83 Comments
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Oct 28, 2022
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I would abandon the damn thing myself, but there's a few decent people and cats I follow who I'd miss.

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Once you're off it, you don't know what you're missing! That's worked for me with Facebook, Twitter, and for a time, owning a TV.

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Perhaps you could convince them to move to a decent place?

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I'm not sure I dig the new filters. All of my tweets keep getting replaced with KNEEL BEFORE MUSK.

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Musk is no Zod

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He may think he is.

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Should be easy to beat Musk in a kneeling contest.

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"Listen, if it all goes south, we’re not the ones who’ll get hurt."

Surely you meant "Listen, if it all goes TheSouthWillComeAgainLikeMe, we’re not the ones who’ll get hurt."

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Musk – a Tell.

Gonna be mucho drinkin' 'n typin' tonight. Also, earn points for posting the terms "Space" and "X", or "Open" and "AI", or "Zip" and "2", or "Solar" and "City", or "Neural" and "Link". May your Company never be Boring, and don't forget to Pay yer Pal.

Oh, and don't forget to mention Nicola...

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Before the final papers were even signed, Musk shitcanned the entire top tier of executives. He has announced he's going to lay off 75% of Twitter's entire workforce. I eagerly await Elon's announcement that Twitter will be self-driving within 6 months.

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Running over dark-skinned pedestrians... yep, that pretty much tracks

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Eggs/omelettes? Progress has its costs.

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Excuse me, but "dark-skinned" is racist. We prefer "low visibility." Please make a note of it.

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"Melanin-enhanced"

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"Multiply-melanized"

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Level 5 Auto-Shitposting? Yum!

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Eagerly awaiting the new "burst into flames" option.

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Depressingly accurate. It’s hard to imagine why even a weirdo like Musk would pay at least 3X what the platform is worth unless the plan was to “curate” the discourse to suppress dissent when the GOP launches their next coup in 2024.

I’ve heard some people voice the opinion that Musk will get bored and sell in a year, but that strikes me as similar to the falsely optimistic thinking of people who, after the 2016 election, theorized Trump might govern as a moderate.

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It is a fool's errand to try to suss the plans of a guy who lost $110B this year. But maybe he's right – "Elon alone can fix it" if y'all pay him enough...

Free-range capitalism is taxing., I tell ya

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It's not taxing for the rich!

Ha, ha! Get it? Taxing? Ho ha ho!

yeeeurgh

GUILLOTINES. NOW.

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You're assuming that Musk is as smart as the MSM portrays him and thought it through.

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I’m not assuming Musk is even remotely smart – I'm assuming he isn’t stupid enough to overpay so massively without another motive beyond “lol, u mad bro?”

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He sort of painted himself in a corner. His bid was always too high.

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Or HE is always high, which might count for a lot.

But again, the dude LOST $110 Billion THIS YEAR (sorry for raising my voice, but damn...) so perhaps the twit has simply found his roost.

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You’re sort of wrong. Nowadays, paper and potential wealth is treated like cash or gold; whatcha call something real and actual.

So Yeezy’s a billionaire hypothetically, that is, if deals pay off as anticipated. In real, actual wealth, he’s not even close.

Meanwhile, much, most or nearly all of Musk’s money is TSLA stock. Which, again, hypothetical wealth. Were the stock to tank significantly (like to a normal or at least realistic P/E), he very quickly would no longer be the world’s wealthiest man. So, you know, the characterization should require a huge asterisk.

Then again, shitty as mainstream political journalism is, its economic reporting is arguably worse.

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I have the awful feeling that more and more of the "wealth" of our world consists of these cute financial tricks.

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Oh, well! After all, in the wonderful system that is capitalism which as you know is an established natural law and CERTAINLY NOT something people invented and can change, the guy (of course!) who has the most cultural trade tokens MUST be the smartest!

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"When you're rich they think you really know..." - Tevye

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-paid options for people who prefer a more curated social media experience."

That my friends his parody so good it could successfully be substituted for the real thing.

Bravo!

"charming self-abnegation"

That's just poetry there.

The return of that asshole Trump to Twitter has the potential for being the single biggest shitshow in media history.

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Twitter is no public service, but deliberately degrading the quality of the cheap (or even free) public service so people will pay for "premium" has been working in the field of education for DECADES.

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Well, if by 'people' you mean disconsulted taxpayers footing the bill for religio-grifti-mendacitudinoso educationamalistas, then, yeah...

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Don't forget software

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Ouch! Death to the bird site!

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I'm calling it "The Muskhole" for the foreseeable future.

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Muskrat Loathe

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Muskrat Elon, Muskrat Sam

Do the jitterbug out in Twitter land

And they shimmy, and Sammy's so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed

Singin' and jingin' the jango

Floatin' like the heavens above

It looks like Twitter love

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And hey, here I was perfectly happy not thinking about that song.

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"Being short one track for Song of Joy, Captain & Tennille made an impromptu decision to record "Muskrat Love", including the synthesizer generated sound effects that Dragon had created for the song's performance in their nightclub act, these sound effects meant to evoke the imagined sound of muskrats mating..."

I love Wikipedia

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"A&M Records decided to issue "Muskrat Love" as a single after WISM, a Madison, Wisconsin radio station that had been airing the album cut, reported phenomenal listener response to the song in September 1976."

I'll take "Madison's contributions to American musical culture" for 100, Alex.

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Cousin Elon sez: “Just emptying the Twitter, Clark.”

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Damnit, Elon! You left shit all over the place again!

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Saw this hopeful message on Twitter: „i was on tumblr when yahoo had to sell it for $3 million after buying it for $1.1 billion. we were all a little bit responsible for losing yahoo a billion dollars. and with that type of collective effort, i believe we here on twitter can lose elon musk even more“

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Yes we can! (Well, not me, I'm not on Twitter, but...)

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There's a relatively new measure the MSM uses to that they can describe people as zillionaires. This week's example is Yeezy who's described as a billionaire except much of that money is built on long term deals and assumptions.

Similarly, nearly all of Musk's wealth is TSLA stock has a P/E of ~77 which is to say highly overvalued while the product is plateauing in the US and Europe and seems to be in its last big market, China. Competition is obviously growing and I doubt that Tesla IP will remain safe from theft in the PRC much longer. Which is to say having nearly all one's wealth in TSLA maybe isn't a great investment and, more relevantly, maybe means that when one says World's Wealthiest Man, there's an asterix at the end.

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The Goddamn Chicoms might even make it NOT randomly run people over!

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_ This week's example is Yeezy who's described as a billionaire except much of that money is built on long term deals and assumptions._

Maybe earlier in the week. Forbes says he’s worth $400M now.

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Slipped on my tense, then again IIRC, there’s still reporting flying around characterizing him as a billionaire.

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Will I still be able to criticize the PRC?

Will I still be able to support Ukraine?

Will there be full Level 5 Twitter autopilot by 2023?

Will I still be able to mock @elonmusk, his fanbois and bots?

Will I still be able to us the 💩 or will there be a charge or will it be limited to use by High Lord Musk and those he of which he approves?

More importantly, since the protectors of victims of CancelCulture are failing to defend Yeezy, will Twitter now fill that gap?

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I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to my death your right to use 💩 to say it.

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Thanks.

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Me too, but I reserve the right to remain upwind at all times.

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Like the guy he named his car company after* Musk had two really brilliant ideas (reusable rockets, repositioning electric cars in the luxury market instead of the econo-commuter market) and an unending stream of really bad ideas.

*Nikola Tesla invented the polyphase AC system, upon which our whole electric transmission system is based, he then spent the rest of his life on crackpot ideas, including long-range transmission of electric power through radio waves, like he'd never heard of the inverse-square law, duh.

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I'm still working on detatching SpaceX from Musk, because it tickles my long-standing technophilia, and the idea of self-landing boosters is just so goddamn cool. (And landing upright, which is no small potatoes!) I'm just stupidly stubborn enough to think there's something to this space travel bunkum.

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What's that Arthur C. Clarke quote? Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, something like that.

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The whole >People In SPAAAAACE!!!< thing is dumb when one considers the inescapable fact that this little bluegreen dot is all we got, and we have very little idea about how to keep our home from killing us off.

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Yes, it was a real thrill for me when SpaceX achieved the milestone & actually landed a rocket instead of dropping it in the ocean or crashing it. I still loathe Musk though.

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His pilot program to build his giant Tesla Coil to transmit power was apparently near Rocky Point, Long Island, near where I lived back in 1990 or so. It no longer exists, more the pity.

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Is that " Listen" thing new? It's probably been there for months and my geriatric stoner ass just now noticed. Anybody tried it? Do Roy's sonorous tones compare favorably to a modern day Orson Welles or is he this generation's John Gilbert?

I'm afraid to try it.

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I imagine it's something like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkLqAlIETkA

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That's pretty hurtful.But it"s funny too so I'll upvote it!

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Being as I can access listening more easily while at work than reading, I checked it out. Only exists for iTunes, of course.

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I haven't recorded anything. No idea.

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Made the mistake of clicking on the "Twitter Brigade" link. The Tony Blair Institute for Global Change. Fucking yeesh. Isn't their "brigading" just more whining about "thuggery mobs of wokeness" of whatever they're calling it?

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I think they should Brigadoon the Brigading. 1 day every 100 years is probably sufficient Brigading

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Agreed, there should be room to stage the Brigadoon Brigade by the heather on the hill.

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“Similarly, accounts that come off as racist against African-Americans will be given Black avatars, a method we’ve already been testing with such major accounts as @RealCandaceO.”

Bwah haha!

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I had no idea this even happened (on the bleeding edge of cultural advancement, that's me). It might have been the reason one of the first "Sponsored" tweets on my feed was some chucklefuck claiming that even though real scientists have determined COVID is a natural virus, HE has the PROOF it was created in a lab! And a scientific paper, I'm guessing not peer reviewed but you know those so-called "biologists" and their Big Pharma masters!

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But he paid to make it "sponsored", so you know it's got to be good!

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