Shadow docket

The Justice and his wife receive visitors

[Home study of Supreme Court Associate Justice CLARENCE THOMAS. Lots of thick carpet and dark oak and green-shaded banker’s lamps and many framed photos on the wall of THOMAS posing with various billionaires — sometimes holding freshly-caught fish, sometimes accepting loving cups and other awards, and sometimes just laughing with the background clumsily blacked out. There’s a Barcalounger with a couple of fluffy white robes piled on it, and also something that looks like a closet or a large safe with a hinged hatch on it. THOMAS, wearing what looks like a Christmas sweater, tan slacks and penny loafers, sits at a splendid mahogany desk making notes in pen on a typescript, humming to himself as he works. GINNI THOMAS, wearing a sheer mesh backless chemise, sneaks in and puts her hands over his eyes. Both laugh.]

GINNI: Kitchi kitchi koo!

THOMAS: Haha, my girl! Oooh, you smell so good, but I have so much work.

GINNI: Can’t take a break?

THOMAS: [Slyly] Well, maybe just a little one.

GINNI: Good!

[GINNI whispers in THOMAS’ ear, singsongy:]

‘Cuz baby, I got a feller right here who’s a real big fan of your jurisprudence, and he’s working to make good and sure that we keep the ball rolling.

THOMAS: Ha ha, damn, baby, you played me!

GINNI: Can you please spare a minute to say hi? It’ll do the troops so much good.

THOMAS: Aw, you know I can’t say no to you!

GINNI: [Biting his earlobe] Num! Don’t worry baby, I’ll take care of you later! 

THOMAS: I know you will, baby!

[GINNI grabs one of the robes and pulls it on as she leaves; THOMAS continues to work; at one point he rears back, says “Bitch! Puerto Rican bitch!” in a low voice, and scribbles furiously. GINNI, fully covered in her white robe, reenters with a skinny, pimply young man wearing a MAGA hat, and the sort of fake tactical vest Proud Boys wear covered with pins, including Nazi and Confederate insignia, over a black suit jacket, with camo pants and black jump boots. THOMAS rises.]

GINNI: Clarence, this is Festus Gumball the Third. You remember I spoke to you about the work he did with us on January 6. Festus was very smart and evaded the clutches of the Deep State, and he’s been making very good use of his time since, working on our operations for 2024.

[THOMAS has taken GUMBALL’s hands in his and is pumping them enthusiastically.]

THOMAS: Mighty glad to meet you, young man! And may I say how good it is to see a young man who isn’t all caught up in that woke socialist nonsense and who’s doing something positive with his life!

GUMBALL: Well, this is a honor for me too, Mr. Justice, sir. My pappy tole me, don’t never trust no colored, and I never so much as touched one afore now, but I tole him, I said Paw, Clarence Thomas, he’s as true a patriot as was ever born, him and his wife — I didn’t tell him she was huh-white, cuz he’s old-fashioned — and I said, Paw, you wait, one day him and me is gonna be marchin’ up Capitol Hill with guns an’ explosives to kill all the Jews and Rosicrucians —

[GINNI and THOMAS put their fingers to their lips and go “shhhh,” which quiets GUMBALL.]

THOMAS: Mr. Gumball, I just love your enthusiasm. And I want both of us — [he reaches out and pats GINNI] all of us — to stay cool and out of trouble, you understand? We don’t want to give these people any excuse to stop our work! Like they tried to stop me at my hearings, getting some broke-down, nasty-ass colored whore to tell stories on me.

[To GINNI:]

I learned my lesson then, didn’t I, sugar?

GINNI: You sure did, baby!

THOMAS: [To GUMBALL] And they never stopped tryin’ to tell stories on me – on us, I should say, Mr. Gumball! But we got to stay positive. We got to do our work. My work is reversing all those crazy laws giving special rights to all kinds of people, including no-‘count colored folk want a free ride to college. I bet nobody offered you a free ride to college, did they, Mr. Gumball?

GUMBALL: Hell no, Mr. Justice sir!

THOMAS: Exactly. So I’m doing my work, and you — well, I don’t know and I don’t want to know, right! Ah ha ha ha ha! But you know, so long as we both can keep doing our work, everything’s going to be all right. Stay positive!

GUMBALL: Mr. Justice, sir, I gawt to tell ya, when you was shushin’ me I wanted to just smash you acrost the face for sassin’ a white man, but now I’m just glad you set me straight and I’m damn proud to know you, in fact —

[GUMBALL fishes in his pants for a phone.]

— I sure would love it if’n we could get a selfie, sir, to show the folks t’home —

[GINNI steps between GUMBALL and THOMAS.]

GINNI: Festus, we’ll get lots of pictures when we do the big job next year, but you know right now we have to keep it on the down low. Now I promise you, a year and half from now, everyone’s gonna know who’s in the family. You can keep a secret that long, can’t you, Festus?

GUMBALL: Aw, Ma’am, I been keepin’ so many secrets, you’d be amazed to hear ‘em —

GINNI: Well, you keep right on keeping those secrets, young man —

[GINNI starts leading GUMBALL out, but in an entirely different direction.]

— and I’ll be there with you on the front lines when we finally get this thing done. What a great day that’ll be, won’t it! Now wave bye-bye to Justice Thomas and we’ll see you on the other side.

[THOMAS smiles broadly and waves; GUMBALL, on the threshold, waves back.]

GUMBALL: I won’t let you down, sir! You deserve you a white wife! See you on the other side!

[GUMBALL steps out and, as he’s turning around to ask a question, GINNI closes the door behind him. Pause. THOMAS walks to GINNI, puts his arms around her and his hands on her butt.]

THOMAS: All right, my girl, I deserve extra special attention after standing that stupid cracker for as long as I did!

GINNI: Oh, but I got one more case for you first, Mr. Justice.

[THOMAS starts trying to peel off GINNI’s robe.]

Clarence, stop!

THOMAS: Baby, I’m about to burst! This big black buck might have to force himself on your pretty white ass!  

GINNI: [Cheerfully fending him off] Hang on, Mr. Justice, I think this is one interruption you’re going to like!

[GINNI straightens her robe and goes back to the original door and opens it. A man dressed like a butler in old movies enters, carrying a gigantic cinched sack with a dollar sign on it. GINNI goes to the hinged hatch and opens it; the man squeezes the sack into the opening, pushes it so it drops, and, after a few seconds, we hear a muffled thump.]

MAN WITH SACK: Compliments of Cyrus DeMornay-Belsenberger, with many thanks for the Justice’s company at the Elkhorn Lodge — and for yours, madam!

GINNI: Convey our thanks to Cyrus and tell him we’ll see him at the rodeo.

THOMAS: And tell him he’ll find a nice surprise on the Court calendar ‘round about November!

[The man leaves; GINNI closes the door, then comes back smiling archly to THOMAS.]

GINNI: Now that was reckless, Mr. Justice!

THOMAS: [Grabs her] C’mere, bitch!

[GINNI squeals. THOMAS peels her robe down.]

I feel reckless.  Like Shakespeare said — I have begun and now I give my sensual race the rein!

GINNI: Mr. Justice, I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout no Shakespeare. Will you teach me?

[THOMAS grunts with pleasure and commences to maul GINNI as the CURTAIN falls.]