Even more than normal, a work of staggering genius even if a mockery of someone who, despite being a Big Media-certified genius, is actually a nasty moron. (I mean, when one's sole, true innovation is historic meme stocks, come on.)
But as a chaser, I gift y'all not a humor piece but a piece of depressing lucidity:
Re-posting today to accompany Mr. Edroso’s parody of the TrUsk mentality. I had not put these ancient truths together in the context of the Republican decimation of the American experiment. My Christ, I hate these motherfuckers. The Hartmann Report’s reminder is epic, the Edroso satire a Zeus-like lightning strike. These pieces make life worth living in these awful times.
As a not-Xian, I’m regularly amazed how the politically influential Xians are the one’s shitting on their god’s teachings while claiming to be godly. They’re anything but.
I’m a Xian, largely because it makes my wife happy. My parents told me (in essence) just to pay attention to the “red letters”—the the things that Jesus is actually presumed to have said, printed in red in the old great big fancy bibles—there’s a word for it but I forget what it is —the Xians to whom you refer never seem to look at those red letter parts.
Whatever. What they say and how they act contradicts their god’s teachings as I understand them.
But one of the great things about Xianity is the breadth — the extreme liberalism as it were — of it where a prosperity gospel is any sort of thing. And so on and so forth. And BTW, I don’t know how I mean that “great” there, whether qualitatively or quantitatively.
It’s Gordon Scott for me. He was also the best Tarzan after Weissmuller, eschewing the baby talk for gritty jungle melodrama with good British villains like Anthony Quayle and Sean Connery. Don’t get me wrong though—it’s pert, enormous titties all the way for this gazebo.
Facebook “fixed” it for me, but that was supposed to be “gazabo.” I don’t even know what it means, but I swiped it from one of S.J. Perelman’s wonderful expositions on a bit of pop pulp culture treasured in my youth.
Gordon Scott was great as Tarzan. I'm pretty fond of Lex Barker too. There was a late '60s film with Mike Henry called Tarzan in the Valley of Gold that was one of my great matinee experiences. In the end the villain gets buried in a huge pile of gold dust. Greatest thing ever!
The Department of Ironic Punishment is intrigued by your idea and would like to arrange a Zoom meeting. We have a long list malefactors who we think would be a perfect fit for this treatment.
The word "gazebo" inspired a classic Knights of the Dinner Table strip. (It's a comic book about a group of adult friends who play a D&D-like game, and their social lives.) Every KotDT fan knows of it.
In game, the party enters a cavern. The Dungeon Master says there's a gazebo in the center of the room. He tries to continue describing the area, but it's too late: the players don't know what a gazebo is, and they don't ask.
Instead, they each in turn announce how they're attacking it. Brian launches a fireball, Bob fires a poisoned crossbow bolt, etc. Only Sarah (who is both the woman and the sensible one) holds back.
This goes on for several rounds of combat. Is it dead yet? No. What does it do? Nothing. More spells etc. are wasted. The DM, initially amused, finally clues them in as to the harmless nature of a gazebo.
This could only happen in a game that relies on verbal description. There is also the issue of whether a group of Midwestern adults would really be ignorant of gazebos.
Earlier research at REBID Labs confirmed that any three-syllable word with an emphasis on the middle syllable is a workable euphemism for "tits." Good to keep in mind the next time you're at the Garden Center at Lowes and you hear "Just take a gander at those gazebos!"
Elon Musk was probably unaware that Homer's epic poems even existed until this movie started getting made. Musk thought their title was "The Idiot and the Ostrich" or something like that.
But now that a Black woman appears on screen for a few minutes and she's not playing a Nubian slave, well, time to save Western Civilization! By creating a culturally, historically, and functionally illiterate version!
If it's like his trucks and spaceships, everyone will have eleven fingers and the Trojan Horse will explode.
Although I can readily see why someone like Musk would be appalled at the idea any soldier could be emotionally tortured by his regret over committing war crimes.
I have a proposal for a TV Series called, The Husk Of Elon Musk.
The decaying Husk Of Elon Musk is forced to walk the Earth, doing good deeds, hoping for redemption and release. A spectral Roy Cohn acts as his Jiminy Cricket, offering advice and caging cigarettes. Musk does his best, but absolution is always out of reach. At the conclusion of each episode, The Demonic Spectral Waifs appear, gazing upon Elon with naked hatred and chanting, "THE HUSK, THE HUSK, THE HUSK OF ELON MUSK!" Sometimes Elon begs for mercy. Other times he is defiant. No matter what, the background fades as the chanting increases in volume and abruptly stops. When the world comes back into focus, Elon finds himself in a new location, unrecognized and forced to start over. This is actually the tease for next week's episode.
For example, Elon arrives at a military field hospital. Heavy detonations can be heard in the distance. A doctor asks him to help with a stretcher. When he pitches in she says, "You must be an angel sent from Heaven! We need to hurry. The army is retreating and Putin's boys will be here by nightfall.." To his horror, Elon realizes he has been sent to Ukraine.
Tiresome as this is to point out, L. Ron Musth is product of a "culture" where a White minority oppresses a Black majority; so as a self-appointed guardian of said "culture" this informs how he moves in the world.
Hilarious, and on another workday where I need it.
You get this message in Teams: Meeting, Dwarf Bears 9:30 AM, and sometime I'll tell you how fucking much I fucking hate Teams. It's designed for people who leaned on the email button too hard and now have no faith in any communication system that doesn't INTERRUPT YOU RIGHT NOW.
So you see this and go, "Dwarf Bears"? That's what the meeting is about? Care for a clue, boss? Are there dwarf bears currently on the campus? Am I somehow responsible for the dwarf bears? Did I leave the gate open, though previously warned not to do so in memos? Or is this a hypothetical about the potential of dwarf bears to come into our offices, snuffling and pooping and eating the mother in law's tongue plant on Judy's desk? Would it steal your thunder to hint at what the hell this is about?
As for Skippy the Dipshit's sudden fascination with the classics, I think he needs to know: The Odyssey is gay as fk. It wasn't Helen of Troy, it was MELVIN. Melvin of Troy was really cute and had a butt that wouldn't quit.
But I like their miffedness.
Doctor Faustus:
Was this the face that launched a thousand ships? And burnt the topless towers of Ilium. Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss...HOLD THE PHONE, SHE'S A COLORED!
One of the stories now is that the studio is buying up all the seats in the theaters to goose the boxoffice numbers. You know, like Angel Studios does with all their films. And the evidence given? Poor turnout on a Monday morning.
As some sharp-eyed denizen pointed out, if you look closely at the trailer Musk/Grok assembled, the oarsmen in the background are rowing while facing the sides of the boat.
Even more than normal, a work of staggering genius even if a mockery of someone who, despite being a Big Media-certified genius, is actually a nasty moron. (I mean, when one's sole, true innovation is historic meme stocks, come on.)
But as a chaser, I gift y'all not a humor piece but a piece of depressing lucidity:
https://hartmannreport.com/p/trump-and-the-odyssey-the-ancient-495
Which I'd like many or most of us here have read, but...
Very good linked article. I haven't thought much about the sacred guest/host relationship since my grad school days. Thanks!
As an Old Testament guy, it resonated. (OGJC was just referencing the prior text.)
Re-posting today to accompany Mr. Edroso’s parody of the TrUsk mentality. I had not put these ancient truths together in the context of the Republican decimation of the American experiment. My Christ, I hate these motherfuckers. The Hartmann Report’s reminder is epic, the Edroso satire a Zeus-like lightning strike. These pieces make life worth living in these awful times.
As a not-Xian, I’m regularly amazed how the politically influential Xians are the one’s shitting on their god’s teachings while claiming to be godly. They’re anything but.
I’m a Xian, largely because it makes my wife happy. My parents told me (in essence) just to pay attention to the “red letters”—the the things that Jesus is actually presumed to have said, printed in red in the old great big fancy bibles—there’s a word for it but I forget what it is —the Xians to whom you refer never seem to look at those red letter parts.
Whatever. What they say and how they act contradicts their god’s teachings as I understand them.
But one of the great things about Xianity is the breadth — the extreme liberalism as it were — of it where a prosperity gospel is any sort of thing. And so on and so forth. And BTW, I don’t know how I mean that “great” there, whether qualitatively or quantitatively.
I could go on…
Sword and Sandals movies just don't work for me without Steve Reeves.
and his one major talent, vasoline.
There is nothing like this - The whole film is subtext. How is that possible?
Mario Bava was amazing btw. There are some scenes shot in the moonlight that are breathtaking
https://youtu.be/QOEqBRcjeOo?is=9oDK9bCE9LYPwSPG
OK, I watched the first minute of that, and I have some thoughts...!
The marble balls... er, I mean marble halls of ancient Greece
hafta say, first 5 mins are genius.
I like it for the UFC fight staged in the new White House ballroom:
https://youtu.be/QOEqBRcjeOo?t=843
Holy fuck! I thought I was watching an episode of Star Trek TOS for a minute!
When there's a pool in the middle of your living room you know someone's gonna get tossed into it by the end of the dinner party.
Yeah... like that "gun on the wall" or something
The fight scene might happen.
But I'm certain you've got the location wrong. Though I saw a brass goblet, there was not a single speck of gold in the joint.
It’s Gordon Scott for me. He was also the best Tarzan after Weissmuller, eschewing the baby talk for gritty jungle melodrama with good British villains like Anthony Quayle and Sean Connery. Don’t get me wrong though—it’s pert, enormous titties all the way for this gazebo.
Facebook “fixed” it for me, but that was supposed to be “gazabo.” I don’t even know what it means, but I swiped it from one of S.J. Perelman’s wonderful expositions on a bit of pop pulp culture treasured in my youth.
Gazebo is a funny word!
Gordon Scott was great as Tarzan. I'm pretty fond of Lex Barker too. There was a late '60s film with Mike Henry called Tarzan in the Valley of Gold that was one of my great matinee experiences. In the end the villain gets buried in a huge pile of gold dust. Greatest thing ever!
"buried in a huge pile of gold dust"
The Department of Ironic Punishment is intrigued by your idea and would like to arrange a Zoom meeting. We have a long list malefactors who we think would be a perfect fit for this treatment.
The word "gazebo" inspired a classic Knights of the Dinner Table strip. (It's a comic book about a group of adult friends who play a D&D-like game, and their social lives.) Every KotDT fan knows of it.
In game, the party enters a cavern. The Dungeon Master says there's a gazebo in the center of the room. He tries to continue describing the area, but it's too late: the players don't know what a gazebo is, and they don't ask.
Instead, they each in turn announce how they're attacking it. Brian launches a fireball, Bob fires a poisoned crossbow bolt, etc. Only Sarah (who is both the woman and the sensible one) holds back.
This goes on for several rounds of combat. Is it dead yet? No. What does it do? Nothing. More spells etc. are wasted. The DM, initially amused, finally clues them in as to the harmless nature of a gazebo.
This could only happen in a game that relies on verbal description. There is also the issue of whether a group of Midwestern adults would really be ignorant of gazebos.
Earlier research at REBID Labs confirmed that any three-syllable word with an emphasis on the middle syllable is a workable euphemism for "tits." Good to keep in mind the next time you're at the Garden Center at Lowes and you hear "Just take a gander at those gazebos!"
I KNEW it would come to this. And I knew who would proffer it. Maybe I should get out more...
I think we have already established they're called "Kenoshas", please consult REBID Stylebook.
Tarzan's Greatest Adventure. First Tarzan filmed in Africa, and the title is not a lie.
“No, that’s Agnes Moorehead.”
Aw, you got there first!
There has to be a law about readers of a certain age and Firesign references.
Face it Roy, we're all Bozos on this bus, friendly and perhaps a tad over-educated, but Bozo's nonetheless
It’s true that understanding today’s complex world of the future is a little like having bees live in your head.
It's hard to avoid those references when so many of them apply even now, in the future.
Don't look at me, it wasn't my fault this time!
He's got muscles...in his ear.
I only know of him through MST3K episodes
Elon Musk was probably unaware that Homer's epic poems even existed until this movie started getting made. Musk thought their title was "The Idiot and the Ostrich" or something like that.
But now that a Black woman appears on screen for a few minutes and she's not playing a Nubian slave, well, time to save Western Civilization! By creating a culturally, historically, and functionally illiterate version!
Musk could be relied upon to create the Cybertruck of the Odyssey, beyond ugly and almost unrecognizable.
If it's like his trucks and spaceships, everyone will have eleven fingers and the Trojan Horse will explode.
Although I can readily see why someone like Musk would be appalled at the idea any soldier could be emotionally tortured by his regret over committing war crimes.
This is Tilly Norwood's BIG BREAK!
Also the cgi lead here looks like a cross between musk and handsome-faced squidward, and is named OdysseX.
The Odysseus in the Musk "dialogue scene" clip looks strangely like the late Arthur Hunnicut.
C'mon boys – time ta get grizzled!
This time Hunnicut gets a BJ
yep, by 2033, available in every high school media center, and required curriculum material for tenth grade.
In Oklahoma
and mebbe a Odyssey/Elon Musk theme park next to the biggest of the 37 data centers in the state.
Which, by 2033, will be a loosely defined territory governed by Warlord Markwayne.
Mar-KWAN-Yeh as it's pronounced in this household.
Mar-Kanye is preferred pronunciation here. A shining example of two men separated by race bonded by similar (subterranean) levels of lucidity.
If he was from Arkansas it would be Wal-Mar-Kanye
“helmet with a big brush on it” lol - a paint brush?
Grok stole it from Marvin the Martian
That dovetails nicely with it’s provenance.
That was a good one!
“Stavros! Crocka!”
lol you had me at George Savalas.
At first I thought it was a typo, "You mean the bald guy with the lollypop, whatsisname?" But no, there really is (or was) a George Savalas.
when Telly wouldn't answer the phone--
Phony answered the telly!
I talk back to my telly all the time.
Telly Savalas.
"Go, Telly on the mountain" barked Lassie, when Savalas made a guest appearance and got trapped in a rockslide.
Musk winds up in Hell.
None of the cuties are impressed by his shtick.
The only things available for streaming are "Hamilton" and a couple of Angela Basset movies.
From time to time his kids and their mom's present him with itemized bills.
The Devil enthusiastically agrees to arbitrate, and it never goes well.
And that's it, for all eternity.
Tell me you're writing an operetta without telling me you're writing an operetta.
I have a proposal for a TV Series called, The Husk Of Elon Musk.
The decaying Husk Of Elon Musk is forced to walk the Earth, doing good deeds, hoping for redemption and release. A spectral Roy Cohn acts as his Jiminy Cricket, offering advice and caging cigarettes. Musk does his best, but absolution is always out of reach. At the conclusion of each episode, The Demonic Spectral Waifs appear, gazing upon Elon with naked hatred and chanting, "THE HUSK, THE HUSK, THE HUSK OF ELON MUSK!" Sometimes Elon begs for mercy. Other times he is defiant. No matter what, the background fades as the chanting increases in volume and abruptly stops. When the world comes back into focus, Elon finds himself in a new location, unrecognized and forced to start over. This is actually the tease for next week's episode.
For example, Elon arrives at a military field hospital. Heavy detonations can be heard in the distance. A doctor asks him to help with a stretcher. When he pitches in she says, "You must be an angel sent from Heaven! We need to hurry. The army is retreating and Putin's boys will be here by nightfall.." To his horror, Elon realizes he has been sent to Ukraine.
To Be Continued...
Quantum Creep
Tiresome as this is to point out, L. Ron Musth is product of a "culture" where a White minority oppresses a Black majority; so as a self-appointed guardian of said "culture" this informs how he moves in the world.
Not nearly as tiresome as Musk himself.
SOME GUY’S VOICE: LAND HO!
Hilarious, and on another workday where I need it.
You get this message in Teams: Meeting, Dwarf Bears 9:30 AM, and sometime I'll tell you how fucking much I fucking hate Teams. It's designed for people who leaned on the email button too hard and now have no faith in any communication system that doesn't INTERRUPT YOU RIGHT NOW.
So you see this and go, "Dwarf Bears"? That's what the meeting is about? Care for a clue, boss? Are there dwarf bears currently on the campus? Am I somehow responsible for the dwarf bears? Did I leave the gate open, though previously warned not to do so in memos? Or is this a hypothetical about the potential of dwarf bears to come into our offices, snuffling and pooping and eating the mother in law's tongue plant on Judy's desk? Would it steal your thunder to hint at what the hell this is about?
As for Skippy the Dipshit's sudden fascination with the classics, I think he needs to know: The Odyssey is gay as fk. It wasn't Helen of Troy, it was MELVIN. Melvin of Troy was really cute and had a butt that wouldn't quit.
But I like their miffedness.
Doctor Faustus:
Was this the face that launched a thousand ships? And burnt the topless towers of Ilium. Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss...HOLD THE PHONE, SHE'S A COLORED!
Ashton Kucher: You've been PUNKED!
"Melvin of Troy was really cute and had a butt that wouldn't quit."
You sure about that? Sounds more like Achilles. You're in the wrong book, man! ;-)
Helen didn't run off with Paris, she ran off with GAY PAHREE
Christopher Nolan went Woke, so right about now he should be going broke... [checks box-office receipts] Uh... FRAUD AT POLLS
One of the stories now is that the studio is buying up all the seats in the theaters to goose the boxoffice numbers. You know, like Angel Studios does with all their films. And the evidence given? Poor turnout on a Monday morning.
What did I say earlier about how they have a very limited playbook?
Also, "This is how WE do it, so they MUST be doin' it too!"
Hilarious en tout.
"hundreds of oars propelling it across the ocean"
As some sharp-eyed denizen pointed out, if you look closely at the trailer Musk/Grok assembled, the oarsmen in the background are rowing while facing the sides of the boat.
And the people all said siddown, siddown you're grokkin' the boat
As The Hughes Corporation sang, "Don't grok the boat, don't tip the boat over!".
Too bad the Devil hasn't dragged Lone Skum under ... yet.
It's why he never wears a suit jacket, even in the Oval Office, no lapels to grab him by!
I bet the AI also uses scenes from 'Oh Brother Where Art Thou''