Outtakes from the New York Times editorial board interview with Bernie Sanders
Ross Douthat: I assume you are familiar with the study that shows beyond a doubt that if you, personally, don’t convert to an ultra-orthodox sect of Judaism and declare that women being allowed to pray at the Wailing Wall is a, what do you people call it, a shofer, a shunda, then within our lifetime — maybe not your lifetime, because you are so old and frail — Judaism as we know it will cease to exist.
Sanders: I have not heard of this study, but I can tell you it’s a load of hooey. How can anyone —
Douthat: [Shouting] You hear him! You hear him! He doesn’t care what happens to the Jews!
Sanders: That’s ridiculous. I’m a Jew.
Douthat: A deracinated one. Are you even acquainted with the works of Irving Kristol?
Sanders: Where did you say this verkakte study came from?
Douthat: From the — from the — [sotto voce] Rod?
Rod Dreher: [From underneath Douthat’s vestments] “The Death of the Jews” from the Center for Creative Nationalism.
Douthat: What he said! And what’s this “verkakte”? Is it a filthy homosexual practice?
Sanders: Okay, I’m done with this guy.
Douthat: Of course, you’re no match for my Jesuitical logic! [Flounces, trips over Dreher, landing on his crotch]
Douthat and Dreher: No homo! No homo!
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Maggie Haberman: I have a source within your campaign that says you called Pete Buttigieg a “little pisher.”
Sanders: I certainly would never say such a thing about my friend Pete. Who told you that?
Haberman: I can’t tell you, but I verified it with a more highly placed individual within your campaign.
Sanders: Who you also can’t name.
Haberman: That’s right.
Sanders: Let me ask you, is there anyone with a name who has accused me of this?
Haberman: Ha ha, Senator, they all have names, but you can’t have the names.
Sanders: Well, this accusation by alleged people who you can’t identify to me is nonsense, I can tell you that.
Haberman: Excuse me, alleged people? Do you realize how demeaning that is?
Sanders: Of whom? You can’t demean someone who doesn’t exist.
Haberman: Who doesn’t exist! Well, I have an extremely highly placed source in the current administration who would never insult me like this.
Sanders: Can we move on please.
===
Ivanka Trump: Why don’t you care about what happens to people suffering under socialism in Venezuela?
Sanders: I can’t believe you brought the president’s daughter in here. I thought this was an editorial board meeting.
Brent Staples: Ms. Trump is on the board now. It’s part of our new fairness initiative.
Sanders: Ms. Trump —
Trump: Call me Ivanka.
Sanders: Ms. Trump, can you tell me please, what is the capital of Venezuela?
Trump: [After a pause] Venezuela City.
Sanders: Do you know who was president of Venezuela before Hugo Chavez?
Trump: Evita Peron. I’m asking the questions, Mr. Sanders.
Sanders: Senator.
Trump: I’m asking the questions, Mr. Senator. Did you know that the iPhone was created by a capitalist?
Sanders: Well, I’m ready for lunch. Thank you all very much.
[Editors crowd around Sanders for selfies to give to their children.]
"Deracinated" is an interesting word. " I deracinated that whole row of beets. " is proper usage . And I'm pretty sure the last B-12 I bought was deracinated.
Last time we had Thanksgiving dinner at the in-laws I could have sworn the whole meal, dessert and all had been deracinated. Turns out it had been deflavorized. Subtle difference.
Funfact about the Heartland. Rural folks hate hate hate Jews. This in spite of the fact many ,maybe most, have never met anybody Jewish . Unless they went to the county seat to get glasses from that nice Doctor Lieberman one street over from the courthouse. Most everybody goes to Walmart for their glasses these days so anymore that's pretty rare.
Farmers like to blame a lot of their problems on Jew Bankers. Even though they have lived in the same small town all their lives and went to school with their banker and their bankers family - hell, they saw them every Sunday down at the First Baptist Church and made a point of saying hello at fellowship after the service, all their problems, when they're hanging out at the grain elevator with all the rest of the farmers are the fault of Jew Bankers.
They're losing a fuck ton of money on this tariff bullshit, everyone but the real big players. Who do you think they blame? It ain't Donald Trump. It's some Banker named Goldman.
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You left out the part where Dean Baquet asks Bernie why he's so devoted to Iran and why he sides with the terrorists and hates America. It is, after all, a given at the NYT that anyone who would run against a Republican is by definition a Muslim extremist atheistic socialist communist Sharia-loving anti-American counter-culture abortionist homo promoter.