121 Comments
User's avatar
Manqueman's avatar

As the Charlie Kirk jrkofff---I mean wannabe informed (if that's the word) me Sunday, if you oppose terrorICEs killing people in cold blood for no, let alone any arguable let alone justifiable reason, you support illegal immigrants criming on the streets. Not that I was quite aware of it at the time, I suppose that criming by those people shouldn't be confused with a native born cracker piece of shit torching a synagogue because he was opposed to the idea of Jews being Jewish or some cognitive dysfunction. You know, like clearly the cracker was doing criming right.

I should note an irony or something, but that insightful conversation with Some Other Parent's Problem™ took place around Trump Tower while there was a production of sort's parody of Lily Allen's "Fuck You" with lyrics rewritten for the scumbag.

Bern's avatar

g'morning, Mm

Bern's avatar

Upon further review, the official decision on the field has been upgraded to 2 marks.

henry sholar's avatar

yass, "top there of…"

Manqueman's avatar

You.

SundayStyle's avatar

As Marisa Kabas of The Handbasket says, Tom Homan is a bitch.

I love the whole 5,000 to 10,000 in the last month, week or day exchange: "whichever is worse." That's some Grade-A MAGA nonsense numbers right there. "The President has improved the economy by a million percent since taking office." Sure he has.

I'm almost relieved the MAGA world has now unmasked itself so unmistakably, openly revealing misogyny as one of the lynchpins of their philosophy. The Mouthy Bitch Had It Coming is now official policy. This is becoming so nakedly obvious I think it's breaking through to the normies.

SundayStyle's avatar

BTW Roy, Peoni's ensemble is the most Peoni Look imaginable. No notes.

Bern's avatar

See below for counterpoint.

henry sholar's avatar

oh, i dunno, those Guccis were a little too "Girl Scout cookie-ish"

SundayStyle's avatar

See, I always thought the stilettos were out of character.

henry sholar's avatar

yeah, and maybe the midi calls for pumps.

Rugosa's avatar

Dress looks like a tablecloth. It's nice of the pashmina folks to reimburse half the customs duty for a scarf that costs $420. I hope the goats are treated well.

Hairless in Gaza's avatar

A *very expensive* tablecloth, fella

Bern's avatar

As long as they are the right sort of goats.

SundayStyle's avatar

Agreed! Perfect for Peoni, whose signature look if she were a real person would be "Old Money Dowdy."

Roy Edroso's avatar

I like the dress! And the model looked fine in flats.

Bern's avatar

Having not actually observed Peoni in the wild for over...mmm...maybe 4 decades, you should take this for what it's worth: I'd venture a guess that Peoni and that model are not, strictly speaking, comparable.

Mark Morey's avatar

What’s with the FASHION stuff!? Are we not men?

ssdd's avatar

The Leeroy Jenkins - David Brooks comp never occurred to me, but it works perfectly!

henry sholar's avatar

i've discovered this morning that i gasp, when i come across that feller's name. hard on the ticker.

Pere Ubu's avatar

"''least I got chicken."

ssdd's avatar

Or in Brooks’ case, “at least I got airport bourbon”

Bern's avatar

"Sound of piano strings and soundboard going through a woodchipper, but syncopated."

So, Woodchoppers' Ball, then?

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

The vibe that gave me was kind of zombie Leroy Anderson.

Circumspectral's avatar

“but syncopated” needs to be a new all-purpose catchphrase.

“A cold front brought high winds and ten inches of snow to the metro region overnight, but syncopated.”

“As the economy falters, food banks are struggling to meet demand, but syncopated.”

Howlin Wolfe's avatar

Through the Wire!

Derek Hendy's avatar

😮

Bern's avatar

Yeah.

Bern's avatar

Also, this:

"OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Force of habit, I guess.

UPRIGHT: I guess."

I hear this in Stan Freberg's voice, except instead of "I guess", it's "I s'pose..."

Bern's avatar

"Zimmermann Rebellion long-sleeve beaded linen and silk midi dress"

I dunno...not sure Peoni has enough hustle in the bustle, know what I mean?

hot silhouette's avatar

Ah yes, the ill-fated Zimmermann Rebellion. A little-known chapter in our history.

SteveB's avatar

I missed the Zimmermann Rebellion because I didn't get the Zimmermann Telegram.

Bern's avatar

And here we were told the Swiss were sooo efficient!

Worriedman's avatar

Well, Roy - this is just brilliant! The whole thing. From

"Banshee wails over percussion like collapsing warehouse shelves " to that final , transcendent trip of a closing paragraph.

(You ever read any John Shirley?)

Great stuff Roy - Thanks

henry sholar's avatar

i could just stay high, and pretend i live on discworld, or go with my obsession with "i just know i will understand hegel if i just buy this guide, and look it's by Pippen, one of the best, and plunge in for 6 months, 466pp of 'there must be a pony in here, must be!'" — my 'natural' high, friends.

But, nope, this ol' boy will be at the fed bldg today lookin' for somebody to call a Nazi. Drive by, why doncha? we got frogs, unky sam. we're, a lot of us, old, but still good lookin' if yer not to quibbly. we're on Pearl (next to High), at 7th & 6th. noon tuh two. (and then home to just fret til next time.) 76 is such a luscious age. back to you, in Control. thass all i got.

Bern's avatar

Now that Homan is on record saying the peaceful demonstrators protesting ICE are by definition domestic terrorists I can safely state that my next of kin understand it's entirely possible I'll not return* from my next Thursday foray to the boulevard of broken memes for the regularly-scheduled Stern Signage of Perturbance Targeting The Cold Cubes of US Browntops (see how cleverly I camoed that bit?)

*except possibly in a large, black plastic bag, postage due

Whipstitch's avatar

And Trump is outraged that Iran is shooting protestors.

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

But more outraged by Minnesotan nasty women who are just asking for it.

SteveB's avatar
4dEdited

One headline I saw said an Iranian protester was shot AT POINT BLANK RANGE. A phrase that never seems to figure in reports of murder-by-cop within these borders.

Pere Ubu's avatar

You have to know when it's appropriate for state security to murder protesters.

SteveB's avatar

Love laughs at a king, kings don't mean a thing on the street of memes

Bern's avatar

Meme me, Mimi!

R.Porrofatto's avatar

Brilliant. I love seeing Tom Homan do his Broderick Crawford impression almost as much as watching helium-voiced MAGA Munchkin Greg Bovino's whiny machismo. I really think they should have the two of them on TV all the time.

Pere Ubu's avatar

And the crazy Smile guy from Treasury, whassisname.

I don't have enough brain cells for this shit these days. I'd rather be reading RPG books

k_kamath's avatar

Did Bolt refer to Larry Ellison as a "dairy queen"? I have to work that into something I say about someone at some point today.

Parting thought: In the future will it be possible to go online with a credit card and have someone struck by a lightning bolt when they say something obviously untrue? Asking for a friend.

Roy Edroso's avatar

Hey buddy this is America! The right to lie is the first amendment!

hot silhouette's avatar

If political donations are speech acts, then calling down lightning is doubly so

(I understand this doesn't make sense)

Bern's avatar

Keep workin’ on it.

Pere Ubu's avatar

"The number 1 rule in life is when people point out that you lied, just flatly deny it. Of course, The Daily Show will run clips of you saying it, but nobody's paying attention. Don't you follow elections in this country?" -- Serge A. Storms

Pere Ubu's avatar

How about very small targeted meteors?

Scott Clevenger's avatar

No, no, I beg you, please NO. This SOUNDS reasonable, but they tried it in Track of the Moon Beast and it turns out if you snipe someone with a meteorite--EVEN IF IT'S A HEAD SHOT--they often don't die, but just turn into a disappointing reptiloid that will disappoint you in every conceivable way.

Pere Ubu's avatar

What if "disappointing reptiloid" is actually an improvement? 🤔

Scott Clevenger's avatar

VAN JONES: This is the day Disappointing Reptiloid truly became President...

Bern's avatar

If you think SHE was disappointing, just check with her PARENTS!

John  Noble's avatar

This is genius, like all of these, and I think we need a novel with Bolt Upright as the main character.

Richard Von Busack's avatar

Thanks for that. Day is made.I don’t know what Bolt is on, but I want some. Was trolling around the comments section and saw one MAGA complain that the late lamented had practically been stepping on her murderer’s shadow: “She was dancing behind the wheel of her car!” The commentator’s handle? “HammerOfThor.” Even Mjolnir’s might quails before Minnesota wimmen! Why must they laugh at my mighty hammer?

Bern's avatar

Dumb as a box of ‘em.

SteveB's avatar

"Dude, that looks like something an upholsterer would use"

Databoy's avatar

I've got two thumbs up for Bolt Upright doin' the finger guns and talking like Tommy "Spillane" Homan: "Ya dirty rat! You're gonna take it and like it, see?"

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

Minneapolis gets an occupying army of over 3000 aggrieved goons like this ("five years ago he jumped a Mexican and got thrown into a pile of dirty tablecloths and then took twelve months of paid medical leave.") Kitted out for Fallujah, trigger-happy, and given Absolute Immunity. They don't risk IEDs, but worse: F-bombs (and sass).

SnarkiNorski's avatar

Dumbass goons wearing desert camo in snowy Minnesota.

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

Yeah, it seems they haven't come up with better visuals for urban snow warfare.

Though Bovino gets custom tailoring, for that Hugo Boss look of the good old days. Or, in keeping with his immigrant family origins, Armani might be more like it.

Hairless in Gaza's avatar

George Carlin got there first (he was snarking about one of the parties in the Lebanese civil war)

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

Because there's not a thing about them that hasn't been done before.

hot silhouette's avatar

They're trying to pass as people who have any mandate to hurt somebody

Pink Collar (retd.)'s avatar

Camoflauge used as its opposite, for maximum conspicuousness.

SteveB's avatar

Men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them.

Pere Ubu's avatar

Water bombs, but filled with urine.

SteveB's avatar

TERRORIST CHEMICAL WARFARE

Circumspectral's avatar

If only all cable news panel discussions could be as edifying as this latest Received Opinion’s closing moments.

I saw a clip where Homan came on stage drunk at CPAC(?) last spring slobbering I DON’T GIVE A FUCK while vowing to be irredeemably evil, then, stopping himself as he staggered back to the wings, returned to the lectern and threw a Nazi salute.

And he STILL gets served with softball questions and evenhanded deference by the celebrity animatrons of our Prestige Media.

Cheez Whiz's avatar

Our media is still stuck in "interview the uniform, not the man" mode.

SteveB's avatar

That's a great way to put it. "Hey, where's that list of stock questions we'd ask of ANY Homeland Security Official?"

Cheez Whiz's avatar

I was riffing on the old military meme "salute the uniform, not the man". A norm the media desperately clings to for reassurance things aren't that bad.

SteveB's avatar

"We have to pay respect to the office of the President, even if the man occupying it is a demented rage-clown."

Uh... WHY?

Cheez Whiz's avatar

Because of norms, propriety, history. All the things the Republican party has trashed beyond repair.