153 Comments
User's avatar
SundayStyle's avatar

Jim Dave *absolutely* believes he is going to be President. I don't see it -- he's not quite as charisma-free as Ron DeSantis or as creepy as Ted Cruz, but he has an oleaginous vibe that keeps vacillating between smugness and flop sweat. Plus, the whole couch business, which is one of those jokes that seem to fit the target so well people WANT to believe it's true.

I'm personally looking forward to Mike Johnson's efforts in the coming days, as he pretends he has never heard much about Jeffrey Epstein.

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Fluttbucker's avatar

I'm old enough to remember when Dan Quayle was touted as The Anointed One.

Young, handsome. Not too bright in the conventional sense, but possessing feral cunning and a superhuman ability to stay on message. Alas for Dan, the Lord was saving him for January 2021.

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SundayStyle's avatar

I really enjoy minor positive epilogues like Quayle's -- Dan Quayle is a rather dim man with very bad politics, but he understood and respected the law.

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rfc's avatar

I dunno — perhaps guys of Quayle's ilk don't respect the law as much as they do convention.

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SundayStyle's avatar

Perhaps, but call it what you will, his last footnote in history managed to be a positive one. With politicians generally and Republicans specifically, I'll take those where I can get them.

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henry sholar's avatar

i'll give him the 'honor among old school thieves' award, but it may just have to do with him wanting a better cover for "potatoe."'

and that it had to do with mike pence was just sweet destiny.

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Bern's avatar

No more Pence now they done shipped the last one outta Philly...

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Roy Edroso's avatar

"his last footnote in history" so far.

Never forget good ol' Bob Dole, beloved of contrarians like Murray Kempton, was a Trumper in the end.

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SundayStyle's avatar

I've been telling myself Dole was senile at the time, and thought he was endorsing Trump steaks rather than his fitness for the presidency, lol.

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SteveB's avatar

"One doesn't do such things in Indiana"

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Claire März's avatar

I always thought it would be Paul Ryan. And it still might. He may have been shrewd enough to go hide under a rock while the Tubby Era plays out.

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Pere Ubu's avatar

Ah - I remember those salad days when we thought Dan Quayle was the epitome of GOP stupid. Good times, good times.

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Bern's avatar

And we ALL know what kinda salad it was.

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LittlePig's avatar

Tee hee. At the 1992 Democratic Convention, the delegation from Idaho held up cards I-D-A-H-O. A sixth guy held up a sign with a lower case 'e' at the end. Do not malign the Potato State, there will be consequences.

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SteveB's avatar

I'd a-hoe if I hadda hoe

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LittlePig's avatar

I've heard that in certain spots in Boise, you can getta ho.

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SteveB's avatar

And so a perfectly clean and wholesome discussion of farm implements goes horribly wrong.

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LittlePig's avatar

Hey, I tell ya I'm a pig, right up front. Dirty is what I do.

And now to quote Jack Lemmon (actually his bed cushion), "We plough deep while others sleep"

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Claire März's avatar

Previous to 2023, I didn't think he had it in him, but Jim Dave will do anything, and I mean anything. When the blood clot finally takes Tubby (go blood clot!), the conspiracy theories will be a flyin'. But the only ones I will believe are the ones involving Jim Dave.

Related: How long must we wait for the Night of the Long, Long Knives? Aren't we owed that?

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SundayStyle's avatar

We are owed so, so much. I maintain rich white people with power don't go to prison (or more appropriately, to the Hague) but I will settle for future generations spitting on the ground when their names are mentioned.

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SteveB's avatar

The Little Clot That Could is a children's story for our times

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Claire März's avatar

Million dollar idea. Okay, $50k. Still.

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SteveB's avatar

Needs a gang of plucky friends to accompany him along the way. Meet Sissy, the Syphilis bacterium.

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Claire März's avatar

Mickey D, the thick layer of subcutaneous fat.

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Bern's avatar

BAD King!

No Burger For YOU!

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Bern's avatar

I hear it as the mechanical chant at the ballpark Let's Go Bloodclot! (clap clap CLAPCLAP!)

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Cheez Whiz's avatar

Vance fascinates me, like a burning building is fascinating. His only hope for the Presidency is if Trump dies in office. A smart VP would be busy building a power base in the party, doing favors, collecting chits. Maybe he is doing that and Our Media isn't bothering to look. But his history has been to rely on others to boost him up, from Amy Chua to Peter Theil, while he does as he's told. No matter what happens, I think he's a dead man walking. Its not the Presidency or SCOTUS that really protects Trump, its the Republican party. Will they protect Vance? To ask the question is to answer it.

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SteveB's avatar

Andrew Johnson II "Hooray, I'm President! Impeachment? What's that?"

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Worriedman's avatar

President Vance . Jesus Christ. There really is no end to the bullshit in this modern age.

Eight- bomb .

Hmmm...

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Claire März's avatar

And First Lady Erika Kirk Vance.

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rfc's avatar

If Usha has to go it will not be gently, with civility.

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Claire März's avatar

I look forward to that.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

I hope she sings like a goldfinch

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Howlin Wolfe's avatar

“I got a bird gonna whistle

Baby got a bird

Baby got a bird can sing”

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Roy Edroso's avatar

Her end has been foretold. https://edroso.substack.com/p/op-usha

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SteveB's avatar

One of your best. The scope, the rapid scene changes, it's goddamn cinematic.

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ohsopolite's avatar

Linda McMahon is on tap to ref the cage match, or so I hear.

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Claire März's avatar

My favorite story from the Tubby-Ivanka divorce was when he took Ivanka and the kids, as well as Marla, to Vail for a ski vacay. Ivanka and Marla met in the cafeteria at lunchtime and, per the lore of the day, a catfight of sorts ensued. Tubby took off on skis. This, I have long felt, would make a great opera.

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ohsopolite's avatar

Grand opera or soap opera, dealer's choice.

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SteveB's avatar

opera bouffe

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Bern's avatar

Grand Ol' fer me, thanks.

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Iamhbomb's avatar

I have to admit that I really struggle to envision Trump on skis, but who knows? Too many chances for embarassing faceplants and the ensuing yardsale.

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Julia Grey's avatar

He can SKI?

Nah. Apocryphal tale.

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Iamhbomb's avatar

Based on a couple of things I've seen over the last year or so since Vance got the nod as VP, Usha and JD are a perfect match of power grubbers. Sorry, I can't link to 'em, it was things just seen in passing.

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SteveB's avatar

Erika Kirk Vance, "Evita" for short

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Bern's avatar

Don't cry for her, Wisconsin

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LittlePig's avatar

I thought the Republican bigwigs had decided long ago "Aw, HELL no". That ShitFerBrains? And they are right. He's a follower (of every money making scheme that came down the pike), not a leader. Now yes, the actuarial tables say he will be President, but electability? It is to laugh.

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henry sholar's avatar

saw snippets of vance doing public health yesterday or recently, maybe with Gargles. if i remember correctly, he hinted around maybe wanting to see people die of thirst if *he* were preznit. I may have that wrong, you know, mighta been waterboarding, like he supervised at Guantanamo.

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SteveB's avatar

"vance doing public health yesterday"

I think we can be pretty sure he didn't have public health's consent.

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redoubtagain's avatar

The couches in the lobby of HHS headquarters involuntarily cringed. . .

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SteveB's avatar

And they have SEEN some shit.

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LittlePig's avatar

Seen it? Hell, they've FELT it.

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ohsopolite's avatar

Has Greg Abbott invited him to do Dallas yet?

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Iamhbomb's avatar

"JD Does Dallas, pt 17" coming soon to a "theater" near you!

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redoubtagain's avatar

"JD Does Debbie Davenport"

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Iamhbomb's avatar

Nice! It's got a nice "Iowa" kind of feel to it.

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ohsopolite's avatar

J. Debbie Vance does it again!

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Bern's avatar

JD Vance doin' the JV Dance. Dreamin' of the ever-receding Senior Promise.

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SteveB's avatar

I'll play Wet Blanket this morning: All this kerfluffle about Epstein is based on the mistaken notion that we've finally found the ONE thing Trump voters care about. Not buyin' it because I've never seen any evidence they care about ANYTHING. Not-caring, you see, is kinda their jam, it's what defines them, their raison d'etre assholes.

They can release the emails, they can release the videotapes, including several showing Tubby raping pre-teen boys, and the Trump voters will shrug and say, "Oh, that Biden, he makes me so MAD."

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SteveB's avatar

Here ya go: ICE deports an Idaho small-businessman back to Bhutan. He had married a nice Christian girl and converted to Christianity himself, his father-in-law blames Joe Biden:

Randall has known Binod for more than 16 years. A self-described conservative constitutionalist Christian, he blames Joe Biden for Binod’s deportation. “Biden was completely responsible for it. Trump wasn’t,” he said. In Randall’s view, Trump was “just fixing the border”, cleaning up after Biden’s failure to control immigration, and Binod was collateral damage.

He later described Binod’s deportation as “ICE’s mistake” too: “The way they’ve handled it, I don’t like it.”

Some real "If the Tsar only knew" vibes from this guy.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/nov/12/refugee-deportation-idaho-trump

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redoubtagain's avatar

As Casey Stengel used to say, "The trick to managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the five guys who aren't sure."

I no longer worry about what Trumpov voters think. Randall loves Trumpov more than his own daughter. They're irretrievably lost. It's the voters who aren't sure who we need to convince and many of them simply didn't vote last year.

"How bad can it get?" Well, as is being demonstrated. . . .

"Do you want your grand-kids to miss school because ICE is randomly rounding up people? Or because they're sick from something *you* got shots for as a child but they can't get anymore? Or because their parents don't have a job or health insurance and they can't get food or shoes or a warm coat?"

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SteveB's avatar

Yeah, the headline is "A refugee’s deportation rattles a deeply conservative town" but didn't give much evidence for said rattlement. One of Binod's employees and two people from their church who now say they'd vote differently (although they didn't want their names given to prevent conflict with Trump-voting family members.) If that's all you got, I'm gonna assume most people's response was "Huh, guess I'll need to find a new mechanic."

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Bern's avatar

"Voting differently" in this instance probly means hanging the chads good and hard.

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C R A's avatar

The whole country is collateral damage that we're supposed to accept because we're ushering in a golden age. ("Ushering" is too polite a word.) The goalposts never stop moving. Sure, the scale weighs the wrong way now, but wait until these ingots hit the pan!

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SteveB's avatar

Call in now to get in on the ground floor of our new Ingots for Bigots program! But call NOW, supplies are limited!

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Pere Ubu's avatar

Bouillon For Bozos

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Bern's avatar

Ingots made with the house fascist in mind!

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SteveB's avatar

Ingots, my gal, who could ask for anything more?

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Bern's avatar

Ingots We Trust

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Pere Ubu's avatar

The Golden Age that'll be here in just two weeks.

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SteveB's avatar

Is two weeks how long Amazon takes to deliver the stick-on filigree?

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Pere Ubu's avatar

The tastelessness from Amazon (a redundancy? 🤔) gets shipped overnight; the part that takes time is A) spraypainting the damn things, and B) keeping Bannon from huffing all the spraypaint.

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SteveB's avatar

Oh, those giant inflatable holiday lawn-ornaments. But I guess I'll cut 'em some slack now that I know the same Chinese factory is supplying Antifa with frog costumes.

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Claire März's avatar

Along with that amazing health care plan that will blow all of the other ideas out of the water just as soon as they tell it to us.

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Pere Ubu's avatar

Infrastructure, Healthcare, AND Golden Age Week!

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SteveB's avatar

If they were smart they'd just announce that they DID replace Obamacare with Trumpcare a month ago, and then not change a single thing. Then force the name-change on all of us, like making us say "Democrat Party."

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redoubtagain's avatar

Nixon's Secret Plan To End Obamacare

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SteveB's avatar

I think the War on Obamacare has surpassed Afghanistan and Vietnam as our longest-running war.

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SteveB's avatar

"A self-described conservative constitutionalist Christian"

Sorry for the misspelling, it's a British paper. Real Americans know it's spelled Konservative Konstitutionalist Kristian.

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DrBDH's avatar

If there isn’t a goat or a dead girl involved, LBJ rules don’t apply.

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LittlePig's avatar

So 'live boy' is OK now?

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SteveB's avatar

We're talking about Trump? EVERYTHING is OK.

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Bern's avatar

One-eared Jack Soldiers On!

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Pere Ubu's avatar

Because what's happening isn't real. Assaults on the basic idea of "facts" and "truth" for the last decade have resulted in reality as whatever triggers the libs, whatever scores points for your team, whatever makes you comfortable. MSNBC has liberal commentary for a couple hours out of 24 and even as they join the rush to accommodate the Right, they're still "radical Leftist".

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SteveB's avatar

Yes, it's not real, just sportsball. Well, there was that guy, whatsisname, used to sit next to my daughter at Thanskgiving and now that chair's empty, who can forget that fateful day when an 82 year old man with prostate cancer came to the house to take him away...

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SteveB's avatar

I'm willing to allow the possibility that Randall wasn't actually so thrilled with having a Bhutanese son-in-law. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

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Claire März's avatar

Here's my bright sunshiney thought for today: Tubby has shown himself to be box office poison, less than a year before midterms. Maybe some Republicans will take the temp back in the district and decide this would be an opportune time to remove his stacked-heel boot from their necks. "My goodness! Why he lied to us too!"

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SteveB's avatar

"I'm SHOCKED to find GAMBLING going on here!"

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LittlePig's avatar

(sotto voce) "Here are your winnings, sir"

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Roy Edroso's avatar

Pray remember that the MAGA core are just a third of he electorate and much, much less of the eligibles. What they think is meaningless. Motivating the others is not.

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LittlePig's avatar

It will kick out the Faux Christians, a lot of them anyway. The money grubbers? They could care less.

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Cheez Whiz's avatar

There is no ONE thing, of course. What there is is a little drop of water falling from the ceiling, then another, then another. Its what we don't see that matters, until we see it. This is gonna be like bankruptcy. Hard-core MAGA will never abandon Trump, but there aren't enough of them to save him either. One more thing. This isn't about wearing down Trump or his supporters, its about wearing down the Republican party. That's Trump's Achilles heel.

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SteveB's avatar

Yeah, that's all true, but I can't escape the suspicion that all this enthusiasm for the Epstein stuff among Democrats is due to THIS TIME WE GOT HIM. Followed inevitably by head-scratching and "Well, shit, how did he get outta THAT one?"

About the Republican party as-a-hole, I'm frankly impressed with the sang-froid they brought to their epic beat-down last Tuesday. "Nah, we don't really care how many elections we lose" is a novel attitude for a political party.

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Cheez Whiz's avatar

I get it. There's a massive hunger in the Democratic base for a sign that reality matters, acknowlegement that consequences exist, and to see it on TV. The perp walk, the indictment, another mob in front of the White House with a guillotine howling for the current occupant to come out and play. That's not gonna happen. Our current system says nothing meaningful "happens" for a year. The one sliver of a chance is for the Republican party to decide to cut their losses. Its about as likely as a pair of haflings making it through Mordor to Mt. Doom, but stanger things have happened. Enough water starts dripping through the ceiling the Republicans could call a Plumber. Again.

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Claire März's avatar

However it plays out, this is TUBBY, so it's gonna be weirder than anyone can predict.

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SteveB's avatar

I think the interest of a lot of Democrats was piqued when Laura Loomer came out yellin' about the thing, maybe evidence of the first cracks in the wall? And Loomer is cracked for sure, but she's not thinking "Release the files even if Trump is implicated", because she doesn't believe Trump could possibly be implicated, she wants the files to be released so we can all finally see just how evil THOSE CLINTONS are. She's just that crazy. Never base anything on the ravings of Laura Loomer, that's what I always say.

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Cheez Whiz's avatar

My MAGA nephew posted on Facebook a set of talking points. The ones I recall

*Trump and Epstein were enemies, not friends

*the files "prove" the Russia Russia Russia thing was a hoax

There were several more, but you get the picture. This will keep the hard-core happy but no one else. Loomer is a MAGA influencer with a Mar-a-Lago face and body, and that's enough to get on Air Force 1.

The Republican party is following Trump's lead of only talking to the base, which doesn't matter. Public opinion is powerless when the target has no sense of shame or concern for future elections. The only open question is how much abuse and blame is the Republican party willing to take?

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Cheez Whiz's avatar

Forgot to add that the Senate refusing to nuke the filibuster and the support for releasing the Epstein files shows there is a cap on how much shit the party is willing to eat for Trump.

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SteveB's avatar

Yeah, the filibuster thing is interesting, I imagine some of these guys would hand their teenage daughter over to him, but NOT THE FILIBUSTER.

About the MAGA Congressman who votes to release the Epstein files, is he doing that while also understanding that the files implicate Trump, or does he vote that way because he's in denial about the possibility that the files could implicate Trump? If he's buying the same talking points your nephew is buying, then what's to worry about, when people see the REAL Epstein files, they'll finally see how much the two guys hated one another! Plus we'll finally learn the truth about Clinton-Epstein!

Never underestimate how delusional these people can be.

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SteveB's avatar

"When the Justice Department claimed in July that it found no credible evidence supporting theories about Jeffrey Epstein — something these personalities had spent months hyping — only one person out of 22 consistently criticized Trump afterward. That was Nick Fuentes, the self-described white nationalist. Everyone else briefly complained, then blamed subordinates."

https://www.readtpa.com/p/a-new-reuters-report-illustrates

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Bern's avatar

And here I thought it was his ear.

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SteveB's avatar

Also, that sub-hed had me wondering "Who is this Greg Skidmore fella, and why is Roy outsourcing his column to him?"

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Roy Edroso's avatar

Format issue, sorry, fixed. (Skidmore is a hero of the Creative Commons.)

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Blueb4sunrise's avatar

GAH!!!!

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SnarkiNorski's avatar

Dibbs, naturally, knows film noir.

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SteveB's avatar

If Bern were here, we'd be talkin' 'bout Rondo Hatton by now.

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SnarkiNorski's avatar

Mike Mazurki and Harry Wilson!

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SteveB's avatar

Had to look up Harry Wilson, I love that list of credits, "Mug in Pool Hall", "Bar Brawler"

1935 was a very good year: Roughneck/Stage Hand/Convict/Stoker

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SnarkiNorski's avatar

“Buttermilk!” in Some Like It Hot, iirc.

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Bern's avatar

Looked up Mike's body of work and discovered '10 Tall Men', which is the very first movie I saw in a theater. Mom dropped me off there with a couple friends whilst she went off to do Momstuff. I musta been REALLY young (not THAT young – it was originally released in 1951). Anyway, I only remembered the goofy title and nothing else.

Just now I read the synopsis:

"Sgt. Mike Kincaid (Burt Lancaster) is a rough-and-tumble French Foreign Legion leader who, while imprisoned in a stockade, overhears rumors of an enemy attack on his company's fort. Later, in between fighting amongst themselves over a beautiful French lady, Mike and his ragtag group of fighters improvise a plan to kidnap Mahla (Jody Lawrence), the daughter of a local sheik. Though she hates Mike and his band of thieves at first, she soon realizes they are the least of her worries."

That last line...! I guess I better try to run it down again, fer oldtimes' sake.

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Bern's avatar

Should add here that I can't think of any attorney I'd rather have defending me than Mike.

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Ellis Weiner's avatar

Great dialogue, esp. "amigo" and "Yeah, jury." Loved Bannon's directness. Didja see Vance's discourse on ibuprophen? Even if these people aren't insane, they're nuts.

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Pere Ubu's avatar

I'm betting a fiver that JD had hours of professional training to pronounce "ibuprofen" and still messed it up. Did they finally decide "acetaminophen" was too difficult for the masses? Ask either JD or Froggy what drug category ibuprofen is in. I'll wait.

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Howlin Wolfe's avatar

“I NSAID, what category of drugs does ibuprofen belong to?”

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SteveB's avatar

And what's the capitol of Alaska, d'jyouknow?

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Bern's avatar

Oilbucks!

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Roy Edroso's avatar

Good God, yes. The people who really believe this shit are frightening, but Vance pretending to believe it is some uncanny valley of disgusting.

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SteveB's avatar

So try-hard. "Yes, yes, I'm just like you people! I don't like medicine either! And Usha won't let me feed the kids cupcakes! Ha ha! PLEASE LIKE ME IM SO LONELY"

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

You really do have the voices of these miscreants perfect. Shrewder than South Park!

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Roy Edroso's avatar

Thankee.

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DrBDH's avatar

The question remains, if Trump croaks, will Mike’s Johnson have the balls to off Vance, literally or figuratively, and take the Presidency for himself. You know he’s jonesing for it as much or more than Vance. Of course, this only applies if the Republicans keep the House. If they don’t, would the Democrats pick a Speaker with the balls to off Vance and Trump? The nation, less 37%, would be forever grateful.

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Claire März's avatar

"I become POTUS if Trump and Vance are dead? This is the first I'm hearing of this, I will have to look into that before I accept that premise."

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Pere Ubu's avatar

"I am totally unfamiliar with this" *hides garotte behind his back*

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Roy Edroso's avatar

Johnson is a House lifer. He'd shrivel and die in the White House.

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Bern's avatar

But he'd crime the crimin' crimes at leisure, 'cause 6 folks downtown decided that's what the Bleach House is for, ya know.

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SteveB's avatar

Bleach House is good. It's all Jarndyce v. Jarndyce over there.

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Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

Brilliance, as usual. Though I was hoping JD's meeting with Bannon really would end up like JD's meeting with the last Pope.

"Phil Marr," indeed. Though that used to last 90 minutes or less, not years.

The Epstein Files, this year's Mueller special counsel investigation. At least, unlikely to do much for JD's plans. But I did appreciate this, about the Catholic bishops condemning immigrant persecution: "Looks like JD Vance is going to need to change religions again." https://bsky.app/profile/schooley.bsky.social/post/3m5icczrtrk2e.

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Claire März's avatar

The Catholic Church has gone so woke!

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redoubtagain's avatar

Saw that and went in a different direction: RUN DMC And Jam Master POPE

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Bern's avatar

Well, given the bling they wrap 'round him at the Vat, I guess...

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LittlePig's avatar

"Sconses' Well la de dah, look at you, Boss. You a long lost Property Brother or sumpin'? High couture not being enough on your resume, you going architecture now? Most impressive.

Seriously, that was first rate writing. I do believe Jimmy Dave, though. Everybody knows he only fucks couches.

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LittlePig's avatar

Fun Stuff. How many who saw it then knew? How many still do not know?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrdioqIMtpY

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LittlePig's avatar

Oh, I ain't done. My favorite blues singer. Yes, this is where it comes from. You'll be surprised. Hand me my traveling shoes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnWxZtI3ONY

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LittlePig's avatar

And now, a favorite from me yuth. Saw it when I was a kid, always treasured it, and now TAA-DAH. From the inestimablle Paul Terry, second only to Max Fliesher (ya know Disney stole the multi-plane camera, right?) I cannot express my joy at finding an obscure memory from me yuth once again.

(Inside baseball: "You're a hard man, Baloney" was a take on a certain Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve (really inside baseball: The P stands for Philharmonic) on Fibber McGee and Molly. "You're a hard man, McGee. A great joy of my life is that boyo does a perfect Harold Peary).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEV0vYyMB4U

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redoubtagain's avatar

Harold Peary! Accept no substitutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOHVDW2Hjzg

(And that reminds me of Lincoln's favorite humorist, Petroleum Vesuvius Nasby: https://blogs.loc.gov/bibliomania/2023/08/16/lincoln-locke-and-the-disagreeable-rev-nasby/)

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LittlePig's avatar

Well played my brother, well played.

I was trying to find the Milky Way radio commercials featuring Allen's Alley denizen, Falstaff Openshaw, voiced by Alan Reed (Fred Flintstone himself). He recited fables in the Alley, and in that style, Milky Way made mini-fables. Alas, I can't track them down now. Very obscure.

Tee hee. I taught Mrs. LP how to recognize the voice (like it's hard). He is all over Old Time Radio, playing heavies by and large (he can be sinister as all hell). The other night she said, "If I have to hear Alan Reed in a bit part again, it will be too soon'.

Tee hee. Mission accomplished.

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LittlePig's avatar

Sometimes I call boyo up just to hear that distinctive Peary chortle. He totally nails it.

Once he heard the voice, he said "Hey, that's Big Ben the whale" from one of those Godawful heat miser / cold miser Christmas shows. Just a kid then I said, Yes, you are absolutely;y correct, while inside I'm all Dat's my boy what said that! Yes, he has the gift, a Voice Chaser just like his old man.

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SteveB's avatar

That Sandburg bio has WAAAAAY more Petroleum V. Nasby that I really needed. Reading such heavy dialect seems like a chore to me, but Lincoln found it a pleasure. I suppose having the accent it's mocking in your head from growing up among such people might help.

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