The anti-Hillary, literally

Populism can go either way

© 2019 Matt Johnson used under a Creative Common license


October 25:
Hi, I’m Tulsi Gabbard. I’m running for president, but that’s not what I want to talk to you about today. Just a few days ago, Hillary Clinton called me a Russian agent, then got her friends at the New York Times to cover up for her. They claim they misquoted her, but you and I know that Hillary Clinton, the queen of corruption and the high priestess of political persiflage, is in cahoots with big media and they’re trying to bring down this movement that I am privileged to lead. That’s why they tried so hard to keep me out of the Democratic debate and Hillary Clinton on her throne. But I will make you this promise: whatever corrupt deal Hillary Clinton, the New York Times, CNN, and all the rest of them make, they will not keep me from carrying your message all the way to November 2020. You have my word as a combat veteran.

Oct. 30: It’s almost Halloween. But you know what’s really scary? The corrupt deals that Hillary Clinton, the duchess of desperation, has made with the media, the Democratic Party, and the international war machine to shut down and silence our movement and my candidacy. Now they’re saying I don’t have the necessary quote-unquote support to be in their debates, based on bogus poll numbers. That’s how little they think of your opinion. But if they think I’m going to go quietly, letting them continue promoting their wars of regime change and Hillary Clinton, they’ve got another think coming.

November 5: Today is Election Day. Today, we’ll choose new officeholders, and in a year, we’ll choose a new president. But what we have now is really only the illusion of choice. Puppetmasters led by Hillary Clinton, the baroness of bile, the viscountess of vileness, the marchioness of mendacity, are manipulating our elections so that no matter how you vote, their candidates will be selected. And it has nothing to do with Russia, or with President Trump, of whose innocence I grow more convinced every day. No, it’s the work of an international movement led by Hillary Clinton, George Soros, Hunter Biden, and other enemies of democracy. I’m just a humble soldier who volunteered to serve her country, and if you also want to serve your country, you will join me in opposing the Hillary Clinton conspiracy of corruption that stands between us and the Presidency.

November 15: Hello, I’m Susan Sarandon. Your friends and neighbors are probably telling you that it’s too late, there’s no hope, the election’s in the bag. Even the man you trusted so much for so long to save us all from Hillary Clinton chooses to dance to the tune of the party bosses who have frozen the real choice of the people out of their nomination process, just as they did in 2012. Maybe you’re resigned to another four years of government by Hillary Clinton, of Hillary Clinton, and for Hillary Clinton. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Because the candidate they’ve done everything they can do to stop refuses to quit. And she’s defying the bosses of both parties to offer true patriots a real choice. If you agree that America needs a real alternative to Hillary Clinton, then I say to you: Welcome to the Green Party and the Tulsi Gabbard Revolution. Together we will defeat Hillary Clinton. Don’t dream it — be it!