Loyalty test

I want you to do me a favor, though

[TRUMP at the Resolute Desk, wearing a black suit coat over his usual suit. Sitting in straight-back chairs facing him are SIDNEY POWELL, wearing a sensible suit-skirt ensemble, and RUDY GIULIANI, in his usual rich suit, working feverishly on his iPhone 12 Pro Max. Both POWELL and GIULIANI are visibly sweating but TRUMP keeps rubbing his hands.]

TRUMP: So now we wait for the Supreme Court, huh?

POWELL: Yes, sir.

TRUMP: But just in case we still keep the other cases going, right?

POWELL: Yes, we’re working on the voting machine cases right now with Mr. Giuliani.

TRUMP: That so, Rudy?

[Engrossed in his phone, GIULIANI does not answer.]

Rudy, you still with us?

GIULIANI: [Still fussing with the phone] Just a sec. Go on without me.

TRUMP: [To POWELL] What are the chances with those voting machine cases, Sidney?

POWELL: Oh, excellent, sir. No question. We have plenty of evidence, sir.

TRUMP: That’s what you said about the other cases.

POWELL: [Laughing] Oh, but this evidence is so much more convincing! It’s an open and shut case. You’ve seen the videos, sir; even a prejudiced judge like the ones we’ve been getting wouldn’t dare throw out a case when the evidence is so overwhelming, sir.

TRUMP: You said the evidence was overwhelming before.

POWELL: But this is even more overwhelming, sir. You just have to look at the video. There’s really no comparison. It's open and shut, sir.

[Pause.]

TRUMP: You’re a helluva woman, Sidney.

POWELL: Thank you, sir.

TRUMP: [Shudders] Nobody else feels a draft in here?

POWELL: [Nodding] It might be a little drafty, sir.

TRUMP: I said when we moved in here this place is a dump. It’s like Greenwich Village. Everyone thinks it’s so great, even my girls. “Oh, the Village is fabulous!” But everything’s tiny, like it was built for midgets, and there’s always drafts.

[To GIULIANI.]

Rudy! Hey! It’s cold in here! What are doing on the phone?

GIULIANI: [Looks up, smiling] I love this big new phone. Look at that — [Shows TRUMP the screen] — I got the marathon score.

TRUMP: What the fuck is that?

GIULIANI: It’s Lightblocks! It’s like Tetris but the blocks glow.

TRUMP: [Yelling] You’re playing Tetris on your phone while I’m having a meeting? The fuck is wrong with you? Put that thing away!

[GIULIANI tries, has trouble getting it in his pocket.]

Oh, look at this. Pathetic, this is pathetic. Give it to me, I’ll throw it out the window!

[GIULIANI finally gets it put away.]

GIULIANI: Sidney's doing a fabulous job, isn’t she? It’s like you don’t even need me.

TRUMP: Nice try. Stay in that chair. [To POWELL] You said something about the judges having a prejudice. That’s prejudice against me, right, not the usual way, like against the colored?

POWELL: [Nodding] The judges are very cliquish, sir. They’re like the scientists and the Hollywood people — they all go to the same cocktail parties and it makes them very politically correct and that’s how they rule.

TRUMP: How d’ya like that. And this goes for the guys I gave jobs to?

POWELL: Oh, they’re the most politically correct of all, sir, because they have to show their friends how [makes finger quotes] “independent” they are.

TRUMP: Now that’s something else — loyalty. Nobody has it anymore. [Shivers.] Goddamn it! They’re fucking with me! [Shouts] Hey soldier boys! More heat!

GIULIANI: More heat? It's like a sauna in here.

TRUMP: [Pointing at him, growing agitated] You shut up! This is just what I mean! You’re supposed to be loyal but you play with your fucking phone while I'm talking to you, and I saw that story, “Giuliani terrified.” You think I’m stupid? Who else coulda leaked that?

GIULIANI: I got a lot of enemies here coulda leaked it. [Laughs] Let’s face it, I’m a pretty unlikable guy!

TRUMP: [To POWELL] Sidney, you’re nice to me now, and I appreciate it, but everybody turns on me at the end. And you’re gonna turn on me too.

POWELL: Oh, that’s not true, sir!

TRUMP: It is. I think it is.

POWELL: Sir, I am loyal, I am very loyal to you, sir. No one could be more loyal to me, I think you’re the savior of this country.

TRUMP: You know I’m starting to feel, really starting to feel it. Call me “sir” again, Sidney.

POWELL: Sir? Yes, sir. Oh, yes, sir. I am, I am loyal to you, sir.

TRUMP: If you’re so loyal you know how you can prove it to me, Sidney. You can suck my dick. That’s a good way, the only way.

POWELL: Now you’re joking, sir.

TRUMP: That’s good, that “sir,” do that some more, you can’t see it but I’m playing with myself now.

POWELL: Sir, you don’t have to talk like this. Sir, I know you want me to be loyal. And sir, I will be loyal, sir, oh, sir.

TRUMP: Your mouth, your tiny little mouth, I bet it would be tight on my dick, come over here, go ahead, Rudy can watch, Rudy won’t mind.

GIULIANI: I've seen worse.

TRUMP: Come and suck me, Sidney. Suck me, Sidney.

[TRUMP spasms.]

GIULIANI: Whoa! Did you cum already?

TRUMP: [Screaming madly] NO! I’M COLD! IT’S FREEZING, GODDAMNIT! IT’S FREEZING, FREEEEEZING, AND NO ONE IS KEEPING ME WARM BECAUSE EVERYONE BETRAYS ME, EVERYONE BETRAYS ME, EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE —

[White House Chief of Staff MARK MEADOWS rushes in, brings a blowgun to his lips and puffs into it; TRUMP’s hand flies to his neck, then he collapses on his desk. MEADOWS goes to the desk.]

MEADOWS: Car’s waiting for you folks, thanks.

[MEADOWS pulls the dart out of TRUMP’s neck; he pulls a pen flashlight out of his pocket, pushes TRUMP’s torso back against the chair, forces one eye open and points the flashlight into it, then the other. Meanwhile GIULIANI and POWELL get up and head for the door.]

GIULIANI: So were you gonna suck his dick?

POWELL: Don’t be disgusting.

GIULIANI: [Shrugs] Hadda ask!

[BLACKOUT.]