salad bar.
Ezra Klein and Megan McArdle are miffed that they didn't make the first cut.
No love for Dame Peggy?
Peggy! We're sorry, you're awful too!
Have you forgotten Chris Cillizza?
"What are they gonna say about him? That he was a GOOD man?" That's one brilliantly apropos citation of Dennis Hopper right there. And the shit throwing is gonna happen.
Forget Simone Biles, Leon Marchand, Mondo Duplantis. The Li Lin Chou bit wins every gold medal on the books. And all of them in the future too.
Trump probably can't work with the concept South Asian. Has he used it?
He actually *might* declare her Chinese. Or Native American. "She claimed to be an Indian!"
"Oh, now she's ASIAN as well as she wants to be BLACK? Pick a lane, lady!"
This is coming, guaranteed.
Very Online Rightwingers will be doing their "Objective reality means NOTHING anymore" schtick, just like with "Define a woman."
Whack ‘em in the knee with a Louisville Slugger and see how they feel about objective reality then…
That must be the reason why this is a thing people only say on the internet.
"... shits in his hand and throws it into the audience. He then wipes his hand on J.D. VANCE, standing nearby."
Next week they raise a million dollars by selling the shit Vance combed out of his beard.
Then at the next rally the whole crowd show up in shit-smeared shirts.
Oh, if they did that I would feel so owned, that's for sure.
Olfactorily speaking.
Lisping and with maxi pads on their ears.
Just like all NORMAL people do!
Don't forget the diapers!
(Come to think of it, where are the cotton candy combover copycats? Granted, his style seems to violate the space-time continuum, but MAGA has had years to crack the code. It should be a badge of honor, like that samurai hairdo.)
MAGAT, maggot, same difference. . .
"The man is cleat in his mind"
?
Well, he does play a lot of golf.
Typo, fixed
We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
"The man is clear in his mind, but his soul is mad" is fuckin' poetry.
I believe I brought-up that last scenario, probably not here and with the local M.C. instead of Vance, nine years back.