Sure, Let's Talk to the Trump People Once Again, Why Not, by Someone at the New York Times

Let us clasp hands over the bloody chasm

For many Trump supporters, the inauguration of Joseph R. Biden Jr. this week will be a signal that it is time to move on blah blah Jan. 6 at the Capitol blah blah interviews in recent days blah blah dark mood, voice of the unheard, etc.

“I don't like libtards nohow,” said Booger Dump, who lives in a double-wide in Hootchimama, Arkansas, swore that is his real name and admitted he was at the Capitol on Jan. 6 but did not go inside.

“Always on the TV, dressed up nice, acting like they’re better than you,” Mr. Dump continued, reaching into his overalls, the only item of clothing he wore or (he claimed) owned, scratching himself in various places. He has been unemployed since he lost his job as a school custodian in the summer of 2019 because of his refusal, county records show, to stop wearing a swastika T-shirt to work. Mr. Dump said he had a lawyer working on a suit against the Hootchimama school system, alleging his First Amendment rights had been violated, but its progress has been slowed by the pandemic and by what he called a “lack of gumption” on the part of his lawyer, Amos Rapscallion, who reclined, drunk, in a nearby ditch.

Mr. Dump said that Jesus Christ had appeared to him in a vision and told him Joe Biden was a pedophile demon who must be murdered. “People in this country are fed up,” he added.

Elsie Fingerling, 37, a homemaker in Bridge Junction, Pennsylvania, also admitted to being at the Capitol on Jan. 6 but denied being inside, though the walls of the main dining room of her 17-room Neo-colonial home were hung with Congressional nameplates matching the description of items purloined in the attack. Ms. Fingerling, who wore a pink linen track suit, Balenciaga calfskin athletic shoes, and a red MAGA hat, said she bought them at a local farm store.

Ms. Fingerling said she and her husband, Larry Fingerling, a landscape contractor, had been arguing over the recent election and the Jan. 6 event at the Capitol, and he was as a result sleeping in a distant wing of the house. Ms. Fingerling firmly believed that Democrats should be killed and President Trump installed as king, whereas Mr. Fingerling felt Democrats should be tortured and then killed, and that President Trump should also be called Defender of the Faith.

“It’s not like I’m prejudiced,” said Ms. Fingerling. “Yesterday that pig [Mr. Fingerling] said, ‘the colored are all lazy and on welfare,’ and I told him right away, ‘don't you call them colored.’”

A political science professor blah blah dissociation blah election was a catalyzing event blah blah political psychologist blah blah blah study revealed, some say, others disagree, etc.

Reached at his home in Flatnut, South Dakota, Ephraim Jehoshaphat, a retired real estate agent, said he didn’t trust “Jew lesbo bitches like you,” referring to this reporter, to tell the truth about anything, but agreed to a phone interview with the stipulation that he would masturbate throughout.

During the parts of the interview that were comprehensible, Mr. Jehoshaphat said that COVID-19 was a hoax; black people were “children of Ham” and only fit for slavery; everyone who did not vote for President Trump was a pedophile and a “skeezix”; Joe Biden paid the World Bank and George Soros in child slaves and Chinese gold to rig Dominion voting machines to make him president although his only supporters were pedophiles and skeezixes, of which there were only a “couple dozen” in the whole country, and “Jew lesbo bitches,” of which there were only two, this reporter and Mr. Jehoshaphat’s ex-wife.

“We are coming to kill you, bitch,” said Mr. Jehoshaphat in closing. “What you saw at the Capitol, which by the way I did not go inside of, is just a little taste of what good Christian people are gonna do to s--t scum bitch f--k c-m s--t f--k god oh my god aaaaaaaaaagh gaaaaa unnnhhh.” Mr. Jehoshaphat declined to answer further questions and terminated the call.

Kitty Bennett contributed research.