Jeepers, Roy! I thought these things were parodies, not just regurgitating the news and views of conservatives today.
In all seriousness, one of the only "good" things about the Trump presidency has been watching conservatives slowly break every bone in their own bodies as they endlessly contort themselves trying to defend Donald Trump. We long ago passed the "sure, he said that, but he didn't MEAN that" stage. And we also passed the stage of "let me nitpick the exact specific out-of-context somewhat meaning of those words to prove their opposite."
Today's Trump demands an entirely new level of response from conservatives. I figure we're maybe a week away from them proclaiming that George Soros had Trump kidnapped by the Secret Service and replaced with a lab-grown replicant that receives secret programming through his cell phone. The replicant is given instructions every day to go out and look as foolish as possible in order to discredit conservatism and bring about the Soros-controlled One World Order.
Since I'm in a mood, I'd dare say there are no substantive good things from this and our national leaders' gross, historic, literally deadly failure in leadership.
Maybe it'll result in the necessary election results whenever the next election's held. But meanwhile, the CARES Act has shown that it's just going to be a continuation of the post-2008 crap. Change is needed but it's already been blocked, at least till the next election (whenever).
Where's the Times' balanced page 1 story saying that some experts don't believe that once someone's dead they cannot be resurrected?
Seriously, if the point of the post is how the wing nuts skew Donnie's "misstatements" (or, as normal people would put it, idiocy), it really needs at least one example of how the establishment press indulges in the same thing.
Meanwhile, a query: How come you don't hear about that 60k dead number anymore? Can't be because we're pretty much have broken 50k already -- and with the second wave coming sooner rather than later -- so soon that it's gonna overlap with the current initial phase. And, maybe I should add, the reason the national curve is flattened as well as it has been is because, in large part, the gross insufficiency of testing: Far from enough tests being given, let alone, assayed and local leaders not interested in testing (if you know what I mean). Can't find something if you don't bother to look. And now that I think about it, given the failure of sufficient testing, maybe we've broken 60k already. (~5m daily needed, still well below ~2m.) Dear Leader Killer Donnie clearly is try to outdo the PRC in downplaying the scale of the pandemic.
You could pull some random guy off the street, put him behind the podium to give a briefing , and there’s a 50% chance he’d do a more coherent job than Trump. There’s a 75% chance he’d do a less dangerous one.
The truly sad/hilarious part is the conservative bootlickers’ panic-posts after Trump drops one of his outlandish “science” bombshells. Seeing them ricochet between “he never used those exact words” and “but it could work, though” is like watching cockroaches scramble after you turn the light on in a dark room.
Well, the random guy off the street wouldn't have Authority, which is also why conservatives must defend Trump, because conservatives have a great deal of respect for Authority—that is, people born to it or fitting their archetype for it, as opposed to mere authorities on things, who can be any kind of queer joo boogie or wog or even a woman! (See: why Barack Obama was never Authority.)
People who've worked to become authorities can give you facts; only Authority can give you Truth.
Or electric football. Remember that from the 60s? Set up the little plastic players on the metal field, flip the switch, and they just buzz around entirely at random. Actually, I guess that could describe Federal policy in general.
With a fine enough sieve—00 silkscreen stretched over an embroidery frame, say—and a container into which the above would fit tightly, and some _legally_ obtained marijuana (I can't emphasise this enough, the physics won't work-out if it's not legal, honest) you could use one of those to make fine hashish.
As I’ve said, a cursory examination of the Right Media shows Late South African Pres.Thambo Mbeki’s crazy HIV cures were mocked as “anti-science by Breitbart, for example...
I think this is an excellent invidious comparison...
As I read one of Roy’s dependably brilliant pasticcios (really, we call them “piss-takes” here in the rapidly disimproving Lower Midwest.) I find myself ordering the cast of characters by how much I would like to punch them in the junk. No reason. My mind just seems to go there. This week was particularly challenging. Shapiro’s or D’Souza usually jump immediately jump to the top of the list. That motherfucker Tom Cotton, that asshole Bret Baier – they always run up at front of the pack when it comes to needing their junk jacked. This time though – Mollie Hemingway came in first. I’m not proud of it, but there it is.
I don't understand how the movie Flatliners can have undergone a remake yet so-called scientists remain unwilling to temporarily kill people before bringing them back to life. And the lamestream media refuses to report on it.
In the denouement of 'The Gentlemen', Mattie McConaughey mentally soliloquizes "..there can be no doubt because doubt causes chaos and one's own demise"... Doubt being Drumpf's strongest manoeuvre, I cannot wait any faster for his expiration ~ hopefully a clandestine Covid stroke that hits him in the middle of one of his masturbatory spiels in front of 50 press members and cameras, causing his eyes to bulge and blood......oh, wait, I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?
I'll settle for him living after screaming 'Dogs fucked the Pope—NO FAULT OF MINE!!!'.
(As well as the obvious, see "Islands in the Net" in which Bruce Sterling cribs that bit, along with a bit he got either from "Stand on Zanzibar" or a Yippie pamphlet.)
Christ, the Ted Williams reference brings back memories of reading a book called "Frozen" about the company that froze his head and their dubious ethical practices. The guys running it seem to be Libertarian weirdos who believe themselves to be the salvation of humanity. One guy is described as even having castrated himself so he has no distraction from The Goal. Creepy, creepy crowd. Possibly Trump supporters now.
Libertarians are always potential immortalists because the irreversibility of death otherwise might make some 'weak sisters' among them think that the Market can't do everything.
Yes, the Market supposedly can still work because everyone can voluntarily assign a price to their own and everybody else's life, most certainly in the case of others a replacement value, but it's enough to weaken faith in the Most Holy.
Just when I think you've hit the maximum on the Parody Meter, you create Twitter parodies! If this prevents even one person from paying attention to Twitter ever again, you will have done the country a great service (offer limited, Presidential Medal of Freedom not included).
Given how The Donald (as the New York media called him for so many years, much to the dismay of more famous Donalds like Mr. Duck) reacted over the weekend, I'm interested to see if he gives up on his Coronovirus MAGA Press Rallies and, if so, what brain-eating amoeba of a campaign tactic he comes up with next.
Brains filled with evil thoughts are still brains. These people are humans, if they weren't I might excuse them in the way you excuse the tiger eating your leg (although these folks aren't nearly as pretty).
Hi Roy. Know my personal bias against the south and Texas in general and you did site valid reasons justifying their existence but really wasn’t their Lt Governor who said “...there are more important things than living.” For Tom Cotton obeying trump is more important than living. Clorox adds nice fruity flavor to my smoothie. I need raspberry flavored! Thx
We're displaying a great Lack of Faith in Life Eternal by caring so much about Death. I passed a Christian Science reading-room that had lots of their old 'illness and death are not real' line of display, with luck that could repulse more future potential converts than it attracts.
Me, I find their degree of Faith disturbing, which I guess by anti-commutivity means that they're going to choke me.
Just brilliant. The entire alternate reality, tweets and all. I fear that you've been doing this too long.
I can just hear the voices in Trump's head urging him to show the world his tremendous ideas the likes of which no one ever thought of before. My favorite part of Trump's spiel was when he was talking about the virus just after his disinfectant stroke of genius. I imagine it went like this:
TRUMP: Because you see it gets in the lungs...
VOICES IN TRUMP'S HEAD: Right. "And it really affects..." No, stronger than that... "it has a really big impact..." still too weak... go back to your New York roots Donnie!
TRUMP: ...and it does a tremendous number on the lungs.
VOICES: Yes! "It does a numbah on the lungs!" Queens boulevard baby! Fuckin' AY!
I guess we should be grateful he didn't get too detailed. You just know the voices in his head wanted something like this:
TRUMP: And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. Like a flashlight up the keister or a pussy light-saber. You know, you could totally lose the condoms with something like that.
There's this trilogy by Richard Calder "Dead Girls", "Dead Boys", "Dead Things" on whose territory you're now impinging. Here's the _simplest_ aspect of them: fifty years from now, a virus spreads from sex dolls that turns women into automata with quantum singularities in their wombs and (much later) men into [even more] predatory wolf-men.
Before the end, you find out how long you can play Tetris™ whilst cruising 'round the stars at sub-{light speed}.
Noted felon Dinesh D’Souza oh-so-cleverly and un-self-awary using “beclown” to put down anyone else is the event horizon of cringeworthiness. The universe is going to collapse into a singularity of “Three’s Company” era Don Knotts, only without the quiet dignity.
I was at first concerned that Ben Shapiro's lines didn't have the helpful stage direction "(like a coked-up chipmunk)", but was relieved to see that the writing was so perfectly attuned, that it wasn't necessary. When will I ever learn!?
I sometimes wish that Shapiro were better known so I could devote more energy to parodying him, but he were better known everybody would be making fun of him, including guys down at the plant who don't know from politics but know a poindexter when they hear one.
My teenage boys know about Shapiro and mock him relentlessly: "Ben Shapiro Destroys...14 Year Old Thot!" (Yeah, I didn't know what a "thot" was either. And this week it seems to have transmogrified into a "bot.")
Jeepers, Roy! I thought these things were parodies, not just regurgitating the news and views of conservatives today.
In all seriousness, one of the only "good" things about the Trump presidency has been watching conservatives slowly break every bone in their own bodies as they endlessly contort themselves trying to defend Donald Trump. We long ago passed the "sure, he said that, but he didn't MEAN that" stage. And we also passed the stage of "let me nitpick the exact specific out-of-context somewhat meaning of those words to prove their opposite."
Today's Trump demands an entirely new level of response from conservatives. I figure we're maybe a week away from them proclaiming that George Soros had Trump kidnapped by the Secret Service and replaced with a lab-grown replicant that receives secret programming through his cell phone. The replicant is given instructions every day to go out and look as foolish as possible in order to discredit conservatism and bring about the Soros-controlled One World Order.
Since I'm in a mood, I'd dare say there are no substantive good things from this and our national leaders' gross, historic, literally deadly failure in leadership.
Maybe it'll result in the necessary election results whenever the next election's held. But meanwhile, the CARES Act has shown that it's just going to be a continuation of the post-2008 crap. Change is needed but it's already been blocked, at least till the next election (whenever).
Where's the Times' balanced page 1 story saying that some experts don't believe that once someone's dead they cannot be resurrected?
Seriously, if the point of the post is how the wing nuts skew Donnie's "misstatements" (or, as normal people would put it, idiocy), it really needs at least one example of how the establishment press indulges in the same thing.
Meanwhile, a query: How come you don't hear about that 60k dead number anymore? Can't be because we're pretty much have broken 50k already -- and with the second wave coming sooner rather than later -- so soon that it's gonna overlap with the current initial phase. And, maybe I should add, the reason the national curve is flattened as well as it has been is because, in large part, the gross insufficiency of testing: Far from enough tests being given, let alone, assayed and local leaders not interested in testing (if you know what I mean). Can't find something if you don't bother to look. And now that I think about it, given the failure of sufficient testing, maybe we've broken 60k already. (~5m daily needed, still well below ~2m.) Dear Leader Killer Donnie clearly is try to outdo the PRC in downplaying the scale of the pandemic.
Oops. I erred. It’s 500k a day needed, not 5m. And we’re hitting ~225k/day.
kidding mostly aside, "k" and "m" are confusing, they both mean "thousand"
"Trump Suggests--Dangerously According To SOME Experts--Drinking Bleach"
That Times bit is a good idea! Though since when are Shapiro et alia not "mainstream"?
His audience is pathologically insane and therefor not mainstream which in turn makes him not mainstream.
You could pull some random guy off the street, put him behind the podium to give a briefing , and there’s a 50% chance he’d do a more coherent job than Trump. There’s a 75% chance he’d do a less dangerous one.
The truly sad/hilarious part is the conservative bootlickers’ panic-posts after Trump drops one of his outlandish “science” bombshells. Seeing them ricochet between “he never used those exact words” and “but it could work, though” is like watching cockroaches scramble after you turn the light on in a dark room.
When your entire livelihood depends on defending the utterly indefensible . . .
Well, the random guy off the street wouldn't have Authority, which is also why conservatives must defend Trump, because conservatives have a great deal of respect for Authority—that is, people born to it or fitting their archetype for it, as opposed to mere authorities on things, who can be any kind of queer joo boogie or wog or even a woman! (See: why Barack Obama was never Authority.)
People who've worked to become authorities can give you facts; only Authority can give you Truth.
Or electric football. Remember that from the 60s? Set up the little plastic players on the metal field, flip the switch, and they just buzz around entirely at random. Actually, I guess that could describe Federal policy in general.
With a fine enough sieve—00 silkscreen stretched over an embroidery frame, say—and a container into which the above would fit tightly, and some _legally_ obtained marijuana (I can't emphasise this enough, the physics won't work-out if it's not legal, honest) you could use one of those to make fine hashish.
STEPHEN MILLER: Well as long as the blacks, Hispanics and Muslims *stay* dead when we kill them I'm on board.
As I’ve said, a cursory examination of the Right Media shows Late South African Pres.Thambo Mbeki’s crazy HIV cures were mocked as “anti-science by Breitbart, for example...
I think this is an excellent invidious comparison...
As I read one of Roy’s dependably brilliant pasticcios (really, we call them “piss-takes” here in the rapidly disimproving Lower Midwest.) I find myself ordering the cast of characters by how much I would like to punch them in the junk. No reason. My mind just seems to go there. This week was particularly challenging. Shapiro’s or D’Souza usually jump immediately jump to the top of the list. That motherfucker Tom Cotton, that asshole Bret Baier – they always run up at front of the pack when it comes to needing their junk jacked. This time though – Mollie Hemingway came in first. I’m not proud of it, but there it is.
I really don't want to be ethnist, but Baier and Hannity are the spit-and-image of two childhood bullies, true Maxi-Mes of them.
…so in a way, my loathing of them, as opposed to mere extreme disagreement, is not particularly rational.
Ted Williams's Frozen Head 2020!
0.) "Nexus" (the comic book).
1.) "Futurama"
2.) "Robot Chicken" (a sketch involving Walt Disney and a giant, mechanical, spider).
I don't understand how the movie Flatliners can have undergone a remake yet so-called scientists remain unwilling to temporarily kill people before bringing them back to life. And the lamestream media refuses to report on it.
In the denouement of 'The Gentlemen', Mattie McConaughey mentally soliloquizes "..there can be no doubt because doubt causes chaos and one's own demise"... Doubt being Drumpf's strongest manoeuvre, I cannot wait any faster for his expiration ~ hopefully a clandestine Covid stroke that hits him in the middle of one of his masturbatory spiels in front of 50 press members and cameras, causing his eyes to bulge and blood......oh, wait, I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?
I'll settle for him living after screaming 'Dogs fucked the Pope—NO FAULT OF MINE!!!'.
(As well as the obvious, see "Islands in the Net" in which Bruce Sterling cribs that bit, along with a bit he got either from "Stand on Zanzibar" or a Yippie pamphlet.)
Christ, the Ted Williams reference brings back memories of reading a book called "Frozen" about the company that froze his head and their dubious ethical practices. The guys running it seem to be Libertarian weirdos who believe themselves to be the salvation of humanity. One guy is described as even having castrated himself so he has no distraction from The Goal. Creepy, creepy crowd. Possibly Trump supporters now.
Libertarians are always potential immortalists because the irreversibility of death otherwise might make some 'weak sisters' among them think that the Market can't do everything.
Yes, the Market supposedly can still work because everyone can voluntarily assign a price to their own and everybody else's life, most certainly in the case of others a replacement value, but it's enough to weaken faith in the Most Holy.
Let a thousand Baghdad Bob's bloom
Just when I think you've hit the maximum on the Parody Meter, you create Twitter parodies! If this prevents even one person from paying attention to Twitter ever again, you will have done the country a great service (offer limited, Presidential Medal of Freedom not included).
Given how The Donald (as the New York media called him for so many years, much to the dismay of more famous Donalds like Mr. Duck) reacted over the weekend, I'm interested to see if he gives up on his Coronovirus MAGA Press Rallies and, if so, what brain-eating amoeba of a campaign tactic he comes up with next.
Literal, brain-eating, amœbæ, that's what.
"if this prevents even one person from paying attention to Twitter ever again" ha no
I think brain-eating amoebas would starve to death in the Trump White House.
Brains filled with evil thoughts are still brains. These people are humans, if they weren't I might excuse them in the way you excuse the tiger eating your leg (although these folks aren't nearly as pretty).
Hi Roy. Know my personal bias against the south and Texas in general and you did site valid reasons justifying their existence but really wasn’t their Lt Governor who said “...there are more important things than living.” For Tom Cotton obeying trump is more important than living. Clorox adds nice fruity flavor to my smoothie. I need raspberry flavored! Thx
We're displaying a great Lack of Faith in Life Eternal by caring so much about Death. I passed a Christian Science reading-room that had lots of their old 'illness and death are not real' line of display, with luck that could repulse more future potential converts than it attracts.
Me, I find their degree of Faith disturbing, which I guess by anti-commutivity means that they're going to choke me.
48th St, Madison-Fifth?
Texas is opening up wide for the anti-distancing drive, Ray, so you'll probably have some nice schadenfreude with your smoothies in a month or two!
Just brilliant. The entire alternate reality, tweets and all. I fear that you've been doing this too long.
I can just hear the voices in Trump's head urging him to show the world his tremendous ideas the likes of which no one ever thought of before. My favorite part of Trump's spiel was when he was talking about the virus just after his disinfectant stroke of genius. I imagine it went like this:
TRUMP: Because you see it gets in the lungs...
VOICES IN TRUMP'S HEAD: Right. "And it really affects..." No, stronger than that... "it has a really big impact..." still too weak... go back to your New York roots Donnie!
TRUMP: ...and it does a tremendous number on the lungs.
VOICES: Yes! "It does a numbah on the lungs!" Queens boulevard baby! Fuckin' AY!
I guess we should be grateful he didn't get too detailed. You just know the voices in his head wanted something like this:
TRUMP: And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. Like a flashlight up the keister or a pussy light-saber. You know, you could totally lose the condoms with something like that.
There's this trilogy by Richard Calder "Dead Girls", "Dead Boys", "Dead Things" on whose territory you're now impinging. Here's the _simplest_ aspect of them: fifty years from now, a virus spreads from sex dolls that turns women into automata with quantum singularities in their wombs and (much later) men into [even more] predatory wolf-men.
Before the end, you find out how long you can play Tetris™ whilst cruising 'round the stars at sub-{light speed}.
Interesting!
You're hired.
Noted felon Dinesh D’Souza oh-so-cleverly and un-self-awary using “beclown” to put down anyone else is the event horizon of cringeworthiness. The universe is going to collapse into a singularity of “Three’s Company” era Don Knotts, only without the quiet dignity.
I genuinely have no idea if that's a real D'Souza tweet or part of the satire.
I was at first concerned that Ben Shapiro's lines didn't have the helpful stage direction "(like a coked-up chipmunk)", but was relieved to see that the writing was so perfectly attuned, that it wasn't necessary. When will I ever learn!?
I sometimes wish that Shapiro were better known so I could devote more energy to parodying him, but he were better known everybody would be making fun of him, including guys down at the plant who don't know from politics but know a poindexter when they hear one.
My teenage boys know about Shapiro and mock him relentlessly: "Ben Shapiro Destroys...14 Year Old Thot!" (Yeah, I didn't know what a "thot" was either. And this week it seems to have transmogrified into a "bot.")