The Idiocy
Homer covered by an unsavory Musk
Via.
[TITLE CARD: “The Odyssey by Homer, Produced by Elon Musk and Grok.” Dissolve to hyper-dense AI imagery of ancient Ithaca, which looks like Phoenix with hills, oceanfront property, and McMansions. On the veranda of one such, ODYSSEUS and PENELOPE, both wearing Party City togas, are making out on a West Elm daybed.]
PENELOPE: Oh Odysseus, finish the Big War and hurry home, I’m so horny without you!
ODYSSEUS: Ok, promise you won’t sleep with anyone else.
PENELOPE: Of course not! And you, Odysseus — will you make the same vow?
ODYSSEUS: [Leering at the camera] Whattaya, kidding me?
PENELOPE: [Tearing her toga open, revealing her pert, gigantic breasts] I love when you neg me!
[They make out some more. CUT TO: Medium-long shot of a Viking/ Greek/ whatever-it’s-olde ship the size of a luxury liner with hundreds of oars propelling it across the ocean. CUT TO: Medium shot of ODYSSEUS wearing warrior duds and a helmet with a big brush on it, standing at the bow, shading his eyes with one hand while steering a 19th Century ship’s wheel with the other.]
ODYSSEUS: LAND HO!
[CUT TO: Thousands of AI extras in battle dress roaring and pumping their fists behind him. CUT TO: A silent, charred hellscape assembled from data scraped from every war movie ever made. ODYSSEUS stands in the dawn with his sidekick STAVROS, who looks like George Savalas on the old “Kojak” TV show.]
ODYSSEUS: It’s quiet.
STAVROS: Yeah, too quiet.
[Screams, then hundreds of AI Trojans storm in; ODYSSEUS and his men butcher each other for five minutes; when the Greeks are victorious, ODYSSEUS marches around holding aloft the head of a Trojan — which is black, with dreadlocks — in slow motion, while his men cheer and “We Are The Champions” plays in the background. CUT TO: Medium-long shot of the ship again, then close-up of ODYSSEUS and STAVROS at the bridge, drinking beers out of Bavarian mugs.]
ODYSSEUS: I gotta get back to that little Greek filly of mine.
[INSERT of sex scenes featuring ODYSSEUS and PENELOPE’s breasts, with ODYSSEUS’s voiceover.]
How oft we did traverse the noble hills of Ithaca together, she and I.
STAVROS: You’re talking about her tits, right?
[INSERT over, ODYSSEUS holds his sword’s point at STAVROS throat.]
ODYSSEUS: Any other man says that to me, he dies!
[ODYSSEUS drops his sword and musses STAVROS’ hair.]
But you’re my dawg, homie.
SOME GUY’S VOICE: LAND HO!
[CUT TO: AI medium long shot of AI island that looks like, I don’t know, Palawan, whatever. CUT TO: ODYSSEUS and the men rush from the ship onto the island; they pick and eat ripe fruit from the trees and drink from clear streams.]
ONE OF THE CREW: I’m tired! I’m gonna go sleep in that cave over there!
ANOTHER ONE OF THE CREW: Me too!
[They all go into a huge, dark cave mouth. ODYSSEUS and STAVROS rush in after them. CUT TO: Inside of the cave after ODYSSEUS and STAVROS get in — a big rock closes like a door behind them.]
ONE OF THE CREW: What gives?
ANOTHER ONE OF THE CREW: Hang on, I’ll light a torch.
[He does so, revealing the giant cyclops POLYPHEMUS, who is black; he grabs a crew member and starts munching on him, spraying blood. The rest of the crew run and hide behind boulders. CUT TO: A hall in ODYSSEUS’ mansion back home; about a hundred locals, all black, are gobbling food and swilling drink as servants run to accommodate them.]
A GUEST: Mo’ malt liquor, bitch!
[CUT TO PENELOPE on her now-shabby chaise; she looks drawn with age but her breasts are still pert. As the sun sets she sighs.]
PENELOPE: Ah, me! How I miss Odysseus and his giant cock.
[CUT TO ODYSSEUS huddled with some of his men, while POLYPHEMUS is heard in the background munching on another crew member.]
ODYSSEUS: [Whispering] OK, so I found out the cyclops suffers from gender confusion.
ONE OF THE CREW: Gross!
ANOTHER OF THE CREW: Shh!
ODYSSEUS: I have a plan to distract him, but you all have to pretend to be “woke” for it to work, OK? Stavros, you’ll pretend to be gay.
STAVROS: Not me! I can’t act queer — I’m Greek!
[TITLE CARD: “INSERT 1M GROK TOKENS FOR PART 2.”]
Even more than normal, a work of staggering genius even if a mockery of someone who, despite being a Big Media-certified genius, is actually a nasty moron. (I mean, when one's sole, true innovation is historic meme stocks, come on.)
But as a chaser, I gift y'all not a humor piece but a piece of depressing lucidity:
https://hartmannreport.com/p/trump-and-the-odyssey-the-ancient-495
Which I'd like many or most of us here have read, but...
If it's like his trucks and spaceships, everyone will have eleven fingers and the Trojan Horse will explode.
Although I can readily see why someone like Musk would be appalled at the idea any soldier could be emotionally tortured by his regret over committing war crimes.