281 Comments

Fellas, is it gay to eat ice cream?

I saw the Clay Travis brouhaha on twitter, and all I could think of was a bunch of homophobic rightwing men hankering after an ice cream cone but too frightened to buy one on their own. So they stand outside the ice cream parlor offering random women money to go inside with them like it's the 1970's, they are trying to get into Studio 54, and they know they have a better chance of admittance as a couple than as a single guy.

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I'm always surprised by men who think things like "[ordinary activity] is gay!" First of all, are you so emotionally stunted that you're stuck in fourth grade? Second of all, are you so insecure that you think someone is going to define your sexuality by [ordinary activity]? Third, shut up, grow up, and get a life.

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Pitiful —

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To your first and second questions, yes. To your third statement, I concur.

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Why not all...uhmm...5?

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Judging by some of the reaction to Biden's comments the other day, we have reached the "heterosexual sex is gay!" stage.

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Nick Fuentes got there first: https://cashmeremag.com/nick-fuentes-gay-sex-women-incel-1203177/

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oops -- my bad :)

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He denies them the purity of his essence.

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And so far, not a single woman has complained about a lack of Essence of Fuentes.

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Maybe the Essence of Tito Fuentes they might complain about the lack, but probably not Nick

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Beer, Disney, ice cream, football, and sex are all gay. The only things that aren't gay are marching in your bespoke, replica SS uniform and voting for Trump -- although voting itself is also a little gay.

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Aw, putsch your money where your mouth is. Oh, wait…

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Voting is TOTALLY gay, spread the word before Nov. 5! Fillin' in those sissy little ovals with your faggoty marker. Real men would SHOOT the holes out at 50 paces.

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Storming your local polling place armed with heavy artillery, knocking over voting machines, and writing TRUMP on the wall in blood is probably *not* gay, but let's not give them any ideas. I expect Nov. 5th, 6th, etc. etc. to be grisly enough anyway.

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Careful--writing anything on a wall in blood is perilously close to painting, than which it can't get gayer.

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We were there two years ago, I'm afraid — when Nick Fuentes claimed that him being a virgin & never having had a girlfriend made him the straightest of all.

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Feb 28
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Well, they have been known to give each other blowjobs - not GAY ones, mind you.

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Feb 28Edited
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I don't know how you guys with girlfriends/wives do it. Preference? Wisdom?

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Feb 29
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Fourth - it must be stuffy as hell in that closet.

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Fifth -- two wetsuits and a dildo must be involved.

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Fourth grade is pushing it for some of these assclowns .

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While we're asking rhetorical questions, is there an actual gay man on the planet who spends as much time thinking about gay sex as your average red state GOP state legislator?

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A few years ago, the guy I work for developed a business arrangement with a rental car company owned by a gay couple. One morning we were talking about having them do something and my boss started wondering "who's the top" in their relationship. So I asked my boss if he spent that much time wondering about the sexual habits of straight couple he knows. You could see the clockworks in his head suddenly stop. After thinking about it for a good 15 seconds, he allowed as how, no, he doesn't really think about what straight couples do in bed.

He's never mentioned it again.

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Well?

Who WAS top?

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If it's like an ice cream sundae and it comes with a maraschino cherry that's got a big long stem and if you're a guy with a bunch of other guys and you start tying and untying knots in the cherry stem with your tongue in front of the other guys, you know, showing off, that might be considered gay.

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LOL. I can’t help laughing at a lot of the self-policing around masculinity. I remember when I first found out men don’t like to talk to each other in the men’s room – like two guys in an office who know each other and would otherwise chat don’t talk once they enter the room with “MEN” on the door. I always found that hilarious, because women will chatter away to complete strangers in the ladies’ room even though we might not start a conversation with each other elsewhere. It’s like the complete opposite.

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I had no idea.

Someone starts talking to me from the next stall I'm Audi 5000. I figured the guy next door must be some kind of wide stance Republican.

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Whistling all the way.

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Oh, and I hadda goog "Audi 5000" because of course I did, and found this first:

"In North America, where 133,512 of the Audi 5000 C2s were sold, only five cylinder engines were available."

The other 133,507 Audi 5000s were equipped with what, exactly?

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I had an 88 *Audi 5000. 5 cylinder with a 5-speed manual transmission.. It had a hydraulic clutch was a pain in the ass to bleed because you had to do it all of the time. That car was badass. I looked really good in it.

* The best year ever for Nazi cars.

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Well, not cylinder engines, certainly. What other Platonic solid can you make an engine out of?

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I stick to basic small talk, like, "Waters cold" and "Deep, too."

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After which you hit bottom...

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"Where the vegetables are green

And you can pee into the stream!"

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Back to the shadows again....

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Out where a friend is a friend (if you know what I mean, etc)

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“And that’s important!”

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full of country goodness and green peaness

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We know a small stream in Indiana, where Mr. Buckley lives. In July, pee flows there

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"Eyes straight ahead, please."

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LOL. Men are so strange.

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Hearted for the truth AND the laugh.

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In the early eighties my boss at Flatline, Comatose, Torpor & Drowse took up a position at the adjacent urinal in the third-floor convenience. “Nice profile,” he growled. 𝗠𝗲 (𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥): “I beg your pardon?” 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀: “I said, you got a nice profile. Beard spoils it though. You should shave it off.” 𝗠𝗲: “(noncommittal murmur.)”

That’s the longest exchange I can recall from that sort of venue. The boss retired a couple of years later without ever having glimpsed my naked chin, poor guy.

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Sorry, but that IS weird.

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Men are weird, bosses doubly so. There are reasons we don't usually talk at the pee station. Old stadia had a big ceramic trough for dudes to pee in back in the day, rather than the individual stalls of today. Many young dudes use the regular toilet stalls to pee these days. Probably that is TMI

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I always figured the best method was get, do my business, and get out. Talking got in the way of the "doing my business", hahahaha!

My partner told me about a time her then-BF went into a bathroom in a Barnes & Noble, and as he was unbuckling his belt, he saw the other person in the bathroom was standing at a urinal with his pants down around his ankles, slowly banging his head against the wall and mumbling. He promptly turned around, and bailed. On hearing this story, she said, "I didn't think that was normal bathroom etiquette?" "It's NOT!"

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Yeah, no, I've legit been that guy at the urinal more than once at shitty retail jobs. Some customer probably unloaded on him because he couldn't figure out what book they wanted based on "there was a dog on the cover". He definitely wanted to be alone with his misery at that moment.

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Hahaha! Yeah, I definitely get that as a scenario. Customers can be incredibly frustrating! This time the guy at the urinal was the "customer", and the guy who took that scene in and said "Nope!" was the employee.

Another B&N story he had: A kid (15-ish) asked in what section he could find a Simpsons book, and several minutes later came back and scornfully told him "I looked all over the horror section and couldn't find any Simpsons books." He replied, "Huuuuuumor..." Another scornful look, and "Same difference."

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"Self-policing" makes me wonder if Mike Johnson and his son share an app that they activate upon stepping into a public restroom, to ward off the temptation to remark on the weather or last night's game (last night's game borders on acceptable, but not, for the sake of Our Lord Jesus, in the men's room).

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Covenant Peeners

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Afraid what holding a cone of ice cream will do to their image as a man, yet they wear that ridiculous trump gear and buy the "trumpie Bears".

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Fuuuuuuck I'd forgotten about Trumpy Bear.

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Or they're 14 and they're offering the bum $5 to go in the liquor store and buy them some Boones Farm.

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If Clay Travis is not a country singer he should be because it's agin' the laws of Man and Nature to have a name like Clay Travis and not be.

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But being a professional singer--even a country singer--is so gay. Leon Kass would not approve.

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Feb 28
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Johnny Cash was what Hank Williams Jr. only WISHES he could be.

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He sang AND he had sex with women. Obviously gay.

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Tray Clavis -- that also works.

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as does Travis Clay

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Optional musical accompaniment to this excellent post.

https://youtu.be/beTsDOBRs8I?si=nKCMQP2dhAWuRfzc

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OMG...where have I been?

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Love Weird’s Joan Jett grt up!

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'A grown man shouldn't commit treason either', said somewag on reddit...

Which does not diminish the luster of CHAFE (Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em) DRAMATURGY's suit.

But

[Long pause, in which only the distant guffaws of stage crew can be heard.]

Your public DEMANDS that you invite Distant Guffaws to the show, Bolt!

2 marks all 'round!

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Oh. And "Maybe Peoni would like to address Buff’s point."

Hard.

Pass.

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Making the anodyne antithetical--that's what we've come to both admire and expect from the Right! I'm old enough to recall Barack Obama mentioning that kids should stay in school and graduate . . . only to have the howler monkeys on the Right screech that expecting people to graduate high school is the height of elitism. (Well do I remember seeing Rick Santorum on CNN yakking about how out-of-touch and elitist Obama is because Santorum's grandfather was an illiterate coal miner and why does the president hate coal miners?)

I'm also old enough to recall Michelle Obama saying that kids should be eating healthy foods and not loads of sugar, salt, and fat . . . only to have the howler monkeys scream about elitism once again.

And so here we are, with the howler monkeys now screeching about ice cream cones. I'll bet there are tens of millions of people who do not follow this stuff, and if you told them Republicans are outraged by Joe Biden eating ice cream, they'd either think you were lying or had lost your marbles.

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Thanks for bringing howler monkeys into the discourse, 'cause we were surrounded by howlers monkeys a couple days ago...a little awkward, as we were eating ice cream* cones at the time.

*Mr Whippy!. Why do you ask?

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Obama further affirmed his outrageous elitism by recommending higher education in a speech at the NH community college where my youngest son was earning an AA degree and certification as a Honda technician.

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higher education to the right being post 5th grade.

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Yeah. Once Sly sang he wanted to take us HIGHER! the right said nope nope nope.

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Feb 28
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You’re highered!

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And look what's happened -- some of the those 13 year old girls are more interested in school than in having white babies for The Cause!

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Fourteen Words is all you gotta learn, miss.

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Have you seen the website that posts research about NH's industrial history? Set up by a local college. It is beyond fascinating (and has reminders of the commercial disasters our little California factory managed to weather).

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Link pls

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Your command, my response:

https://industrialsurvival.wordpress.com/

It has fleshed out lots since I last looked at it.

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Tech colleges seem to inhabit that sweet spot where EVERYBODY loves us. Republicans, because they think all we teach is welding.

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*touches earpiece* I'm being reliably informed that welding is *not* gay.

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Caveat: does not apply when a sculptor does it.

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Promise you won't tell that, while learning to fix cars, my son took an art history class!

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We will never speak of this again.

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MIG, TIG, even plasma welding!

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We are big on friction stir welding at my school

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Somewhere I have a tetrahedron formed by 4 – 3/8" steel balls that have been welded together. This was done as a standard test of heat resistance of lubricants, accomplished via spinning 3 of the 4 in a cup at extremely high speeds while the 4th is held stationary in a chuck. When the lube fails (via evaporation) all the balls weld together instantly. The heat at weldpoint is recorded to rate the lube.

The refinery had buckets full of tetrahedrons to give away as souvenirs.

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The mere conjunction of lube and balls makes this story TEH GHEY.

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