Johnson sings!

A little number from the allegedly cash-poor Speaker

[Speaker Mike Johnson and his inquisitors, sung to the tune of “A Little Tin Box” from the musical Fiorello!]

Mr. J, in the course of a lifetime
You have served the GOP
But we learn that you don’t even have a simple bank account —
May we ask, sir, how can that be?

I don’t see how you can even ask the question!
To a godly man, faith is its own reward!
I eschew all earthly forms of wealth investin’
And devote my meager earnings to the Lord

Inside a little poor box, a little poor box,
That a little tin key unlocks
Though the MSM writer mocks,
It’s just a little poor box
It’s a little poor box
A little poor box
That a little tin key unlocks
Think of it as a widow’s mite
Jesus has locked up tight
In a little poor box

Mr. J, we all know you’re religious
And we don’t wish to provoke
But we also know you make at least a quarter-mil a year —
How then come you to look so broke?

This is just what happens when you serve the Savior
For the media have no morality
They ignore the saintliness of my behavior
And they focus on what I won’t let them see

Inside my little poor box
My little poor box
That a little church key unlocks
You can bet that I will outfox
Your hunt for my little poor box
For my little poor box
For my little poor box
My little poor box
That’s worth much more than bonds or stocks
Could it be loot from Harlan Crow?
Wouldn’t you like to know!
It’s my little poor box!

Mr. J, your patrons are wealthy
You live like a rich man, too
Come on, anyone can guess why you have been so stealthy
And that’s why we are after you!  

You’re assuming anybody pays attention
To a thing beyond the piety I show
And my patrons, whose names I will never mention,
Will join me in telling where you all can go.
As for my little poor box
My little poor box
That a little gold key unlocks
Oh, there’d be just no end of shocks if
You could see my little poor box!
In a little poor box
A little poor box
Ha ha ha ha, go on, kick rocks!
The Supreme Court says I needn’t tell
So you can all go to hell —
Suck my little poor box!