13 Comments

Inquiring minds want to know: Are the batteries dead and leaking aid? If not, they should be!

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Otherwise it’ll be wasteful

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This is a great start to. your new website: DeadspinExceptMadeUp.com

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Hilarious! If mascots were like this I would totally attend sporting events.

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Thrown batteries and all, this is a report from a better America.

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Not sure even in Seattle you could get baseball fans to sing in French. Hmm. Seventh-inning stretch in Milwaukee, along with "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" they sing "Roll Out the Barrel," and I think that would work with a guillotine chop. Maybe change the lyrics a bit (This is going to be tough without line breaks): Roll out the tumbrels/Justice arrives for the rich/Roll out the tumbrels/We'll drop their heads in a ditch/Zzip! Chop! Don't fumble/Workers, sing songs of good cheer/Now's the time to roll the tumbrels, 'cause the blades man's here!

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Sorry, keta would have done it better.

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Hmmmph!

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I meant keta would have done a better revolutionary baseball song than I did, not a better mascot fantasy than you did. Your piece was brilliant.

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Holy Mother of God, Edroso, I pray you will only use your powers for the good. PS: upvoted for the battery-throwing. PPS: you guys, if you want to see a PROPER mascot, google “partick thistle kingsley”. #notsocuddly

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This is making me pine for that innocent afternoon when the Saint Mirren panda threw bars of soap into the Morton home crowd, produced a giant scrubbing brush and proceeded to demonstrate to the Greenock team's fans how they could wash themselves.

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“designed by the Turner Prize-nominated artist David Shrigley” — impressive!

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Worth the yearly subscription price all by itself. Nice work, Roy.

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