128 Comments

What a great review! With a nice remembrance of PeeWee.

I think it's amazing that a smart funny Barbie movie that everyone loves and a

biography of Robert Oppenheimer are two most popular movies in the world , setting Box Office records.

That's some hopeful shit right there!

I am interested in Bertolt Brecht's Barbie.

Can't wait to hear " Ken the Knife"

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I think part of the reason these two incongruous movies were hyped so much is that they’re among the last rolled out before the SAG/AFTRA strike. But whatever the reason, it’s nice to have some unusual fare at the box office.

That said, I’m holding out for an Ibsen version of Barbie (A Doll’s House?) or maybe Ingmar Bergman.

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It's also funny that the movie the right-wingers are mad about isn't the one featuring a supposed Communist.

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"Seeräuber Barbie"

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I'd like to see a book where Pirate Prentice fixes a Banana

Breakfast for Pirate Jenny somewhere near the Terminus. Safe for the moment....

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And the ship... the Pink Raider.... throws a flag up its maaaaasthead... And it's compatible with other Barbie playsets!

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To be clear, I think it very likely not everyone loves The Barbie Movie. RWNJ for one group are going to hate the social not-message

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Their kids will play the shit out of it. Over and over and over.

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Oof!

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Ben Shapiro did not approve of its anti-men feminist wokeness. So there’s a vote in favor!

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. . . probably a Butter Knife. No sharp edges on our Ken!

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Thanks for the review, Roy. I loved Pee-Wee, both the TV show and the Big Adventure, and I can’t wait to see the Barbie movie.

As regards the media response to Barbie from conservatives, all I can say is the money flowing from rightwing billionaires to their media grifters must be astronomical. Ben Shapiro is a 40 year old grown man – calculated by the calendar if not the tape measure – and he took the time to bash, at length, a movie about a children’s doll. And for pure surreal idiocy, nothing can top him setting Barbie and Ken dolls on fire. The vast majority of middle-aged men would be absolutely mortified at the idea of doing something so ridiculous. So that rightwing coin MUST be sweeeet…

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"calculated by the calendar if not the tape measure" lol

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I have a son about Shapiro's age, and I'm so glad that mine is not an aggrieved and stunted moron.

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My poor unfortunate friend somehow has two 30-something sons that are. It's a fucking tragedy.

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When I throw shade I like to pitch a slider, lol

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2 marks for that strike.

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I usually throw the Eephus pitch

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I have an image in my mind of Shapiro invading his own daughters' room()s) to steal their Barbies to set them on fire....

I of course have no idea the age or gender of his children...

But bringing up Pee Wee in tanmdem with Shapiro is intriguing. Both are man-children, but where Pee Wee was sweet & whimsical, Shapiro has grown up a cross between Veruca Salt & Mike Tee Vee...

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And not Veruca Salt the girl band

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Can't stop the seether

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I hear they're contemplating a Polly Pockets movie (god help us), and as I said on TwiXer I hope it's enough to make Ben buy OG Polly Pockets off eBay for oodles of money so he can burn them as well.

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God help us, yes, but it would be breathtaking if Polly Pockets, and every toy-based movie, only got green-lighted if it contained Gerwig/Baumbach-esque social commentary--i.e., if "Hollywood"'s knee-jerk mimicky of what sells leads to a formula that includes blatant wokeness.

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I saw last night that they're also working on - honest to Gobbs - a movie about the card game Uno, and the only reason I'm not throwing things is that I can't throw cross-country to Hollywood and hit studio executives on the head.

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Now I'm imagining a movie about a killer who targets studio CEOs and leaves motion capture dots in the corpse's mouth.

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Coming soon to a theater near you, this Summer's blockbuster hit:

Something: A Thing You Will Definitely Recognize

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"Honey, why are they making a movie about those little green wire thingies you use to close up produce bags in the grocery store?"

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Shitty films are this year's thing

Shitty films are this year's thing

(apologies to Chumbawamba)

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Don't bother. They're all out of town. Someone polled the yacht rental companies up and down the coast, and discovered they were all sold out. This indicated that the exex all left town for the writers strike (this was before the actors strike), in yet another token of their scumbaggery.

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It's their COVID! Actually they had COVID as well but you know how they love sequels!

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Draw Four (dollars, 'cause that's all the money said movie will make)

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Since they put out “Battleship: The Movie!” I was thinking it might be “Mouse Trap” or “Operation” or “Hungry Hungry Hippo’s” chance to shine… I mean does a deck of Uno cards have the same dramatic potential? At least give us a “Jenga: The Movie” which could keep us entertained until the action packed conclusion!

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They could combine Mouse trap the game with Mousetrap the Christie play

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Make this movie or draw 25!

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*bringing back memories of apocalyptic Uno games with Mom and stepfather*

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(speed up this reply to 45 rpm)

"Let's say hypothetically that I grew up identifying intensely with the character Huckleberry Pie and hypothetically then a Strawberry Shortcake movie was released and there were let's say, hypothetically, Huckleberry Pie was no longer the only boy doll in that universe, which is why hypothetically I might identify with that character. All this is thought experiment of course, a series of hypotheticals, but now hypothetically how betrayed would my lonely childhood be?"

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You misspelled "pathetically"

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"High pathetically, low empathy"

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That was fun to speed read. Not sure what it meant...

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Is your speed-reader on 78? That sometimes happens...

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Damn. Too much time rummaging thru those shellac discs.

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Yea I cannot *not* hear that in Shapiro’s nasally whine! Would his betrayed childhood be able to sue for damaged emotionality?

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Simple, flip, guide: When speaking of adults, 'child-like' can be anything from cringe-y to wonderful, 'childish' is _always_ horrid.

(My family are now suffering financial and health problems from a childish parent who Will Not Be Told, so it's been reëmphasised to me recently.)

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If you’re in a battle of ideas, and your idea of argument is to burn dolls, you have the ideas of a 4th grader.

I will see the Barbie movie: daughter said it was great and she teared up a bit..

Rubens was…special: a blatant weirdo sissy, who would get me giggling: and one of me and the BFs fun times is looking for him in bit parts: the mostly improvised “I’m not sorry” scene in the otherwise dim Cheexh and Chong’s Next Movie is something I chuckle at from memory.

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After his tantrum wears off, Li’l Ben is going to sorely regret destroying his doll collection.

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For real. All I ever did was cut my Barbie's hair and I cried for days. I see wailing and lamentation in Ben's future.

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Ben only had Mother Barbie and Barefoot and Pregnant Barbie in the Kitchen and those are now very difficult to find

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More oofs.

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Ken, Kinder, Küche Klaus Barbie

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The KKK looks on in envy at that fourth K.

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Or perhaps a Ken, Kinder, Küche, Klaus Kinski Barbie?

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My sister got a Barbie

and named it Klaus

so I kicked her out of the house,

out, out of the House

Klaus barbie

out, out of the house

Klaus Barbie

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Kinder, Kuchen und Kirche Barbie

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I think I know WHY they're so pee'd off, and Roy points it up: it's FUN. Adults are Not Supposed to have fun. Adulting is VERY SERIOUS and grim and Serious and Not Fun. Adults having fun/playing violates The Sacred Hierarchy! It's undoubtedly why they hate hate hate Pride and drag shows and non-procreative sex. Also more of why conservative "humor" sucks.

And it's probably more than a little resentfulness at their sad grifty restrained lives and and how they can't fucking relax enough to PLAY, for fuck's sake.

Also, if folks may indulge me in semi-niche nerdery for a moment, I think I see why so many Old School Roleplaying guys are bent outta shape, other than there's GUR-RULS at the table and they can't do their hypermasculine dumbassery. It's that their gaming is Right vs Wrong, Good vs Evil, Virtue vs Sin, it's heavy metal album covers and splitting demon skulls (as one chud on TwiXer put it) and power and Accumulating Stuff. And here come these kids who want exploration and weird characters and want to cuck the DM by helping make stuff up and some of their woke-ass games don't even have COMBAT much less demon skulls and can you believe it they think they're supposed to have FUN, like it's a GAME or something!

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My cat probably knows more about video games than I do, but this sounds about right to me. Basically, their position amounts to "protecting my fragile masculinity by role-playing in video games in order to give myself a false sense of power and control is Serious Business. No 'fun' is allowed, or I may have to squarely face the fact I am merely 'playing' a game and my illusion of wielding superior power and control is, well, illusory."

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I was referring to table-top RPGs, but, yeah, now Gamergate is a little clearer as well. No wonder they were all offended at GUR-RULS making their computer games!

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See? My cat likely knows more, lol.

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Let me just say for the record: fuck the souls-like style of action rpg video games (and to a lesser extent the rogue-like and/or metroidvania-like styles) that it seems make up 75% of the new game releases we get. I’ve gotten way more fun out of the fishing/cosmic horror game Dredge not least because of its inspired game concept, art style and soundtrack.

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Your cat probably knows more about video games (and who knows what else!) than the two of us combined, but yeah, exactly.

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My theory as the DM, was that we were telling a story together and that solving problems was as much the core of the thing as combat

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Ironically, one of the most iconic AD&D modules (Tomb Of Horrors) actually has very little combat involved. Most of it is traps and tricks. Of course, one of the trick sections changes a player's sex HAWW HAWW UR A GUR-RUL NOW so it's acceptable.

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Another one designed to baffle and maim your PC: https://archive.org/details/tsr09065wg4forgottentempleoftharizdun

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"Steve: God asked Abraham to burn his only level 11 fighter-mage to prove his faith."

I don't care what anyone says, Something Awful was great at times

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This and the other similar ones were hilarious, thanks.

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Tomb of Horrors always seemed like it would be more fun to read than to play. It’s a sadistic meat grinder, virtually impossible to solve, designed to reduce your favorite PC to subatomic particles.

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That's why it's FUNNNNNNN 😖🙄

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Paranoia modules were often this way

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Yea, if the mission didn’t kill you, the “useful” tech devices or the other players would…

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As a DM long ago, I had a player that always wanted to play by "the rules" and so I would point out one of the first caveats, located at the beginning that stated in essence, "the DM decides". Then I would throw a non-sensical item for them to come across. Pissed him off every time. No money, the townsfolk could be assholes (I once had an armorer sell off his favorite item that required "special sharpening" because he didn't show up in time.) Plus he would get upset when I said, "you can't hold all of that, it's physically impossible".

But my friend who was a DM for a different game we played (Gamma World) gave me the "killer rabbits" and I was playing the character as a scared "Why am I here?". I wasn't until decades later when I asked about the killer rabbits he finally gave me the answer. Artist he is (and now teacher) finally let me know that it was the random rabbits drawn in margins in medieval texts by monks.

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Just as conservative art is always propaganda--isn't their favorite country song that Lee Greenwood thing, with the self-pitying line "where at least I know I'm free"?--so their "play" is combat. Everything is us-vs-them and has to have a "winner."

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I always took the implied meaning of "at least" in "at least I know I'm free" as an acknowledgement that everything else about this fucked-up country sucks.

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I took it to mean that everything else in MY LFE sucks.

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Old School Roleplaying guys

As an OSRPG, I would have loved a woman/girl in any of the groups in which I played. But then I am weird

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Such "thinking" by The Gelding is dangerous. "Where they burn dolls, they will next burn men", as Heine might have said.

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I also first encountered Pee-Wee on early Letterman episodes. Pee-Wee was simply a guest. In character, with no explanation. This was well before the movie or the TV show, so Reubens didn't promote anything. He was just Pee-Wee Herman, a force of chaos and childishness. His earlier take on the character had a little more mean streak, so he'd become briefly mad at Dave for not delighting in every single childish weirdness he produced. Pee-Wee was wonderful. Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is easily Tim Burton's best movie, and an all-time favorite of mine. I was a fan for his whole career. I miss him already.

Haven't seen Barbie yet, but I intend to.

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They were going over some of Pee Wee's fan mail, one of which started with "Dear Pee..." and Letterman lingered over that, having a chuckle: "Dear Pee... I like that"

"Oh yeah, well why don't you marry it then?" snapped Pee Wee.

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I do like movies -- but I must say PWBA is maybe my favorite movie of all time...

... mostly written by Phil Hartman too (RIP)

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They're showing it at the Charles Theater August 10. I'm there! https://thecharles.com/movie/pee-wees-big-adventure/

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I still miss Hartman, that was a big loss.

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Spot on! The Barbie movie is *fun*. As the Cat in the Hat says,

"It's fun to have fun

but you have to know how."

And Gerwig knows how.

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Mister, we could use a man like Pee Wee Herman again!

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Or a trans man, either one's fine with me.

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Pee-Wee was something special. That it came out of the Groundlings is, like, a mark of quality.

As for Playhouse, in every respect, it was mind blowing or, as they say these days, subversive -- more so having come after the movies.

Then again, the avant garde and progressive art wasn't yet dead in the 80s...

Gonna be a loonnng time before we see Pee-Wee's like again.

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You nailed it, remarking how on our little black and white TVs the brilliant color and depth of the set nevertheless translated... it didn't even dawn on me until right now that while I was laying prone in front of a blurry little box as the tequila wafted from my cells lo those many Saturday mornings ago, I was seeing colors when there actually were none. That is the mark of genius on the behalf of all involved who created that universe. He, and that show, had tremendous impact on me and I'm surprised how this one's hitting. Oof.

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Yeah, us art bums ate that shit up!

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Maybe, but you failed to mention the Big Adventure soundtrack. The opening scene theme is as good as any movie music ever, Danny Elfman's down side irrespective.

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Really, there were still black and white tvs then? A friend of mine taped it on one of those new fangled vhs thingies, or maybe it was Betamax, then we watched it late at night as we were preparing the groundwork for the next day’s hangover.

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Those of us called 'poor' had them, yes.

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There were and probably still are states that mandated prisons could only have B&W TVs

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When I went away to college in the early 80's I carried with me a "portable" B&W set that used vacuum tubes. Precocious pre-engineer that I was, I wired in some RCA phono jacks in the back so the audio could be fed directly into a stereo (Harman-Kardon, also tubes). I still have that amp, but damn I wish I still had that TV.

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Gerwig seems to be exploring the world of little girl imagination, one icon at a time. First “Little Women,” now “Barbie.” What’ll she tackle next, “Nancy Drew” or “Our Bodies, Ourselves”?

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I’m holding out for “The Dinner Party.”

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Long as they take a hard pass on "Donner Party".

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I’d see that Barbie movie!

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Great review. Thanks. Perhaps it’s something like Pixar’s Cars in the way grumpy old people get upset by its superficial lack of realism, when actually it’s just a boy, or in this case a girl, playing with her toys, making up a story for them and having them act it out. Pee Wee’s Playhouse was kinda the same thing.

Of course it’s funny that rightwing jerks are butt hurt by it, angrily shaking their fists and berating Hollywood for not making all toy movies G. I. Joe movies, but it’s good you let that slide and focused more on the fun.

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I honestly think rightwing Barbie rage is doing the Lord's work by advertising to the normies how freakish and fucked up conservatism is.

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Of course you’re always welcome to do another article about that. Saw one about how the movie has become a relationship litmus test resulting in women breaking up with those who ridicule the movie, so I’m sure right wingers are suffering. If they had any sense they’d recognize it as an opportunity to maybe, finally, get laid by gushing about how great it is.

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Hmmm. Higher-level thinking skilz. What comes next?

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The thing that's in the interest of your individual right-wing content-creator (to draw more and more clicks by more and more outrageous behavior) may not, in the long, run, be in the best interest of conservatism itself. Gosh, who could have figured. Kinda like how the individual self-interest of the factory owner who wants to dump cyanide into the river isn't in the best interests of society generally.

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You know the Kens' comeuppance really chapped their ass. Some of the smarter ones may have noticed the irony AS THEY WERE WRITING THEIR ESSAYS OR MAKING THEIR VIDEOS.

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100% agree. Disney, Target, beer, drag queens, now Barbie -- all fun, and all verboten. The conservative pitch to normies boils down to "Let's all read the bible while we snack on some tasty stewed prunes." Not a winning message.

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"A turnip has plenty of juice! And it's too sweet for decent folks!"

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As documented in the Christian Industries chilling film: “Turnips: Satan’s Favorite Fruit”

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Turnips have a white, fleshy taproot, just like RWNJ dudes

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I'll admit to being skeeved about Jim Caviezel's latest creepshow. I have no intention of dropping a penny on it. Beyond that, I get on with life and don't give it much thought.

A bunch of guys who favor tactical vests, and drive pickup trucks covered with MAGA stickers let them selves get worked into a spitting rage over product tie-in movie about a DOLL. Prior to that, they were up in arms about shitty, watery beer. By September, it will be something else. A little self reflection might be a nice change of pace for them, but I don't get my hopes up.

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Paul Schrader says it’s just a typical white savior movie, but that the Latinos in the audience applauded nevertheless. Roy, you should follow Schrader on Facebook. Yea, he’s a crank, but he gives some great insight about film and the ways of the industry.

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Ha, you're right. He's like our Herzog!

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We were in line for the movie when all of a sudden a woman ahead of us got into a screaming fight with a guy behind us. They were really getting into it. So we found ourselves in a Barbie queue beef sandwich!

Sorry.

<PeeWee voice> I'm not sorry!!!

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Awesome.

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Odd factoid: My marginally younger contemporaries Paul Reubens and Roger Stone were born on the same day—27 August 1952. That it should be Pee-wee and not the odious Stone who has now fetched up on the other side of the sod strikes me as one more instance of a morally deficient cosmic justice system: as above, so below.

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I shall have to see if The Playhouse is available somewhere; I very very vaguely remember seeing only one or two episodes back in the day, but I was literally doing nothing but working (overnights) and sleeping and the whole period is all a blur at best. My main memories are the soundtrack by Mark "DEVO" Mothersbaugh, the Dobbshead on the Playhouse wall, and my association of Reubens' downfall with the line from They Might Be Giants' "We Want A Rock": "Someone in this town Wants to burn the playhouse down".

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Cyndi Lauper performed the vocals, uncredited.

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Thanks for the great review. I may actually see it now. Can you imagine a Barbie movie that Shapiro would like, assuming the twerp ever likes anything?

Paul Reubens was brilliant. Pee Wee was just -one- of the characters he did in improv that happened to take off (shades of Latka Gravas) and look how he evolved it. I'm really sorry I never got see any of the others.

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"Can you imagine a Barbie movie that Shapiro would like..."

Well, there's the "Barbie movie" Ben plays in his head over and over, which is basically just Barbie saying "Oh, Ben! You're so tall!" over and over.

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“Ben, I’m so wet!” Oh, wait…

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Barbie's Fun-Time Golden Shower is a much-sought-after accessory.

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Needs moar manly soldier men, moral sermonizing, and sexy M&Ms.

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Sexy M&Ms make everything better!

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I endeavor to avoid the thought of anything that might please Ben, because it would inevitably be awful.

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I’m just a little old to appreciate Peewee - I was in my 30s when he started the character. But I always appreciated Reubens as an artist. To me, he’ll always be the character I first saw him - the Hamburger! guy from Cheech and Chong’s “Nice Dreams”.

https://youtu.be/Ff-DqTerrnw

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BTW, I have a few Barbie Photos, though I can't find the best one for some reason. Something to do with being chronically disorganized, perhaps. Anyhoo, it's just a picture of someone else's art. Don't blame me. https://www.instagram.com/p/CvdtlQnsNK4/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

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Bit late to this. Haven't seen the movie, but "Barbie" might flop in Japan. I can't read Japanese, and I'm not a journalist (grain of salt disclaimer), but from what I've been reading there are a lot of Japanese offended by the "Barbenheimer" juxtaposition (for obvious reasons)

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